Good Touch/Bad Touch

Updated on July 27, 2010
S.C. asks from Bowling Green, OH
7 answers

My daughter is 3 and will be starting preschool in the fall. It's time for the good touch/bad touch talk, but I'm not sure how to go about it. She still needs help wiping if she has a bowl movement, so just saying "Nobody can touch you but you, Mommy, Daddy or doctor" doesn't quite cut it. We have a lot of family and friends that are always volunteering to keep her overnight or even for just a few hours. I don't want her to be afraid to ask if she needs help wiping, but I don't want her to think it's ok for anybody and everybody to be helping her. So, what do I say? Tell her that it's not ok for strangers to touch her? I've tried and tried to think of a good way to even bring the subject up. She's only 3 so I don't know how much she'll even retain.

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J.O.

answers from Chicago on

With my kids I have told that nurses and teachers at school can help them too. HOwever no one she ever touch them where their bathing suits cover them unless they are in the potty room and need help wiping or in the doctors office> Just remind that that those are her privates and she should keep them private it bring up in every day conversation over and over again . Gentle reminders are all it takes to keep the kids safe. I would also help her less in the bathroom but tell more specifically how to wipe better. Good Luck.
J.

2 moms found this helpful
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C.J.

answers from Dallas on

With my kiddos, I never had a sit down, but more of a running dialouge. Usually very conversational in nature and usually when we are using the potty.
We typically talk about how big they are, but it is important to make sure you are clean and that it is ok for teachers, mommy daddy to help (not touch you, but help you wipe). We also have had to consistently talk about privacy and modesty (with two boys who love to be naked, this has been a daily conversation I weave in anywhere I can without sounding weird!)
If you send her overnight, explain to her that if she needs help wiping just ask XX (person you trust and have already explained the situation to).
Keep it light and more instructional. That has been a huge help to keep our children aware, but not freaked out.

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V.A.

answers from Orlando on

Hello Shaun,

I'm a Pre-K teacher and both schools that I have worked for would not allow us to help the child if needed. A lot of times I would talk them through the door if necessary, but after they get used to the idea they do pretty good. Now i would aks the daycare what there policy is on this. If a child really needed help them we would call our school nurse and she would help them clean and even change if necessary. i would keep practicing with her and like Christy said, keep the conversation casual. You don't want her to be afraid to ask for help if she needs it. At that age we might think that she is not retaining the information, but she is. Just explain to her in simple form who should help her and who should NOT. Good luck!

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E.

answers from Dayton on

The police department taught the teachers in the preschool I teach in that more than the specific body parts and who touches them to use the terminology of behaviors or actions that give kids an "UH OH" feeling. This can cover everything from bad touches to peer pressure to handling guns, etc. We teach them that when something gives them the UH OH feeling, they 1. say no 2. get away and 3. tell someone. We also use tell them that their "privates" are the parts a bathing suit covers and they are call privates because we keep them to ourselves only.

Bad touches and Stranger Danger are two ofthe hardest lessons to teach, unfortunately, because there are just so many variables and circumstances. I hope it all goes smoothly for you.

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D.T.

answers from Muncie on

My little girl is nearly 4 and since day one I've talked to her about her "Lady Parts". How they are hers and no one, not even mommy, is allowed to touch there unless she says it's alright. The other day she had a bit of rawness there, mostly do to being 4 and not wiping as well as she should. So I asked her if she wanted me to look at it and put medicine on it. I've always asked first, this time while I was checking it hurt her a bit and she told me to stop. I respected her request and stopped, though I did tell her I'd need to go back if she wanted the medicine. After a while we finally got her medicine on and she was off again without a care.

Something like this might help you, give her to the power to say "no".

Good luck.

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T.G.

answers from St. Louis on

In our schools, children are not allowed to start unless they can handle going to the bathroom AND wiping themselves without help.

With that being said, you can go to your local bookstore and there is a huge selection of age appropriate books you can sit and read to your child. Like other moms, I also use the "anything under your bathing suit" rule.

T.S.

answers from Denver on

Great book: "A Very Touching Book: for little people and for big people" by Jan Hindman

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