Have Two Grown Children How Do I Get Them Out of My House?

If you do not want them there, you should tell them that they have one month to get a job and a place to live, and then they are out! It is simply enabling them to refuse to be responsible adults to allow that to continue, which is not doing them any favors. Best of luck my dear!

Well Tough Love.

My kids are(the older ones) 23&22. Mine may live with friends but they don't live here.

My rules are you either work or go to school. This was true starting at 13 right through high school. At college age I say work is a must. Move in with a friend if you don't want nagged at but if you don't work and pay bills around here there is the door.

You are no longer legally resposible for them and no free-loading should be allowed. Make them pay rent or be evicted. I did and my kids are working (have been since 13&14) and they have roommates to help with bills.

Tell them they have one month to get jobs and start paying rent and/or helping with food/utilities/etc. or they have to move out. SET A DATE! And if they don't comply, kick them out! I'm sure they have friends they can stay with. People who are that age are really good about inviting themselves to stay with a friend for a while or on the converse side, letting a friend crash with them. After a while, they will get the message that they have to work for things in their life. Good luck. I am 27 year old mother of 2 1/2 year old. Although I have obviously not run into these set of circumstances from a mother's perspective, I am pretty close to their age. I know that you may worry about giving them a date and following through, but I can honestly tell you that I have never met anyone in their 20's...especially their early 20's who didn't have about 4 or 5 friends who would on a moment's notice let their friends crash with them. Good luck to you.

L.

I say give them a deadline, no more then 2 months to have jobs and either
A) pay rent and chip in on food
or
B) MOVE OUT!!

they are grown and are just taking advantage of ou. I suppose if they were in college it might be different but if they are just laying around you have to put your foot down.

I must agree with some of the other ladies on here but I would say one can do it as loving as possible and let them know I am giving you 2 months to move, however, as soon as you get jobs I need to you to contribute because I am not longer hardly able to support myself. I would appreciate if you place one third of your income back in the house to help me pay my bills and buy food for all of us. One does not have to be mean or foul about dealing with them but firm and let them know if they do not get a job and can not contribute they will have to go sooner not because you don't love them but because you have to be able to continue to take care of yourself. Good Luck to you and I hope that you find the best way for yourself!

D

Since your children are full grown, they should be responsible adults. You own your own home which is great, it also means that you have the right to give them 30 days notice to move out. It might motivate them to find a job and place to live. I know someone who did it with her daughter and it worked out fine.

Kick them out. Pack up their stuff, put it outside. It sounds harsh but I've heard of people doing it with success. They are no longer your obligation, especially if they are doing nothing to help themselves. Or make an ultimatum (sp?): get a job, go to school, help out more around the house, etc or get out. Stand firm. I know you are their mother, you love them, would do anything for them, etc but you aren't doing them any good by letting them live there with no responsibilities. It's probably actually holding them back from their potential as productive adults in society. So when you think you're going to start to waiver/give in when they beg you not to kick them out - remember they need this kick in the butt to become healthy, productive adults. Don't let them guilt you. Good luck.

my parents moved into smaller accomadations and no longer had room for me and my little brother. This is a very extreme way of getting them to grow up, but it worked for us. After reading everybody else's responses, I agree with charging them rent, if they can't handle that, get a little more extreme. And don't forget, they aren't little kids anymore. They may need their feelings hurt a little in order to help them in the long run. Good luck!

Hi M., its time mom puts her foot down. sit them both down and tell them some things are going to change. give them a deadline to have a job how much rent will be from both,utilitys, food . and tell them also after that deadline the insurance will expire unless they get it into their names. they might complain be mad ect. but tell them this is for their own good and some day they will see why you did it. don't cave in because if you do they know they can play you. I did this with my step son. he would sleep in eat all the food leave dishes ect. finaly I said you have a dead line to get a job. and then he did not even try all that hard. when the dead line approached he thought i was not going to do anything but oh I did. when he was out i changed all the locks every single one. then when 11:00pm came and he thought he could just walk in surprise.he banged on the door but i did not let him in. he went and found a friend to stay with. then the next day he asked if he could get the key i said no you can come by after i get off from work and get your stuff.there was no way i was going to give him the new key why so he can go and make a copy when i was at work. then he can come over and hang out why i was at work. i don't think so. well you know i was the bit** for doing that to him but you know later he came to me and thanked me for doing that.because he said it made him grow up and not take advantage of me any more. so sweety stick to your guns and don't cave in. keep us posted good luck to you~lisaB~

Put your foot down! I know it sounds easy coming from someone who isn't in your position. But honestly, that's what you have to do. I think I would sit down with them and tell them you're all going to work on a way to make them responsible for themselves and the first step is, you're not doing everything for them. List some rules to start with... 1, clean the house and keep it clean. 2, look for a job. etc., etc. The hardest part is going to be having the back bone when they say "ya, right.... like you're going to hold us to this." They are there because they have a free ride... not because they like mom's home cookin! If they depend on you for things like making meals, doing laundry, etc. STOP DOING IT. Make it known that you are not there for them from this point on for anything but a mother of a 20 and 21 year old... not a 1 and 2 year old. Start being gone at dinner time... only doing your own laundry. They're not going to move out tomorrow, but you're going to have to make changes at your house before they take you seriously. Once they knwo you're serious, give them a time line... you have 1 month to get a job, 3 months to get out on your own.

