Ex Hubby Is Fighting Me for Sole Custody

Has he been ordered to pay child support? Maybe he's afraid he'll have to spend money on his son. Sometimes fathers actually think they'll spend less money if the child is with them, than they would in support. I find that laughable.
You're getting some good advice. I just wanted you to know that in the state of Oklahoma, judges rarely award sole custody to fathers.
Sounds like you're a good mother. I wish you the very best. Please keep us informed.
S.

1st Exhibit - Put together a calendar from the time your son was born to current on how many times your Ex has seen your son.

2nd Exhibit - From the court order, I would put together a calendar of the court ordered times he is to visit and then put down the times he actually has exercised his parenting time. I would highlight the court ordered parenting days in one color and then highlight the times he actually exercised his parenting time.

3rd Exhibit - If you have any family members and/or friends that are willing to testify as to what they have actually seen (not what they have heard from you, but what they have seen/witnessed), see if they will come to trial to testify on your behalf.

4th Exhibit - I would put together all your income information, daycare expenses and health insurance for about the last six months and see if the Judge will award you child support.

I wish you the best of luck and hope this helps you. Good luck at your trial!

Sweety don't let him pressure you. He got a court order, that he can see your son on saturdays and sundays, but doesn't respond to that. Well tell that the judge. If he should come up that you don't spend enough time with your son, then tell him, to send you some child support, that you don't have to come up with. You only have to work two jobs, because of his lazyness. He is not coming far with this. I been there and had the same problem, well it turned out good for me. Tell the judge, that he didn't show any interrest at all, for his son. Don't worry, i think everything will turn out good for you.

good luck

Honey You live in OKlahoma, Unless you are on drugs, prostituting, or abusing your son he hasn't got a chance in hell to get your baby. Trust me, I know.

does he come by at all during those times if not i say be sure to write down every time he doesnt show. the court wont give him sole custody.he would have to prove you unfit mother and it sounds like he cant so i say not to worry much.

Elain,
Hello and Good Morning. Just from what I read of your comment, you don't have anything to worry about. First of all, when your ex up and moved and has sent no money or anything, that can be called abandonment. Since he has sent you no money for the support of his child, and is now taking you to court, he has screwed hisself. Because when the judge hears this he will make him start paying childsupport. And if he has had the privliage to see the child on certain days and has actually only seen the child for 3 hours, well the judge should also see that this guy isnot interested in the child, his only motive here is revenge.
If you have a lawyer you will need to bring these things to his attention, if you don't have a lawyer .... you make a list of all these things that you want to tell the judge and bring them out incourt. Don't be shy and don't be bashful, tell it how it is.
Also, another good thing to do is... Since your ex had taken you to court to get a visitation time, ok, you get a pieces of paper and a calender and what days and times that your ex was supose to see the child, you write down if he showed up, and if he did, how long did he stay, and what did they do while they were together.
I really don't think you have anything to worry about. It is one of the hardest things in the wotld, to do, is to take a child away from it's mother.
Good Luck
I will be Praying for you and your child,
C. Dawson

First and foremost believe in yourself and believe in the mother that you are. It is so easy to doubt ourselves in these situations and question our abilities. My ex has done this to me twice but the first time (stupidly enough) we got back together. But most recently (June 2006) he tried again. I am in Kansas, he in Washington State. Now the hardest part in this was my daughter was 15 at the time and telling him and his girlfriend that she wanted to move there. My daughter has not always made the right choices and failed in Middle School miserably but had become very successful in high school and because of those 2 things and because I believe that her father in part was trying to hurt me, I fought it. I was afraid though that because of her age and because she expressed a desire to live with her father that I was sure to lose but I didn't care because in my heart of hearts I knew it was not the right thing for our daughter. After he was caught in a couple of small lies the judge didn't even want me on the stand he said he wanted to speak with the child. This scared even my lawyer who basically looked at me and said we had lost. Long story short, I won. I say all this to go back to my original statement, believe in yourself.

