Girl Takes Out a Knife

Just exactly what kind of "scary games" do the boys play? Is this the only time the little girl gets upset. Does she play well at other times, or are scary games the only games the little boys play. If it is, then you and their mothers need to get together and introduce them to other games. As for the knife incident, the child's parents need to know immidiately that it happened so that they can council her as to how dangerous it is to play with knives and that that is not the way to approach people. You have a real problem here that needs to be handles immediately, but with no hostilities toward the child.

It was wrong what she did. Were the boys ganging up to scare her? Because it sounds like they made her afraid for her life to the point that she felt she needed to defend herself against what they were doing. She overreacted but maybe you should teach the boys fun games that aren't scary. The next kid they scare might overreact even more. When I was a little girl my best friend brought a knife to a game to play with us and accidently slit my throat a quarter of an inch from cutting a major artiry. Talk to the girls parents about the possible danger.

Call the police, tell them what happened, and let them go and talk to the parents, and the child. It is not legal to wave a knife around as if to threaten someone, no matter how young she is! She may have seen this done in her house when the parents are angry, and she may need intervention. Either way the police can scare the parents and the child from ever doing this again, and even more so from taking it to the next step! If one of the boys had decided to try to take the knife away from her because they felt threatened, imagine how things could have escalated! Don't just let this go! get the police involved! the parents might not ever invite you over for a cookout, but who cares, you may prevent a horrible tragedy! Blessings.

I agree that you should immediately talk with her parents because getting a knife is extreme.

Here's another perspective, though: she's a scared kid, and she's learning how to manage her fear. We don't know why it bothers her so much for them to play this game, but it does, and she's made it known. Maybe she told her parents, and they blew her off, saying that she just has to figure out how to deal with it. Well, her solution was to protect herself from a perceived threat, instead of crying about it. Kids her age don't tend to have a handle on being rational and keeping things in perspective, so don't label her a psychopath. She just doesn't feel safe when these kids (including your son) play this game, and she doesn't know how to constructively express that.

It's still dangerous, and you should address future playtime with her parents. Instead of banning her from your son's presence, why not teach your son how to respect his playmates? He's old enough to understand that some kids will play this while others will play that...and who's good at which games, etc. Maybe the kids who want to participate in some terrifying play can do it when the other kids aren't trying to play with them. Maybe they can come to your house for the scary stuff. I'm not saying that your son is bad or weird, but there's another perspective here. I never liked scary games, either. I even hated Hide and Seek and still do not like for anyone to sneak up on me. I think that it's more common for kids NOT to want to play the scary games.

Something I have learned as Mom and especially a mom of a boy, my child is never without some blame in a kid incident. It sounds like the boys maybe terrorizing the young girl and she really feels inside she needs to protect herself. First I would say they should take an extended brake from playing with each other. Second I would talk to my son, he or the other boy may have jokingly threatened her with violence even maybe a knife. This is where it gets tricky because kids lie, all the time. Then I would explain to my son why he can not bully/scare/terrify other kids. I know at this point you are most likely thinking, the boys love to play this way, but that does not mean it is acceptable or healthy. Next I would have a talk with the girls parents, and hopefully they will in turn talk to their child. Bottom line, IMO which was asked for, your son is scaring the girl and she is really concerned for her safety and was pushed to far.

you don't care that your son is scaring her???

I agree with Heather P. The little girl is obviously reacting to the "scary game" your son and his playmates are playing. I think you need to talk with the girl's parents and let them know what happened. Then you need to sit down with your son and teach him to respect the people he plays with.

Why is your four year old son allowed to play games that you're admitting are scary and scare a 6 or 7 year old? I mean, what is this scary game they're playing? If the boys are running around with toy guns, and swords and jumping out of bushes scaring each other and "attacking" each other, she is too young to really see the difference between those toys, and the real knife she went and pulled on the boys...especially if she didn't have a toy weapon. (I hope that makes sense.)

Start by talking to the girl's parents and finish by talking to your son about respecting other people.

