Hitting and Pushing Other Kids

When he starts to hit or push other kids, intervene right away. Pick him up and take him to a bench and make him sit on the bench for about 5 minutes. As you pick him up say, 'we don't hit or push other kids', or somthing similar. After he sits quietly for about 5 minutes ask him if he can play nice, if he says yes let him go play again. If he starts hitting or pushing again, pick him up and sit him on the bench with you again.

By stopping the bad behavior right away you send him a clear message his behaior is not acceptable. By repeating the intervention he sees it will not be tolerated even for a minute.

Since he behaves at daycare but has issues at the park, watch carefully exactly what is going on. He may be only pushing or hitting back. it is often the second child who gets caught. If another child is hitting or pushing first, tell his/her mom to monitor her child.

When my kid went through this sort of thing (he was really into head-butting - but same problem in that it really hurts), I took her out of the situation and put him in his car seat and went home. Every time. Instant confinement (car seat or stroller) and no contact with anyone (no lecture, no long understanding chat), and an immediate cessation of fun. I did say "No head-butting. It hurts. You're going home." Then no matter how inconvenient it was for me, we left - the park, the store (yes, with a full shopping cart, with apologies to the staff), someone's house. Out the door, no time to completely bundle up with a coat, just throw it over him quickly and POP! into the carseat. It took about 4 tries and that was the end of it.

At this age, I don't think they have any empathy at all (so I spent no time on trying to explain that this hurt someone or they were sad, and I never spent time begging him to apologize because he thought "I'm sorry" wiped out the offense). I think too much talk overloads them and doesn't provide any immediate consequence. But going home absolutely does.

The moment he hits/pushes another kid, you take him home. Remind him before going into the playground that he needs to be nice and keep his hands to himself, and that if he pushes/hits you will leave. Then follow through, making sure that he knows the reason you are leaving is because he didn't follow the rule of keeping his hands to himself.

You could also check out the library and see if he librarian has any book suggestions to read with him, just to give him a better understanding of why it's important to keep your hands to yourself.

Eta after your SWH: I would say to remove him from the situation every time... I wouldn't do it in a "this is a punishment" mood, but be matter -of-fact about it. When he throws a fit over it, you can validate his feelings ("I know you want to keep playing, and you feel disappointed that we have to leave; but the other kids want to have fun too and they can't if you keep hitting/pushing them. We will go home for now, and try again tomorrow.") but stay firm. If he starts hitting you, I would get him into his car seat (or stroller...) and remove yourself from his reach. Once you get home, he goes in his room- again, not that he is in trouble, but that he needs to be able to act nicely if he wants to be able to come out. Tell him that it hurts you and makes you feel bad when he hits.

Focus on rewarding good behavior- if he makes it through his time at the park without hitting, tell him how proud you are that he did so well. If he leaves the park without a fit, make sure to have fun in the car- turn up the music he likes and sing along.

you handle it firmly and simply from the very first shove. you pick him and take his little butt home. period. no yelling, no spanking, no lecturing.
'you may not hit other children. if you can't keep your hands to yourself, you don't get to play.'
period.
and i'd let him howl to his heart's content.
he's only 3. sharing is very foreign to him. don't force him to share.
but don't tolerate his meltdowns, or keep leaping about between punishments.
swift and inexorable removal from the fun is the best consequence there is.
khairete
S.

Sorry, but you shouldn't stay if he can't share the space and/or equipment with the other kids. It is equally theirs to play on/in/with, and if he can't share or take turns, then he has to sit. If he hits at you when you make him sit, then you leave.
One warning. That's it. Discuss it with him before you exit your vehicle. "If you cannot share nicely with the other kids, then you will have to sit down, and if it continues, we will leave. If you are disrespectful to me, we will leave immediately. "

Also let him know what TO DO if he has a problem with other children not sharing. Sometimes other kids are being protective/possessive of spaces THEY should be sharing. Your son needs to know to come let you know what he has a problem with, rather than pushing/shoving other kids to get what he wants. You can then help him by providing appropriate words for the situation. Sometimes, you will need to redirect him to other areas b/c not all kids respond to asking politely, and it usually best to do something else and wait... the other kid will tire of whatever and your kid will get a chance, without you having to confront another parent (and you need to be careful about confronting other people's kids, that doesn't always go over well).
He's only 3, he isn't going to know what to say every time. With practice and repetition, he will learn. AND he will learn how to move on to other things and come back to that one later, as well.

