Has Anyone Felt like This?

I'm a SAHM with a 12 month old girl. She's wonderful but I also enjoy getting moments to myself. My husband is fairly understanding but he sometimes doesn't 'get it' and I need to tell him specifically what I need him to do. So, if I want to take a few hours to myself on the weekend, I'll tell him that he's going to watch the baby or take the baby out for a few hours. I pump some milk and off they go.

My mother, who is usually supportive, is the least supportive when it comes to needing 'me' time. I think it's because she never took any for herself. When she comes over to 'help out' she'll remind me of how she never had any help and was always tired. So, when she comes over I know I have to look busy doing something because she'll just give me a hard time if I try to nap.

I had to laugh when I read an article about Paris Hilton defending Brittany Spears recent partying. Paris said something about Brittany being a 'normal' young mom who loves her children and was just going out and having some time with friends. I don't think many normal moms get a chance to go out and party all weekend ;-)

Good Luck!

It's totally normal to feel that way - hang in there!

Now, to take care of yourself - if it's time away you need, after dinner and nursing/diapering the baby tell Daddy that you're running out for a little while and you'll be back in an hour or so. Don't give him time to respond - just grab your purse & keys and hop in the car. Meet a friend at a coffee house, go to a bookstore to browse, walk through the mall - anything you like that will get you out of the house. Make sure it's not on a night he has plans, or a day that has been horrible for him, then just go.

The key to this is to be sure you really do get enough "recovery" time. Hopefully your husband will start seeing you happier, more loving & productive, less irritable, etc. Make sure to thank him, but remember - even though you aren't making the paycheck you're doing very valuable WORK all day! It's important you have some free time as well!

I can relate. Unfortunately for me it is 24/7. My husband is deployed overseas and both my mother and mother-in-law are deceased. I have no choice but to be a SAHM. I love it, but I miss having a part time job just to get some time away from the kids and to have some adult interaction. You are perfectly normal. I hope you get some time to yourself soon. You definitely deserve it and need it. Good Luck, J.

Oh, it's "normal" (whatever THAT is). I often find myself feeling angry at my Husband becuz he doesn't just offer or just do the things that have to be done either with the baby or around the house. But then I "Check myself" and remember that he's been working all day. I know that I am a terrible time manager, so there is time that could be for me but, I ususally end up screwing around with nonsense stuff. It's important to not completely lose yourself, yes your kids need you but you need you too. Sit down and write down your daily stuff. I know you'll find a way to squeeze yourself in at some point in the day. YOu deserve girl. And don't ASK for it just do it.

I have been feeling the same way. I keep asking my husband if we can hire a babysitter once in a while so we do not have to depend on his mother, but he is not ready to trust anyone since our son is only 4 1/2 months old. I usually go out by myself on Saturday mornings to shop at the mall. Even if I do not buy anything it feels good to just get out for a couple of hours.

I THINK EVERY MOM FEELS LIKE THAT. IT WOULD BE NICE TO JUST TAKE A BATH AND RELAX FOR A HALF HOUR OR SO ONCE IN AWHILE. I ALWAYS GET TIME TO MYSELF, WHEN MY HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM WORK HE USUALLY PLAYS WITH OUR TWO YEAR OLD. JUST WAIT TIL YOUR SON IS TWO, YOU WANT A HOUR TO YOURSELF EACH DAY. SO, HON THIS IS DEFINITELY NORMAL AND YOU SHOULD ASK YOUR HUSBAND GENTLY AND EXPLAIN TO HIM HOW YOU FEEL. HOW CAN HE IGNORE HOW YOU FEEL, HE'S YOUR HUSBAND HE LOVES YOU. FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME IF YOU HAVE ANY OTHER ISSUES FAMILY ISSUES. I'VE BEEN THROUGH WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH AND WHAT YOUR GOING TO BE GOING THROUGH. MY ALONE TIME IS USUALLY ON THE COMPUTER AND I ALWAYS ANSWER MY MESSAGES. TAKE CARE, DON'T GIVE UP UNTIL YOU'VE BEEN UNDERSTOOD AND I'M SURE YOU'LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.
JUST ANOTHER MUM,
A.

yes totally normal! hinting around doesn't work. ask your mother or husband at a free moment to take the baby out for a ride, walk at the mall or somewhere, while you take a hot shower, brush your hair,put deoderant and light perfume maybe some makeup, put on something comfortable that is clean of bodily fluids of any kind and do something you haven't had a chance to do: read a magazine, go for a walk, christmas shopping whatever. this is really important in making yourself whole so you can be a whole mom when you're with the baby. do this at least 1x a week

totally normal!
i felt like this more this past summer when i was on maternity leave/summer vacation. now that i'm back at work, it's not as strong.
you NEED the time to recharge, otherwise you will burn out and not be the best wife/mother you can be.