In most states, the mother will get custody 99% of the time. Unles he can prove that you are a drug user, abusive, etc I highly doubt he will get custody of your son.
You said court is next week so you don't have much time. But document everything! Everything he said he would do and didn't, not showing up for the weekend visits, etc.
I wish you luck!

My experience with this and advice from attorney is Your ex would have to prove you an unfit parent to get sole custody. Another tip is have written documentation of visits and phone calls with dates and times. Good luck!!

These days, sole custody is only given to one parent if the other is proven to be on drugs or abuses the child. So don't worry about that, just do the documentation mentioned by others so you have records of what has happened. FYI - it is NOT illegal to tape phone calls, at least not in KS. Only one person has to be aware of and approve the recording for it to be okay, so obviously that'd be you. You can do an internet search to see what the exact rules are for OK.

Good luck,
J.

If he hasn't any contact with your son since 5 months a judge is not going to grant him sole custody. He will probably grant him visitation for now so that he can prove to the courts he wants to be a father. As far as sole custody goes, he has to be able to prove that you are doing drugs, getting drunk, abusing or neglecting your son. If he has no reason to take your son away you aren't going to lose him. The biggest thing is keeping your cool in court. You need to remain level headed and not blow up at him or anything like that. Good luck and I hope everything works out!!!

Big Hugs
J.

Hello, I am responding to your call for help for 2 reasons and I hope that I can put you at ease a little. I have fought in a case and won sole custody of one of my boys and the other case I was not granted sole custody. I have also got some Law School under my belt which really helped. But from what you have wrote here, It sounds to me that he has no chance of even taking the child out of state let alone getting custody, a couple of his errors are that he is in town and not even trying to see the child, also you working 2 jobs to support your child is going to look good on your part but I would let the courts know that if he was helping support the child like he is ordered to then maybe you would be able to only work one job and be able to spend more time at home. Also make sure that it is brought to the courts attention the amount of time that the child has spent with the father alone through out the childs life, that will show that the bond between the two is not strong and that taking the child from you will be traumatizing to the child since its only been you taking care of its needs and your the only one that has been there it will also show that the father has not been there to help. I wish you the best of luck in this situation, if you need to talk more please feel free to get ahold of me. Let us know how it turns out after court. N.

These other ladies are correct. Document EVERYTHING! Write down every time he sees your child, every penny he gives you for support, if any, everything. If he does give you money, make sure it is in the form of a check, make copies, so you can prove what you have or have not received. No one can fault you for having to work two jobs to support your son as long as he's well taken care of. If he has a loving home and a good mother, which it sounds like he does, you should have very little reason to worry that any judge would let your ex take your son out of your custody, let alone clear across the country. Good luck, may prayers are with you.

E.:

It doesn't sound like your ex has a chance in (hell) to get sole custody of your son! The judge will hear both sides, and see that you have been the only parent to your son. Do you have a lawyer? You also may want to contact CASA, who will a "voice" for your son. Good luck, and I really wouldn't worry....it sounds like you are a good mom, and dad is a dead-beat dad.
A. L

Be sure you're documenting every visit by your ex, when, how long, etc. You HAVE to get an attorney that specializes in family law. If you can't afford one, you can get one through legal services but DO NOT act without one.

Document everything. Tape phone calls when he says he's not going to pick up the boy. Write it in your journal every night. I really don't think he can push for custody if he's not using his visitation. Get your lawyer to have his visitation revoked. File that petition today!! That should stop him in his tracks.

Hi E.,
I'm gonna first say that I agree with everything each one of these ladies has already said to you. And the other thing is "MEN" in general seem to hang themselves in these type of situations or any other.
So that being said get your ducks in a row. Have your stuff ready and when court day comes 1 or 2 things or both will happen- he will either not show up because something "IMPORTANT" came up (and he did it just to scare you) and make you nervous or he will show up but he will make himself look like a total "donkey" thats the nice word lol. I would also have everyone and anyone that can document the number of times they have seen your son with his father. And not the ones that you have told them about. goodluck, not that you need it but that he hurts himself in court let us know what happens, W.