Has Anyone Ever Resorted to Shadowing a Student at School

As long as you do nothing to disrupt the normal school day, they should not have a problem with you attending his classes with him, however, they may have a problem wiht you going for a month...

Years ago I did it for one day, and it was hard on me, to see how all the other students behaved, it is a wonder the teacher got anything done. I would suggest talking with the teacher, e-mailing her/or calling every day to make sure the homework was turned in, to make sure the work in class is turned in, and just asking the teacher to be positive with him. A trust and positive attitude from everyone makes all the difference int he world.

Many schools have a limit of 20-30 minute visits per day, but if you explain why you wish to "shadow" your son, they might be willing to overlook that. I am a teacher, and I haven't ever shadowed my own children. However, I have had a parent shadow her fourth grader. After three days of shadowing her son, he was a changed child. I've seen similar successes in other classrooms. I am suspecting that you will find that you also won't need to shadow your son for more than a few days. I say to go for it!

Honey a few days of "Being his shadow" should stop his not turning in work. The embarresment should do the trick. If this does not work and he has to go to summer school, may I suggest he work around the house/yard for $5.15 an hour to repay you the price of Summer School. Let him know unless he buckles down and does as he is supposed to this is all his life will ever be even when he is out of school and on his own. Good Luck, B. mother of 3 gran-mother of 20

OH!!! I feel your frustration!! My son is also 14 and started doing the same thing the moment he started jr high. We did the same thing, such as taking things away, but to no avail, he figured since he didn't have anything anymore, he would just not try. I did shadow him at school & it embarassed him to death and once he knew I would follow him around, he did get better. I'm sure the school will allow this, especially, if it will help him get better. Hang in there! It does get better...

I did this when my son was in second grade just for a couple of hours. It made a difference while I was there but when I left he was back to normal. Some of this is normal "unorganized" behavior for his age. Have you tried asking the teachers to ask him for his work before he leaves their classroom? My son's teachers collect what he has done at the end of class each day because they know they will never see it again if they don't. You may want to have a meeting with the teachers to discuss if they would be willing to do that for you. Does he have any special needs? If so, if he has an IEP you can add that to it. Hope this helps.

I am a teacher at a middle school. I encourage the parents of "at risk" students to come sit in on some classes on a regular basis. It does make a difference, and the teachers are generally happy about parents who care. I have seen this simple act make a big differnce in the academic success and behavior of some stuents. I know it seems that your son is growing up and should be able to be independent, but the reality is that middle school and high school students need the full attention and support of their parents more than ever before. They need to know that you know what's going on and are interested in their business.

OMG! Yes, we did this with our daughter! I believe it was when she was a freshman in high school (she's a junior now). We live in a very small community and all her friends know us, this made it worse for our daughter, because all her friends were saying "hi" to us in the hallways. My husband even participated in the class (raised his hand, asked questions, the whole 9 yards!)
Our daughter was not doing well in the class, telling us how the teacher doesn't like her, yada, yada, yada. Of course, this was not the case at all, she was just being lazy and wasn't diong her work, not turning the in, etc...
Needless to say, she turned things around in a hurry. It only took one class. Now, when she starts to slack, she know that when we say that we'll go to class with her, she know we mean it!!! Teachers, parents and students should all be on the same page. As parents, we want what's best for our children, and to do well in school and grow up to be a productive member of society, most of us think is what's best. The school (esp the teacher(s)) should welcome your willingness to take an active roll in your child's academics!
Good luck, anxiuos to hear how things turn out! We do this all out of LOVE!

This was something my mother always threatened me with and I must say... it worked cuz I would have done ANYTHING not to have her anywhere around me!!! I have also used this with my kids and their response was.......COOL!! (they are 15 & 19 and that is still my 15 yr olds response!)

But seriously:

When my son got into a fight in the 7th grade and was put into in-school suspension for 3 days yet ended up staying for a week because he wouldn't do his work, I did go up there for the last 2 days to make sure he did it and to let him know I was serious in following through with my "threats". It worked because I never had to do it again and my youngest knows that I don't bluff. If you do it not out of meanness or a sense of humiliation, like my mother would have, but out of love, consistency and respect, I feel it is a good option.

