Getting Older

Ugh! 44 with a 5 year old. Nothing fits on a daily basis. Arms jiggle, belly wobbles and I have no energy. I am going to AZ in 3 weeks to see friends I haven't seen in years - 25lbs can make an old woman self-concious(sp). Oh yeah, braincells appear to be dying along with my eyesight.

Oil of Olay seems to help with the wrinkles (although maybe it's just because my face is 'fuller') but the jowels!!! Nobody told me I was going to start looking like a bloodhound!

I keep meaning to buy a lottery ticket in the hopes of winning enough to get a personal chef, personal trainer, personal shopper and a housekeeper so I can look like a movie star (oh and someone to do my hair and makeup), but I keep forgetting to buy a ticket. So, I have dyed my hair and if I keep smiling I don't look so jowelly (sp?) and, coz' people are looking at me funny wondering why I am smiling all the time, they don't notice my belly jiggle.

I am with you and I hate it but the alternative to getting old sucks.

Well like Dawn says, if you WEREN'T getting older, you'd be dead.

Sigh

In my 20s and 30s I was SO incredibly busy, and PHYSICALLY busy with three kids there was never any weight issues.

Now they're all teenagers, AND I've been having a little perimenopause last few years, I have to make myself DO the pysical things for ME, not for them.

And let me tell ya, I'm just NOT good at doing anything for ME alone.

So yeah, since my daughter was born (who is 13) I've gained 50 pounds.

But that's not the worst of it. I've noticed my pretty little feet and my pretty little hands are not so pretty anymore (and that's not something I can control with yoga, sigh again.

Anyway, I guess the upside is the stuff you KNOW now, wisdom, insight, blah blah blah
Which doesn't help much when you see a 20 year old bean pole doing a wrinkle commercial.
BAHAHAHA!
I'm right there with ya, sista!

:(

You are making me laugh! You're on the right track. Realizing you're getting too old for your clothes and hair and gaining weight etc is half the battle. Luckily, I have lots of appearance "obsessed" girlfriends, and we keep each other up with the latest "anti aging tips" health and fashion/hair wise (beauty creams etc are the least important) and "give it to each other straight" when "um, you can't pull that off anymore, photograph and donate it".

You actually can look like you did 6 years ago or better. I guarantee you that with a healthy diet overhaul (not temporary diet plan) and exercise regime (20 pounds can be gone in 2 months with serious effort I just lost 40 pounds for the 3rd time after my 3rd baby) you can bounce back.

It sounds like you've had it easy by staying fabulous without much work, so now it's a shock to "change" but I've always had a hard time keeping weight off and have had to tweak my diet and increase and vary my exercise since my mid 20's just to stay "the same". But at 40, with way more work (especially with 3 kids) I'm still the same size. But BOY is it easy for 10 pounds to constantly pop back on!!!! UGH!!! And just because I can fit into my old super low rise jeans, doesn't mean I look appropriate in them anymore :) And when I'm 46, I will look a bit older than now, but still my best if I can help it. My 47 year old yoga health nut friend and I look the same age, she looks the same as she has for years, and we both get mistaken for younger. She also makes sure to get her hair done with flattering color and wears super cool clothes.

You've also got to eat super youth enhancing healthy food (endless info available on the best healthy foods), no junk, drink lots of water and green tea, and get lots of sleep. Yes, it's work, and even though we don't look 20 anymore, we still get attention from younger dudes occasionally...... :) And yoga is the greatest weapon. There is a 65 year old lady in my class who has a better body than me, and her face looks 30 something. She goes every day-I'm lucky to make it once a week. But I do get to the gym or do DVDs at least 3 times a week, or here comes that 10 pounds again....

You'll be amazed the years a hair cut will take off. Long hair drags your face down and makes you look weary after a certain age. Same with an older style or not so fresh color. If it's down your back, you can do a shaggy shoulder length for some body. You don't have to do a frumpy mom do. And there are stylish edgy mature clothes that make you look young and put together.

I can't do all black anymore, I need some color and accessories and eye make up where my "vibrant youth" used to suffice. Sticking with your young clothes will make you look way older. It's always good to go through mags and see what gorgeous older actresses /fashion designers are wearing (besides couture gowns of course) because their stylists know how to dress that age. Then you can get some basics in your price range. Thank god for tunic length tops for baby bellies is all I'm saying.

