Having Anxiety About Returning to Work!

Marina's response was wholly inappropriate. Please don't listen to her! This is a place for support - not for unwelcome judgement.

The more people who love your child the better. It's only in recent times that mothers have raised their kids without the help of family. It's wonderful that you have a great family member to help.

All of you will be fine once you get into your new schedule. Do a trial run before you start and it will make you feel better!

Congrats on your new position.

Okay, let's settle the work thing once and for all...it's okay to go back to work! And you have anxiety about it because you are a good mom and probably have anxiety about everything. You don't not feed your child because you are anxious about them trying new foods, you just worry and work through it. You don't not sign them up for new activities because you are worried they won't like it or won't succeed; you just work through it. And on and on. Going back to work is not any different. So anyone who personalizes your decision has some issues of their own to work out and it's not at all about you, it's about them. Anyway...
When I went back to work with my first, I was totally stressed out and she was in daycare. I had this ridiculous spreadsheet that detailed everything she did throughout the day and I was convinced I was the only one who could do anything for her, which was true at first because she had been exclusively with me for 14 weeks. And it was HARD to see other people make it work with her. But in the end it turned out to be great; she has lots of people who care about her and for her, and after a few rough days it all went pretty smoothly. And now I am back for about a month with my second and it was still hard, but much easier this time (but I still did the ridiculous spreadsheet b/c I am very type A and I just can't help it - lol). So if that helps you, you can make a big chart of everything your daughter does all day and lots and lots of lists of things that work and don't work for her, and know that when in doubt, your mom can refer to them. It's very nice and special that your mom can watch her and I wish you all the best of luck; I'm sure you'll do fabulous and your daughter will adjust beautifully! Any trouble she has in the beginning is her way of showing how wonderful you were in satisfying all her needs, and her adjusting to someone new is her way of showing you how adabptable and flexible you have helped her become, which are great skills for the future!

When I returned to work I thought I would never stop worrying or crying. After 3 days, I was fine!

My daughter is with my mother-in-law and is doing fine (the adjustment was harder for me than for her). There is an adjustment period for everyone but a 5 month old will adjust VERY quickly. So she will cry (ok, a lot) the first day but she will stop eventually. Why don't you tell your boss that you will need a bit of flexibility the first week back so that you can run home if necessary (if that is even a possibility). Just knowing that you can run home will help you feel less anxious.

Hang in there. Your mom who you trust is the next best thing to you. And think about that special bond they will be creating. All will be fine - just keep reminding yourself of that. I think that you are very lucky - you have your mom and are not putting your child into daycare - talk about anxiety!! I give a lot of credit to the moms out there who do that everyday!!

Providing financially for your child is a part of your responsibility as a parent. Don't let anyone tell you that you are not doing what is best for you and your baby because you need to go back to work!

Good luck!!

My daughter had a couple of tough days when I returned to work.. but the great thing is that she is with someone you trust... and she will just need alittle time due to the change in routine.. but she will be fine :)

Try if you can not to be anxious, as everyone(including baby) will feel it....DON'T feel bad or guilty, it would be wonderful if you could be home but it's not an option, plans have changed, it's time to adjust. The first couple of days may not go smoothly(and that's OKAY!!!)your mom and child will need time to adjust to one another...they will and it will be fine! Some things that may help, music..if you already listen to music and sing with your child have it ready for Grandma to use, if not start now...music really can calm/distract a child...and if baby reconizes the tune...all the better. Do you have a soft pillow frame? Some baby books are cloth and have spots for photos or they sell those pillow picture frames(made for kids of divorced parents...come in all shapes like a soccer ball...etc)you can get them at department stores..put pictures of you, daddy and baby in there...grandma can share this with baby while you are at work and it's safe for baby to hold and touch...you can record your voice reading a story/singing for baby...but really you'll all be fine! She is young enough to not remember this as traumatic and she has no concept of time so you could be gone 1 hour or 8 and it's all the same to baby...just think of how happy you'll both be at the end of the day when you come home and how lucky you are to have a mother who can take care of her and love her! Good luck!

