Heartbroken - Audubon,IA

Oh goodness, I am so very sorry. I think it's SO normal to need to hold a baby, after what you've gone through. Would it be too painful for you, to volunteer to hold babies in the NICU? My sister's baby had to be in the nicu for a few weeks, and there were people that would come in at night, and hold the babies whose parents weren't there at night.

IN addition, I agree with Cheryl. This kind of grief is so unique, I think seeing a counselor would be helpful. Also, joining a grief support group.

Sweetheart, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my third baby, a little boy , in the ninth month of my pregnancy-believe me when I tell you I know how your precious heart is breaking and aching. I had two children at home at the time-and three children after-and as fiercely and deeply as I love them-not one could take the place of the baby I lost. You could have ten more children-you will always want the one you lost-and you will mourn him forever-it just hurts less over time. Give yourself some time to get a grip on what has happened-let yourself heal-inside and out. Make certain you have an unshakable foundation for your child and future children before going headlong into to having another baby. God bless you and guide you and watch over you.

Your emotions are valid.
I'm so very sorry for your loss :(

O. thing I might recommend is that you allow yourself some time to grieve this child.
Fully and completely.
Right now you have lots of hormones going crazy (You're not crazy--just the nature of hormones.)

Know this: You will see your precious son again O. day in His perfect time. And he will be perfectly healed and healthy and your time together will be endless.

Did you name your little boy? I would like to pray for him.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Please get a counselor. Talk to your OB/GYN and find a support group.

I feel your pain. I've lost 3 babies.

We just lost a nephew - at 1 1/2 days old he went to the NICU and died at 3 weeks old. It was devastating and we never drempt he could have died. He had a virus that he couldn't recover from. Although I didn't presonally lose a baby, I can understand - My SIL was devistated. Carson died Aug 25 and she just found out she's 6 weeks pregnant. I was very worried about her and still worry that she hasn't fully grieved Carson's loss and how having another baby. You spent 9 months imaging your life with the new baby and now that's gone. You need to grieve the loss of not only the baby, but the dreams and hopes you had for your son. You would probably benefit from talking to someone - if you don't hve money for a counselor, you could consider a pastor/priest. Or even find a support group.

I cried for you when you first posted and I'm bawling with you now. :'(
I just want to let you know that you have been on my mind and I am so so very sorry for your incredible loss!
((hugs!))

Please get some grief counseling, mama. Ask your gyn to give you someone's name. It will really help you. Grab onto this with both hands so that you can get through this.

So very sorry,
Dawn

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray thee Lord, my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray thee Lord, my soul to take. Amen My deepest of sympathy goes out to you...I am again...speachless.

Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry about your loss. Nobody is judging you. Feel what you're feeling. Have you considered grief counseling? I cannot imagine going through what you are without it.

I've never been through anything like this so I really don't have any advice. I just want you to know that I am sorry for your loss and you will be in my prayers.

Right now your grief is raw. There are groups that will help you get this
this hearbreaking time. Ask at your hospital or your doctors office. I am
sure they can give you the name of a group. Wrapping my arms around
you.

I'm not sure how much a trip this would be for you, but there is a place in Northern WI called Faith's Lodge, http://www.faithslodge.org/index2.htm,
that is a retreat for families that have lost a child. They do support groups, and all types of healing things. I believe you just pay what you can, even if that's nothing. I've heard really good things about them. Maybe something like this would help sort out these feelings.
I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

I am so, so sorry for your loss. You are not only greiving one of the most painful things that can happen to anyone you just gave birth and your hormones and urge to "mother" must be overwhelming.
Please give yourself time to fully heal before trying to conceive again. Maybe try to find a counselor or someone to talk to. One important life rule I've learned is never make an important life altering decision after a painful and emotional experience. You deserve time to heal, do not underestimate what you've been through.
I'll be sending you positive thoughts and prayers.

Oh you sweet girl :-( !! I lost my last one as a miscarriage at about 5-6 weeks. Even though I was not very far along I had a name picked out and was already looking forward to holding the new baby. The empty arms feeling is well documented and hopefully understood by everyone.

