Frustation Vent

I hope that you have had all of these prior agreements with him in writing (email is better than text since some courts won't allow texts to be admitted as evidence).
If it is too late for that and you are representing yourself in court this week, come in with your SSS as my best friend says (Sh** super straight). Watch Judge Judy for what NOT to do. Judges like to see evidence, written evidence. Bring invoices, receipts, and notarized statements not estimates.
If you are going to claim that the move is in your daughter's best interests, you need to prove it with both tangible and intangible specifics.

Prove that you are not just making more, but that your increase in pay will go to things that benefit your daughter and not be eaten up by higher expenses. ex "With my new job and the lower cost of housing in WI, I can afford to rent a house rather than apartment so she will have a backyard."

Arguing that the schools are better once your daughter gets older? Show test scores, teacher student ratios, per pupil spending, and the availability of extracurriculars like music and art.

The good news --actually great news-- is that your ex stupidly canceled his visitations with your daughter. Judges do not like that. Bring it up if you can prove that knucklehead cancelled them himself rather than you cancelling them to retaliate for him refusing to pay the higher amount. It is hard for your ex to argue that he would be estranged from his daughter if you move so he cancelled his visits in protest.

You said your daughter is daycare aged. But you said she has homework. What daycare on this planet gives homework? Just curious! Or, is your daughter school-aged, and she would go to a daycare after school?

Anyway, check your divorce decree. You can sue your ex for not paying child support. Good luck.

I'm so sorry for your pain. Whatever happens, just focus on loving your child with all your heart and soul. Protect her during this difficult time. Make sure she comes first. Your love towards her will lift you as well.

you don't say what your divorce decree dictates, nor how old your daughter is.
rainbows and sunshine aside, your ex simply can't just quit paying (although he can, i suppose, quit communicating or visiting his child) however annoyed he is.
what does it mean that the court has allowed you to move 'with repercussion'?
there are traditional daycares that permit non-traditional hours. you just have to find them and work with them. and your ex has to understand that they'll almost certainly be more expensive. but if that's what he wants.......
and may well be better than an 18 year old with an irresponsible boyfriend.
i think i'd just go into court being very very clear, and simple. don't think so much about 'swaying' the judge as just telling him exactly what's going on, but really be clear, much more clear than you are in this post. no emotional baggage or drama, just the facts, ma'am.
'here's what the decree says. this is where we stand at the moment. this is what i'd like to have happen.'
don't muck it up by trying to 'sway' the judge by going on about what your ex hasn't done, or lied about, or changed his mind about.
clean and simple.
good luck!
khairete
S.

To me, it's a slam-dunk-a father that does not want to support his child in order to punish the mother-lovely-hope the judge sees it this way. All I can say is document everything-his contributions, lack thereof, your phone calls reaching out to him to attempt to come to some kind of resolution, etc-it's literally like rolling dice-there is generally no rhyme nor reason in a court of law-it is there where both parents are made equally miserable and the children suffer the most-good luck.

What does it state in your divorce decree and joint parenting agreement? I don't understand the "repercussion". If he agreed that you could move, then go ahead and move. I don't think he gets to C. his mind if custody, visitation, and child support were already set by the court.

So if he stops paying you he $70/month, boo hoo. He still owes it to you, and I think the state can sue him for it and garnish his wages. You can probably sue him for your child care expenses too.

You can't force him to take his visitation. So it sounds like your real problem will be paying for child care. If he can't prove that there are safety issues regarding you paying your brother's girlfriend to watch your daughter, then once again, HE needs to take you to court over the issue. I can't imagine any judge that would side with your husband -- especially since he won't even spend time with your daughter.

Best of luck to you! I hope things go well for you on Thursday. Please update!

I would have told you, if we were friends in real life, that 50/50 custody is a joke. It is unfair to each parent. Next time he wants to do something say no. For no good reason, just so you can assert your authority and choice to say no. Keep him from going on vacation, keep him from doing something just to be petty. It would do him some good to have it back on him.

But for now. You have a job in another state and are working at it but still live in your current town? That is way beyond confusing. File for sole custody and ask for child support.

AND NEVER EVER EVER EVER do your child care this way again.

Your provider will NEVER EVER go after him for payment. YOU sign her up and you bring her and you are responsible for the bill. You get child support, that money is for her expenses so use it for her child care expenses. DO NOT let him sucker you in to him paying half, that's not a dollar amount and it's not money to you. YOU need child support and then you can pay for what you want.

I had a parent who had this clause in her court order. She would not pay me the money SHE owed me. She told me to get my money from him. I told her from the very beginning that I would not do this. If she wanted her child in my care it was her business and mine and that I would terminate her child and take her to court to get monies owed for child care of she chose to not pay. She chose to not pay and I took her to court and she got her wages garnished. She had to pay the bill she made. She said she took him back to court but that was well after she was fired as one of my families.

Get child support and use that money to pay for your child's care. Once you move to another state you're going to have to pay for after school care for her one way or another. Lots of centers and home facilities have extended hours. I was open until 3am. I had all the strippers in town bringing their kids to my center. They paid me with ones every day.

I also had a bunch of nurses that worked the 2nd shift. I opened at 5:30am and stayed open until 3am weekdays. I made tons more money this way. I didn't take infants or toddlers so I could have 12 kiddo's if I had any 3 year old kids in the group. If I had only school aged ones I could have 20 by myself and leave them alone up to 10 minutes at a time. That really helped when I was trying to cook dinner or make bedtime snacks or toss laundry in the washer/dryer.

Do you believe this is really about the money or is it his reaction to your taking his child away? It is not right for him to stop paying. However think how you would feel if he were the custodial parent and he decided to move away with your child? While you may have a better job in another state, will that really outweigh the benefits to your child of having two involved parents. Please be the grown up here and decide what is best for your child, not what will punish your ex or be more convenient for you.

Despite the opinion of the poster below, having 50:50 involvement by both parents is absolutely the best choice for a child (that is why we as a society encourage two parent households over single parent ones). It may be much more difficult for the adults involved. But then again, we are the adults and the ones who both chose to bear a child and then chose to separate.