Ask your mom to help with financial issues and stay home with your beautiful little girl. You have horrible anxiety for a reason. Nothing is more important to babies than having their mothers take care of them. What kind of job offer can outweigh your baby's needs?

ok, I'll be the villain, but doesn't anybody question why absolutely every mother that goes to work has awful anxiety? why does every baby cries for days? adjustment?! are you kidding me?
adjustment is when the baby switches from the bottle to the cup. that's adjustment. being left by your mom is not an adjustment.
Call me inappropriate but no one can replace mom at home.

Of course you have anxiety about leaving you little one, that's part of what make s you a good mother. The othe rt hing that make yous good mommy is doing what you have to do to make your little one's life better, and that means going back to work. In a perfect world we would all be able to stay home with our babies but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. At least you re in the position of having your mother take her though, this way you know she will be taken care of with lots of love, as opposed to sending her to daycare whee et here are multiple babies that need attention. Your mother will Eb able to handle your babies tantrums and will eventually be able to calm her down almost as good as you. It will get easier. What you are feeling is completely normal and I wish you the best of luck with your new position, things will get better :).

Hi J.. I know how you feel. I felt the same way after I had my daughter and it got no better after I was pregnant with my first son. Eventually what I did was decide to go into business from my home so I could be there for my kids. I became a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant and worked around the needs of my family and still made money in half the time. The kids are now in school and I am loving it! Lots of my customers are now my friends so I have a lot of women in my life who are supportive. Call me if you think this might work for you. May your whole family be blessed with your new little girl!
marykay.com/gdominicci

Did you ever think about starting your own homebased business. This will eventually allow you to stay at home full time! I have a 15 year old, a 9 year old and a 4 year old. If I did not have my homebased business I wouldn't be able to make it to all of their practices, lessons and home with them when they are sick! Check out my website nicolemelucci.myarbonne.com

I felt the same way when my 3 month maternity leave was over. I was anxious and felt that NO ONE could ever read and understand and care for my baby girl the way I did. I had to leave her with a sitter who had a daycare in her home and was absolutely wonderful with her.
In a couple days I was amazed that she would reach for the sitter and smile. I was working 2 days a week, and I think it did both of us good to have a change of pace. She learned so much with this woman and formed relationships with all the older kids there who also lavished her with attention.
I hate to admit, I trusted this "stranger" with her more than my own husband! She had the "touch", she had raised her own children to be good people, and she wasn't afraid of a fussy baby. The experience helped to make me and my daughter much more flexible. We are in the process of a move and I'm at home with her full time and I only hope that someday I can find someone like this woman again since my family lives far away. She was our angel! So yes...you'll worry and be anxious, that's what moms do! But be thankful that you have others who love her and will take care of her "almost" as good as you (wink wink)!

I think Marina's response was a bit quick and pertained to her own emotional ties and bonds. No offense to Marina. Unfortunately, not all of us can run to mommy at our age for financial help. Wouldn' that be great if we could though..(wink). You have your family and it has it's needs and you must address them with your husband. Your daughter will have a problem adjusting, no doubt, but that's because for the last 5 months she has had you and only you to depend on. Don't panic, take it as a sign that she needs to be introduced to the other members of her family and she will have to come to know that she can count on them too. Perhaps you can have your mom come over in the next 3 days that you will still be home and have her handle the baby and you stay out of sight yet close by in case mom gets into a tight spot. Keep in mind that baby will get fussy for sure but it is all an adjustment and at least you can say your mom is there with her, not some stranger or daycare. You have anxiety because it is your first time leaving her and it is accompanied by the usual guilt us mom's have in this situation, not because there's some other "reason" as Marina's response implies. I've been through this and felt the same way, but believe me, it will pass. It is a moment of adjustment. Believe in your mother, believe in yourself and know that there's a period of adjustment and it will all come full circle for you. Think positive and the energy you around you will be positive. Good Luck J.!