My sister has made the decision to gift her baby to an adopting family. She is single (with her masters and a successful career) and feels a traditional family will be able to give her baby the kind of life my sister wants for her. The rest of my family does not know that she is pregnant or planning to gift her baby, as she lives in another state right now. I want to give her a special gift for Mother's day/Birth Mother's day. And was hoping someone could give me some advice. I thought I would give her a charm necklace with the initial of her chosen baby name, which is also her initial. That way, she would be the only one who knew the meaning and she could always wear it if she wanted to. But I would love some other ideas. Please, I am not looking for any feedback or opinions on my sister's choice. It is an unbelievably hard and unselfish decision for my sister and I support her entirely.
I was a little apprehensive about posting my question because I expected a bit of criticism and input from those who disagree with my sister's choice. Thank you to all the Mamas that responded so kindly and helpfully. I really am so impressed with how supportive Mamasource is...particularly in comparison with so many other "mom" forums.
I ended up not sending her anything for Birth Mother's Day. However, I arranged for a photographer to photograph my her and the baby at the hospital. I also found a book called "The Mulberry Bird" by Anne Braff Brodzinsky. It is a children's book but it described beautifully and better than any other adoption book that I could find, my sister's story. I also turned to Etsy.com to find some amazing artists to create a few amazing and meaningful custom made things for my sister. Which included a necklace (by artist bmjnyc) and a ceramic piece of art (by artist thebrickkiln).
Thank you again for all of your beautiful ideas and kind words of encouragement.
Hello- First let me say that I think she is so fortunate to have such a loving and supportive sister. I think a piece of jewelry is a wonderful idea. I have always loved charms if she is a charm breacelet kind of person. Good Luck- V.
My friend recieved one of these when she gifted her baby girl. I think adoption is beautiful! And you should also be commended for being such a rock to her. I wish her nothing but Good luck and blessings!! http://terrabelladesigns.com/store/WsDefault.asp?Cat=Adop...
When I gave my son up for adoption, the adopted parents got me 1 of those neklaces with his birth stone on it. When I had my other 3 children, that I have kept, I added thiers on it. The birth father got a watch from them with the birthdate engraved on the back. We loved it. I was 16 by the way and wasn't ready for motherhood. Now 28. Loving being a mother of 3.
R., I'm crying as I write this, I think what your sister is doing is being a GREAT MOTHER. I think your gift of a necklace is a great idea as well. The only other thing I can think of is putting John 3:16 on the necklace, you don't have to write it all out, just put John 3:16... "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son"... She is doing that, giving her child a great life...
God Bless your sister, her baby and your family!
WoW! How unbelievably unselfish and wonderful your sister is to recognize her limitations and do what is best despite what is an undoubtedly strong emotional pull in the opposite direction!! I admire her and you for suppporting her through this very difficult time. (As an aside, we are adoptive parents to three kids who were bigger when we got them and had six of our own, so I intimately relate to adoption issues.)
As far as a gift, I like your charm bracelet idea. Is she planning to have a "goodbye" with the baby or is she going to not see him/her before giving away?? If she does indeed plan on holding/saying goodbye before, discuss this idea with her first: you could have a photographer (or you could) come and do some beautiful/tasteful black and white photos during her holding and put into an album. Box it up and tell her what it is. She can then choose when she would like to see.
If she plans not to say goodbye, then I would say maybe a relaxing time for her would be in order so that she can de-stress: a spa, a massage, a girls night out, whatever her style is.
I just wanted to say what the other moms have been saying. I think it's great what your sister is doing and great that you are there to support her. What a very unselfish thing to do. Your jewelry idea sounds great to me.
R.,
As an adoptive mommy of 4 I cannot thank you and your sister for your unselfish gift. We would not be the family we are without our birth mom. I also know that having you on her side is fantastic. Also, please remind her that each of us have been adopted by our Lord! I think that giving her a copy of all the wonderful things that have been said here in support of her in a nice book might be a thought as well. She could keep it in a special place for only her to know about.
May God bless all of you!
Hi R.,
We gave both of our birth mothers a charm bracelet with the date of birth on it but I like your idea as well, using the initials. I think it's a great gift idea. I'm forever grateful for women like your sister that gave us a chance to have a family of our own. Best Regards, C.
