K.S.
I'm so sorry for your loss, T.. I have had 3 miscarriages, and have 4 healthy children. It is very common to have the emotions that you are, even 5 months after. One thing that is not commonly thought about is that you are not only dealing with grief, but postpartum hormones as well. In a sense, a woman can develop "postpartum depression" after a loss. You may find that you are fine, and then something just sets off the wave of grief emotion, like attending that baby shower for your friend. There were some things that helped me, that I'd like to share with you: 1) I don't know if you are a Christian, but praying and trusting that God would be my comforter was very important, 2) Give the baby a name, even if you didn't know whether it was a boy or girl, then write the baby a letter, 3) Journaling helped me deal with feelings as they arose, but also helped me see a whole new perspective and move forward, 4)Join a support group for people who have lost a child through miscarriage or stillbirth, 5) Focus on the children you have, remembering that the child you lost is not in your past, but in your future. If your grief affects your daily life, or if you are not starting to feel better, then you should see your doctor. Medicine can't fix everything...some things just have to be walked through. You will be in my prayers!