3 Yo Over-reacting to "Injury

This sounds like a phase both of my boys went through at that age. I just bought a box of cheap band-aids and would just say 'hurt again, huh. go get a band-aid.' Didn't make a big fuss and the phase ended after about 2 weeks.

Good luck.
P.

There seems to be a good mix of advice posted already--I would just add my two cents from a conversation my husband and I had the other day. I have a 10yr old stepdaughter, and sons 5 and 2. When my stepdaughter was little, her mom and my husband's family were always telling her to be tough, she was their "little soldier,"--the idea was not to rush in if she fell or got hurt, just wait and see if she was hurt--they would say,"stop your fake crying." So, today, she is tough--but she is not compassionate, and not remorseful when she hurts others, accidentally or not. When we had our first son, we had a new policy--no hurt is too small for a little acknowledgement and sympathy "oh, that's too bad" or "that must have hurt", a kiss from mommy or daddy or a hug, or whatever is needed according to the injury. My sons want sympathy when they need it and usually if they fall or get hurt they jump up and say "I'm okay!." And they are both compassionate to each other and remorseful when they hurt others. My stepdaughter is having to re-learn how to be compassionate and remorseful, and it is not easy to teach her.

D.,

I have 2 kids-6 and 10 (girl and boy). I'd say if it is the same arm in the same place, you should go see a doc. It could be a sparin or fracture. Try movinf him arm in various positions and squeeze (gently) along the arm to see if there is any pain.
With my kids I try to stay very calm and nuetral when they hurt themselves. I usually wait to see their reaction to a fall, scrape, or bonk. I don't ignore them, but wait to see if they will ride it outand keep playing or melt into a puddle of tears. If it does come to blood and/or tears I will nuetrally attend to the wound, maybe offer a little cuddle (but I don't get all feaked out and gushy)and then be done. If it is an injury that continues to hurt, like a scrape or burn I will tell them that beyond first aid, there is nothing else I can do for them, I am sorry they are hurting, say "yeah, I hate when I have scrapes too", and perhaps try to get them distracted with a toy or game or something. I try not to say "tough it out" or accuse them of faking it, but they certainly don't get all sorts of special fun attention from me. So far I haven't had the overly dramatized injuries. Sometimes if they continue to whine about it I'll suggest that maybe we make a doctor's appt. That usually stops the complaining!

Have you taken him to the doctor? I think when a kid wakes up in th middle of the night, there's a good chance he's really hurt... Or he might just enjoy the attention. Either way, you'd never forgive yourself if something was really wrong and you didn't check it out.

Is it always the same arm? My daughter has a sub-luxating elbow that hurts her whenever it gets hit or twisted a certain way. The first time it happened she was 5 months old and I heard a "pop." It lasts 12-24 hours then she is fine again. The doctors say she will grow out of it. (She is 3 and it is happening less frequently.) If he really is waking up through the night about it, it's probably real. Give him some Tyelenol and put the arm in a little sling if that helps.

Have you had your son's arm x-rayed? It could be that he has an injury that only hurts when he moves his arm a certain way. That is what happened to my little boy and he indeed had a fracture and was in a cast for weeks. Always good to rule out physical, before behavioral.

Ok first of all. Rule it out he can be faking it. Ive experienced excruciating pain just by a 15 MPH rear ender. You wouldnt think it wouldnt hurt badly and put you into physical therapy for months but, It did.

So take him to the doctors. He could of pulled a tenden or such and done damage. The doc will rule out fake or not..

If its fake then tell him when he pitches a fit about his "hurt" that you love him and all but the doctor said you are fine and just ignore him.

IF it doesnt get any better maybe he has psychological issues that you may not know about WHICH you can talk to your doctor about if he rules out fakery.. Good Luck

You know, D., if you think he is faking, it may be his way of getting attention. If that is the case, you need to give him more in other ways. If he see's that you are seriously interested in what he has to tell you, he will feel so much more secure and won't be looking for ways to get your attention. They love to have you fix boo boos and if you overplay the nurse thing, he will love it. It doesn't mean it will turn this into a big charade, he will see that you are there for him and not be so quick to tell you about every little boo boo. Usually by the time we "fix" them all up, they are over it.

Hi D.,

Is it always the same arm? I'm also thinking it could be either a phase, or it really could be something wrong with his arm.

