Worry Wort kiddo...When Do I Tell Her?

If you really feel you must move her, PLEASE give her time in May or June to tell her friends and teachers, to get addresses and emails and phone numbers. Understand she's made friends there and if you move her, please facilitate not only a transition to the new school, but help her maintain important friendships. One of my DD's BFFs lives in a city 20-30 mins from here and I try to get her to see her friend every couple of months. I was the kid who didn't get enough of a chance to say good bye and it stank.

If she worries so much she is up at night, please find her a counselor to help her with her severe anxiety. Take her to the new school, let her meet a few people, see the 2nd grade hallway, etc. Find out when teachers are assigned and if you can have her meet her new teacher before the first day, etc. Most kids are really resilient and flexible, but I have one that is not so much so, and if I were to just not tell her all summer, she would have no time to process, ask questions, and get used to the idea. The first week would be a disaster. Don't set her up to fail. Set her up to succeed, even if she has some moments of worry. Help her address her worries.

I certainly would not make a big deal of it. Kids take their cues from
Parents. I do not think I would do the whole day goodbye to your friends. School ends, summer begins. I would mention it late in the summer. Answer any questions she may have. Stay positive.

Your child will be just fine. I have seen it over and over. The parents are way more worried than the kids in the long run. Doesn't she already play with some of the neighborhood kids? Could you search for some?

Yes she will be nervous about the unknown, but because she will now have neighbor kids in her school and you will be positive around her and be involved in the activities at this new school, she will adapt. Can her father volunteer to help with the "Rally day" or whatever that school calls their back to school event? That way he can get to know some of the families also. Could the 2 of you take her to an open house to see the school, before the end of this school year? Take a tour together?

Or tell her the last month of school and arrange a gathering of her friends for a farewell party.

This summer see if you can get her involved in some summer things at the new school. Take her to the neighborhood library, neighborhood pool, maybe even a neighborhood day camp.

Be proactive and positive, she will do just great.

Talk to the 1st and 2nd grade teachers and get her involved with some of the kids now and all summer long. See if she can shadow someone toward the end of the school year so everything seems familiar. Play on the playground as much as possible. Find out what activities some of her new classmates do in summer. Find out what kids in her new class live the closest to you and start fostering those friendships asap. If there are multiple classes for each grade, find the kids that will be in her class. Her fears are of the unknown. She needs to walk up to that school next fall as if she owns the place and needs to walk in to her classroom with some established friendships. I think I would tell her closer to the end of this school year. You don't want her to worry needlessly now, but you also want her to feel secure in her trust for you. Springing it on her right before school starts would not be good. I was a lot like your child.

I have a highly anxious kid. I would NOT surprise her with this over the summer! Please don't ambush her like that. She needs time to solidify her friendships, make arrangements for play dates, wrap her head around the new school. In fact, I would be trying to get her to the school for shadowing. See if you can take her to events at the new school, arrange meet ups on playgrounds or after school. Take her for a couple of days to spend at the new school shadowing students (this is a pretty common practice). I would give her exposure to this new school now so that in the fall it's not brand spanking new and shocking. Anxious kids have trouble transitioning to new situations. I would do as much as possible to make this inevitable future fun and promising now and allow her to make connections that reassure her she won't lose her old friends (even if it's likely she will).

Our son went to day care for 3.5 years, then to pre-school/kindergarten for 3 years, then 1st and 2nd grade in private school, then we moved far away and he went to public school elementary (grades 3 through 5), then middle school (grades 6 through 8) and now he's in high school that he'll be in for grades 9 through 12 (currently on 10th grade).
So high school is going to be the school he'll be in for the longest time unless he spends 5years in college (which is common for many engineering degrees).
He rolled with all of it and makes friends everywhere.
Military familys move around a lot more than that.
Kids come and go in school all the time - sometimes in the middle of the year.

If you know she gets anxious, then don't give her a lot of time to worry about in advance.

I would definitely not tell her now. February to September is a very long time for her to panic about this.

If you've lived in your current house for at least 6 months, how is it that she hasn't met kids? Are there none in your neighborhood? If casual get-togethers don't seem to be happening (neighborhood kids riding bikes, swinging on swings, etc.), can you sign her up for some local programs? I'm thinking library stuff, rec department basketball (non-competitive, not a travel league, given her nerves), school vacation activities, church, etc. and especially a summer program centered in your town. It may be that she'll bond so well with new kids that she'll be fine.

