Grandma and Grandpa Not Speaking

It's much, much better that they hear it from you and your husband than from anyone else - including Grandma and Grandpa.

Undoubtedly your children already know something about divorce from being around friends and neighbors. You'll just have to tell them straight out that - like Billy's parents and Jenny's parents and the neighbors on the next block - they have decided to divorce and stop being married. (Since they are "already into other people," as you write, it seems divorce is more than just a possibility.)

Anticipate their questions. In fact, encourage them to ask questions - questions not only when you tell them but questions any time down the road. This could be a good teaching opportunity. (Be aware that one question might be, "Are you and Daddy going to get a divorce?")

If they happen to say, "Why didn't you tell us about this when it started?" you can say, "This whole thing has made me so sad and confused that it has taken me a while to be able to talk about it, to you or to anybody. It can be hard to talk about a thing that makes a person so sad." That's something they need to learn anyway.

They may look to you all for a lead in what to say to Grandma and to Grandpa when they're with them. What will you answer?

Lying to kids is a pet peeve of mine. Just what do you think you are protecting them from? It's not your marriage. You have no control. It's life. Tell them the truth.

Since Grandma is setting out pictures of her significant other and wants to tell your children the truth, and your children are old enough to understand at 8 and 10, ask Grandma if she wants to tell them or have you do it.

If she gives you the go-ahead be straight-forward and say that Grandma and Grandpa have decided not to live together (hold off on divorce until it is definite) anymore and that is why he was not at their home when they stayed over and why she isn't going to be at his party. Let them know if they have questions to ask you or their grandparents.

What are you waiting for? A miracle reconciliation? Sounds to me like it isn't going to happen!! Children are so intuitive, trust me, they already know that something is going on. By not telling them the truth you are giving this a lot more weight that it would have if you just handled it matter of factly and let them know that Grandma and Grandpa will love them FOREVER but they aren't going to be living together anymore. It sounds to me like Grandma and Grandpa have already moved on and like your husband is the one having the trouble dealing with it. I vote for having a family meeting and telling your children the basics of what is happening, listen to them and answer any questions they have. After that, move on with your life and let Grandma and Grandpa move on with theirs.

You might not be ready, but they are (grand parents). This didnt happen overnight I am sure. You must have gotten a whiff of it earlier. It was time to tell or hint to the kids of a possible big change. Kids are not, well lets say, dumb. I hate to use that. They are very sensitive to changes in behavior and patterns. I am sure they already knew something was going on if they spend significant time with their grandparents. Its time to just tell them, Grandpa and Grandma have to live separately.

My mom passed away when my oldest was only 9 months. She doesnt get that the woman in my dads life now, is NOT her blood grandma. She just calls her grandma, when every other grand child calls her Sharon. My siblings are just livid. They think my dad has no right to living a life outside of worshiping my mother. They refuse to let any of their kids call her as such. She's been with my dad, and living there over 4 years. Its just hard to not see people that close to you, not being who they once were.

Be honest and straight forward. Kids get it, depends how old. IF they are very young, then they wont even understand or care after some time. They will question it for a while and then they adapt. If they are older, it might take a little getting used to, but they will. Its just going to feel strange for the first months or so. Think about how much happier the Grandparents will be, not trying to make it work, for everyone else any more.