Going Crazy

Updated on December 15, 2008
E.K. asks from Kalispell, MT
11 answers

When I read the requests and responses on Mamasource you all seem like such great moms -- totally in love with your husbands and just living in complete mothering bliss. I would just like to know if any of you have ever felt so overwhelmed you thought you were going crazy and were about to lose your mind? I am so tired of my two toddlers fighting, being mean to me and not listening. I am losing the battle with them and feel that I am raising little pills. They act differently in public, of course. Can ANY of you perfect moms send me some words of encouragement and advice about how to handle the negative feelings?

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K.D.

answers from Denver on

Mom always gets the brunt of stuff. I know my little "angels" are anything but. I'm blessed with a very supportive husband, but trust me, when he's out of town, I contemplate many things. My shower is often my only sanity of the day, and even then it's often with interruption. Hang in there. As they get older it will be easier. You're not alone! Get a babysitter, and when she says how good the kids were, you'll feel better, even though you'll wonder who's kids she had. :)

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K.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

You're not alone. I feel like divorcing my husband and putting my kids up for adoption on a daily basis -they can be sooo infuriating! Nobody's perfect, and raising kids is the toughest job on earth. All we can do is our best and take it day by day. The fact that your kids are behaving in public shows they know the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior, so you're teaching them well. I'm told all the time how wonderful my kids are and I'm always surprised to hear it since they're so naughty at home. It's so hard, but keep doing what you're doing and you're kids are going to be just fine. And yes, we've all felt overwhelmed at times, but remember, there are also times of pure perfect joy and love for your husband and kids. Hang in there!

2 moms found this helpful
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B.W.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I sooo understand how you feel! I am 35 weeks pregnant and my 2 yr old drives me to tears almost daily lately! Motherhood and wifehood is really tough, and I think being a stay at home mom is really hard because you can't see the impact you are making on your kids each day. It just feels like you wake up to the same battles every day!! Try to find the joy in each day and feel grateful that you are able to stay home with them. I know it's so hard!

Where do you live? I'd love to hang out and vent and let our kids play if you're in the Salt Lake area!!

1 mom found this helpful
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R.T.

answers from Provo on

First of all, no one is perfect. Second, I'm sure the every single one of us feels like we're going to go crazy with our kids at one point. I'm pretty sure anyone who says they have never felt that way is lying. Motherhood just plain isn't easy.
First, I'm sure you're doing great, especially if they know how to behave well in public. Toddlers that close in age are bound to bicker with one another... its part of growing up and having siblings.
Second, go do something for you... as frequently as you need to. Leave the kids with your husband or get a babysitter and go shopping, go see a movie, go get a medicure or a facial, go to lunch with girlfriends, go away for the weekend. Do something for you. It'll refresh you and give you a chance to miss your kiddos a little.
I think thats all I can tell you now... keep your chin up... I'm sure you're an amazing mommy. =)

1 mom found this helpful
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P.D.

answers from Denver on

Oh Sweetie, we all struggle at times! It's so normal. If you are really feeling overwhelmed, it may help you to take a parenting class, such as 'Love and Logic' as it can give you some set direction and confidence. If you can't afford their seminars or just want to do things at your own pace, there are lots of great parenting books out there, too. We went through 'Growing Kids God's Way' when our older two were toddlers, and I couldn't believe how much it helped to be with other parents of young kids, see how universal certain struggles are, and to get a sense of direction in parenting. My confidence soared! Now if I could find a class on raising teens... ;^)

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S.B.

answers from Denver on

Dear E.,
I agree with Patti - Love and Logic is a wonderful program and more of us could have used the help when our kids were little! Don't worry about needing help - we weren't born knowing how to parent! find a class at your church, at the rec center or the community center.

More importantly, remember that you are the adult and you can wait them out! You will overcome the problems, because you can find the resources and work out the issues - they're just little kids and you don't have to let them overwhelm you. In fact, remembering this will help you raise better adjusted kids, because kids do better in structured, well-planned environments. So find the book or class you needs, and take control back of your life.

take care, S.

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J.H.

answers from Billings on

I am right there with you some days. I think we all wonder if we are raising our children correctly. It is a learning game for all of us. The problem is, you never know if you did something right until much later. Just do the best you can. Set clear boundaries, and be consistant. I know that is hard sometimes, and I am not always able to do that even though I know it's what I should do. Parenting is hard! It is not blissful all the time (sometimes NONE of the time!!). Being a mom is the hardest job I have ever done, by far. Nobody told me that before I became a mom. I have a lot of days where I feel like I am doing everything wrong...it helps to talk to other moms, family members, or friends with kids similar ages to mine. You would be surprised at how many people feel t he way you do. Hang in there! I bet you are a great mom.