I know a lot of people are fond of looping and keeping the same teacher for 2 years - it definitely saves "ramp up" time in September of the 2nd year, but it does make transition hard for kids like your daughter on the third year. So it may be that you can use that to your advantage if she's already scared of a new teacher & new kids. You can talk about it in the summer (but dont give her the option - say you have decided. Meantime, get her in some good programs with kids she's likely to be in class with. If the new school has a playground, I'd go hang out there a lot on weekends too.

We moved a few years ago and the kids had to change schools. One of my kids is a over thinker, worrier, lies awake at night type kid. It's the fear of the unknown I think.

Even though I knew the move was for our family's greater good and that the schools were better, and more chances for friendships, etc. I think it's normal to have doubts and feel a bit guilty as a parent. I also worried that my worrier would not adjust well.

Well, he was fine. I don't give him enough credit, and sometimes my worrying about him, worsens things.

I agree - introduce it over time just in a natural way. We did, and we just mentioned the positives. We didn't talk about everything we were leaving, but if they brought it up, we made it clear that we could still see people, come back to visit etc.

We did an open house at the new school in the spring, we also joined activities in the new area so that they would know some kids when they started school. We made it a really positive experience for them - and got them involved.

My biggest concern was that the worrier would have trouble making new friends (he's a bit of an introvert). It took a little while, but knowing some kids ahead of time really helped, even just to see them at school. You may find that there will be other new kids to the school - that's who my child met up with. So he quickly paired off with another boy. I think the teacher helped by sitting them next to each other. Teachers are pretty good at helping new kids adapt.

All my kids adapted to the new school and teachers very well. That wasn't a problem at all for us. I think if you took your daughter to the school, had a walk around, even met her new teacher, she may feel more comfortable.

It's not always easy to meet kids these days in subdivisions (I find a lot of kids don't play outside or go to parks anymore) so sports, activities, day camps, swimming lessons .. may be the way to go.

Good luck :) sometimes they surprise you. I think we moms worry more than the kids.

Tell her right before school if she'll make herself miserable all summer and don't feel bad! There is no point in extending the drama. Making the adjustment is great and will help her make future adjustments. Schools are RIDICULOUSLY sensitive to making new kids at home these days. It's not like in the sink or swim days of yore. I was a military kid and we moved all the time. She'll be fine!

Move her in August. Like Amy says, don't tell her at the beginning of the summer. Give her a week and a half notice. Take her to the school, let her meet the principal and the guidance counselor, and if possible, the new teacher. Talk privately to the principal and guidance counselor about her fears.

It's better to do it now than in 7th grade. Promise.

i would introduce the idea organically and casually.
worriers worry, and there may be no way to spare her that.
but keeping it from her will probably feel like a shock, and a very unpleasant one at that. and the most important way to handle a worrier is to make sure they know they can count on you, and that means with 'bad' news too. feeling as if you are keeping her in the dark will only intensify the anxiety.
be upbeat, practical and cheerful. the more you imply it's no big deal the easier it will be for her to internalize it.
khairete
S.

I would tell her the last week of school so she has time to say goodbye. No use telling her now for her worry about it between now and the end of the year.

Then I would make sure this summer age is meeting lots of 2nd graders from your neighborhood so she'll have some friendly faces when school begin.

We had a similar situation and that's what we did. NY the time school rolled around she had adjusted.

I'd start preparing her now. She needs time to adjust and go through mourning. She's never expecting her circumstances to change.

I wouldn't change her at all myself because if she's out by where you live then where are you? In town? How long to get to her if she's injured? How long to get to her if she has had an accident and needs to change clothes? How long will it take you to get home to her if she starts running a fever and puking?

Will your spouse or family take off where they can get to her quicker? Is the doc in the country where she is or is the doc in town? Or the hospital?

If she gets sick and needs you right then and the doc says bring her in right away how long will it take you to get out of the classroom, to your car, to her country school, then back to town to the doc's office?

I'd keep her close to your work and let her know when she starts the next grade up she'll be going to the local school. By then perhaps you can get a job in her district...that's what I'd do.

I'd actively seek a job in her school district near home and move both of you or keep her in town near your job.

BUT if she makes friends through some community organization she might feel a connection to the local school and feel better about changing.

If she's a worry wart, I don't think you should tell her till the summer. Maybe not until last minute or whenever she starts talking about going back to school.