Please seek out grief counseling. But also talk to your doctor or someone at the hospital and ask if they have a program for women to come in and snuggle newborns who are sick or have been abandoned. Those little babies need you as much as you need them. If the hospital closest to you does not have such a program contact a neo-natal center. We know babies need to be held and sung to and patted and loved to grow and to heal. The thing is you could cry out your grief and heal yourself as you help to heal a tiny one who needs you.

Remember we are all here for you if you need to reach out--please do.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine your grief.
I pray you will find a grief support group to help you through this. Stephen Ministries offers this if there is a group in your area.
God bless,
Victoria

I am so very sorry. I wish you strength and peace...

My heart breaks for you sweetie! No matter what you are feeling, it's normal. It's your feelings!!!!! You have been through the most painful thing that i think can happen to anyone.I can't imagine the empty feeling you must have. I think it is 110% normal to long to have another baby. You have suffered the greatest loss of all.
Is there someone you can talk to who may be able to help you work through this horrible time? A minister, a mentor? A friend of ours had multiple miscarriages, then a baby who only survived a few hours. They discovered they carried a genetic abnormality, and who had very very little chance of ever having a healthy baby. Although they KNEW they should not get pregnant again, it was a very hard struggle for them to not. When you lose a baby and you want ato be parent, how hard it must be to not pursue it.
Give yourself some time, allow your heart to heal a little. My love support and prayers are with you. This is a great place to reach out for support and kind words! We are here for you :)

Of course you feel this way! Nothing could be more natural! You are GRIEVING. Your arms feel empty because there is a hole in your heart.

Please call your hospital, your church, etc. for references for grief counseling. There may even be funds or free-clinics available to you if you need the help. And please recognize that another baby will not bring back the one you lost. I am sure you will have another baby in the future, but it sounds to me like you are not emotionally ready for one. You need to work through the loss of this one, first. Please get the help you need. I wish I could give you a big hug.

You are in my deepest thoughts. Contact the hospital or your OB for a referral to a grief support group. The hormones are all over the place and you have just given birth and your body needs to heal itself.

Check with the hospital about helping the youngest of our society. My biggest hugs to you and that you will have another in the future. No one can replace the one that has gone. Make up a book for baby z and put it in a special spot.

Love and hugs.

The other S.

I will not judge you at all. My husband and I lost our son on October 1st and as we will NEVER forget Levi we would like one more. We also are not financially stable but then again your right who is lol. We are just going with the flow and what ever happens happens. I remember your post. I cried for your family. Hugs to you! It hurts so much and I wish we didnt understand how this feels.......
I am learning in my journey of losing a child that everyone reacts just a little differently or sometimes alot differently. The loss of your son will never go away but it will lesson. I know I have good days and bad days, my aunt had her twins with one who passed 3yrs ago and I tell you she has both good and bad days as well. Time will heal!

Compassionate friends suggest waiting at least a year before making any lifechanging decisions after losing a child. I don't know if you would need to wait a year, but I would wait a few months before trying for another one. You don't know how grief will affect you since numbness seems to help through the first few months. Drepression isn't good on a pregnancy.

I am so sorry for your loss of little Liam. You aren't crazy, you are a grieving mom. Bless you.

I am so very sorry for your loss! It is natural to want to hold a baby - you are not crazy.

I don't think it is really a good idea for you to have another right now. You have to first grieve the loss of this one. Having another one will not fill that void that you feel now.

Please find a support group in your area. We are all here for you!

Hugs!

Another idea is to check with the hospitals in your area and see which ones allow volunteers to come and sit and hold newborns, babies, toddlers. While you wait for your body--and yourself--to be ready again to bring a new life into the world, you could be helping other children by being a warm place to be held and to snuggle.

I lost a baby early on in pregnancy so I don't know exactly what you are going through. My heart goes out to you. I understand your need to want to hold a baby you never can hold in your arms again. That ache that is there. This is not abnormal. You are grieving a loss that no mother should have to go through. Please take the time to talk to someone, anyone whether professional or just a friend who will listen. I can tell you even when you have another baby you will still think of the one you lost. He will be forever in your heart even though you can not hold him in your arms. I am so sorry for your loss.