It would be wise for you to learn to say no and set boundaries. You can still be a great friend full of charity, while maintaining your needs as well.
You call to check on her very often and visit her a lot. Cut that down. Why don't you volunteer your story next time you call? Some people get comfortable with sharing their needs all the time, they forget that others have needs too.
You don't have to come up with excuses or feel guilty, just simply, "I can't come over today" should be enough. If she presses, simply repeat yourself, "I just can't, maybe another time."
As for the hotel, visit at the hotel when YOU want, and visit with the guests when YOU want. Do not let anyone dictate to you how your time should be spent. You need to be able to enjoy yourself too, not cater to everyone's whims and fancy's all the time.
Really though, it sounds like she is dependent on you. Maybe you need to back off a little and see if she ca;;s to chat and see how you are doing, instead of expecting you to pamper her. Friendships fade, and shift over time. It's natural. I'm not saying to stop being her friend, but I am saying put you and your family first for now.