Have You Ever.... - Lexington Park,MD

People are self-centered and it's getting more that way all the time. I have a SIL that I never dare gripe to because I'll get an earful about how many people are worse off etc... She can complain, but nobody else can. Whatevs. Hang in there! Tomorrow is another day!

Oh Sweeetie - you have my sympathy! I think 90% of my friends are like this - 1 especially! Is there someone else you can call? Keep smiling - tomorrow is a new day after all.

Meh, I'm guilty of doing that sometimes, but I always catch myself and think 'shut up! you're being insensitive!'... My thing is, I don't even realize I'm doing it at first. I just talk too damn much ;)

My point is, maybe your friend's the same way. If I were her, I'd appreciate it if you turned the focus back onto yourself if that's what you needed... that's what friends are for, right?

On the other hand, maybe she was relieved you called because SHE needed to get it off her chest. It goes both ways.

I think you're still having an 'off' day and that's the only reason it's bugging you. Go have a cup of coffee (or a drink!) and take 30 minutes to get your head back on straight and do something you enjoy. Go listen to your favorite music or give yourself a pep talk in the bathroom mirror ;)

Sounds like your friend needed an ear more than you did.

That has happened to me and sorry to say, I may have been guilty of it a few times. Sometimes all of us are so full of frustration we could blow and you may have given her just the outlet she needed! :)

Pick another friend, one that seems to be able to roll with the punches and handle situations gracefully. Calling someone you think will understand will get you a "misery loves company" type of friend, but not a good listener. and start the conversation with - I need to vent, do you have a minute to listen? That should send a clear message that it your turn to be heard.

Sometimes when we are having a bad day, we can behave that way before we even think. She shouldn't try and say her day is worse than yours. But she's not thinking straight, ya know?

I listen to a lot of pastors, preachers, and teachers. I hear again and again that the fastest way to get over our problems is to help someone else. I'm sorry that you are not in the frame of mind to step out of your situation for a bit and help her with hers. But that is really what should be happening. The two of you should help each other look for the bright spots in your lives.

I used to have a friend that was like this, only it was mutual. We would use each other as sounding boards. Eventually, neither of us really talked to each other much. I think we soured what could have been a good relationship by not being or understanding what real friends are for.

The Bible says that friends help each other like iron sharpens iron. There's a process where knives are rubbed on rods and stones to make them sharp. That is somehow supposed to be an illustration of how friends help each other. And yet, rubbing produces heat and that's probably not a comfortable process for the knife..if it had feelings that is. So think of it this way....first you rant with each other, then you help each other count your blessings. I guess.

Defining a good friend and developing a good friend is not an easy task.

I'm with Yarr on this one. You just need to know who is (or, in this case, is NOT) the right person to call in times like this. While your friend may very well be going through a similar although tougher time, that doesn't in any way lessen what you're going through. Next time, just give a different friend a ring.

Was thinking exactly the same thing as Rachel D.
I am sure I have probably done this exact thing. Mostly when I am in desperate need to vent to someone and I don't want to call someone and spew...but they make the unfortunate error to call ME. :/
Don't mean to do it, but it happens.
Oops. :/

She needed it. Maybe you can cheer yourself up with knowing that at least you did a good deed today?

When I talk to my sister. Every. Single. Time. She is just one of those people who cannot seem to stop talking about herself. Everything is about her even when it isn't. All you can do it know that in the future she isn't the person to call or you can call her on it. I just tell my sister that she is making it about herself AGAIN and she shuts up for a few minutes before going back to herself, but that's my sister so I can get away with being blunt.

Some people aren't good listeners, and we're probably all guilty of this one. It's hard to be supportive when your own life is falling to bits. Time to find another person (sister? Mother? Father? Brother?) to dump on. I'd start by telling them your experience with your friend, so they're aware and don't do it themselves.

One of my oldest friends is like this. I don't think in 22 years she has ever asked me how I am doing, how my kids are (or what the even are like for that matter), nor has she ever shown up for any of my baby showers, my 40th birthday surprise party, my business launch party - nothing. I do however get the pleasure of hearing about EVERY last thing in HER life! I totally get where you are coming from, I need a shoulder once and a while too and it seems hard to find these days. Seems there aren't many people around for anyone but themselves and money. It is certainly tiring.

I did not read your other posts but I hope you got some good shoulders on this one.

Good lord, it just adds to your exhaustion doesn't it.

Hm, I've been guilty of it. A lot on here too I think.

I try to relate something in my life to what they are telling me and make sense of it.

But if someone (family or friend) really just needs to talk, I can be a really great listner too. Sometimes I even tell them up front (or the people who really know me already know) that if they need an ear, just tell me that and I can certainly be your ear. But sometimes I need told that's what you need, you know?

The way you deal with this is "know your friend". Obviously she isn't the one you want to do this with. She doesn't know how to be a shoulder. Don't expect it of her.

Call someone else.

Oh, and Suzie Q. said it just right.

So sorry,
Dawn

Hi, Sunny:
She doesn't have the ability to listen to you. Find another
person to listen to you.
Good luck.
D.

Ugh. I know what you mean. I have O. friend that is just SO negative, I am seriously thinking of ways to get out of this friendship completely....like a raccoon caught in a trap, I think I will willingly gnaw off my leg for freedom! Call someone else and live and learn! This particular friend of yours is NOT gonna provide a sympathetic ear and support in the future!

My mother does this constantly. It drives me nuts!

I called once to let her know I was on bed rest because I had bled out during delivery. Hubby was trying to keep everything together but work was getting to him...

...she started talking about how hard her life was. How she had to do this and that. My sister had this thing she had to be driven to and that thing she had to do. I finally pointed out that she only had one kid living at home...who was old enough to drive, but hadn't gotten a license yet, and I had four kids, and almost died.

It drives me nuts when she does this! It's like no matter what crappy thing happens to me, her life is crappier and I can't just have a sympathetic ear instead I get her dumping on me.

I'm sorry you had to deal with this! I hope your day gets better and you get back to feeling like you!

*HUGS*

Sorry you're just not feeling yourself! Guess your support system is here vs. your "friend." To answer question, yes! I HAD a friend who was a classic 'me' girl. I emphasize had because eventually I just shut down and let her take the stage. I sought support and friendship elsewhere. Cheer up!