Guilty Feelings When Toddler Hurts Himself

Updated on May 06, 2011
J.R. asks from Washington, DC
13 answers

Dear Mommas,
My active happy 2 1/2 year old son scraped his chin somehow at the playground. He did not cry. We did not even notice it til after dinner....
I still feel guilty that he has a scrape and that I should have prevented it.... And I am scared I won't know how to care for it properly.

Anyone else ever feel similar? How does one deal with guilt or self criticism when it comes to your child?

Thanks as usual for your insightful advice.

Jilly

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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

Unless you plan to have him live his life in a bubble, these things are going to happen. The sooner you accept them as an inevitable part of a well-lived childhood, the better you will feel. It's just a scrape and it wasn't enough for him to even cry over. Keep it clean, put some antibiotic ointment on it, and he'll be fine. Quit beating yourself up over this. Teach your son to shake it off, rather than have a melt-down over every little boo-boo.

7 moms found this helpful

T.K.

answers from Dallas on

goofy girl! you could not have prevented a scrape on the playground, nor should you! Bumps, scrapes, bruises, are all necessary parts of a little boys development! He didn't even cry. The more of a big deal you make out of it, the more of a big deal it will be to him. You be the strong, reassuring one. Don't be one of those moms. You will make him afraid of his own shadow. Don't react everytime he falls or trips. Tell him in a calm stern voice, get up, shake it off, are you bleeding? Can you wiggle it? good, now go play! No guilt on this and that's an order! Put some neosporin on it, tell him how proud you are of your tough little guy and let it go.

6 moms found this helpful
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F.W.

answers from Cumberland on

This will the first of many--wait till the first broken bone...

5 moms found this helpful
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B.C.

answers from Phoenix on

Not sure why you would feel guilty. You didn't do anything wrong, kids fall all of the time. No biggie and since he didn't even cry, it's espeically no big deal. Save your worries for the real big stuff. The care is easy, just leave it alone unless it is infected. You can always put neosporin on it if you want.

5 moms found this helpful
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P.M.

answers from Portland on

Jilly, you CAN NOT prevent every owie, scrape, gouge, bruise and cut your little guy will encounter. It is not physically possible, even if you hover over him every moment. Bodies are designed to heal, because they will need to.

If you protect your son too much, you will cripple his life. He will become unable to think or evaluate situations for himself, to understand the limits of his own physical surroundings and ability, or to deal with pain. His immune system actually needs to be challenged from time to time by a variety of germs so it can identify them, create anitbodies, and protect him in the future. In fact, kids who are raised in surroundings that are too clean may never develop a proper immune response, and the idle immune system can't learn friend from foe. Those children have a much higher likelihood of developing asthma and other auto-immune diseases later on, and those illnesses can be disabling in the worst of circumstances.

It's really hard to watch our tender and perfect babies get hurt. But it happens. I'd almost be willing to say, it MUST happen. Take reasonable precautions, and know you're doing the best you can.

5 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

ya know what?
It will happen, again.
He's a boy.
He's a Toddler.
Boys are very physical.
They play.
They fall.
They get hurt and scraped and bruised.
Can't always be avoided.
Even if you are right there.
It cannot always be prevented.
They would fall, even if they lived in a padded bubble.

He didn't cry.
He's fine.
Its fine.

4 moms found this helpful

T.L.

answers from St. Louis on

Kids are going to get hurt. You can't ALWAYS be there to catch them. This is how they learn to be careful.

With the scrape being so close to his face I would keep a close eye on it, but a band-aid and neoprorn (sp) should be just fine.

4 moms found this helpful

E.D.

answers from Seattle on

Little ones get scraped, bumped, and bruised.

In my mind, that's actually a good thing. They learn how to fall down, shake it off, and get back up again.

4 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

No tears, no problem.

3 moms found this helpful

K.M.

answers from Chicago on

We do not EVER make a big fuss over ANY injury my son has if I saw it or could have stopped it or not. I do not want my son to make a big issue over a simple fall at the park or anything like that in general. When my son falls or gets hurt I ask him if all is well and we move on. If he needs some extra comfort then I give him what he asks for. So, no I do not ever feel guilty over my son's injuries. Now if we were in a car accident or I put him in a position where I KNEW he could be severely injured and it happened then guilt would be involved.

Plus ... Chicks dig scars!! Look at Heidi Klum one of the worlds most attractive and allureing women and her amazingly hot husband Seal! Point made.

3 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Hartford on

Let the guilt go. It's such a tiny, unimportant injury. Kids fall, they get hurt, and he didn't even notice it himself. It sounds like it's affecting you horribly while it's barely a blip on his radar. Take your cues from your son and realize that this isn't a big enough deal to feel guilty over. Wait until he gets a really serious injury where he breaks bones or needs stitches or eats a poisonous plant and needs to get his stomach pumped before you feel guilty.

2 moms found this helpful

H.G.

answers from Dallas on

O yes!! I remember when my son was little he was behind me and I had grocery bags and didn't see him. I turned and knocked that baby into the doorfacing bruising his cheek. I wanted to die! Things happen mama! Just give lots of hugs and kisses and tylenol as needed!

1 mom found this helpful

L.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Totally know how you feel! I've had boatloads of guilt related to my kids. What finally got me over it was realizing that I'm a normal mom who makes mistakes, just like the next mom. And that God's grace is enough for every mistake, even the big ones.
These ladies are right - mommy guilt does make our kids self-focused and absorbed. I would suggest getting with some other moms who you've noticed aren't bothered by guilt. It really helps - I learned a healthy perspective from others.
God bless you! It's very evident that you love your little boy a whole bunch. You're a great mom!

1 mom found this helpful
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