My son went to Preschool with a little boy and they became good friends. My son is 5 and my dd is 4. This little boy is 4 going to be 5 and is 6 months in between my 2 kids. So he plays with both and gets along great with both of my kids. He has a sibling who just turned 1 and is 8 months older then my baby.
So the mom just got a job and is looking for daycare. I referred her to my very dear friend who was our babysitter when I worked and trust her highly with my kids. Well I threw out the sentence "If it doesn't work, let me know, and I should be able to help you out". Kind of one of those things you say just to say but didn't really fully mean it. Well, the lady jumped at the offer and said she would love to use me as a provider and was almost in tears over my offer. I told her I had to check with my friend first b/c the 2 had already been talking about care and I just felt it was respectful thing to do. I didn't want to "steal" work from my friend. That wasn't my intentions. I am now excited to help this lady out and since we know the kids get along well (were great friends all preschool and no issues there, plus we get together every other week as of now for an hour or so play date) I am looking forward to this new adventure.
But even though my friend said she didn't care that I was going to watch them instead of her, I just feel guilty and bad. I don't want to keep bringing it up to her with the "are you sure its ok that I am watching it instead of you" but I just feel the awful guilt in my stomach. I feel like I did steal her work.
What do you think? Just get over it since she said it was fine.. or continue to push to make sure she isn't mad that I am not watching these kids instead of her?
And to add I also feel bad b/c she is an actual provider and does childcare for a living. I am just a SAHM and was being nice and trying to help out. It isn't like I need the money... was just doing it to be nice. Where as my friend is a provider and could use the $.
Thanks!
I always have kids friends at my house so I am not too concerned about having 2 more around. Plus my oldest will be in kindergarten all day, everyday, and my 4 yr old and her 4 yr old will be in preschool 3 days a week in the mornings. So it will only be my youngest and her baby in the mornings and 3 kids in the afternoon till 4 when my son gets home.
The decision is ultimately up to the mom of who watches her kid. She chose you--be flattered.
It really doesnt sound like the babysitter cares, so I would just let it go. She can advertise and find another person. Just keep passing her name along when you hear about somebody needing childcare.
how can you 'steal' work that she never had in the first place? i say let it go that it's not a big deal......this will be a big responsibility for you taking on two additional kids on top of your 3, so your friend that does childcare may get a job in the future if things get to be too much for you.
Women have such a hard time with this. She is running a business. Sometimes you get business and sometimes you don't. There are a lot of people on earth who are looking for childcare, believe me, she will find people. Throw your guilt out the door. And unless you are a millionaire or related to the Hiltons, we all need the money for some little thing even if there is plenty of it, you just never know.
Lesson learned... don't say things you don't mean.
You shouldn't have made the offer if you weren't prepared to follow-through. There isn't much you can do about it now except to be more conscious in the future.
Don't bring it up anymore and if it becomes too much to care for the two other children, make sure that your friend is the referral you make. In fact... in a couple of months you may want to make that very suggestion. Having kids over to play is very different than having primary responsibility for two more children in your home EVERY day.
Sounds like bottom line is that you want to watch the kids, so there's really not an issue. There is no law saying your daycare friend has to watch ALL kids who ever need care. Try to remain a good friend and hopefully it won't ruin friendships.
The woman gets to choose whomever she wants to care for her children. And obviously she prefers you. Your friend sounds fine with it, as she should be.
Don't feel guilty.
Are you typically a worry-wart??!! LOL-I'm so kidding! No seriously though its no different that you shopping around for the best deal. Do you feel bad when you go to a car dealership and end up buying another car from another competitor of theirs because it was a better deal?? You shouldn't because business is business and when it comes to your money you should look for the best deal and not worry about hurting someone elses feelings.
Your friend made the decision to use you instead of your other friend. You are playing into your emotions too much. This is business-and business is business and emotions shouldn't be involved with that. Just like wanting to buy a house. You see it and fall in love with it but the price is more than you can aford so you ask if they will go lower. If they don't you are tempted to spend the extra money you cannot afford because at this point you have invested into your emotions with the home. You have to learn to walk away....if its not what is set in the budget or plans and they are not willing to budge then you should move on but alot of people have a hard time doing so because they involve their emotions......you haven't done anything wrong and your friend seems to be okay with it and knows it was the other mom's decision to use you and if she did have a problem with it I would say she is being childish. Business is business and sometimes it comes off as being cold-hearted but you are better off if you don't involve your emotions with this kind of stuff.
Doesn't sound like the woman was all that interested in your friend to begin with, or she wouldn't have jumped at your offer. Maybe you had good intuition about this since you offered yourself as a back-up plan, saying, "If it doesn't work out..." Maybe you had a sense, either on your own about them not being a good match, or in the vibes from one or both of them? As long as the woman knows that you are not a licensed provider, and as long as your provider friend knows that you recommended her but the woman didn't take her up on it, you should be off the hook. The provider needs to find her own business and it was nice of you to make the referral.
I understand the guilt thing...if there's something to feel guilty about, I find it! That being said, it sounds to me that you have NOTHING to feel bad about. You didn't steal work from your friend. If this woman had gone to your friend and made arrangements with her AND THEN you made your offer, that would be stealing work from her. This is a woman who knows you, knows your kids and feels most comfortable with you...she made the decision. You can help your friend out by continuuing to recommend her to others, but you've done nothing wrong.