As an educator with 31 years, shadowing is often recommended and not followed through by parents. Shadowing can be an inital "threat" for your son. Sometimes the "threat" alone is enough. If not, usually shadowing your son for a few days is enough. If he does not continue to do his work, you can start shodowing again. All the schools I have worked in do allow this. Do make sure your son has had a professional eye exam and a physical exam. Has he been tested for learning disabilities? Does he manage to do well on end of the year testing? Could he have problems with attention? Good luck.
P.

Seems to me like someone has been teasing him about his doing his homework and/or possibly getting good grades when he does. I went through this in High School (i'm 28 now). I was friends' with this guy and he was SMART. But he'd usually not turn in his work so he'd be "cool" to the other guys...or if he DID hand it in and got a good mark, he'd hide it or change the grade to make it look like he did lousy. Unfortunately, I had the 1st-2nd top grades in the class---always A's---and he saw what the other kids did to someone who was smart and he wanted no part of that...even if it cost him at home, be it punishment, loss of property or whatever.
I'd be willing to bet this is the case or something close to it. Or maybe he's just rebellin and thinks school is a waste of his time...
Try talkin to him...not on a mom level, but as a friend. Relate with him from your own personal experiences. Tell him a story or two of what happened to you in high school...your trials, dilemas, heartaches...etc...
Good luck and don't worry...he'll turn around, it's just a faze.

Unless I'm missing something, you said he's doing the work, but not turning it in. Does he have a problem with organization? Does he need an assignment sheet that he and each teacher sign off on each day and you sign at home so that everyone knows what he needs to do?

My daughter had a shadow, but it's because she was skipping classes. Due to her special circumstances, the school provided a staff member to escort her to each class until it was no longer necessary.

One time I received a report that one of my kids was disrespectful on the school bus. I threatened if he didn't know how to behave on the bus, I would ride it with him. He knew I meant it and I never received another report!

I did this once with my son too! he hated it of course and all his friends gave him a hard time and things turned around drastically and quickly. Sometimes we need to show our kids that we are willing to do whatever it takes. we have to stop threatening and start doing what we say we will do! I say yes, go to his classes and he will turn it around very quickly! I sat right behind him and made him sit up, and do what the teacher said! embarrassing for him, but it worked like a charm. he was maybe 12 at the time if memory serves me. Good luck!

Yes I have done this for my son at about that age. Yes, the schools will allow this if you notify the priciple and the teachers that you are coming and the reason you feel that this is needed. The teachers enjoyed have another adult in the class with them it seemed to keep all the students on their best behavior. They knew I would notify the other parents and let them know of what was going on in the classes.

Hope things improve for you and your son .
Melisa W.

Yes, I did! My 9 yr old would work on his homework and not turn it in. I had his teacher email me everyday to let me know what his day was like. Then, I told her that I wanted to make some surprise visits. He did not know when or where I was. I stayed out of sight and watched him. She knew I was there, he didn't. When he came home, I told him every move he made. He was so shocked! I have plans in the future to continue to make surprise visits. If this is what it takes to make him successful, I will do it.

Good Luck!!!!

As a junior high teacher of 6th graders I have heard this story soooo many times this year. The times we have had a parent sit in on a class typically has helped if only for a short while.

Make sure whatever you say you are going to do that you follow through. The first time you kiddo sees you not follow through they will know they may have gotten away with things.

Call the school's counselor or teachers and see if they will allow you to sit in. It won't hurt and it may gain insight.

The assignment sheet may work, but from a teachers perspective it is time consuming. If it's a temporary situation it okay on all involved. However if it's a long-term problem you have to move onto new ways of trying to figure out the problem. Either way you have to have rewards that go along with him having the assignment sheet signed or consequences/priveleges taken away if it's not signed.

Hope all goes well. Just know that you are not alone in this ordeal.

I know someone that did this and three days of him begging her to stop, she did and never had another problem.....it's worth a shot! She just took a book and walked him to each class and sat in the hallway during class and when he got out, she was there to greet him.

R.

I can relate to you fully. I have a 14 year old son that does the same thing. I set up an conference with his teachers and I even talked to the prinicipal about coming to school with him one day. Guess what the prinicipal said that I was more than welcome to come to school with him and see how he interacts at school. Another thing that has helped us is I have the teachers email me on a daily basis so that I can see if he is doing his work and turning it in. That has helped out a lot. I wish you the best of luck.

