Future Clepto?

Hi T.,
This is SO normal-- so don't get too worried about her ending up as one of America's Most Wanted. :)
But your very right to try and nip this in the bud as soon as possible.
I think you're doing exactly what you should, and are handling it very well. During all of this, she's learning boundaries. Just because you like it, doesn't mean you can take it. At 4, she can understand the basic concept-- but she doesn't understand the moral part of it. The most she can probably understand, is that it hurts peoples feelings. So explaining that to her may help. Find one of her favorite toys and talk with her about how much she likes it. Then ask her how she would feel if one of her friends came over and stole it away from her, took it to THEIR house, and your daughter never gets to play with it anymore. Talk about how sad that would make her feel, and how she might worry that everytime her friend came over, she'd take ANOTHER one of her toys. Then your daughter might not even want to be her friend anymore.
Something else that's really important, and you didn't mention, is some form of punishment. The first time this happened, she didn't know-- you can't reall punish that. (And really, she DID know-- they ALL have an instinctive sense that what they're doing is wrong-- that's why they HIDE it. They wouldn't hide it if they didn't know it was bad, right? But, they're testing -- they're just learning and even though she has a God given sense of right and wrong, it isn't fully developed yet.) But, now she's been told by you. A few times in fact. So now, even if she doesn't fully understand why it's wrong to steal, she's been given the rule. So if she breaks it, there has to be some form of punishment. And it needs to be something that will teach the lesson. So for example, when she steals, and causes someone to miss something that belongs to them, you take something that belongs to her.
And it has to be something that hurts and makes a strong impression. So you take away a favorite toy, a favorite movie, etc. Also, what worked great with our kids, is making them admit to the person they stole it from, and teaching them restitution.
Several years ago, when one of our daughters was 4, she stole a lip gloss from Walmart. Once I got home and realized what she'd done, we had the talk I descibed above, and told her she was going to have to confess. So I took her back to Walmart, to the Customer Service counter and she had to tell the lady what she did. She cried during the whole thing, told her what she did, said she was sorry and that she'd never do it again. And she hasn't.
These kind of experiences are tough on them, (and you!), but they're MAJOR learning experiences and are important for them to have to make them good and honest people.

T.

When I was younger I had the same problem. I did get cought in a store - my parents had never cought me before that. Well here is what happened. I didn't get aressted it was at the BX. I did have to write and essay. Do 40 hours of community serivce and go before a hearing. My parents also grounded me 4 a month over Christmas vacation. It happened just before the holidays. That happened when I was 14 I am now 27 and have never done it again. Maybe if have her stay after class and help clean up. That may help her learn that there are consiquences.

When I was young I got caught stealing. My grandma made me take it back into the store and then she made the store clerk call the police and when the police came my granny went out and spoke with the officer. I went to the police station. You know it scared me straight. Well my 4 year old started taking things and when I caught her doing it. I let her get all the way to the car. Then I made her tell me what she did then I made her take it back in the store. Then I got on my cell and called the cops and I made sure everyone that was around knew
what she did. Then I had a cop come and talked to her. After that she never did it again. she is seven. It was a big thing to do but it left a very big impresion on me and my daughter also a learning exspereance for my youngest. I am not saying this will help I am just telling you what worked for me and my daughter. I hope you find something that will work for you.

My son had the same problem. He is now 7 and knows the difference beteween what belongs to him, and what doesn't. When he was 5, it got so bad that before he left the house, school, daycare, stores, anywhere, myself, teachers, workers, or whatever, would have to pat him down. He finally got the message, and hasn't done it since. repetetiveness will pull through.

My son went thru a phase like this and I do not think it means that she is going ot be a professional theif when she gets older. Kids just go thru this phase ( at least some do) where they see something they want and take it. There is no easy fix for this, in my opinion. You just have to keep your eyes open and keep on top of her. Tell her that if she continues taking things from the store that she will not be able to go in with you and if by chance she does get something out of there make her take it back in and return it to the person in charge I did that to my son once and it was a shocker for him to have to do that. Just keep looking in her backpack and keep an eye on things, if that had been me at the daycare I would not hae let my daughter keep the teletubbies since she took them without permission. Hope this helps. If it makes you feel any better my son did finally grow out of it. His uncle is a police officer and had a little talk with him about it maybe that helped our situation out a little.

My daughter was around 4 when she took some candy from a store. I saw it when we left and DH made her take it back and say sorry. But what really got her was me crying. I told her I didn't raise a daughter who steals and that stealing was wrong. She never did it again because she was so upset. Now my DS is doing it too. GRRR

Maybe what I've done for my son might help. He didn't steal, but he had a way of "talking" his friends into giving him their toys. He had his friends brings toys from home to preschool for him.

He already had a chore chart set up at home so I started to give him .50 cents for each chore and everytime I caught him with a "new" toy from one of his friends, he had to pay his friend for the toy.

He quickly learned he preferred saving his money for a bigger toy.

Also letting her help you pay for items at the grocery store, so she can see that items must be purchased.

Good Luck!