When my oldest was in 3rd grade, she fractured her wrist. She had fallen on the same hand twice in as many days, and she said it really didn't hurt her. But, it was swollen, so I took her in and had her X-rayed. They told us it was just sprained and gave us the "usual" rundown for a sprain. It stayed swollen and it started getting more painful(she kept using it like normals), and coincidentally, almost a week after the X-rays, a doctor called us and told us that they had read her films wrong at the visit, and that her wrist was actually fractured and needed a cast.

So, mild pain, or even recurring pain can be a sign that something really is wrong, and you wouldn't know unless you take him in.

Now, that being said, both of my girls were/are(my 9 yr. old is still a bit...) huge hypochondriacs when they were little. The oldest was so bad when she was litle that we went through band-aids faster than tp. Once, she got a favorite band-aid on her arm, and wouldn't let me take it off her. It stayed on so long, that I finally had to take it off because it caused a sore and stink(guess which I noticed first?).

My youngest, everytime she bumped or scratched something(and we have cats--that happens soooo often!), she thought she was going to bleed any second, and requested a band-aid whether she was actually bleeding or not. To this day, she will still go on a bit about certain "boo-boos" and ask if I think she needs a band-aid or if she can have one. When she was about 5, I started asking her if she needed to go to the hospital lol. She HATED/s medicine, and that made her stop the drama really fast! The band-aid requests became fewer and farther between.

So, if it's the same arm, take him in and get it looked at, but if he's just hamming it up for attention, maybe get him a Fisher Price doctor kit and doctor it(arm) up a bit(listen to his heart and tummy and look into his ears too lol!), slap a band-aid on it(make sure not to leave it on more than a day or so!), and give him a big, wet, smoochy kiss.

The phase will pass sooner or later. Maybe not all the way lol, but it *will* get better. :o)

Best of luck. :o)

K. W

I would take him in to see a doctor. He might have injured himself in one of the other 2 times and it got aggravated by playing or moving a certain way. It's possible that after a night of sleep it doesn't hurt because it's relaxed after sleep. Anyway just to make sure it's ok. My children would play like they hurt themselves by turning over their trike and fake cry, but if he wakes up at night and wants a ice pack he really might be in pain.

Give your son some special time just you and him. Maybe he needs a lil extra attention these days. Yes, I do believe its a phase though. My daughter went through it around 3 1/2. She had a minor surgery on her foot and I gave her the first few days to be exceptionally cranky and babyish. Well, it took over a week for her to even get up off the couch. it was going on the second week and she still wouldn't walk on her own, she would do some crawling. It was coming time for the State fair and she wanted to go and so I said if you can walk then you can go-the girl jumped up off the couch and walked around like there was no tomorrow. I was so mad!! It was really cute though. Wait it out, I think he will stop soon. Good luck and God Bless!

For one, he's 3 yrs old. He sounds like he's needing some special attention.

About the same age my son started acting as hypohondriac too. He got attached to band-aids and he started asking for band-aids even for the door's scratches. I used the opportunity to introduce him to some simple anatomy and it worked great. He knows about his body and how the body parts work more than an adult. He loves to go to the doctor's office and he will take anything there. Back then I used the "magic kisses" for most of the "injuries" and later introduce him to the "magic" tea (chamomile) and the "magic" medication (honey). Along with that he eats good healthy foods because he knows what the junk food do to our body. He knows things like meat is protein and his body needs it to build his muscles, so he can be strong. Carrots, so he can have good eyes. Calcium for the bones and teeth. Broccoli, so he can run fast. Well, like every 4 year old he likes sugar but he will ask for a candy only after he gets a good healthy breakfast. He will refuse a loli-pop from grand-ma because he didn't have his lunch. Just take the advantage of the situation and teach him how to deal with pain. We also did set up 2 min time for wining or crying, I just told him that this is how long you have to do it and now he does it even when he really hurts and than he can chose his own "medication". Good luck!

My oldest went through this phase, too. I would calmly ask if he was "bruised, bleeding, or broken" and unless there was an actual injury over and above a "boo boo" I would grin at my son and tell him to "shake it off" while I shook my whole body as an example. If he kept up the hystrionics after my silliness, I'd just turn away and would keep doing whatever it was I was doing.

This helped curb the inner drama king in my little guy, but the biggest thing that helped was peer pressure. At around 3.5 years old he started getting really interested in his peers and did NOT want the other kids thinking he was a "baby."