H. H.

Hi R.,
Shadowing worked for me.My 14 year daughter for the pass 2 years in jr. high would slack off after X-mas break.I showed up in 3 period by SURPRISE w/a magazine and ask if i could follow her to every class to observe her in class.I made it clear to her since she couldn't turn in work and seem to get to class on time that i was there to see what the problem was.I sat right next to her.Tears streamed down her face in every period but OH WELL,it worked.She know has a B average and isn't late to class anymore and is turnning in her work.As much as i didn't want to do it.It had to be done.What teen wants their mommy showing up at school and following around at that.What embarassment.I told her i'll do it again if it continues to happen.Hasn't happened ,that one time was enough.

As a teacher I have had plenty of parents shadow their child for the day. Not usually more than that. I think it's a great idea but it shouldn't hurt you. I think kids need to have a consequence of their own that effects them more than you. You shadowing for a day is great, but think of how much time it is from your day to day that will be lost. Does your son have an allowance? Is there any way he could help pay for summer school? I don't think the burden of paying for summer school should soley rest on your shoulders. Maybe if he knows he will have to pay for summer school he will step it up. Tell him that you paid for school already through taxes and supplies and he should make the most of that, if he has to go to summer school he will have to find a way to help pay for it. I have used this with my 5 year old. He did something to make us not trust him. So the next time we got together with friends he had to pay for a babysitter because we couldn't trust him. It was very powerful. Now granted he only paid $5 but it was enough for him to understand that he needs to earn our trust and he doesn't want to do it again.

I have never shadowed my kids, but my mom shadowed me! When I was in HS I skipped ALOT! My mom finally got tired of it and started going to school with me. Of course the rules have changed over the last 20 years or so, but I expect you can still do it. I HATED my mom following me around and stopped skipping (partly because she was physcially present and partly because I wanted her quit following me around!). She didn't actually sit in class with me, she would stand in the hall with a book and peek in the window in the door. When classes would change, she would stand at the head of the hall and watch me. Just because she wasn't attached to my hip didn't matter. EVERYBODY knew she was my mom and that she was there because I was in trouble. I was mortified! It only lasted 4 days, but it was enough to straighten me (and most of my girlfriends) out.

Talk to your principal or counselor, I'm sure they will be open to your needs. Good luck and don't give up!!

My sister went through this in middle school....And we were raised by our dad and he told her that if she didn't buckle down and turn her work in and failed then she fails. He wasn't going to allow her to go to summer school. Which she did fail and no she wasn't allowed to go to summer school. After a couple of weeks of school the next year all of her friends moved up to high school and she was still stuck in middle school she started to get her work done. She was allowed to for go her electives and retake her classes that she failed so at christmas she was able to start 9th grade. Our school had block scheduling so it worked out she was just a semester behind until her senior year. She finally did go to summer school after her junior year to finish catching up, but she had to pay for dad was still adament on the fact he wasn't paying for her to go! His theory is if they can't learn it in a year what makes you think they can pick it up in a few weeks. My sister is graduated now and taking college corses but she says that it was the best thing dad did made her take responsibility for her education! hope this helps!

Hi, my name is G. and I have 3 daughters ages 6yrs, 2yrs and a baby of 10months. I can relate to your problem. My 6yr olds grades were dropping and I had punished her by not allowing her to stay at her grandma's house, taking away the t.v., staying in her room all day and nothing worked. Finally I decided to go to school with her and spend the day with her. What I discovered made me very angry. It wasnt her fault but the teachers. She wasnt taking the time to explain to her or any of the other students the work. When I conplaint to the principal her responce was that the teacher didn't have to ask if the students needed help it was their responsibility to ask if they needed it. It made me so mad I told her that if something wasn't done I was going to go to the media. Well to my surprise my daughter's grades have gone up and the teacher is now helping them more with their work. I know that many of the times our kids just get bored specialy at the end of the school year but sometimes the teachers and other faculty members are to blame as well. So yes I would strongly suggest that you ask your son's principal if you can shadow him for a day and im sure it will make a big difference. Good luck.

Wow! I'm glad to see others are having the same ordeals as I am with my 14 year old son. I got the same idea from a friend who's daughter was getting bad grades in math. The daughter was blaming it on the teacher (ie. the teacher just doesn't like me)... So my friend told her that she needed to go audit the class and see what was going on. The daughter was mortified and said "You wouldn't dare!" She said try me. And sure enough, the grades started to improve.
So I tried the same with my son in the 6th and 7th grades. He's in 8th grade now - and usually I just have to mention if he thinks it's time for me to come to school with him yet. Usually after that, he starts turning his work in. But he knows I am prepared to follow through. And that is the key to success - follow through.
Good luck!