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K.P.

answers from Boise on

Ok, I don't know where you got the idea that any of us are "perfect" moms. We all go nuts from time to time and have the same gripes that you do. That is why we connect here. What do you mean when you say they are being "mean" to you? You are the parent, and if they are truly being mean by doing things such as hitting you, biting you, etc., then you have to put a stop to it. It will most likely require your husband to step in at the moment it is happening and use his deep, stern voice when he tells them not to hit HIS WIFE. I'm not sure why, but when it is put that way instead of "Don't hit your mother," it is more effective. I think it could be that your husband letting the kids know that you are HIS, gets it out of the kids mind that you are THEIRS and they can do whatever they want to you. We all get frustrated at our husbands and kids, and we are not all living in complete mothering bliss. Unless you call breaking up fights, struggling to get the kids dressed every day, making sure they've eaten, brushed their teeth, making sure they do their homework, giving them a bath, making sure they eat again, brush their teeth again, get PJs on, breaking up yet another argument, and getting laundry done, dishes done and toilets cleaned, mothering bliss. But, that's what we signed up for, so we need to make the BEST of it. For example, the other night when my husband came home, I was frazzled from doing most of what was on my previous list, the kids were arguing over toys, plus I had to wrap all the Christmas presents to send to my folks. I was not in a real great mood. All it took to get me back to my sweet self was to hug my kids and my husband. Then my husband went a grabbed a beer for himself and me. I'm not a wine drinker, so a beer was good to calm my nerves. If you're an alcoholic, I don't suggest you do that. What I'm saying is, your husband has to be on your side when you are having a tough time with the kids or whatever it is, and vice versa. If you notice your husband is in a mood, don't make it worse by nagging him or seeing if you can be in a worse mood than him. Grab him a beer, hug him tight, or do something nice for him to break the tension. When both parents are happy and on the same side, it makes it easier to handle the day to day stuff, like breaking up arguments. You both have to be in agreement with how the kids are disciplined too, or it won't work when you are home with the kids alone. You can't be a weak mom. If the kids see you are weak and you don't follow through with what you say, they will take over the household when Dad isn't home. They are still young enough for you to get a handle on this. Be consistent, and mean what you say. Don't tell the kids they better stop doing whatever it is without a consequence if they don't. Separate them when they are getting out of control with each other. You have to teach them how to treat each other so that they will not become bullies to other children. Involve your husband as much as possible when you need to discipline or get them to stop fighting. If they see you dealing with them together (you and your husband) they will learn that you mean business, and you will not be disrespected. After a while it becomes second nature for your husband to speak up when chaos is going on. Just last night, I told my 6 yr old boy that we needed to get his homework done and then he would be getting in the bath. My husband was standing in the kitchen with us at the time and my sweet little boy said, "No." My husband turned around and asked, "What did you say?" Our son decided he didn't want to go down that path, so he went and got his homework, then had a bath after his Dad made him apologize for being disrespectful to me. I actually almost saw a glow over my husband's head. Being a wife and a mother takes hard work, and you have to keep it up daily, or it falls apart.

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R.M.

answers from Denver on

DON'T YOU KNOW THAT ALL MOMS ARE GREAT ACTRESSES.
WE ACT LIKE OUR KIDS COULD DO NO HARM AND NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT GOES ON AT HOME RIGHT?
WE ARE ALL LEARNING WITH EACH NEW PHASE.
IF YOU NEED SOME REASSURANCE YOU HAVE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE. I LOVE TO WATCH AND GET TIPS FROM THE NANNY 911 SHOW. THERE ARE ALOT OF TECHNIQES SHE USES THAT REALLY DO WORK. EVEN THOUGH THEY SOMETIMES SOUND REDICULAS BUT KIDS RESPOND WELL TOO. HAVE YOU EVER HIT THEM BACK?? THEY NEED TO KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE AND TIME OUT IS GREAT. IS THERE ANY STRUCTURE IN THEIR DAY. (A ROUTINE)
you could have each time scheduled like school. COLORING TIME, PLAY DOUGH TIME, SNACK TIME, LUNCH TIME, AND THINGS LIKE THAT. AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST YOU NEED MOMMY TIME.
TALK TO YOUR HUBBY AND LET HIM KNOW THAT WHEN HE COMES HOME FROM WORK THAT YOU NEED TIME FOR YOURSELF AND IF HE COULD PLEASE TAKE OVER FOR JUST ONE HOUR A DAY. YOU COULD GO DRIVE TO READ A BOOK OR SIT IN THE PARKING LOT . ANYTHING. Have A DATE NIGHT . GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS

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L.B.

answers from Grand Junction on

I feel that your children are at a great age for them and you to learn. I have a friend whos childrens ages range from 8 months to 14 years, their are seven of them. The 2 year old boy is constantly biting and hitting his 4 year old brother. Different people would always make the older one give up what ever he had for the "baby" but some things just need to belong to one person. (you can't let the special blanket belong to everyone) So I started the counting which realy seemed to help quickly and if it continues at the count of 3 (very rare) I will put the child in a special chair and have them sit on their hands (this is because the hands were wrong for hitting not the child) and if biting they cover their mouths.

And I try to get them to stop crying as soon as possible because they are not hurt, just upset that you are taking the role as BOSS!!

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J.O.

answers from Boise on

I agree with a lot of what Kate had to say. But I am sad that you have the impression that there is such a thing as the "perfect mom" cause that just doesn't exsist. I have 7 kids and you would think that by know I have it all down, but I don't, there are days where I look at the front door and think "I could walk out that door now and life would be a lot less crazy and hectic". And then I have those minutes where they amaze me and make me laugh! Yours are still young and these are some of the most trying years next to teenagehood. It does get better and it does get easier. But you the mom so if you don't like they way they treat you, stop it, I have heard a lot of good stuff about love and logic, I have never used it (although in some repects I do) but there are just times where you have to grab the bull by the horns and let them know they have gone to far. Also make sure you are getting you time, even if it is only 10 minutes at night where you stand in the shower in veg, just make sure there is at least one quite place for you a few minutes everyday so that you can recharge your batteries.

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