This young girl I'm sure is not some kind of potenital killer. She obviously was scared and this was the reaction - totally desperate reaction on her part. The boys should be talked to also about not scaring someone who begs for them to stop. To me it's disturbing that these boys at such a young age have these scary games. I've never been witness to that sort of play with any of my 4 children or the countless number of children I've come across. It's a sticky situation but instead of shunning this child all parents should discuss it. I'm sure everyone can get together and decide a course of action instead of blacklisting a 6 year old. Kids make terrible decisions and so do adults. Hopefully it can all be handled out in the open.

Ok, first of all, your right about how the little girl reacting the way she did. The question is though-what was your son and friend doing to provoke such a reaction. I have never heard of a situation where boys are doing something sooooo scary that a girl would need to react to this extreme. So ask yourself-as much as the reaction scares you- what did your son and his friends do to provoke it. Maybe this game is not what they should be doing. They need limits if anything

Wow, you don't want to interfere with him playing scary games? Your son can't play non scary games when she is around? Does the world revolve around him and what he likes to play? If you don't want make playtime enjoyable for all the children involved, then you are right to now allow the girl to come around. Its a shame that she felt it necessary to bring a knife back for protection, but I am sure that she felt like she had no choice when she didn't want to play that and she had no support. She can't have friends because she doesn't want to play scary?

Frankly, my concern is for both sets of parents whose 6yr olds realize that a knife can be used to protect or hurt and whose son finds it acceptable to play scary games. And as one other mother stated, it always takes 2 to tango.

Whoa! That was probably a big surprise. My opinion doesn't have much that YOU can do.

This girl is not your daughter and what you saw NEEDS to be reported to her parents or guardians. If you can't contact the person(s) responsible for her (and for her behavior), you might resort to calling the Child Protection Services. I hope you reach her parents.

I have three boys (14, 9 and 6 years old) and found it important to teach them that there is a limit to teasing and scaring someone. Evidently your son thinks it's funny.

Here, you can't make this girl calm down or make her make better choices when she gets angry. You need to protect your son.

One of the lessons I have been practicing with my boys is that it matters how the recipient feels. If she is constantly saying "No" and "Stop" and "Enough", then she will feel unheard and will escalate her response, like in this case.

My boys found this lesson a hard one to grasp. When one of mine doesn't heed the "Stop" message, he gets in trouble. Pick a consequence if he is found trying to "scare" this girl. My first choice would be a quiet half-hour timeout in my room (away from toys, etc). Some loss of video game, computer or TV watching privileges could also be a choice.

Hope this girl gets help!

For starters...talk to the parents. To not allow her to play with your kids and telling other parents not to let her play either sounds kind of harsh. Your son is 4? This girl is 6 or 7? They are too young to know any better. When you saw her pull out the knife, I presume you were there??
Why didn't you march her back home and tell her parents right then and there??
To ensure this doesn't happen again, always make sure there is adult supervision; which there should be at their age anyway.

While this little girl's behavior was totally not acceptable, you also need to address your child's behavior. You say that you are not going to make him stop playing the games, which is fine but you should make him stop scaring this little girl. It seems to me that he might be bulling or scaring this little girl on on purpose which is not acceptable behavior as well. Try and teach your child some compassion or consideration for others and their feelings. Can your son go inside or in your backyard to play like this? While you address your son's behavior, her mother needs to address hers.

I would first question what the boys did to make her that scared. If they are intentionally trying to scare her when she is around, then they need to stop that behaviour immediately when she is around or go play somewhere else. I would then talk to the little girl and/or her parents about the seriousness of this, even if she doesn't realize it. She was probably just trying to make a point, even though she chose an effective, but inappropriate way to do so. I wouldn't forbid her to come to the house solely for this incident. It would benefit you, her, and your son to get to know her better and teach your son how to behave around girls. If she is truly a trouble maker, then that is a different story and I wouldn't allow her over. Know there are two sides to a story, and we as parents, many times look at our side only and it is totally biased as well. Kids do many things that parents aren't aware of fully, even though we like to think we are very aware. We aren't. Assess the whole situation and don't overreact. But, that little girl and her parents need to know that threatening with a knife is completely unacceptable no matter how fed up, frustrated, or scared she was of the boys.