I think it is wonderful what you sister is doing.She will make some one so happy!It takes a lot of courage to do something like that.I love your idea I think that would be perfect.
My daughter is adopted and we gave our birth mom a necklace and earrings with our daughter's birthstone in it. She also had family who did not know she was pregnant. Like you said, she will be the only one who knows the meaning. She was very appreciative.
May God Bless you sister and her decision. We are forever grateful for our wonderful birth mother. I know your support means a lot to her also.
I think your idea sounds really touching. I like it.
I think it is wonderful that you want to give your sister a special gift for her child that she gave life to. A necklace is a great suggestion. My thought was a ring with the baby's birthstone.
I lost two babies in miscarriage and my mom bought me some "life like" dolls. They were kind of expensive . . . i think like one was 60 and the other was 80. When you hold them they look like a real baby. They even feel like you are holding a real baby. We keep the two sitting in a baby carriage that was mine when i was a little girl in our guest room. When I get sad and miss the babies I know I can hold those life like babies. It is very comforting to me. I know some make they it's a little weird but they are little symbols of my angels in heaven. I am a tangible person so I needed something I could hold. Even if you get her a blanket or stuffed animal maybe with the baby's birthday embroidered on it. Esp. If she doesn't want others to know the doll works great b/c she can make up any reason for having it and she can put it up when she doesn't want others to see it. God bless her for her decision and bless that baby.
Hi R.,
You are very sweet to think of something for her. My favorite store is Uncommon Goods. I liked this heart-in-heart design, but you'll surely find something wonderful and affordable here.
http://www.uncommongoods.com/item/item.jsp?source=family&...
Peace,
M.
WOW what an incredible, un-selfish sister you have!!
That is LOVE!! Wishing we could have crossed paths with your sister a few years back when we had started the adoption process...she will make a family very happy!!!
Bless her and the baby to be!!
I love your idea of the inital necklace! I think she would treasure it!!! How thoughtful of you!! You both have such big hearts and loving thoughtful souls!!
Sounds like you are both very fortunate to have each other as sisters!!
Hope everything goes well for your sister and I would go with your idea...that came from the heart!!
Bless you!
I've never been in this situation, but your idea sounds beautiful.
You two girls are amazing people. I like your idea, but I do have one that you could add to it. Your sister sounds like a star and I am all about "Stars"! So, my thought was that you could go to the National Star Registry and buy a "star" for your sister to represent her and her baby and what she is doing that is so wonderful. Good Luck to both of you.
K.
well i know you didn't want any feedback on your sister, but i just wanted to say..i think she is doing an amazingly brave thing by gifting her baby. i love the way you put that. and i think you are an even more amazing person to love and accept your sisters decision. you both sound like wonderful people. on that note...i have found a good gift for even a baby shower is something that is ultimately for the mommy and i think compliments them for everything they are sacrificing during their pregnancy, a full day at the spa. a facial, maybe nails/pedicure, a full body massage and whatever you decide. b/c when do we ever even do something that nice for ourselves? i think the necklace idea was good, i don't know that some people would want a constant reminder of the baby they chose not to keep, but your sister sounds like a strong individual and you know her best. it would be something she could wear everyday proudly and only she would know. i know anything you decide on will be perfect. good luck and let your sister know she has mothers like me on her side who wish her the best.
All of the ideas here are absolutely lovely! Any one of them would be a splendid gift for your sister!
But I did want to correct one thing: Birth Mother's Day is May 7th this year (I found this on the website that someone listed as a gift website for you: http://www.terrabelladesigns.com/store/Default.asp
R.,
As a family law attorney, what your sister is doing is remarkable. She is a very loving mother already. I can tell you that since I see so much of the other going on. Thank the Lord that she has you to help her through. You both deserve gold stars.
The charm bracelet sounds like a wonderful idea. The other ideas about the birth stone would be great as well.
Good luck to your sister and to you.
J.
I also think that what you're sister doing is a wonderful thing! Even if it's hard for her, she's doing what's best for the baby. And it's such a wonderful thing that she has a sister who she trusts and can lean on during this time.
The spa day is a great idea! I like the necklace idea, too! I don't know when she's due, but if she's really late in the pregnancy maybe wait until she's recovered after the birth so she can have a nice day after she's had to go through labor and then gifting her baby, b/c that will be very difficult. (BTW, I love how you put that she's "gifting" her baby, because that is one of the best gift she can ever give!)
