Beer at a Birthday Party for Children

When we host a party, regardless of what we are celebrating (baptism, child's birthday, communion etc.) we serve alcohol if adults are in attendance. (For what it is worth, I never had a party where an adult got drunk. I see nothing wrong with adults enjoying a beer, glass of wine or mixed drink.)

Consuming alcohol and getting wasted around children are two very different things. I have no problem with the former but would have a big problem with the latter.
Besides, what do you mean the adults should focus soley on the birthday boy and his friends? I can't imagine a party where the adults are following the children around while they play and have fun with each other, that's just weird. Any adults that attended my kids' parties spent their time visiting with each other, they were there for supervision and to help out if needed, not to play tag and jump in the bounce house and play games.

I totally agree with beaver - that it is both thoughtful and if 'you' do not choose to drink, then don't.

My kids are now ALL 18 and older. I thought part of my job was to model appropriate drinking behavior at parties that they attended when they were children. None of them went off the deep end at college with respect to drinking...perhaps because it was not a taboo.

Just a thought.
best

This type of thing drives me crazy. If you're "conflicted" about this you sure wouldn't like the b-day parties we threw when my kids were little.

We'd have huge family blow outs at the beach, country club, park or a home. I'm sure there are pictures of a Dad pulling the pinata rope with a beer in his hand or Mom's sitting around laughing and enjoy a Margarita. In fact many activities we do involve adults having a drink or two. Camping, bonfires, BBQ's and dinner parties, what in the world is wrong with adults doing adult things around kids? I don't hang out with people who would get totally blasted in that environment or anywhere else for that matter.

It seems like in our society we are always so worried about our little darlings being damaged in some way. My kids understand it's not always all about them, yes even at their own birthday party. I bet if you asked them they'd tell you they like it that way.

Seriously? This is one of the many problems with America. Having a few beers or glasses of wine during a multi-generational function is seen as taboo. These are the kids that will go to college, get alcohol poisoning and have serious issues understanding personal control and moderation. In most parts of the world, alcohol is served at all social events. Adults are expected to control themselves and be attentive parents. How does having a beer take the attention away from the children? If the parents are not attentive then 1 or 2 beers is not going to change that. It's not about "putting the alcohol away" for a few hours. If you can't do that, you have a major problem, ok? It's about socializing. Let the kids be kids. You don't need to be playing with them and entertaining them constantly. If you don't drink then don't. As long as everyone is in control and the kids are safe and having fun, what is the problem? Your child has never seen you have a drink?

You don't understand why I ask if your kids have ever seen you have a drink? Because there is no difference if they see you or adults have a drink in your own home, in a restaurant, or at a party. So if it's ok to have a drink at home, then why is it not ok to have a drink at a party?

If you have people getting drunk at a kid's party it isn't the serving of alcohol that is the problem. Who cares if the kids notice adults are drinking beer or whatever? As long as everyone is being responsible.

I am just having a real hard time with your idea that the kids should never see adults drink. You hope they wouldn't notice. What exactly do you think is going to happen if your children see you drink?

I am friends with responsible drinkers. I appreciate that my children see social activities where no one is getting drunk, no one is stupid, no one appears to be drunk because they think everyone else expects them to. So far this has been the style of drinking my adult kids live by as well.

Of course I also think my adult children are more successful in life because the world never revolved around them as a child.

S., you don't know where these parties came from? They have always been here, this is how children's parties where adults were invited always have been before this child centered parenting. The nothing for the parents, everything about the child is what is new.

If I have a party at a bowling alley, or a bounce place, there is no alcohol involved. If I have a party at my house where a couple parents stay to help me out there is no alcohol involved but if I have a party for my kids where I am inviting the adults of course we serve beverages for the adults, to not do that is odd.

I've had a few bday parties and never served alcohol, but I've been to a few where there were beers for parents. I didn't drink because I'm a single mom who was driving, but I thought it made for a very nice party! Some of the dads actually stuck around for once and there was a nice backyard bbq vibe. I met nice people and had a much better time than at the parties that are ALL ABOUT THE KIDS. The kids had a blast too not being micromanaged.

I think that if they are inviting adults to the party it is fine (thoughtful even)to offer adults a beverage. If you don't want to have a drink, then don't. Many adults do enjoy a drink with dinner. That doesn't mean they are getting drunk, ignoring their children or driving drunk.