Ditching your old style will not make you old at heart-it will keep you young and current. It does my heart good to see up to date older ladies and makes me feel better about aging.

You're probably not as big of a mess as you think, but you do have to roll with the punches and fight back :) We're all in this sinking ship together!

Yeah, I hear ya sister.
You are probably peri menopause.
From age 46 to 50 I put on 30 lbs.
I've spent the last 3 years figuring out my new metabolism and working with it.
I suggest a high fiber diet, add some exercise that you NEVER had to do before (people always thought I worked out and I didnt!)
The sagging face skin, well if you have money I suppose you could go get a peel or somethin. Me? I'm just gettin used to looking at my "grandma" face and I actually can see my mom and both of my grandmothers when in the mirror.... and it's becoming endearing to me.
Don't change your dressing style, just dont wear stuff that makes you look gross. Wear the right size for cryin out loud, nothing worse than a fat chick showing her belly in my book.
Being mature is not that bad. I love it. The worst part is the new aches and pains. The best part is I havent had to buy a tampon in 3 years :)

I'm 44 and fabulous. Since getting married I have put on 25 pounds and am at an all time heavy but this weight gain has been equally distributed between my breasts, waist and hips. Hubby loves my new curves. I was a solid size 6 but now I'm a solid 8. Long story short, so what.

Sexy is a state of mind. You are very telling in your thoughts of yourself when you say that "I am never NEVER going to look better". I know for a fact that I look better now than I did 20 years ago and I will look even better 20 years from now. In my mind and way of thinking, I'm never going to stop being a cute girl.

Mind you I may not be the ideal for many but I wasn't created by God to please the world. I was made by Him for His pleasure and God doesn't make junk. God gave me to my husband and has put us together because He knew just what my husband likes and prefers.

You can alter your physical appearance and get a more youthful look through exercise (Yoga and Pilates help create lean and toned muscles and sculpt the body). A new hair cut can take years off of you.

Keeping your clothing choices fresh and current is very important.

Ultimately this all boils down to what you think about youself. I do understand what you are talking about but I think we must fight everyday for life and living an abundant life by taking care of ourselves and guarding how we think about about ourselves because it can and will effect our outward appearance.

You're not crazy. And people who comment on your weight gain are just plain rude. I think every woman goes through this at some point. For me, the decade of my 40's has not been fun...various health issues, taking care of aging parents, dealing with their deaths, etc. I realized that I had been putting myself last for a very long time. It is not easy being part of the "sandwich" generation" and feeling pulled in so many different directions. Now that my parents are gone, and my kids are older (one in HS, one in college) I find myself at age 48 wondering what the rest of my life will be like. I am trying, slowly, to take steps to find myself again. It is scary and exciting at the same time! I cut my hair, joined Weight Watchers, and am trying to get more exercise. Making positive changes has made a positive impact on my self-esteem. I guess what I'm starting to realize is that while I can't turn back the hands of time, there's really no reason to think that the next phase of my life can't be fulfilling and fun, and that there's alot to look forward to. It's just a matter of re-adjusting your thinking and expectations, and believe me when I say it takes awhile to do this. I am fortunate to have a very supportive husband - it sounds like you do, too! Don't take that for granted. If you want to make some changes, do it for YOU, not because you feel you have to measure up to anyone else's standards. Part of getting older is coming to that comfortable and confident feeling within yourself, and then projecting that to the world. You may not ever look the way you did 20 years ago, but you can look the best you can for your age without having to resort to "mature women" clothes and hair. The most important thing you said is that you are "young at heart" - I think this makes a tremendous difference - attitude is 90% of the battle I think.