I'm not sure if it's a personality thing or what, but I don't recall my kids (either one) EVER hitting me. Ever. My son is 16, now, btw.

You need to address why your son thinks it's ok to hit at you. Do it soon. It's a lack of disrespect for you and/or your authority. Without knowing anything about how your relationship with him works, it is impossible to provide any suggestions about that. But you need to nix disrespect in the bud. It lies at the root of all sorts of additional problems...

Leave instantly and make it clear why. Or if you have another punishment make sure it is understandable not something like 'alright forget it you aren't going to Disneyworld next year'...they get the small things right now. Such as taking a toy away for a little bit of time.

Perfectly normal, he's testing boundaries.

Tell him what's expected before you go, and then, when he hits, put him in a TO and/or immediately leave. A young three should be given a chance to learn. it's an important teaching moment, "we don't push. I know you wanted to go down the slide, but we take turns, and if they are in your way, you say, "please, move, I want a turn." give him the words to accomplish what he's using the body for. They use their bodies...I'm still working with my near 7 year old, and I see many her ages still pushing, though it's sly and not that noticeable. It's cutting in lines, etc. But it takes them a long time to learn to use words.

Also, read the book, "hands are not for hitting."

If he was 4, I'd say immediately leave, but at 3, a few quick, " we don't hit, do this instead" should do the trick. If it doesn't, then remove...But keep your cool. They respond to your emotion, so play it cool and know that it's normal, but you need to helicopter from a distance and teach him other ways to get what he wants. What you don't want is to make a big deal out of it or he will do it for attention and use it a power struggle area. Just quickly correct, if he does it more than once, then say, "you aren't being nice. If you can't play nice, you can't play. Do you want to hold my hand while we walk to the car or do you want to race? I bet I can beat you."

How do you respond? Do you make him leave or do you allow him to continue to play? Time outs? How long? It is hard to make suggestions without a little more info.

Set the expectation of correct behavior before you walk into the playground or park and let him know that the minute he pushes or hits a person he will have to leave asap. Then follow through with it. He'll figure it out.

If he tantrums or swings at you when you intervene:

Read and follow "Back to Basics Discipline" by Janet Campbell Matson.

Three is when he needs to learn to do as you say INCLUDING not ever acting aggressively to other kids, and not acting aggressively to you when you try to discipline him. He needs a firmer hand.

Be consistent and immediate when he does hit or push. Redirect, an remove from play. Whether that is in the car, to his room, etc.

Okay, my kids are older than yours but if one of them ever hit me, they would loose every privildge for at least a week. That is disrespectful,but at that age he doesn't really know what it means or that it is wrong. I agree with the others. If he hits or pushes, take him home and tell him that it is wrong to hit and everythime he hits you go home

Think about why he is good at preschool but not when you take him to parks and playgrounds??? My only guess is that the teachers have set up rules, are very consistent about children following the rules, and watch him very, very carefully. Find out what they do if a child hits or pushes and how they remind the children because it sounds like what they do is working and you could try to keep your language similar to theirs, do they "no hitting" or "hands are for ..." Do they have time out spot or just get a quick talking to?
I'm sure they would share ideas with you.

Leave. Be very disappointed, not angry. Sigh sadly and offer apologies to the other children and parents.

While packing him up, "It's sad that you decided to hit that other boy, he just wanted to play too. Now we have to leave. We can't stay at the park with the other children when you are hitting them. Hitting hurts. We don't do that, son."

On the way home, wistfully, "Maybe next time we come to the park, you can help the other children to have a turn on the tire swing too. How can you make sure everyone has a turn? What do you do if you feel upset that it isn't your turn?"

Next time, on the way to the park, "Tell me how you're going to share the tire swing today. Oh, that's a good idea. And tell me what you'll do if you feel upset that it isn't your turn."

Work to set him up for success while showing him acceptable conduct. Empower him, don't just control him.