If it were a drop-off party for the children where parents didn't stay, then I don't think the hosts need alcohol for themselves. But that's not what this is. This is a multi-generational party with the 4 year old's birthday more or less as the "excuse" to get together. The guests are not just the other children, but their parents. Therefore the parents are being fed and entertained as well. I see no problem with it.

If kids see adults drinking responsibly and the alcohol put on a bar or kitchen counter separate from the kiddie snacks, what's the problem? The other parents are staying there to focus on the birthday boy. (What's more, the birthday boy couldn't care less about them being there - it doesn't make him happier in any way.) They are staying because a) the host parents like them or b) the host parents can't possibly control and supervise a bunch of 4 year olds who may be missing their parents, not know party "etiquette", not know where the bathroom is, and so on. I'll bet the parents are serving adult food too, that none of the kids will touch. Is that wrong too?

We have to assume that the guest parents will be responsible and not get drunk, both from a wild-party perspective and from a drive-home perspective. I don't think it's any less appropriate than adults having a beer or a glass of wine in their home or at a restaurant where children are present.

It wouldn't bother me. And the last thing 4 year-olds are going to be noticing is what the adults are drinking. Even if they did notice (which they won't, at that age), I agree with the others who suggest that it's good to model appropriate drinking to young people.

Sounds good to me. Heading out to my grandsons party for the afternoon. There will be beer and wine for adults. BBQ ribs, cold beer. Happy kids playing and having fun=a nice relaxing day for both age groups.

My daughter is now 20. While she was growing up, we hosted many parties (not just birthdays) and guests of many parties (not just birthdays) among friends, neighbors and family.

I do not recall any party we hosted or were guests where there was not some sort of adult beverage provided. We've had crawfish boils for the neighborhood in our yard with upwards of 200 guests, DJ and activities for children as well. We've done July 4 BBQ block parties where we've had bounce houses, piñatas, margarita machines, etc.

No one was or is expected to drink, it was simply provided. No one is put under any pressure to drink either. There are plenty of non alcoholic options available. It has always been a personal choice for whomever was a guest of the party. No one was ever drunk around the children either. We were all responsible adults having fun at a party with our children.

We as parents have never made drinking a big deal to our daughter. I believe if you put a stigma on it that it is so wrong and such a no no that the children can't wait to try it. We have allowed our daughter to try what we drink. She lives on her own now and she does have beer in her fridge and a couple bottles of wine around but she is responsible.

Example.... last night was HUGE party at the country club to wrap up a big golf tournament. My hubby's golf partner is from out of town and he stayed with us (wife did not attend) Wednesday through today (Sun). There were HUGE events geared toward spouses for spouse events that we paid for.. this tourney is expensive. So my daughter was able to attend the spouse events. Yes there was alcohol flowing everywhere and she was not driving but on the 2 nights where she had an opportunity to try whatever she wanted, she had 1 glass of champagne.

I think it has a lot to do with balance. In NO way do I think it is ok for parents to be drinking, getting smashed and driving home with children.

Most of our parties have been within the neighborhood and everyone walks home.

Don't feel bad or indifferent if you choose not to drink anything with alcohol. It is YOUR choice and you do what is right for you and your family.

I don't see any problem. We were at a 3 year old's party last night with alcohol. I didn't drink any because I don't like beer, and no one got drunk or anything so it was no big deal.

I suggest that adults having beer is OK at this age. The beer is for the adults and the children know that. At 4 they aren't going to think anything of that. I might be concerned if the kids were teens. But even then, if beer has been a part of there life and they have accepted it's for adults only in the rest of their lives, it would be OK.

I suggest that when we make drinking beer big deal, teens are more apt to sneak it. I suggest that when beer for adults is just part of the background, kids will be less interested in beer. Especially 4 year olds.

After your so what happened. You expect your kids to have under age drinking? Wow! My goal is to model responsible drinking so that they don't get blasted. Modeling appropriate behaviour while drinking and not making whether or not one drinks, an issue, teens are more likely to respect alcohol. Some will respond to teen pressure. I suggest that if you build a relationship with children, based on trust, they are more likely to not respond to group pressure. Criticising adults for drinking indicates you don't trust them to be responsible. If you don't trust the adults, you probably should not go. I suggest that going is showing trust as well as modeling the behaviour you expect.