The charm necklace/bracelet idea sounds wonderful. And your sister has made a brave decision.
I think the necklace you have described would be a wonderful gift for her. Also, you could make an ornament for her. I know it's not Christmas, but it would be something she would cherish. It could be in the same theme as the necklace - something with the baby's initial on it - a pottery shop or glass blower could probably design (or help you design) something unique. And, if someone asks about the ornament, she could honestly say it was a gift from you. I wish I had other suggestions for you. I went online before answering to see if I could find anything for the mother that was gifting her baby (what a wonderful way to express what your sister is doing) and didn't find too much. God bless you for supporting your sister and your sister for being so selfless!
Frances
Go to www.gliffik.com/J. and check out the cuffs and necktags. You can design her a neck tag (buy the chain or ribbon chain separate) either one side or two side design, or a bracelet (cuff) with a design on front and a secret message inside. You can design something very special for her that would be exactly what you want with no compromise. I hope you find this website helpful! They usually ship within 48hrs of your order, usually next day. You can create very meaningful gifts with gliffik. God bless!
J.
the initial charm sounds like a lovely idea.
if she likes to write, since it's kind of a secret thing, you might also help her process her feelings by "giving" her/setting up a blog site she can write in anonymity. (i put it in quotes b/c there are several free blog hosting sites available.)
and something to note is that birth mother's day is the saturday before mother's day; she might like the special recognition for her decision and it would help her emotionally settle the idea that she will not be her daughter's "mother" on mother's day. i can't imagine the angst that must cause, so i can only agree with you that her desicion is unbelievably hard and unselfish. your support of her is undoubtedly loving, wonderful, and needed. *hugs!!*
I love this and I love what both of you are doing! Your sister is such a strong woman, and you are an amazing suportive sister!
I love the idea of the inital necklace! Maybe you can also get her earings to match with the baby's birthstone in them. I recieved earings with my son's birthstone in them and I know what they represent every time I wear them, but no one else does.
I have not gifted a child, but I did loose one in a miscarage. As a reminder for my husband and I, we got a tattoo in her memory. It is just a simple design, no words, no dates, or names, but we know what it represents. If that is your kind of thing ( I know that not all people like or agree with tattoos) then maybe after the baby is born, you and her can go and get matching tattoos. Maybe a little cross or something like that in the same place. That way every time you see it you will think of not only the baby (your niece/nephew), but also the love that you and your sister share with each other. Again, I know that tattos are not for every one, but it is just an idea that worked for me.
Thank your sister for what she is doing! Giving the gift of life is the most amazing gift! Thank you for sharing her story with us! She is lucky to have a sister that is so loving and suportive of her!
I would love to know what decission you make as the "gift", all of us either know some one in a situation similier to this weather we are the birth mom, or the adoptive mom, and we could all benifit from the ideas that are given here.
Congradulations to you both for having such a stong bond!
Be Blessed!
My heart goes out to your sister. I love your charm bracelet idea. How about a heartfelt letter to her telling her how brave and selfless you think she is and how proud you are of her? Such a tough choice--especially w/o the support of family. Prayers for her...
I support your sister's decision entirely, too.
Here's my thought: There are several children's books on the market which cover the topic of adoption. Though I don't know any specific titles, I'm sure someone at B & N or whichever bookstore you visit would be able to help you do a search. What if you could find one that says something wonderful about the birth mom, and then sign it from the baby's point of view, just saying thank you for this wonderful opportunity ... however you want to phrase that. That's my idea. Whatever you decide to do, you're a terrific sister. : )
I don't know why you don't want other people's opinions on the matter, I can't imagine anyone here having anything negative to say about this. Your sister is great! Most women in her shoes would be way too selfish and overly confident in themselves and decide to parent alone and ignore the fact that a child needs a mom and a dad. Your sister is smart strong and has her head on straight. I am so proud of her. And I am proud of you for standing by her and supporting her decision not to let the rest of the family know. I think that is best!
I was adopted myself and once I was married, I found my birthmother and have a relationship with her today. I have a couple of great ideas, but they would be better if shared privately. If you would like to hear my ideas of gifts, message me and let me know you are interested and I will share them with you. I also have a few suggestions regarding the adoption itself if you care to hear them. I had an interesting experience and I think that your sister could benefit from my story.
