I have currently have a issue with a friend those has a child the same age as my son, and happens to be my neighbor as well. It's a bit of a long story but basically I become pretty close friends with my neighbor over the last 3 years or so. So as we all know becoming too close to a neighbor things can backfire and become extremely uncomfortable if things go bad. We talked alot on the phone and go outside and to each others houses ect.... Our two boys are 31/2 and 4. Mine is 31/2. We have always had issues with the two getting along, mine is timid, and can be shy and quiet. Her's is extremely active and "social" and your typical rough and tough boy. We have always handled it pretty good and both children are always corrected for bad behavior. Her and I have always had debates over our children and why each one is like how they are. We have never argued or anything, but we have had differences of opinions before. My husband has over time gotten very tired of the constant touching, pushing, ect.. that is done to our son. Please understand though my friends child is not a bad kid at all, he is just always in my boys face! They have gotten better the older they have gotten. The real problem is that I feel like she is in a roundabout way saying that its my sons fault that hers does what he does to him. And vise versa. So we had a heated discussion a couple weeks ago, and I said that we should change the subject. Because I would get to upset if we kept talking about the boys. So we went on to talk for a hour or more perfectly fine. The next time I called her, sent message, email she never would return any messages or calls. Then the next time I was outside I walked up to her and she wouldn't even look at me. So ever since when my husband or I see her she won't look or wave or anything. So i have no idea what happened. I do feel like we should limit the things we do together with the kids, but shouldn't we be teaching them that we should try to interact together even if we are different?? So now it so uncomfortable when we see each other and its alot because we are right next door...... I would really appreciate any advise on this. I do understand that our friendship might be over and thats fine but how do we at least be able to still be friendly.
So a couple weeks have gone by and still haven't heard anything from my neighbor. We reallly have not ran into each other, but when we do see each other we just dont make eye contact and keep going. So since it is on my mind so much I think that I will make the first step.....eventhough i don't think i did anything for her to be so upset with me. So while I know our relationship will not be the same again. It would be nice if we could at least say hi and be friendly, for our kids sake. I don't want to send the message to my son that you should just stop talking to your friends instead of talking it out! Am I right in thinking this? Her daughter's first birthday is this weekend so I thought I would leave her present on her doorstep. And I will send her a email at the same time. The email will not be mean(because I know that will not get me anywhere and its not very mature). I will just tell her that I know she id upset with me and I dont really know why. And tell her if she wants to talk about it she can email, text, or call me. I will say that I think the whole thing has been handled poorly and I valued our friendship more than she does evidently......
You had a heated discussion so you probably both said things that you regret. Perhaps she feels as though you said something that crossed the line or she is afraid that she did.
Suck it up. Bake something yummy and go take it over to her. If you want you can tell her that you made too much and wondered if she would like the rest. Be the bigger person and take the first step.
Personally, I would not continue to force my kid to play with someone she just plain doesn't get along with. It makes play dates stressful & no fun. Just because they are your neighbors & they happen to have a kid the same age, doesn't automatically mean your kids have to play together or will get along or be friends. And no, it's not always a good thing to be thisclose with your neighbors, because if the friendship goes awry, things will be weird as long as you are neighbors.
She's obviously upset with you. It seems a little immature for her to completely ignore you. I guess it depends on how bad you want to salvage the relationship. You are obviously not as good of friends as you thought you were, if this is how she acts & treats you when she's unhappy with you. Good friends are honest & open & don't play games. I would try to make amends with her, for the sake of being neighborly & keeping the peace, but I would probably take a break from her.
In the meantime, try to find some playmates for your son that he does get along, and who have a similar playing style and that don't live in your neighborhood.
Okay, so I just saw that you posted about this other little boy back in November. It sounds like you both have some things you need to get off your chest. Brushing issues under the rug is what causes fights like the one you're experiencing.
Maybe you should just let it go. I know that you guys were close, but its obvious that she is either going through something in her personal life, or something against you. Either way, it doesn't seem like she wants the friendship to continue. At least you don't have to worry about your son beong mistreated anymore. You don't need any unwanted stress. I'm sure you have enough going on without it.
I don't think your friendship has to be over. I think you just need to talk.
You had a heated discussion and it didn't help anything. You've reached a stale mate. You both seem to be blaming each other's kids for what happens during play.
Kids aside, you should offer an olive branch. She is your neighbor after all. I wouldn't want badness with my neighbor.
Leave the kids out of the convo...Can your friendship be saved?
You don't know....if you haven't been in close touch, perhaps something completely unrelated happened and she could still use a friend.
It's worth reaching out to her.
That's just my opinion.