Good for you for going and not drinking since that is your expectation for your teen's behaviour. Accepting alcohol as a part of life teaches much more than telling them in words and action not to drink. When they are older and interested in alcohol, is the time to actually talk about your expectations in a realistic way.

I see nothing wrong with serving adult beverage to adults at any social gathering. If you don't want a drink, then don't have one. There's nothing wrong with that.

I complete agree with BB.

If people are being responsible, then I wouldn't mind it. Presumably they are trying to make the party more palatable for the parents who have to attend with their preschoolers. I've been to parties for my DD's friend where the mom offers wine, but no one gets trashed. The kids are not ignored. They run around doing their thing while the parents socialize. It's not like the kids needed us to be on top of them at that age.

You'll be there, right? You can see how things go and determine if it's a concern or not. Many people can drink socially without compromising the safety of children or even being buzzed at all, and it is not uncommon for a backyard event to have beer. You can choose to not allow your child to attend or attend with him, and you can always make a different choice for your own party. And nothing says you have to drink, of course. I rarely do.

There's a big difference between a kegger for a 4 yr old's party and a few six packs.

FWIW, we explain to my DD that it's a "grown up drink" and she isn't allowed any. She's never had a problem with it, and we discuss things like responsibility and moderation.

If you do not care for this behavior, decline the invite and do not host a party like this.

Yes, it can be done, if the parents are responsible drinkers. We had many play dates when our kids were little in the neighborhood. On Friday nights after work, the kids would play, we would have snacks, water bottles, juice boxes and the parents if they chose to, brought over beer wine, margaritas. and we had a great time. No drunks, no misbehavior.. The kids saw us drinking responsibly.. not a big deal. We interacted with our kids at the same time. We were not bellied up to a bar ignoring the kids, EVER.

At some of the Birthday parties, we would have pitchers of margaritas, etc.. But again, no drunks, parents that took turns, who was going to drink and who was going to drive.

Amazing that our kids have grown up to be very successful adults. Every situation with a child is a learning opportunity. Showing kids that you can be an adult and be responsible while drinking, is fine.

If it's a child's party then no beer.
If it's a backyard picnic/barbeque where kids are not the focus (and it's somewhere where people won't have to drive home for awhile) then a little alcohol is ok.

I've been to lots of kids parties with adult beverages. What else would you serve adults?

i serve beer and wine at my kids parties, but its only family thats invited and only one guy drinks the beer, several drink wine. i see no harm in it.. but if i had non family party i would probably not serve it since it can get expensive to be a bar for many people

I agree with you. But then I'm a non-drinker, don't want my kids around it and don't see the point in it. Personally, I would not attend the party but that is my personal opinion.

Oh, and saying that adults will 'drink responsibly', lots of parties may start off like this but don't always end up that way. JMO. Good luck.

We serve adult beverages at our summer pool party which since having a child has morphed into my son's 1/2 birthday party (we don't do a true birthday party because he is a Christmas baby). My son has always attended adult events with alcohol and I don't see a problem - he knows drinking is for adults. He learned to mix Margaritas when he was 5 - we explained to his Montessori head of school how the 'practical life' skills he was learning in school were in fact useful in real life. We do not offer soda at parties - we do water and a fruit based aqua fresca.

I don't drink, but it doesn't bother me when others do. I've been to kid parties where there was alcohol. I've never seen anyone get out of hand (I guess I have mature friends?). My husband drinks in front of our kids. He'll have a beer after dinner or at dinner if we're eating out. I think he sets a great example of being able to enjoy an adult beverage when you're old enough. Alcohol is not illegal for people over 21. It isn't something that should be hidden, in my opinion. Responsibility is key.

I don't see a problem with adult beverages being served at a kid's party, as long as they are not served to the kids. LOL! I would still attend.

Parents are the example for their kids in all situations. Showing them responsible drinking habits is a part of a life lesson. There is nothing wrong with adults drinking alcohol in front of kids at a party.
As long as no one gets drunk and rowdy or combative it should be fine. Even if someone does get out of hand you can turn THAT into a life lesson as well. "See Sweetie, this is why as an adult we limit how much we drink." Then go on to explain your thoughts on this.
You are also showing responsible behavior by not drinking and telling your child you didn't drink because you knew you were driving him home and explaining why this is a good thing.

