In your area, or neighborhood, or experience....who discusses and makes the Trick or Treating plans?
I have always allowed my kids to figure out who they would enjoy Trick or Treating with, then knowing that the kids have 'chosen' will make firm arrangements with the kids parents.
This year, new city, new country, my daughter and friend decide they want to go together, a 3rd girl wants to join, we're all good, I call the mom to make arrangements, she doesn't return my call, but in the interim, this 3rd mom has only invited my daughters friend over to Trick or Treat with her daughter, knowing that my daughter had plans already. I remind her that our girls had prior plans, I am happy to drive both these girls over to her neighborhood and walk along. But tonight she cancels all. What's awkward, is that she had invited 2 girls from the same family over, to trick or treat with both of her daughters. I only have one daughter. Our daughters are all friends, sit together at school, play together on the monkey bars. I'm honestly stumped by this communication. So now, I will be taking both the friend and her younger sister Trick or Treating, because the mom is taking her 4 year old son to the Church Carnival....Honestly, I'm confused by the communication and making independent decisions without discussing it with the parents involved.
What say you?
Daughter is 9 yrs old, 4th grade, moved to Canada...so not much diff than US
Marda..Mom #1 & Mom#2 make plans..Mom #3 invites Mom #2 kids, but not mine, Mom #1....but the girls have all discussed and think they are going together. I know both moms well. I had my nails done with Mom #3 a couple of weeks ago. But my daughter is better friends with Mom #2's daughter.
And MOMCEO - in a perfect world...I agree with you...but in our neighborhood....there are many traveling husbands....mom's have to juggle a variety of age groups...I know my pre-teen son does not want to wait for a 4 year old dragging his feet, complaining he's too tired, and in our mix, Mom#2 speaks very little English, and this is their 1st Halloween ever, and her husband is out of town...and now another mom called, we'll call her Mom#4, and she is sick with a flu bug that her daughter brought home from outdoor ed, and can I please take her 2 youngest out now, because her husband is on-call at the hospital....so since, I don't live in a perfect world where every parent is capable of taking their own kids....I am always the one to offer assistance to those who need it.
halloween shouldn't be overcomplicated. arrange to meet friends, with the understanding that you'll be starting at X time and if anyone's not there, they can catch up with you (or not) in the neighborhood.
keep it simple.
keep it fun.
khairete
S.
All Parents should take their own kids trick or treating.
When mine were little I just took them in our neighborhood, if someone wanted to join us I just let them know what time we were starting and told them "be there or be square". If they were a no show, it would be no big deal because we were fine with or without others going with us.
Exactly why we tend to stick to our own neighborhood and tick or treat with whoever we "bump" into. Frankly, what you're describing sounds a little too "organized" for me. Have fun!
I'd go by myself with the kids, and carry a camera to take some cool pictures of the kids trick-o-reating together, and other awesome costumes. Too many people going together can be a crowd. I always went with my sisters, and we had fun.
Geez! That confuses me too. It would seem that this mother is not one to consider others. Perhaps she's just doing what she always does without consideration that there is a new girl involved. Or perhaps she isn't comfortable being around someone, you, she doesn't know.
I suggest, if you're going to need to interface with her again (play dates?) that you call and perhaps arrange to have coffee with her so that you can get to know each other. Or perhaps you will see her at school and you can say you were confused about the trick or treating. "Am I missing something?" sort of exchange. Mention that all the girls hang out at school.
I'm confused by your post. Are there 3 moms involved and you're taking Mom number 2's kids trick or treating because Mom # 3 cancelled?
After SWH: I understand now. so the daughters of mom #3 are not going trick or treating with your daughter and friend. At least your initial plans worked out sort of. I, too, feel puzzled by mom #3. Sounds to me that she was rude. Also that she doesn't understand how girls interact with each other. How disappointing for all of the girls.
I don't know how old your daughter is and you say you're in a new country - not sure if the "rules" are different there, but I would say in about Jr High School parents become obsolete as far as their involvement in plans.
I hate this - it gets to be stressful and it's just not necessary. My kids had some friends invite them to their neighborhood, but it's on a Monday and my husband doesn't get home until 6ish...so we are staying put. Anyone who wants to come with us is welcome to, but that's it. I am going to contact them today and tell them they are welcome to join us. If only your daughter was invited to their house, you tell them that you already have plans and she can't make it. Problem solved :).
Mom #3 is acting like a witch. Typically the kids talk & make plans, then check with the parents.....& the parents call each other to confirm.
Your child's plans all went "south" when Mom #3 bombed on the group. Be thankful that you didn't lose Mom #2 also!
Honestly, when the trick or treating become about getting together with a certain friend or friends outside of our neighborhood, it got out of control with my older DD, (3rd, 4th and 5th grade). I foolishly thought "the more the merrier." We didn't want to leave anyone out, as a small handful of more girls asked to join us, everyone was welcomed. Even though she initially invited just one pal, it became like a party. It seemed pretty obvious to me that some girls my DD thought were her friends only used her to to get to the company of other girls. Some girls that asked to come with us never before or since made any effort to get together with my DD. Clearly, everyone did not get along from the conversations I overheard from our basement family room as the girls sorted their candy. After that bad experience, we decided just to make it for our own girls and their cousins the next year. Much better. Now my older DD is not interested in trick or treat this year (unless she makes some last minute plans on her own), and DH would have taken my 4th grader, but she got asked to go with a friend in their neighborhood. We said OK to allowing her to go, but personally, I will never again be involved in inviting and coordinating like trick or treat is a party. If my younger DD wanted to take the initiative to invite one friend in future years, that would be OK with me. But no more than one. That's actually my philosophy on almost every one of my kid's social opportunities now, they can invite one friend only. The small group thing is always a huge drama. My yongest is not a plan ahead type of girl, and unless someone else asks her, she would be just fine going out for trick or treat with DH in our own neighborhood. Much less stressful to keep it simple, I have a lot of regrets about letting it get too big and out of control just because I couldn't politely set limits.
