Seeking Help with My 13 Year Old

Don't worry too much about if it is your fault. Many mom's go through this with their teen's, or something like it. We are not all born with what it takes to communicate with teen's. She may have suddenly taken on too much at school or life in general and just don't know how to make it all work. I am working toward a better relationship with my son who is 12. My goal is to have regular dates with him and take opportunities to cutle with him. Maybe he will feel he can trust me again to talk to me. I know touch is important when you talk to your children. I think this will work for me. Maybe help you to find out what is going on so you can help your daughter. Good luck!

My neighbors daughter started acting like this and it was a few months before she started her cycle. This was the same behavior but because it was before she started no one guess it until one day she called her mom and asked what was going on from the bathroom. It maybe as simple as her body is changing and getting ready to start her cycle. Although this does not justify her hitting and being mean, it sure can explain it. Just my thoughts. I would sit down with her and talk to her and find out if this is something that could be happening.

Try the book "The Mood Cure" By Julia Ross
It is a wonderful book about your emotional well-being naturally! Its not about setting limits or anything like that it is about how our bodies need certain vitamins and minerals to keep us happy. Even if it is almost her time to become a “woman” the book will help. It was a lifesaver when it came to my stepdaughter and then to me. It cost $15.00 but knowing what I know now I would have paid $100.00 for it! Good luck to both of you!

Try to spend one on one time with her away from the house away from her sibling.and do it often once a week if posible and just talk not about school and not things that she is in trouble for but about her friends and what she is in to what band she likes whats her fave movie what she likes to eat and and what you did when you were her age and I know it sounds cheeze but it works her tiny body is going though changes that she dont understand and tell her often that you are there to talk to about anything anytime and that you love her. trust me I am 23 and just married a wonderful man with 3 kid ranging from 8 to 14 talk about a change but I try to spend one on one time as often as i could and I dont hear "no I dont have to your not my mom!" anymore.

That sounds just like my older sister when we were growing up. She didn't truely calm down until she had her first child, then in her 30's. Over the years, my parents sought medical and mental help for her. No one had the right answer. We now think it was hormonal. Her cycle was irratic from the get-go, incidentally around 13 year old. I believe that if we had the medical support then that we do now, she might have good memories of high school. She is still a little sensitive when we talk about her teenage years. She doesn't remember them as we do. She still describes them as 'We hated her'. So that you don't loose heart, she is a very successful mother and wife. She is highly sought out in her career for her knowledge and insight. She got through it.

Hi C.,

When my daughter was 13 she started to exhibit laziness. When "asked to help around the house, she tells us "no, I don't want to" in baby talk. Only when we tell her that she can't watch t.v. or eat a snack, does she comply. As for sibling rivalry, she is constantly calling her 16 year old brother names, and vice versa.
I don't know if this will pass soon, but most of the time, I just am in resentment mood, and retreat into my room to get away from it. The one time she said "I hate you", I replied "I know, it shows by your disobedience and dis-respect!"

I have declined from doing anything around the house as far as extra cleaning, by doing just the laundry, running the swiffer to pick up the weekly tumbleweed of hair left behing from the dogs, and cleaning the bathroom once every two weeks. For the most part no one cares if the house is a mess. Currently there is a banana peel on the back of the new leather sofa...it has been there 2 days! My daughters room has gatorade and plastic bottles strewn all over, last count was 15.
My husband is retired and has become a pack rat, with almost every room in our house that should be sorted into three piles.

I do know that it will be a glorious day when I can visit their home for a week, with a bunch of banana's, and gatorade!

So for now, all I can say is perhaps if you get your 13 year old into a church outh group, she will develope some better appreciation for you and her siblings. May I recommend Southeast Christian Church in Parker?

My kids won't participate in their youth group at church, but rather want to sit with us. Go figure.

Hi C.,
I just want to send you a link to Love and Logics, http://www.loveandlogic.com .
I am a love and logics mom, started learning about it through some parenting classes they teach at night in elementary schools. I fell in love with the concept and have been studying it ever since. There is information on the web and books for parenting kids of all ages, my son is almost 12 and I bought a book and started studying "Parenting with Love & Logics for Teens", OMGosh I'm go grateful for what I learn, It has given me a such a great relationship with my son, I feel good about how I hold him responsible for his actions and decisions, I'm not emotionally wraped up in his moods or mistakes, I actually get excited for him to act up or make mistakes because it gives an oppurtinity for him to learn a wonderful lession "while the price tag is still small" (as they always put it) and I get to be the good guy who gives love, compassion and understanding, "Oh, that is so sad you didnt brush your teeth, How are you going to pay for your cavities?". I have many past posts to moms with stories on how love and logics has worked in our lives. Here's a great story from the web site that you can click on and listen to, http://www.loveandlogic.com/audioclips.html , that will give some insight on what love and logic is and how it works.
Maybe you can find some tips and tricks to help you in your situaion, Good luck.

I'm sure some of it is hormonal, but she still needs to know what her boundries are. The book, "Parenting with Love and Logic for Teenagers" helps me immensly in raising my 13 year old daughter. I highly recommend it!