Go Away

I agree with the moms who say he is learning to communicate. He's trying to tell you he wants his space, you just need to let him know that he should communicate it differently. You can explain to him that he should say Mommy, I want to be alone"

But the pushing and hitting should not be ignored. Just a firm "No hitting" and if that doesn't work I would try a time out.

Good Luck. K.

This is a hard one, because you don't want to ignore it yet you don't want to make a huge deal lest he is attention seeking and finds that this is an effective method of obtaining it. I've always thought that "not nice" is a little too vague for toddlers, they need specific directives. How about, "I don't like that. That hurts!" followed by showing him what to say, "I would like that please". If happens again, use whatever form of discipline you choose.
I also think you are coming up on the age (three) that "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" by Adele Faber would be effective. You can find it really cheap on Amazon or at your local library. I also really like "Love and Logic" for preschoolers.

Hi W.

My kids get immediate time out for hitting, kicking, pushing. I don't accept it. I tell them no - whatever she/he did- and she gets put into time out. My kids must also apologize to whoever they hit, kicked etc - EVEN if it's the dog. Yes, they apologize to our dog and hug her if they mistreat her.

About his affinity for Nan, this is normal too. He doesn't hate you! He just knows he is spoiled by Nan, and that is ok too, but I do think you need to inforce polite behavior rules no matter who is around. I have explained to my mother that when I am present, I am in charge, period. She can not overrule me in their presence, it is not fair to me or to them to have conflicting ideas about who is in charge. When it's only Nan, than she is in charge. Nan will always be the greener grass, but he really doesn't love you any less.

Hi W.,
Your toddler is being very clear about what he needs, great. Now he just needs to learn a more positive way to express that need. When he uses words that are unkind or too forceful give him words that are more kind.
"I hear that you want me to go away. Say "I need space please" "
"I hear that you want that toy. Say "My toy please" or "Im using that please"
Add that you dont hit or push in the family. That you use words to express your needs.

It will take a few times but he will start to get it. Also talk to his teachers and see if they are seeing this.

This will work. I have done it many times myself as a Teacher, Nanny and Coach.
I would love to hear how things progress.

B.
Child And Family Coaching
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First of all, let me just say that this is normal behavior.

Now, under no circumstances should you ever tolerate such bad behavior. Your son needs to learn that this behavior is unacceptable each and every time it occurs.

What if when he said, "go away. Mine." You said, "I don't want the toy. I want YOU" and grabbed him and started tickling ???

Something to simply give a response he wasn't expecting?

I think I would allow him his space, but I wouldn't tolerate hitting. I would let him know that in THIS household we do not hit. Treat the crime, don't treat the fact that he owns his toys, or that he is telling you he wants to play. He is using words, and that is good.

Hi W.!
I would suggest nipping it in the bud now with whatever style of discipline you use for him. At 2.5, I'm sure he's a smart cookie. :) They can definitely learn not to do that at that age. It might take a little extra consistency to help him learn it and remember it. Along with teaching him that that's not the right behavior, teach him what he *should* do instead. If he is verbal, you can teach him to say, "Could I please play with this for a couple more minutes? When I'm done, I will give it to you."

Hope that helps! It's a tough age and the feelings inside their little hearts have no inhibitions. They just come right out! :)

C.
http://daisyandpear.blogspot.com

I think it's probably a matter of him gaining some independence. But I wouldn't tolerate pushing or hitting. I would grab his hand/arm and tell him "No hitting. Hitting hurts. We don't hit."

My daughter did the same thing at his age and we took that opportunity to start teaching her about manners and the naughty step (time out). So yes it's normal AND unacceptable. :-)

Good luck!

every child wants his own things, room, etc. but I would tell him you have a rule to keep your hands to yourself - no hitting, pushing, etc.

Hi W.,

Talk to the Day care teachers/coordinator. Find out how he is doing there.

If you can go and observe his day, do that as well.

Ask them how to cope with this behavior.

When you get the details, look at his behavior with you at home and see if you can see what is troubling him.

I would give him some space. I wouldn't try to force hime to do anything,

Find out the source, then you can respond appropriately.

Good luck. D.

My daughter (who is now 4) went through this stage. She has the occasional reaccurance, but for the most part she's past that stage now. We chose to give consequences for the behavior. Our daughter is very headstrong and thinks her will should reign supreme, so we had no wiggle room. I would suggest you point it out and give him a chance to do better...I would also make sure he knew that it was a new rule that would be enforced. Then I would remind him of the rule and if there was no improvement I would discipline him. That is how I usually begin a new rule due to new bad behaviors appearing. After she "knows" the rule I enforce much quicker. I hope this helps!

It's definitely a phase. We're going through it right now, only my son has elected "mine" and "no". We try and be consistent with our messages (that's the key). We first say, "that's not very nice" or something along those lines. Depending on the actual behaviour, we either then ignore it as he is then repeating the action to get attention (remember, negative attention is still attention), or, we give him a warning & a repeat "offense" lands him in time out for 2 minutes (1 minute per age of child). We stay in the room with him (we picked a corner in our living room that he wouldn't go to for "fun" activities so there's no confusion - daycare uses a corner as well, so there's reinforcement there too) to make sure he isn't trying to leave. After the time is up, we always bring him to sit with us and we explain what he did wrong and why he shouldn't do it ("good boys don't hit", "you want to be a good boy", etc., we actually don't say "bad boys hit", or "you don't want to be a bad boy", again, consistent messages). Hope this helps.

Hi W....I have to laugh because the little boy I babysit (he will be 2 in August) is totally into "go away" and "shut up"!! When I am with him and he does this to my girls (who are over 10yrs older) I ignor it unless he pushes. Then I correct him by holding his hands in mine, looking him straight in the eyes and saying firmly "That is not nice" and then I have him appoligize. It seems to be helping, but I really think it's a stage and a sign of growing independance. LOL next month it will be something else! Best wishes.

Do not tolerate and do NOT IGNORE! If you address it while it's small, it won't get worse. This is totally normal for him to be trying. Address it right away when he does it every time with a consequence so he learns not to do it.

Telling a 2 and 1/2 year old it "isn't very nice" is fine for your own gratification of saying something but means nothing to them. It won't stop the behavior in any way. Just calmly and firmly say, "No, no pushing" or "no hitting" with the consequence so he learns the command and the point.

If you give a consequence early on before it escalates, he will learn very quickly what is allowed and it won't become a bigger issue. He will soon follow just your calm verbal command to avoid the consequence as well as learning naturally not to hit or push with no warning from you eventually.

Footnote on the "it's not nice" thing. You don't want to try to instill guilt. It's not about his character at this age. Avoid the broad concepts involving sympathy until later. I never use the good boy/bad boy label for any reason. Well that's not true, I call him good boy all the time during praise when he's being good, but not in an explanation on "how to be a good boy". Of course he's a good boy. No name calling necessary during discipline, just instruction for actions. The simpler and briefer your approach the better for his fast learning. You basically need him to mind you and learn what you will allow.

part of some of the things they do they pick up at day care. some of it is just part of their age and phases they go through. my son sometime headbutts,tries to pinch or bite me when he gets fustrated and can not communicate what he wants. I usually put him in time out when he does not act the way he should. i will tell him that was not nice to do to mommy. if he does that at home ask the daycare provider if he does that there. good luck