I am 46 and I still shop in the jr department. Misses clothes do not fit right and I am not about to wear clothes based on my age. I aged a lot in 2010. It was the year from he_ _!!!! and I have the grey hairs and wrinkles to prove it but what is important is we made it through it. So what if I have a few wrinkles or grey hairs, I am still the same person.
No one should ever mention someone elses weight. It is just plain rude!!!!! I am sure your husband loves you no matter what your weight is. He probaly didn't even notice how much weight you put on. I ballooned up to 173lbs one year and my husband could not believe it when I told him. I have since lost the weight after I was diagnosed with Celiac but it was nice to know it didn't matter to my husband.
I have spent the last 21 years taking care of my children and husband so I have decided it is time for me. I exercise daily and try to eat healthy. I spend time doing what I want. In some ways I think that is what women are talking about when they say 40's is great. You get to get a little of "you" back.
Would I like to have beautiful hands again? You bet but my hands look the way they do because I did family daycare for 20 years and touch the lives of so many wonderful children, the sun spots on my face are there because I took those same children out daily and I love being outside, the grey hairs came from raising my children and taking care of my mother before she passed etc..I wouldn't change any of this. I am living life and to me that is what is most important not a few winkles or grey hairs or couple extra pounds. Enjoy your life and be happy. You are getting a chance to grow old and it is wonderful.

I am also 46 and feeling exactly the same way. I too have gained 20 lbs and was skinny all my life. I too struggle with thoughts of aging and that I have "missed out" and it will never be better, only worse. So, my strategy is to question my thoughts. "Is it true that it doesn't get better?", "Is it true that you are no longer attractive to men?", "Is it really true that you can't enjoy life becuase you don't look 'young'?", etc.

I find myself gathering information about older women and how they move through the world. It is true that some of them just become sadder, slower, and enjoy life less. And, it is just as true that some women get even better with age. In fact, I have noticed many women that somehow seem more beautiful with age.

I have learned that curiosity is the antidote to fear. I have become curious about my own and societies beliefs about aging and how those beliefs effect our lives so deeply. I now choose to not just 'buy in' to whatever beliefs that are out there but to question them first. To question them deeply and decide for myself what I want to believe and what beliefs I want to let go of. Byron Katie has a saying that I have hung up on my desk. It says: "I don't let go of my concepts - I question them. Then they let go of me."

I'm still not completely okay with this whole aging process, however, I am starting to feel a little better and at least have hope now that something wonderful could be be true instead of the doom and gloom we are fed by society.

I'm 45 and in the same boat. I’m still trying to lose the baby weight. The diet that I was on before baby and turning 40 doesn’t work. I'm also struggling with redefining myself and my personal style. I've been in the trenches helping my son with Autism for the past 4 years and now I have no idea who I am when I look in the mirror. I don't have any advice other than to tell you what I'm doing and that is I'm not giving up on myself. I'm off all processed foods and sugar other than fruit and eating a whole food, balanced diet with good fats and lean protein. I'm drinking water, taking vitamins and trying to do some type of movement daily (I'm headed for knee replacements on both knees). Even if it's stretching. I have lost about 20 lbs, but have another 25 to go.
I do write the check for a good haircut and put makeup on every day, not a lot, but enough to freshen my face. Even if I’m working out and/or cleaning the house.
Last night I found a website called myshape.com. It's a sort of personal online "shopper" that picks out flattering clothes based on your measurements. I’m holding off on buying any new clothes until I drop a few more pounds.
Good luck!

((((C.))))) welcome to the club! Let me hand you an oar so you can paddle the journey with the rest of us!

Dolly Parton said in Steel Magnolia's: Honey, time marches on, and pretty soon you'll see it marchin' right across your face. Bless her heart, truer words were never spoken.

Life is truly a journey and one day we wake up and see 50 staring us in the face and wonder how we got here.

A little more exercise, a lot less processed foods/sugars, etc, will help. If your hubby is the guy I think he is - he fell in love with you - not the package you come in.

We all have to be a bit crazy to have made it this far. We just have to make some changes to get things under control. You can do it, we're all right here to support you!

**Additions: C., here's something else - at least we're not men so as we age we won't get the bulbous nose, gynormous ears with HAIR growing out of them :)

Yes, yes, yes! I know EXACTLY what your talking about! 46 here as well with a 3 y/o. :) I definitely feel your pain daily. I also re-married someone younger, so I'm with you on that one too. As far as your family mentioning your weight, that is just rude. My advice to you, is to find an exercise program that you enjoy & you will feel better mentally as well as transform physically. I have about 40 lbs. to lose, and since I started working out (cardio) 5 x a week, things have improved. Not only my physical appearance, but mentally. You can't stop time and aging, but you can make the most out of who you are. This is a turning point in our lives, instead of focusing on the negative of aging, focus on the positive in your life & strive to improve yourself, from the inside, out.