I feel like that sometimes, but I've also made sure my husband does a few things. Once a week (at least) he gives our 4 mo old a bath and puts her to bed while I go to a yoga class. If I feel overwhelmed and she's upset, I ask him to step in for half an hour or so. He's a great guy, but he doesn't usually realize what needs to be done unless I ask him. I think its a man-thing. Remember - you're working all day too - without breaks for lunch or coffee or gossip or whatever. When he gets home the least he can do is give you half an hour or so. Another thing I do is put her to bed early - usually around 6, but always by 7. Then I have a few hours before I go to bed to unwind. She still sleeps until about 7 am, regardless of when she goes to bed.

Are you in the Nashua area? There is a Mother's group hosted by Southern NH Medical Center that meets weekly. It can be a great help. Call the Birth Center for info, ###-###-####.

L.,
You are NOT ALONE! And this feeling is COMPLETELY normal. If getting through to your husband is like trying to get blood from a stone, then (and I have done this) you can talk this over with your doctor and have him/her voice his/her "concerns" to your husband. My husband has this thing where he'll only listen to an MD. So, when I need to get through to him, I use doctors. ;-) Please keep us up to date as to how things go on this.

I feel the same way and what makes it worse is that my husband gets alone time at least 2-3 times a week and I get none. Even to take a shower he tells me I am taking too long and need to hurry up. I am not a stay at home mom though I am a restaurant manager and work average of 60 hrs a week and still come home to cook, clean and take care of my daughter and husband. Good luck to get your alone time hopefully you are more succesful then I was.

You're definately the norm. I think most of us have been there or are there. The good news is things usually get better as the kids get older (especially once they're over 1year). At leaste that's what I keep telling myself to get through. LOL I'm a SAHM to a 4yo & a 6mos old, so I feel your pain. Good Luck to you.

Yes L....I'm a single mom of 3 boys and I feel like this all the time. Try to do your best with it, and try to get someone who can come to your house and take the kids while you rest.

L., It is completely normal!!!! I have 3 kids ages 6, 5, and 8 mos. My husband is a const. super and travels for work. He is home every 3 weeks. The only time I get to my self is when the kids go to school and the baby takes a nap. I do have to say that when hubby does come home I try and go out on Sat. night with my girlfriends. Even that little time recharges me for the next 3 weeks.Lol My hubby never understood what I went through until he was home for a couple months this winter. Hopefully your husband realizes that you need a break. It will make you happier which will make him and your baby happier. Good Luck, let us know how everything goes.

L.,
I hear you! I'm a working mom, and still go through the same thing. My son is 11, but my dd is 7 mo. We nurse, and she goes to work with me part time, and child care part time (I work full time). I'm always either at work with Maia, working with other kids (that's when Maia goes to care), or at home working as mom and wife. When I go out, it's with the kids. Maia will not allow people to care for her other than me and her child care provider. Even my husband can't be home alone with her because she simply won't tolerate being away from me! My hubby has no idea what it's like because he's never been there, and he can't understand why I would feel like I need a little time because I wanted the baby so much! And of course I still want her, but a few minutes would be a blessing. Is there a play group you can join? Check with the York County Head Start program about options for home visiting and socializations in an Early Head Start program? Finding other moms who are SAHM's could be your biggest benefit. Good luck!

L., this is COMPLETELY normal!! Dont let yourself feel guilty for wanting a few minutes 2 yourself! You arent able to leave for work and have "adult" time b/c you are constantly "punched in" as a sahm! To me, that is the most wonderful, yet stressful job out there because you dont get a break, u are constantly on duty. B4 i met my husband i was very independent. I worked 2 jobs, slept in when i wanted, did my own thing, but now with a 6.5 month old beautiful baby and a husband, its no longer like that. I love my life and would never change it, but luckily, my husband knows that i am in need of alone time.... so on Sunday nights, he takes the baby to bed around 7p or 8p, and i take a long shower or bath, make a snack and watch nip/tuck from 10p-11p. That hour or two is perfect and just enough time to refresh me, and in the morning i am rejuvenated. Remember, if u get stressed to much, your baby will know and it will affect your relationship with him/her and your husband. So if i was you i would not continue to ASK for a moment to yourself b/c you're not being heard, i would just do it. Give him the baby and say, ill be in the shower or im going to watch a show or i am going to eat with my g/f... i hope this helped... and please dont feel guilty for needing a little time to refresh yourself. it will have a positive impact on you and the relationships u have with your family. it does not make u a bad mom, it maked u normal! :)