Little kids don't always treat each other nicely but that doesn't mean the parents have to give up on each other. I know a nice lady who I like but my son has nothing to do with her son. They are in high school so we're not talking about play dates here. Her son is always in trouble for something and my son doesn't want any part of that. She has expressed that my son could be a good influence on her kid, but that's not really my son's responsibility. His parents should straighten him out, not leave it up to other kids.
I don't see either child doing anything so horrible or out of the ordinary that you two women can't be civil to one another at the least.
If she's not up for that...it is what it is.
Just my opinion.
This is what happens when neighbors run in and out of each others houses. Ive lived in alot of apartments and have seen it happen too many times before. Eventually there is always gonna be some kind of falling out. But you two will be back in friends again. Trust me. BUT. You dont need a friend like that. She obviously is not your real friend anyway. Dont call her, knock on her door, wave at her or send her anymore messages because you didnt do anything to her! She is trying to hurt you by not speaking to you. And its working because you are on a website talking about it. My advice to you is not to worry about her. She is mad at you for whatever reason and when it all blows over she will speak to you again.
You did nothing wrong. Just keep acting like yourself and don't go off hiding... she is doing the "I am going to ignore you and make you feel uncomfortable ad a way of saying I am right any YOU are wrong" thing. If you act like it doesn't bother you and are friendly it tells her that her "punishment" of you isn't working.
Perhaps she is distant because you said to change the subject and now she feels like she doesn't know what's what. I suggest you knock on her door or give her a call and tell her that you want to still be friends and so let's talk. Then perhaps suggest that both of you just accept your kids the way they are and try not to judge who's fault it is.
It is normal for two kids at that age to not play well together and it makes it even more difficult when their personalities are so different. If you do talk about the boy's ways of relating and if you can be open minded and not defensive it might help to bring it out in the open by saying you think she's suggesting it's your son's fault. If she is feeling that way what would she suggest that you both do differently?
I would make the first overture by saying you want to be friends and work this out.
You haven't asked her, "I know we had a heated discussion. I haven't heard back from you on my calls and e-mails. Let's talk it through. I value you as a friend, so let's work out being friends--regardless of how the kids interact with each other."
That last part, of course, you should say only if it's true. Hard to tell from your post. Do you like her as an individual? Would you two be friends if your children had not brought you together? Do you and she share any common interests or a common sense of humor or backgrounds that made you "click"? Do you enjoy spending time with just her and you, with no kids in the mix? Or is it really, at the root, just about getting together because the kids are also getting together?
I see a lot of posts from moms with problems with mom-friends. And I wonder if these friends are really only friends because their kids pulled them into each others' orbits. If you like HER and miss her (I mean, miss her personally, not just miss having another adult around), then work it out and communicate, rather than posting here -- talk to her. Get together with her without the kids there (this is what dads are for--partly!).
If your kids can't get along well, they are close to kindergarten age. That will pull them into other social circles. When that happens, will you miss her? Will you want to spend your own, kid-free time with this friend or not? Kids can help create nice temporary mom-pals but kids do not help make real adult friendships that last.
My husband has friends who have a son near my SS's age. Quite simply, the boys don't get along. Not that SS hates the boy, but they are very different people. We see them at events and SS will be game to hang out with him for a while, but they are not friends. We acknowledge this and our friendship with the parents is separate from the boys. Sometimes you have to acknowledge that age and gender isn't enough for friendship and what worked at 2 isn't going to work at 3 or 4. So are YOU friends or is it just for your boys?
Similarly, there are a couple of people I would consider acquaintances, but our kids are friends and often play together. The relationship is kid-oriented and I wouldn't call them to come over for dinner by themselves. But that's fine, too. Sometimes when they are young we have to facilitate friendships. We won't be this involved when DD gets to school age and finds her own friends.
You might tell her, "Look, I know this might be awkward but...." and see what goes from there. It might at least clear the air even if it doesn't make you friends again.
I'm also thinking of a boy in our playgroup. Quite simply, he's not as social as some of the other kids so as much as the mom wants to go to big events, it upsets him. He does so much better with small groups and I don't take it personally when she declines museums or anything that might be crowded. We all have to acknowledge kids' limitations. It doesn't make anyone a "bad" person. It just is what it is. You don't get along with every human you meet, either. So why should your child?
You should probably let it go a few days and let your friend relaxes a little bit. then, if you really want this friendship to work, you may want to call her again or leave a nice card at her porch and let her know how you appreciate her friendship, and would like to find a way for the kids to get along, or just let them play freely with other kids in the park or playground or in the pool, etc. until they grow up a little bit. They just happen to be different tempers and characters and she must understand that kids are different and we,moms, we have to deal with it and accept other kids' characters (if your kid is not being harmed of course). If you don't see a positive response to it, just let it go.
Good Luck!