Wow, my Aunt and I were just talking about this last night. I will be 46 in March and she just turned 69 and we are both daily astounded by our reflection in our mirrors. I have been having a hard time reconciling that reflection to the image I have of myself - which is stuck in my mid 30s and about 25 pounds ago.

Wonderful comments on this thread - Thank you all - it is nice to know that other women struggle with self image at this age.

So, my plan is to take better care of myself . Although I always have, I have been taking care of the 30 year old me, not the 45 year old me. And the 45 year old me needs different things. {sigh} Once I completely recover from my current kidney stone - talk about feeling old fast LOL - I am planning on starting an exercise program - just long walks in my neighborhood and stints on the Gazelle at home. Dealing with my obsession for white foods, and watching calories. I have always eaten a healthy diet but my body is just not processing food like it used to. And I have gotten lazy in the past year because of not realizing the true impact turning 45 had on me emotionally.

I think we all need to focus more on ourselves, and how we perceive ourselves and less on how society perceives "women of a certain age". But heck, this getting older thing is just not easy.

God Bless!!

You're not crazy! Time does march on -but we all know the alternative to getting older, right? I'm 41 today, and OH YES I am noticing special little lines around my eyes -and those suckers really puff up and get baggy in the morning if I've cried the night before or had a little too much wine! That NEVER used to happen. I recently lost 30 lbs that I've been trying to find the motivation to lose since I had #2 in 2008, and it will give you a great lift! However -not having anything under the skin to "plump it up" has certainly made me think my neck is looking old ;-) The fact is you CAN look younger and better and feel like it, too!

I've always had to keep an eye on my weight, so consider yourself lucky to be facing this for the first time. YES -our metabolisms slow and both genders tend to put on some weight as we go through middle age. The older you get, it is much tougher to take it off, but you can do it! Don't do some silly "quick weight loss" plan or the latest weight loss fad though -head to Weight Watchers or read up on good nutrition and portion sizes. The difference between now and your past is that you're going to have to start thinking about what you eat. You may really need to educate yourself on what "healthy eating" really means and what sizes portions actually should be (that can be a little disheartening). Exercise will help you immensely -in more ways than just keeping the weight off too. You will look and feel younger with exercise.Walking, jogging, dance, yoga, swimming -whatever floats your boat and gets your heart rate up will do! I've recently gotten into kettle bell workouts, and I love it. Building lean muscle will make your skin and body look younger and more toned, and it helps your metabolism by burning calories more efficiently. It also REALLY helps as we age against bone loss and breakage and keeps you flexible.

I remember about 4 years ago after having my first child and losing the baby weight -I went shopping and tried on a "cute" outfit. It was the first time I looked in a mirror and with horror realized that I was WAY too old for it! It fit my body, but not my face! However, there are many gorgeous clothes out there that you can wear without looking frumpy or "mommish." Look for clean, simple lines, well-tailored pants and jeans that actually fit well (they don't have to be "mom" jeans -just not super low-riding, thong-showing, ripped and ultra tight ones). Add some punch to your outfits with great jewelry -nice big semi-precious stones, silver, etc. and really good shoes. Don't buy too frilly or flouncy. AND GET A HAIRCUT! Seriously -I don't know how long your hair is, but beyond shoulder length is going to make you look older and more matronly as you age. You don't have to get it all cut off, but keeping it in some soft layers around your face and not heavily styled will really help. I know that can be a really hard one, but take it in baby steps, and you'll probably be really happy with the results.

I sit on the fence when it comes to plastic surgery, botox, juviderm, etc. I'm not terribly comfortable with the idea of botox, but I know several people who love it -and it really does a great job for them. I can see myself trying juviderm in 5 or 6 years (and if the neck totally goes -I am SO having a neck lift -IMO few things are as aging on a woman as a jiggly, wrinkly neck). If you're truly bothered by the aging process, there are options to look into, but I think you can also age gracefully and beautifully without any of it (and it is expensive and carries risk).