Hi L.,

As women, we are always putting ourselves aside to make everyone else happy and comfy. I am a SAHM with a nine year old, 5 yr old, 3 yr old, and my 16 yr old niece. I am turning 40 this year and learned a wonderful new word! It is "NO".
I did it all by myself without the help of my hubby for many years, but now I ask for help and if I don't get it by asking nicely, I demand it and make it happen. I realized that I was angry all the time and resentful of my husbands freedom and so I did something about it. Once I started getting time to myself here and there, I realized how essential it is to being happy and creating a happy home. My family really enjoys the time they have without me and so do I. It is important for the men to step in and bond with their kids as a nurturer. Not just a provider.
Be strong, ask the universe for what you want and make it happen. Do NOT feel guilt for needing time for yourself. If you are not healthy and happy, your family will not be either.
Take Care and Good Luck.
You are not alone.
~A.

THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOO NORMAL! I HAVE BEEN A STAY AT HOME MOM SINCE THE BIRTH OF MY DAUGHTER ALMOST FIVE YEARS AGO. I ALSO HAVE A TWO MONTH OLD SON. WHEN MY HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM WORK HE WANTS TO RELAX SO IM WITH THE KIDS AND I CANT DRIVE SO IM ALWAYS STUCK AT HOME. I ALSO HAVE LIKE NO NEIGHBORS SO THE ONLY HUMANS I TALK TO ARE MY KIDS......WICH I LOVE BUT SOMETIMES I WANT TIME FOR MYSELF. SOMETIMES I REMIND MY HUSBAND THAT I AM WORKING ALL DAY TOO. TAKING CARE OF CHILDREN IS HARD WORK. I GET TIRED. THE ONLY RETREAT I HAVE IS TO LOCK MYSELF IN THE BATHROOM AND HAVE A HOT SHOWER. I WOULDNT TRADE MY LIFESTYLE IN FOR ANYTHING...BUT I CAN RELATE ON THE FEELINGS YOU HAVE.

Wow! I totally understand what you are saying. I am in the same situation and I just recently started feeling this way and needing my time alone. I am currently trying to wein my daughter from breast feeding. Not that I dont love feeding her, but if I get a chance to get a minute to myself...she would not take a bottle from my husband, even if I pumped. Anyway...No, you are definately not the only one that feels this way. Sounds like you and your husband need to take a night and go out alone and have someones watch the kids too. It helps a bunch, especially since dates are few and far between when you have children. Take care.

I feel liek u EVERY DAY im 23 in march i have a 3.5 year old and im with her father but he DOES NOTTHIN I never go out and when i do she is By-my-side... Never Not with me and i dont have anyone else to really leave her along with ther eis 2.5 hours that she goes to skool for but byt the time she gets there and i leave then im right back there again I dont drive so i REALLY cant get Out ..So yes i no where ur commin form but when find sumthin Good that works u can let me no ...

J. Marie

Like everyone else has said, this is perfectly normal. I homeschool my children, so I am with them for most of the day. I really look forward to my late night grocery shopping trips. I leave the kids at home with my husband and I hit the grocery store. No one but me and the restockers. So nice and relaxing. LOL ok so I am weird. It does help that our grocery store is open 24 hours a day.

Hello L., I felt like you are feeling now. But I couldn't take it anymore due to depression etc.. I found the home business that has changed my life for ever. And I am able to change others life as well. If you would like me to give you information. Please email me. ____@____.com Believe me God is my witness that have been right were you are right now and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

M.

hi L.

i have a 1year old boy and a 2yr -3month girl like you my mother watches my kids rarely....no one else does....it's completely normal to want some free time....i think we try to be super mom's and don't realize we need to still be us...if that makes any sense. try and make some free time for yourself even just a drive or window shopping ...just make it yours....if not you start to get resentful....at least i did...take care...happy holidays ...B.

I feel like that at least twice a week. I have an almost 1yr. old. At first my fiance didn't really hear me, either. Finally, I started crying and said,"I just need a break!". Now I go out whenever I feel I need a break. Whether it's for a quick drink w/ friends(which happens maybe once a month) or for just a car ride to get out and think. Now I run most of my errands after he gets home from work or wait for the weekends so I can have some time to myself. I always feel better when I get home. Especially when she says "mama!" and comes running over to me!