I agree with Lisa. Tell them they need to start paying rent (make a set amount). Make them buy their own food, and pay their own cell phones/car insurance etc... Make rent due on the first of the month and if they dont pay then kick them out. If they refuse to leave you can call the police and have them escorted out. They can stay with friends until they decide to get a job. My sister is 18 and my parents are going through that with her right now. My mother asked her for $200 a month to cover some cost but my sister refused. After 2 months my mom kicked her out. She is staying with her friend right now and she is fine. She now has 2 part time jobs and is being responsible.

It is really hard to tell your kids no, especially when you know that saying no makes things hard on them. But you really have too. 1. it is affecting your health. 2. It is draining your budget. 3. They are plenty old enough to have jobs and help support themselves. They arent going to learn to be responsible until you force them too.

Good luck! And remember, dont give in!

Obviously I have never been in this situation but I can tell you that by allowing them to live this way you are NOT helping them at all. They don't have any reason to work or go to school because you are supporting them! I would tell them to either start going to school or move out. I could definitely understand allowing them to live there if they were going to school full time, but if they are unwilling to do that I would just KICK THEM OUT. They are too old to be relying on their mom in this way. Especially when it is negatively affecting you! Please take a stand. If you don't force them to grow up now they will end up pathetic losers!

You need to sit down with them and let them know they have one month to get a job and pay rent or they need to live els were. Make sure you set a date. If they end up moving out you need to change the locks. This is the right thing to do. They need to see the world and learn, get wise. They cant do it doing nothing. Look at what you have had to do and go thru. It's a part of live and you get wiser as you figure things out. Dont hold back from pushing them out. They know you love them and if they think you dont watch you'l see, they will. They will know were to go for a hug. Let it only be a hug not a hide-a-way!

They are perfeclty capabable of taking care of themselves. When I was 21 I had a 2 year old and had lived on my own for 2 years. Just stop helping them out and they will get the picture. They are always going to take advantage of it if they can. I am amazed that they don't have jobs....I had once since I was 16 what have they been doing the past few years? Good luck!

I have a 22 year old younger sister that is the same way!! It's time to put your foot down, and they need to learn about the "real world" or they never will!! I personally, after seeing what my parents are going through, if all else fails, just throw their stuff on the porch and change the locks, but your situation doesn't seem as out of hand as my family's is!! I would recommend start charging them rent and housekeeping fees. That way, not only will they start to learn how to prepare for paying rent when they are in the "real world", they'll also appreciate how much work that you do around the house!! Good luck!! I hope everything works out for you!!

It may be hard... But tell them they have two options... Get a job, or get out!!! :) good luck

-C.

Hi there - I am 28, married, with a one year boy. I also work at home (with my dad...we have a business together),and a part-time swing-shift job. We live on my parents property (In another dwelling) and we pay rent to them and whatever we need we pay for. I am very fortunate and blessed to be able to be home with my parents. I just wanted to say from a child who lives at home...I agree with the responses stating that you need to tell them to either get a job and help out or get out. It's harsh, but if they are not willing to pay rent and do the chores around the house...then they don't respect you. They need to grow up and become adults. It's not fair to you to keep supporting them. They are old enough to know better. Well there has been a lot of great advise on here. I hope this helps. Good luck. Hugs, T.

So, it has been a month...what is your situation now? I am curious if you took any action.

please respond I am sure everyone is wondering.
EM

Hi M.,
I think if I were in your position I would sit them down together and let them know about your financial postion and tell them that it's time they started taking care of themselves. I would tell them that they have a specified amount of time to get a job and a specified time to find another place to live and that when the time is up you will be changing the locks on the house; and then do it.

give them an ultimatum and stick to it. they may hate you now but it is for there own good. i have a friend who still lives with her parents at 29... it is pathetic!!

okay if it's affecting your health, kick them out!! i know they're your children, but enough is enough!! it sounds like the only way they'll do it is if they're forced. they need to be productive adults, and you need to show them the way. be assertive and loving. let them know that you're always there for them, but that they need to experience life on their own. they will benefit greatly from it. i wish you the best of luck.....K.

Gosh I don't envy your situation. All I can tell you is send them on a trip for the day, say to the mountains or somethiing, and make them pack a lunch. (do they have a car or do they use yours?) and while they are gone, take all thier stuff and either put it on the lawn or put it in storage. Have some of your friends help out with this. Change the locks. When they get back, sit them down and tell them they no longer live there and that they will have to find some place to stay for the night, and they had better find a job or they won't be eating either. Recommend temporary work places, like labor ready (they hire you on the spot if they have room and pay you right there too, they can also work nite shifts and weekends) have them do that until they can get a steady job. a good place to look for jobs are at workfirst at the DSHS office, they also provide resume' building, how to get a job, interviews as well as open positions throughout the county. I would say after a couple of weeks of being forced to be grown up they will either learn to sink or swim. If they are still having trouble finding a job after six months, then go back and help them, but it will be easier for you to put down ground rules, and have them sign a contract saying they will be there for x amount of time, and will put out applications and resume's everyday, (x amount a week) and will pay for room and board. hopefully you'll see a marked improvement :)

Make them get a job or move out. This behavior won't change on its own. My sister is 26, she lives with my mom and all she does is sit around the house all day and play video games. If you don't do something now this could happen to you too!