So -sorry for the novel-length post! I guess this is just really on my mind after getting ready this morning! As far as members of your family commenting on your weight -where do they get off? There are a few members of my father's family like that. Personally I would counter act the, "You look like you've put on a little weight," comments with, "And you seem to have developed a moustache (for women) -what are you doing about that?" or "Yeah, I'm trying to keep up with you," or "Thanks for your concern -tell me -are you getting enough rest? You look like you've aged 10 years since the last time I saw you..." If you're not the "comeback" type -honestly say to them, "Wow -you really know how to make someone feel good." It's really not okay for people to comment on things like that.

I know what you're talking about! I'm not sure that your thinking is right in every respect.

First of all, if you ask your husband, he might just tell you that although he was first attracted to your appearance, it was what was inside you that made him want you to marry him. (If, God forbid, you died tomorrow, he wouldn't miss your measurements as much as he'd miss your loving heart.)

When you get older it's amazingly easy to put on weight. But age also means you are more subject to certain health problems. Habits you've gotten away with before may catch up with you now - sometimes in a serious way. That's reason enough to work on (or work off) those twenty pounds. It won't make you look twenty years younger, but it will make you healthier and you'll definitely feel younger. Please get a physical checkup and ask your doctor what route you should take to do this.

Do you know some older women - and I must tell you that you're a KID compared to some of us! - whom you like and who you think look attractive? Ask them how they do it - clothing, skin care, hair, the works. (They'll be flattered that you asked.) If you need to change, you want to make the right kinds of changes. You want to look classy and sophisticated. Sophistication is the new "hot" at a certain age. And talking to real live people is more helpful and fun than poring over magazine or online articles.

The two things you DON'T want to do are either to obsess over your age, as if nothing else mattered, or to say, "Oh, this is awful and I give up!" Why should you do that? You're the same person inside. All you want to do is to continue to reflect what's inside you.

Well said, Amy! So glad you didn't stay away for long!!! :)

Watch What Not to Wear on TLC. They have great guidelines for dressing your body type/age in a chic, fashionable way that is flattering, de-agifying (lol), and put together. They also do hair and make up, so you can get ideas there too, for what is current and chic.

But basically, I totally agree with everything Amy said, especially with regard to ditching your "young" clothes for more sophisticated, chic, age appropriate things that flatter you, rather than make you look like a 40 year old trying to look like a 20 year old. Just because you can fit in the clothes in the Juniors section doesn't mean you should wear them (well, most of them, anyhow.)

I am sure you can still rock it at 40! Just rethink things a little, and do EVERYTHING Amy said! LOL

Aging and changing is scary, especially in a society which is obsessed with youth and controlling our bodies to make them match some kind of bizarre ideal image which fits only 5% of the population. We don't hear much about the perks of being in our 40s or 50s instead of 20s, but they are real. Being mentally together, calmer, and having a broader perspective on life (so we can laugh at the goofy things which happen) makes us easy to be with--and THAT inside stuff is what makes a person attractive. By the way, I've heard that people usually gain weight after getting married, probably because they're happier and content! You have a fairly new marriage with someone who picked a 42-year old you, which is wonderful. I love what Tiffany S wrote and the attitude shown by Dawn.

I don't mean to ignore the real physical changes which we experience at this time, and it does shake up how we see ourselves when we realize we just don't look 25 any more. But my focus on how you/we feel about being 46 and knowing we'll just keep getting older (or die!). Perhaps a new activity will nudge you into feeling better and tone up the body at the same time, and I encourage you to look into something new or go back to something you used to love which dropped out. However, I think the way we think about where we are now is the real key. Beauty really is an inside job. Wishing you all good things as we walk along the road to middle-age (and hopefully old age!).

I don't have any advise, but I want you to know ---" I am right there with you!"