There sounds like there is more to this than meets the eye. What kind of "scary"games? It is not good to allow your son and his friend to play games that are making other children afraid or bullies other children in any way. For her to go to that extreme to try to stop them or protect herself seems like maybe they were pushing something way too far.
If both sets of moms could sit down and discuss how it actually felt from both sides it would be the most helpful. Your son needs to really "hear" how his games make others feel and the girl needs to "hear" how it made everyone feel when she pulled the knife. Both sides were wrong but they are just children and unless the parents can calmly use it as a teaching moment it will go on and become something worse for BOTH sides. If you do not address this with your son now you will be hearing about it again, later.

What is totally unacceptable and inappropriate is the fact that you have seen and are allowing childs play get out of hand to the point of a little girl being so very scared. While boys will be boys, they also need to learn how to respect girls and if playing nicer while a girl is present, then so be it. Men learn that they should control their behavior and language in the presence of a lady, and I suspect they are taught this as boys. Even boys need censorship and guidance in the way that they play. It's too easy for things to get out of hand and we all know how their imaginations can run wild. Now, the issue of her getting a knife needs to be discussed with her mother. It is not normal for a 6 year old to run and grab a knife, BUT, she got the idea from somewhere...could be from the scary stories and scary play she engages in with her neighborhood friends. I think banning her from the house is a little harsh. What's your son to do if he's at another childs house and she's present also? Is he to leave because he's been forbidden to play with her? You are over-reacting and I think it would be best for you to sit down with your son, the girl and her mother and get to the bottom of it. Limiting your sons friendships is fine as long as it is merited by the facts.

The first thing you need to do is talk to the girl's parents. They should be the ones to talk to her and let her know this behavior is unacceptable. Tell your son he's not allowed to play with her if she comes to the kid next door's house either, your son would need to come home. Or I would even let the friend's parents know what happened if they don't already, maybe they wouldn't want her there either.

But you absolutely need to talk to her parents. They should know that this happened so they can take steps to prevent it happening again.

*********ADDED AFTER READING OTHER RESPONSES**************

I don't see why parents nowadays think kids have to play with one another. If they don't get along or don't want to play the same thing, then don't play together. If this girl has a problem with what they are playing, she doesn't need to play. This whole "include everybody" mentality nowadays doesn't teach anybody anything except that they're entitled to things (if they're the kid being "included") or that you have to walk on eggshells around everybody or hurt their feelings (if you're the kid forced to include).

Camille,
I have a question, exactly how and what do the boys play that makes this girl so scared? To make her react that way it must be something extreme.
You might want to get together with the kids and parents and discuss this before it turns nasty.

wow, camille....I'm a little surprised at your lack of consideration for your neighbor children. Have you ever heard of the phrase "your happiness stops when it infringes upon mine"? Basically, what that means is people need to be considerate of one another's feelings. If we don't have/maintain manners, then the world is lost to chaos.
If the boys are playing too scary around the girl and it's the girl's house, then they need to play elsewhere. period. Girls have a tendency to get more scared than boys. That's just the nature of the genders. The boys need to learn to respect when they have crossed a line with someone (girl or boy). I don't know if this little girl has told them time and again they she doesn't like it when they try to scare her. Perhaps if that is the case, she felt like no one (parents) was defending her feelings and she was driven to try an extreme and drastic step to finally make the boys realize that they crossed a line. I don't condone what she did; however, I don't know the entire story either.

No one like to have their child criticized, but if I were the mother of the little girl, I would have put a stop to my child being terrorized by your son and his friend. It sounds to me like the "scary games" are too scary for any child that age. Maybe the boys need to learn how to play some other games that don't cause this girl so much pain.