My son is only 7 and we have been having problems with him acting up here recently. His school has no problem with me shadowing him, but I fear that me being there may hinder his learning more than help because he is a momma's boy. I do recommend it, especially for a teenager. I will be graduating in a year with my teaching degree and I would totally accept any parent who would like to come and make sure that their child stays on task and gets their work done. Being a teenager, your son will probably be really embarrassed to have his mom at school with him everyday, but the embarrassment alone could be enough to get him walking a straight line and get his work turned in. I hope this helps and good luck.

Wow, that is a great idea! Nothing works better with a teen than embarassment (or the threat of!)

Not only that but it sends a clear message to your son and to the school that you are an involved parent, you are there for your son and you are holding him accountable for his actions! I agree that after a day or too he will probably straighten up!!

I don't see why the school would't let you.

Good luck! (and I will definitely keep this in mind for future reference!)

This behavior is typical of middle schoolers...I had a daughter who did the exact same thing...it took me until her 7th grade year to figure out how to get her to turn in her work...my current 6th grader started out the year doing the same thing...it took me six weeks to get him back on track...I knew a whole lot more with him! We took things week by week...I emailed the teachers each Thursday evening and asked for them to send me the grades for the week on Friday afternoons...if there were any zeros...priveledges were removed (taking their music worked wonders for my kids)...We didn't focus on how good or bad the other grades were...only if there were zeros...We basically established a "No Tolerance for Zeros" policy. It was beneficial because over time we were able to really demonstrate to both kids what an impact a Zero has on their grades and on the positive side, we were able to truly recognize and praise the good grades on a weekly basis.

I have a friend who shadowed her child and I think it really helped, but her son stayed mad at her for a long time. I would try working with him on a week to week basis and then resort to the shadowing if staying on him doesn't make a difference. I do have to say though that what we did took diligence and time...it was a long, frustrating process with my daughter, but well worth the effort. She is now in high school and is a great student.

I work at a junior high and unfortunately, we hear this quite often. Talk to your school counselor and see if they have any suggestions. If he has any electives, perhaps they could pull him out of an elective that he enjoys and let him go to the study lab instead. Sometimes that is a wake-up call. Also, check if your school has access to his grades online, continually check to see what work he is missing. Instead of going to his classroom each day, you might meet him at the school at the end of the day (you could probably meet him in a teacher's room or counselor's office) and go through his notebook and walk through every class to see if he turned his work in for that day before he leaves school. Good luck!

I used to teach high school and we had a mother and step father who would escort their daughter from class to class and wait in the hall between classes. She was truant and would just not go to class. They only had to do it two days and she was never truant again.

Call and talk to your son's guidance counselor and see if they will allow it.

Good lucj...{{{hugs}}}

I am an 8th grade teacher and I have had parents shadow their student. It isn't very fun for the student and they usually change their behavior immediately so it will stop. As long as you check in with the front office there should be no problem. I have even had a school board member shadow their child-with wonderful results.

First, let me tell you that you are DA BOMB!!! I would highly recommend this. My brother was just like this and he is now a 25 year old still living at home and not interested in going back to school yet. He barely graduated! It may not be necessary to attend all 23 days, but definitely go the first 2-3 days back to back and then show up here and there during the day for the remaining days. This will let him know that he will always need to be on his toes.

Good job!!!! I wish there were more moms like you:)

M.

Hi R.

I shadowed my youngest son when he was in junior high. He was doing the same thing your son is doing. It worked. His friends gave him so much grief that he decided he would rather do what he was supposed to than have mom following him around everyday.

I played it to the hilt. I would sit with him at lunch and join in discussions just like I belonged there. I hated making him feel uncomfortable but it worked.

And he survived. He is now 25 year old Sgt in the US Army.

Good Luck

B.

Wow, I thought this was unique to my mom. I was grounded my whole 14th year of life and she threatened to sit in my classes and sleep in my bedroom. She never did, but truly probably needed to. I think she would have been grateful if turning in homework was our only concern.

She stayed on me, and I turned out fairly decent. I don't know the psychology behind your son's behavior, but I wish you luck in getting to the bottom of it. If there's a possible way of getting an honest answer of why he's doing that, I'd definately shoot for it.

Good Luck!