Get into a yoga class. Yoga is for life. Yes we do gain weight in the pre menopause years. However, staying fit is what it is all about. Learn yoga and do it five or six days a week. I'm buff and many years older than you. I took up yoga at age 38. It took six months and the fat turned to muscle. Yes it was slow going at first. I had to do 20 minutes morning and evening since I could not do more in one session. After a couple of months I saw my stamina return.
Don't buy mature woman clothing. Use what you've got to dress nicely. I use lots of color in my accessories. Orange, purple, blue I need color to look good. I wear black and brown but accessorize.
Learn a new skill. Every summer I go to genetics classes since it is an interest of mine. I do the five day intensives. Keep your mind active. Women are living long, long lives. You will need your mind.
My mother who has always been an intellectual is 92 still driving, going to parties and concerts. If you want a stimulating and interesting conversation go see her.
Life at 46 is just a turning point wherein you give up old dreams good only in youth for the ones that will carry you forward.

I know exactly what you are talking about. Mother Nature is cruel to us women as we get past 40. It's harder to lose weight, more wrinkles and more gray hair. Actually, I think alot of it is genetic. If your parents didn't age well, there is a greater possibility that you won't age well (just my honest opinion). I'm interested in reading your responses...maybe there's a way to slow the progression without botox, liposuction, or any other cosmetic surgery:)

M.

Wow, I want to know why your family is so CRASS. Who tells someone they have gained weight? It's hard enough to tell someone they've lost because there is an insinuation they were overweight before.

I'm 44. And yes, I've been noticing changes here and there, the way I walk, the aches and pains that make me feel old, the lack of interest in new clothes or doing my hair. Just do your best. Enjoy your life and live for YOU and not anyone else. :) Well..um as a born again believer I live for God. But he wants the world for me! :) I really just mean don't let what anyone else thinks they see or say they see be a reason for anything you do.

Ugh....right there with you. Although my problem is not my body (yet). I am constantly watching what I eat to stay trim and healthy...a bit of an obsession really. MY problem is my face!! I am wrinkle free due to vigilant SPF usage and retin-a but my face is starting to droop!! Just started this year at 44. And there is a tiny bit of jowl starting on either side of my chin. And right under my chin that little muscle pouch is starting. I cannot even tell you how much I think this alters my looks. I have always felt proud to be thought of as much younger than I am but its like instantly I have changed from that. It bums me out every single time I look into the mirror or put on makeup. I do have to say that I will do something about it. I used to be opposed to surgery but not anymore. There are many non-invasive things that can be done. I admit thought that I am a little 'chicken' still. I think in the next couple of years as it worsens I will probably lose that fear!

You are actually lucky if your biggest problem is your weight-SO fixable! Get yourself on a healthy diet that will be a way of life for you. There are so many resources out there for this. (I personally have enjoyed a mediteranean diet. ) The thing is you ARE on the cusp of where your health could start to decline so it is so very important to lose the weight. Every excess pound puts additional pressure on your joints-something we do NOT need as we age. The same thing for excersize. It is beyond a doubt the biggest indicator of longevity in humans. If you don't already you MUST start. And you need a 3 pronged approach: Cardio, strength and flexibility. SO its as easy as walk every day, lift some weights and do yoga-the best flexiblity builder you can find. I highlly rec Prevention magazine as a source for excercise advice. They have a sensible program that spells out for you how much of each to do to get you on the right track and how to schedule it throughout your week, plus excercises.

By the summer you are going to be feeling better than ever if you start now. You can do it!!

As far as hair. It CAN really age us. You will need to take an honest look at your face-pull your hair to a shorter shoulder length style and see the difference. You may be surprised. Long hair can really pull our face down and make us look older after a certain age. And I know it is a symbol of your youth but wouldn't you rather look good? You don't have to go short short. Just not long.

And for dressing-you can still wear the trends...just interpret them in a more sophisticated way. ex: If you want to wear a mini-wear it with black tights and boots for a mono look. You HAVE to check out this site for the BEST realistic fashion advice you will find: www.youlookfab.com

I also just want to add that I really find it SO hard to believe all of these women (esp stars) who say how much better their 40s are and they are at their best and bla bla bla. I have not found this to be the case at all. IT actually kind of stinks IMO. I am losing my looks and my mind (seriously I am not nearly as smart as I used to be) and menopause is right around the corner! How can that be so great?? I am sure I will get many who disagree but thats just how I see it. I am a realist.

You guys are young in your 40s I just turned 63. Yes there are times I feel like I am 100 but most of the time I feel like I am 40. It maybe the way I approach life as the inner child has never left me. Don't get me wrong I have been through trials and fire and have come out the other side a new person and a wiser person.