This little girl must have been very scared and threatened to get a knife. Under anger is fear! I appreciate your need to safeguard your son. This little girl may have experienced something traumatic in her life and need sensitivity. Asking the boys not to scare her is teaching them sensitivity and compassion.

Sorry, I did not read the other responses... but my first reaction was two fold. Maybe something is going on in the little girls house that YOU can take an active roll in protecting HER from, by- like you later commented, calling the police. Yes, your priority is taking care of your son, but seems this is a defense mechanism for the little girl. Why would she feel the knife would protect her from something she does not like? She, I'm guessing has seen it somewhere, or has actually had to think about protecting herself (likely for other reasons?)
The boys playing "Scary games"... I'm not a fan.I don't like the Boys will be boys thing.... If one reaction to "Scary games" is a knife, maybe we should all be looking at what the kids we come in contact with have around them, and maybe we could make OUR homes a "safe place" for them. Have to tell you, I'm not a fan of halloween, because of this very thing. One kid sees something scary and I think they start to become numb to the severity. Maybe it is just a little scary to start with, but the next thing is more scary, but since they got numbed from previous situations, it all becomes acceptible.
So... this little girl, may have had to deal with issues which cause her to feel a knife will make it less scary for her. If scary makes her mad, I guessing there is a reason. A knife seems a pretty serious reaction But there was something behind why she felt a knife was her answer.

If the games they play are scary, they should avoid playing them in her presence. I have a 6 year old son as well and recently I have been finding myself (more than ever before) teaching him about how to respect girls and to behave differently (more politely) in their presence. I think that sometimes we are so wrapped up in allowing self expression and equality that we go overboard.
What she did was not right but I do believe that this is a two-way street and if you are not going to allow her into your house, etc he must not be allowed around her and he has to understand that in part that is due to her getting scared of their play style. He should be made aware (if he isn't already) of how that made her uncomfortable. Teach him how things sometimes make him uncomfortable or might scare him and he wouldn't want his friends to continue it either--that people want to feel safe with their friends/play mates.

Don't be ashamed or embarrassed about having to post this. Like I said, I have a 6 year old and we have a neighbor that I am going through similar issues of what is really appropriate play and what is just mean or distasteful.

I hope these suggestions help. My main focus is that no one party is to be held accountable...I see this as a great teaching opportunity about empathy and respecting other peoples boundaries and learning respect for relationships and other's perceptions. Teach that although the thrill of being scared may seem fun, this little girl did not feel that way---she was scared and possibly threatened. Also, I am sure he felt a different kind of scared when she came out with the knife (I suggest using that reference too).

To address her, let her know the real danger of the knife and how someone could have gotten REALLY hurt (even if she just did it for show). Make sure she understands that she needs to talk to an adult about these feelings instead of taking matters into her own hands. Be as open, unbiased and non-judgmental/accusatory as possible so that she feels that she can come to you or any adult instead of having to rely on her own understanding, etc.

Please feel free to contact me if I can help or if more suggestions/clarification needed.

My prayers are with you!

I know it is very scary but it does not have to be the end of the friendship. If her parents talk with her and get her help. She could have just made a big mistake. I would want to talk to everyone involved and figure out what exactly happened. My little sweet loving, never hurt a fly boy once told a boy on the bus to invite him to play or he would stab him! I was devisated. Took him to a therapist and found out he was fine and he didnt even know what it ment. He has never said anything like that again and it had been years. He is not violent and they said he was fine. Actually grabing the knife? That is scary. Just listen to your instinct. If the family takes it seriously and does not just dismiss this keeping her completely away from playing with the neighborhood children might really make it worse.

