How would you feel about your husband going out alone to a club with a single female "friend". How would he feel if the situation was reversed and you went out with a single male? Would it make a difference to either of you if the person was attractive? What is there was a history between the two people?
I wanted to get some responses befroe I explained the situation. My husband did this over the weekend and I thought it was wrong, He gave me this speech about no one in the world agreeing with me. Then he told my son about it the next day and tried to tell him that Dad went out with this woman to get soccer tickets! That just makes me want to throw up. We have had issues with him spending time with this woman before. I just wanted to see if I was being unreasonable, even though I felt very justified in being upset about this. I can't even go out to lunch with my best friend and she's a woman, so I sure don't understand how it is olay for him to go out drinking with a woman who always flirts and wears skimpy clothing.
Thanks ladies.
I'm old fashioned. In a group, it would be okay. Just the two of them, it's a date and inappropriate.
I guess the question is . . . do you guys have an open relationship. If not, bad idea. Suspicion of wrong doing is almost as bad as the deed itself. That situation would create suspicion and it would be difficult to ever lay it to rest.
Sounds like a date....and to me that is innapropriate. Attractiveness and a history are non issues.
not me.... no way........not either way.
No, no, no, and no way
Hell no. Bad idea. Asking for a world of trouble.
Doesn't matter what they look like, any one who would do that to their SO (significant other), in my opinion, is very selfish and undeserving of a relationship. That is a giant doorway to problems, whether or not he/she cheats. I wouldn't do it to any SO of mine and I wouldn't stay with an SO that would do it to me. In the Marines I have seen it sooo much and it never ends well.
And if there's a history then that is going to back fire when they are grinding to club music. I don't know any clubs that don't "booty dance" as the norm.
Inappropriate and disrespectful, to say the least. What the person looks like doesn't matter. There being history, would make it worse...and even more disgraceful.
Bad idea all the way around, history or not.
Blessings....
History or not its not ok with me. I tell my husband if you have to wonder what I would say about it, don't do it. I do the reversal and we ask ourselves, would it bother you? Clubs are a I don't think so in my house. A club with a single woman is a I know you didn't!
Would not like it one bit. Period!
Absolutely not. And trying to justify the situation is almost the same as actually doing it. Even seemingly harmless things will make it easier and easier to get closer to the edge, and soon enough it will result in falling over the edge. Not worth it. EVER.
I would feel very unhappy about it, and I really can't think of anything justifying going out to a club with a woman who was single, even if she is just a "friend." I guess being in a group would maybe be different, but if it was him and her alone, it would be very inappropriate. A club where there is alcohol and dancing and a typical place where people lose their inhibitions...I can't see any reason for it. It just seems like a bad idea, and I would not be okay with it if it were my husband.
With MY husband - it wouldn't bother me - as I know my husband and trust him. he's gone to places with my best friend of 35 years in the past - I don't have an issue. My husband knows ME and he wouldn't have a problem either.
I have gone out with my EX FIANCE in the past - my husband understood and knew what was going on. he knew that we were now FRIENDS getting together in a public place...it's not like we went to some hotel room and had gorilla sex.
However, if there is a trust issue - then you and your husband need to work out your trust problems and issues. If you want to make an issue out of it - do. Your husband married YOU. Do you think he's cheating? if so - why?
You need to have a frank discussion with him. The fact that he told your son he went to buy soccer tickets bothers me - especially if that was a lie. If he's not doing anything wrong - there should be no reason to lie.
You could be bold like me - meet the W. and friend her up. I did that with one of my ex-husband's daliance's....yeah - it was awkward at first - but hey - turned out to be good friends and I dumped my ex!! :)
Not appropriate - regardless of the situation.
LBC
is this a JFF question or are you serious?
If it is just the two of them, probably uncomfortable, but I would still trust him any how ... he is my man and I trust him to make good choices.
In my marriage, we carefully and clearly defined our boundaries at the beginning. We also have conversations regularly to confirm those boundaries. Our rules are that socializing with other men/women and admiring their bodies is just fine. Sexual contact is not. If either of us had a problem with these boundaries, either of us could re-open negotiations. We've been married 9 years and neither one of us has felt the need to re-negotiate. These boundaries work for us, and we trust each other to honor them. For us, this scenario would not be a problem, in any of its variations.
If a couple did *not* go through to work to clearly define boundaries, this scenario is asking for trouble. There are too many ways things could be misinterpreted and/or misunderstood.
Wouldn't bother either of us. We are secure in our relationship and have been 25 yrs.
We are in an industry where entertaining is a big part of it and it does not cross my mind. At the end of the day, we are together and in the same bed.
I understand that many women especially could not handle it and that is ok too. You have to do what is right for you and not worry about what others think.
I don't see myself as hubby's property and he is not my property. We are a team, we work together well, we are stable and solid in our relationship.
Neither one of us would do that. Not because the other says we can't, because we have too much respect for each other and our partnership. I don't mean that to be snotty, it's just the way it is. I made sure I married someone who wants the same things out of life that I do. That includes mutual respect and also wanting to spend free time together. We may do things apart, but going out clubbing is not one of them.
There is nothing good about that situation, period. If my husband thought it was ok to go to a club with a female friend, while myself and our children are at home, then he has no business being a part of our lives. If your husband is doing this, please don't look for reasons or advise to justify it. It's an easy HELL NO on this question.
The reason why anyone goes to a club is to have a good time, relax and show the fun and desirable side of you to the person you go with. If you can't do that or have no desire to do that with your spouse or SO then something is WRONG, history or not.
I seriously think your husband is cheating on you and that's why he gives you a hard time about going out with your girlfriend for lunch... If you really want your marriage, tell him to stop, if he ever goes out with the girl again, the marriage is over... if she's more important that your marriage is to him, then divorce him... and for the tickets, I would rip them up in his face...
I would leave him....
Either scenario is completely inappropriate.
I wouldn't have been nervous... but now I have reason to be w/ my husband. So... my answer is very different than it would have been. Not a good scenario. Get yourselves to counseling - fast.
It wouldn't happen on either end. There is no way. History or not. Neither myself or my husband is "going out" with a "friend" of the opposite sex period.
HUH?? First of all, my husband wouldn't even entertain the idea in his head, let alone follow through with it. Neither would I!
Why can't you go out to lunch w/ your friend??