I feel that every person has a body size assigned to them (mine is 12-14). You seem to go up the scale and down the scale but you always stop at a said size for clothing. Depending on the current style you may have to go up or down one to get it to fit the body as it currently is. Look at the magazines and get ideas of what is flattering to your body type. I didn't wear clothes that exposed my belly when I was 20 and I am sure not going to do it at 63. I like the person who suggested What Not to Wear as a guide for how to change you without going broke. We sometimes get stuck in a rut or whatever and don't notice life changes.

Also it is an attitude about how you feel about yourself. You say it is all over and why make a change? Because it is you and you have not lived yet. Go out and get some sexy undies and put them on under your clothes it will make you feel better. Hubby might want to know what you are doing to feel or look so good (this is for you). If you don't want to cut your hair buy a wig and try it out to see if that is what you really want (lot cheaper than waiting for hair to grow back). If you have grays color them it does take a lot of years off the face and right now if you are job hunting people are going to choose the one with the least amount of gray.

Do for yourself what you see others do for them. Remember to have a positive attitude, do work out a bit, enjoy life and do laugh a lot. See the glass as half full. I am always digging into that pile of @SSS for the pony. Once you have been through trials and fire you have a different perspective to life and priorities change in importance so go with the flow.

My best to you all. None of you are crazy just growing up into beautiful women who lay claim to the changes in their bodies and in their minds. I do have a couple of pairs of jeans that I keep and try to fit into again now and then which keeps me from going too far off the track on size. Also weight is just a number and if you are healthy and are comfortable in your skin then let it be.

The other S.

PS I do wear a small amount of make up to the office. The clothes I wear to work are full of colors that compliment my skin tone with a bit of black and blue. So as the Army says "Be all you can be," and enjoy. You might want to write a book about your life one day.

Now I know I am not crazy! There are too many of us that feel the same way. As far as the weight...I hear you! I have gained 25lbs in the last 5 years mainly due to my aging body since I am not as active. Broke my wrist ice skating... Dislocated my knee as I sat on my bed (not kidding), broke a bone in my right foot...And most recently injured my left foot while doing aerobic exercising (5 doctors later and no diagnosis although the cortisone injection has helped) ...switched to exclusively doing weights and I ended up having trigger finger in both index fingers (both hands)...UGH!! I don't turn heads the way I did when I was younger and now the guys are looking at my daughter!!! Lol! Overall, though I am happy in my life and I will try to grow old gracefully while keeping a sense of humor... I don't want to add frown lines to my face :)

I often think that of that saying that youth is wasted on the young! How true!

You're not crazy. I'm 48, 5'3," and 134 lbs. I was 120 lbs. when I was 40. MIL and coworkers have opened up their traps about my weight, which is really annoying. I just look at them and say, "Yes I know I need to loose weight, but I really don't think I'm that big or fat." Hubby has mentioned that he really like how much "sexier" I look and doesn't think I'm fat at all. He just thinks I wear baggy clothing and that makes me fat, since I look so good to him without clothes. I did sit down with my self to figure out what happened, which is not just typical weight gain for my age. It's not exercising and eating like I used to, which has cause a lot of aches and pains. Being busy with my family, the tennis elbow and phlebitis gave me great excuses not to exercise. Now, I've got to get my old attitude back of exercise being my play time. I have found free exercise videos online and youtube, that are fun. I find walking isn't enough for me, so I really have to use exercise videos and modify them for my joints.

As for wrinkles....Not yet, but they'll be there. I'm not looking for anyone, so I don't really care about that. I'm happen with my current catch.

Grey hair....Are you kidding? I'm not going to dye that. I want to appreciate it like my son's sifu does. I don't have much of it yet, but to me, it's my stripes.

I feel the same way. So no you are not crazy.
M. australia

I know all to well what you are talking about... but I'm 41. I realized awhile ago looking at pictures that every couple of years I hated how I aged but that where I am right now is going to look good to me in a few years. It's a double edged sword - a good thing and a bad thing. On one side, it totally depresses me that this ugly present version of me - one day I will look back on and say "oh I wish I looked like that..." but on the flip side, it makes me appreciate and, I don't know... try to live my life to the fullest while I still can so to speak... but it's always going to be that way. No matter how old you get, you know you will get older and so you need to appreciate where you are... and of course you can always look back and get depressed. So keep looking forward appreciating where you haven't gotten yet... not where you used to be. If that makes sense...