Hi Camille,
You need to speak with her parents right away. Not only was it dangerous to the two boys, she could have gotten hurt just crossing the street. She could have tripped and fell on the knife. Her parents need to know and also if she is scared of the boys games, then her parents need to be aware of this too because she may be afraid to tell them why she is scared and why she decided to use this knife? And maybe you should look a little deeper into the games that the boys play and why do the make her so scared? It could be nothing, but until you find out what they are doing to scare her so badly, then you really don't know how to handle the situation. It could be more than you are thinking or not, but at least you can know for sure by talking with her and her parents. Being aware can make all the difference in raising children. I hope this helps! I am a mom of 8 children and you would be amazed at what goes on when you don't ask! K

I would definitely address this with her parents and make sure they are aware of this. This is not acceptable. At that age they don't realize that one small mistake could cost a life. She may just be trying to scare them but that is definitely not the way to handle her fear. This definitely needs to be addressed not only with her parents but also with your son. You need to let him know that there are limits especially when other children join their game. Yes boys will be boys but you still have to set limits. My son loves to play games where there are good and bad guys and the bad guys get killed etc but I still have to put a stop to it when it sounds as though it's getting too graphic or too aggressive. You son and his friend maybe straddling the line and this little girl may really feel threatened and not know what to do to make it stop. You don't want your son to think that he can bully other children around whether girls or boys and that you'll back him up. Yes this little girl should not have gone to get a knife but if she has seen on tv or heard from your son and his friend that they are going to stab her then she may just be going into defense mode and feel that she is just protecting herself. I have a feeling that she is not the only one at fault here and you need to be open to suggestions on how to make sure this doesn't happen again.

OMG! You need to tell her mother.

I would explain to her the same way you just explained about her getting scared and you cannot blame her but the knife thing is unacceptable.

I am pretty sure the mother will understand and all honesty probably be a little freaked out that her daughter did that.

This is very serious.

I am responding to the statement that you made on the second post about just being responsible for your child as an adult when another kid is not behaving appropriatly and you are the parent there watching it I think you should tell thechild that it is wrong and then tell the parents. i think that we have alot of misbehaving and rude children in our society and it is because people do not make kids responsible for there actions they let them do what ever they want. Did you try to intervine when you saw her with the knief ? Have you talked to the parents about the incedent? You said he told her to go in the house but have you talked to him to see if anything further was done. In my opinion if your child is playing with outher childeren you should know there parents. You might not want to be there friend but you need to know the parents of the children your child plays. This helps when incidents happen so that you are on a friendly level and can talk about it and what has been done.

I would be knocking on that girl's door and having a very serious talk with her parents! If they are good parents, they would WANT to know what their daughter did and if they are not good parents, and seem to not care, I would make it clear that I would be calling the police if such an incident happened again. That is totally unacceptable behavior and like you said, could be potentially dangerous!

Have you talked to the girl's parents? This sounds serious, and they really need to be told.

Oh Girl--this is a sign of a deeper problem with this child. You may have to talk to her mother because you can fix the problem. I have a friend with a now 23 year old that did the same thing but against her Mom and dmany other crazy acts against her friends. She has had extensive therpy, on meds and can not really be left alone and all this started when she was 5. My friends was one of those Moms who did not want to face the truth becuase she did not want her child to be "different" but she was.

Just have your son keep his distance. Sometime things happen so quickly there are un-fixable.

Praying for you decernment and action in this very serious matter.

This is something that need badly to be reported to child welfare. This is vary dangerous for both the child and anyone else that child is around. Something is going on that is not seen and behind the doors.

Okay,I read all of the responses and see the different reactions you've received. First of all, you do need to be aware of what kind of games are going on and whether the boys are going overboard. If not, encourage them to play something else in her presence or let her know what they're going to be doing. Yes, they need to have respect for other children--girl or not. Maybe, she needs to be playing with little girls. I have three girls and don't think I'd be comfortable with my daughter playing with all boys anyway. I know how kids can be and if that little 6 YO reacted that quickly with violence, you can bet it's coming from somewhere. Be careful with that situation. Best of luck to you.

Hello omg that is not good she is to young to be getting that anger over playing.i would go to her parents and let them know what happen for sure and i would also let her parents know that you dont want there child back at your house.next time could be really bad i would put a stop at this problem now are your child might get really hurt and end up in er wow what kids try these days.please make sure you let the other parents know to as well have a great day and merry christmas