I think I would have the doctor check it out, my little sister had her arm pulled and so bad that it was out of the socket, so stuff can happen.
But, if it turns out that nothing was wrong and he is "playing" you guys do what I do.
I have a 4 yr old nephew who cries to his mom for everything, and I mean everything. Why, because when he does she smoothers him with hugs and kisses and attention, and it takes away from his younger brother. He knows this too, and I mean it goes on all day long, it drives me crazy, because quite honestly he looks like a 6 yr old and when he cries and acts that way it looks really bad.
But when he stays with me, well it is a different story. He tried it once and I didn't play the game, I asked him if he was bleeding, he said no, through the drama king tears, then I said, is the bone sticking out? He said, no, then I said, suck it up and get back in the game!!! A few times of doing that and he doesn't play it with me.
His little brother is just the opposite, he gets hurt cries for a second and will say, the bones not sticking out! He has even said stuff to me when I have walked 5 miles and my old body is a bit sore, he will say, are you bleeding? Bone stickin out? Then suck it up!! Toushee (sp)!
So hang in there mom, boys are fun, just tell him to tough it up. :)

It could also be something called "nursemaid's elbow". Does he stop using the bad arm? My 3 year old has had this 3 times (some are just prone to it) and 2 times we went to the doctor but the condition resolved itself literally just before the doctor walked into the room and the 3rd time it resolved at home. It's a dislocation of a bone in the elbow, and there is an easy method to pop it back in (we've now learned that and won't go to the doctor anymore). Once it's back in it doesn't hurt anymore. Google the term and see if it fits at all. And again, with my son, it popped back in 3 times without anyone touching it.

My son just finished this stage - he is turning 3 in July. He would sometimes even sit up on his bed at bedtime and when I wasn't in his room, yell "ouie!" over and over. I finally checked out every "wound" quickly and when he was "faking" it for attention, I told him he was fine and that if it still hurt in the morning, we would look at it again...that never happened and now he is over it. It only took 2-3 weeks of that for those "ouie"'s to go away. Good luck! I think we as moms worry so much that we respond with loving attention to every little injury because we want them to know we care and are there for them - this part backfires when they are 3 =)

I'd make sure first that he really isn't hurting physically. It may be that the original injury hasn't healed completely and so something like reaching for a puzzle could indeed hurt. You could test this out by massaging on his arm to see if he has a pain response to any spots, or asking him to move his arm in different ways, or holding something out that he wants and watch how he reaches for it. Or there may be some underlying physical issue that a visit to the doctor could rule out, but I'd trust your instincts on that.

If you're sure he isn't actually hurting but is rather using this as a way of getting attention, I'd make sure that you give him plenty of quality attention when he's not using pain behaviors to try to seek it (both when he's just playing on his own and also especially when he asks for your attention in a clear direct way). You could also talk with him about it directly, without accusing him, just letting him know that you understand that he wants your attention, and that he doesn't need to hurt himself to get it, and that you would like him to ask directly (and then of course be sure that you do give him your attention when he does). If he wails, you could just say, would you like my attention? I'd be happy to play with you, you don't need to cry, you can just ask, and then help him practice asking clearly.

I think it's important not to think of him as manipulating you but rather to realize that this is a creative strategy he has learned to get attention, not because he's manipulative, but maybe just because the first time his arm hurt he had a really nice sweet loving experience, and so it is natural for him to want to seek to reexperience that feeling, and he has discovered that crying about an arm hurting brings your attention. Since he has learned this, he can now easily unlearn it, and you have the opportunity (which will serve him well for his whole life!) to learn some better, more clear & direct ways of expressing his needs and getting them met.

I wouldn't try to talk him out of it or get him to take it less seriously - because it is serious, or he wouldn't be doing it - that is, he does have a serious need, he's just expressing it in a way that isn't clear and direct, and you can help him change that.

testing you to see where the limits are and vyeing for attention....yes, its a phase. but only done because he gets something for it..... extra attention from you or dad or something. sounds like he is looking for time with you or an acknowledgement from you of some sort.

There might actually be something else going on here. Have you tried taking him in to be seen by a doctor? I had horrible pains in my legs when I was young. They came and went. Back then the doctor said it was "growing pains". Now they think it's some kind of neuralgia. Anyway just a thought.