Hi C., I have a cousin whose 48, and gorgeous. I hope to look like her when I ge there. When I was in my 20's I used to lie under the sun from 11-6pm, and no umbrella. Luckily I woke up quickly. By mid 20's I avoided it every bit, BUT the sun spots did creep up on my face, chest, and back. Ageing started to take effect and it was no pretty sight. Somewhere in my early 30's I sarted using lots of protection throughout my body. Even washing my face at night with a good scrub and applying some night cream was a huge improvement. I even use a lip balm at night to keep the moisture intact on my lips. Now 40, sun spots haven't all vanished, but a change for the better definitely shows. I don't know what your style of living is, but if you like to drink now and again my suggestion would be to stop. I'd switch for the wine instead, and have a beer (which I love) maybe once or twice a week. I am a major water drinker too. I don't drink cokes or any other carbonated soft drinks. My sister who's a year older than myself, doesn't take care of herself at all and it shows. I hope this is not overwhelming, but walking is the best medicine. If you live near the shore or have some good parks with walking paths I would take advantage of it. Do your shopping by foot if possible. Wishing you well, enjoy life...

Aging gracefully is not about trying to look younger, it's about being comfortable in your own skin. The most attractive older women I've seen aren't the ones with smooth, surgically enhanced faces or slim, girlish figures. They are the ones that have wrinkles from smiling so much and enough weight on them to make hugs and lap-sits more comfortable for the grandkids. They dress as young as they feel, but still have good taste. They laugh a lot and don't care if their hair is curled "just so" or their make-up is on all the time.

They are vibrant, loving, down-to-earth, beautiful women and THAT is something I can only hope to be when I hit 50.

I hear ya. I'm 42 and my body chemistry is shifting. The weight just sticks easier than it did when I was younger. My hubby is 4 years younger (Woohoo! LOL). We're trying to eat healthier to set a good example for our son, and so that we'll be around for as long as we can (he's only 3.5 years old).

Actually, I think I looked the best in my 30's. But I just look different now. Older isn't bad, it just IS. The only thing I don't like about it is sometimes I look like my mother - I don't have a good relationship with her so looking like her is a bit upsetting ;)

Talk to your doctor to make sure you're healthy. Make little changes to improve your diet/exercise, etc.

Instead of worrying about looking like you used to, focus on figuring out how to look the best you can as you are now! Some women age REALLY well, and I hope I can be one of them. I color my hair, but when I'm ready, if my grey looks good, I'll let it go there. Or I'll color it to one of those great shades of grey that some women have. Moisturize, exercise, and spend time with the people you love.

C.,

You're 46, not 86! There is no reason for you to throw in the towel. First of all, there is a way to reduce your ageing process, and it's no secret - through a healthy eating style (I hate to use the word diet) and exercise. Just yesterday on Live With Regis & Kelly, there was an exercise expert on and she said that if you do cardio exercise 30 minutes a day, you will reduce your body's ageing process. You also need to eat healthy. What is helping me get more fruits and veggies in my body is my daily smoothies. My husband just bought me a blender, and I have been having fruit smoothies for breakfast (along with an oatmeal bar or something else - a smoothie alone does not fill me up), and an apple/carrot/spinach/low sugar orange juice smoothie for lunch (along w/ a healthy sandwich). It is easier for me to drink a lot of my fruits and veggies. By eating healthy, you will not only lose weight, but you will feel better and it will probably make you look better (within time, after you eat like this and exercise for a while - nothing is overnight, so be patient and give it time). There is no reason why you can't lose weight at your age. I also highly recommend going for a physical (if you haven't already had your annual physical), which includes a full test of bloodwork. Have them especially test your thyroid to make sure it isn't preventing you from losting weight. Also, make sure you're drinking plenty of water, limit your sugars, that kind of stuff. And I hope you don't smoke! Smoking will age you quickly! Good luck!