It's simple. If you don't like it,don't go. Otherwise, don't complain.

I have zero issues with this. When my boys were little kids birthdays were neighborhood events. The kids games and all that would be the first hour or so, and then everyone would just hang out and BBQ and have a few beers after for however late everyone decided to stay.

I often serve beer and/or wine at the larger parties I have for my kids, especially the ones where it is expected that the parents stay. Once my daughter got to the age where it would be mostly drop-off, I didn't serve the booze because I want parents to feel comfortable dropping off their kids to be supervised. But when they were younger, and all the parents would have to stay to supervise their own small kids, yeah why not.
And I've been to a some where it's included. It's never the focus though. I've never seen a problem with it or judged either way.

Serving alcohol at a birthday party is nothing new. My parents did it all the time. I never say any drunk or inappropriate behavior either.

I see no issue with this. Why do you assume that the "focus" won't be on the birthday boy? If you don't want an "adult" beverage then don't have one. Personally, I think its great to have the parents stay and mingle and get to know each other and if someone wants a Bud, then this Bud's for you. =)

We don't drink at all, but see no problem with it. We have served alcohol at kids parties before as well, depending on the type it was. I guess I don't see a problem with it.

I agree with you. That if hosting I would only offer pop or water..

But I also believe in separating "classmate/friends" parties from family parties... so later for a celebration with family I might be OK with it.

i wouldn't serve beer at any party because we don't drink, and it's expensive.
anybody who wants to bring it is welcome to do so. anyone who gets stinko at my place on whatever occasion won't be welcome back.
so far we've never had to ban anyone.
unless you think the adults are going to be giving beer to the 4 year olds, what's the problem?
khairete
S.

We take our kids out to dinner with us at least once a week, and we always have a drink or two during that time. I don't see a difference. I like the idea of modeling responsible alcohol consumption.

If a party is 2-3 hours, one or two drinks will be oxidized before you get in the car, as long as you cut yourself off at least an hour before departure.

Is this a party that they have invited all the kids from the class? you know pin the tail on the donkey and bozo buckets etc? A party where they don't know everyone invited? or is this a party with close friends that they have been friends with forever. It is a different type party. the class party no I would not have booze. But little johnny's 7th birthday is this weekend and we are inviting our closest friends yes there will be a cooler of beer and wine coolers.

This sounds more like a block party or a Sunday dinner at a friend's house. If they drink alcohol I'd expect it to be served to anyone else who'd like to drink.

I think adults have control enough to sip a drink that contains alcohol and enjoy it instead of chugging it back and getting another one.

I don't drink. Mainly because I never really found a drink that I like the taste of. I don't care for beer or gin or rum. Windsor is okay but I like more pop that liquor. If I wanted to have a mixed drink I'm sure I'd sip it over quite a while.

Otherwise I'd rather have a huge Dr. Pepper with a ton of ice in it.

I never served alcohol at my kid's parties, but if others wanted to at theirs, I didn't have a problem with it.

Yes I agree--if YOU disagree with drinking at a child's party?
Don't.
It really IS that simple!

I used to be all "alcohol isn't appropriate" when I had just one kid and would get worked up over every little thing. But with two, I'm far less uptight and just don't care about this kind of stuff anymore. In fact, pass me a glass of Merlot please.

To me it just sounds like it's also a party where the parents can relax too, which sounds fun. I know the kind of parties you're thinking of (where it's usually earlier in the day and kid focussed) this sounds a little more laid back. I think it's fine - it's the way they want to host. I'm sure it will be fun.

I would think a lot of parents wouldn't be drinking (with driving) but nice to have the option of having a beer.

I've had very active kid parties (like at indoor playgrounds and such) and I see what you mean - I just think this is a different kind of party. We've been to both. It's probably just a bit odd to you because yes, you don't typically think beer when you think 4 year old birthday party, but this is later in day and a nice way for parents to chill out as well :)

I'm curious what your plan would be if you thought that there wouldn't be any alcohol served? Would you still attend with your child?

It was nice of them to put it on the invitation. I think it is not necessary, however, not too put off if they have them.

In my opinion, it becomes habit and at some point (age) you have to watch your drinks so they don't end up in the wrong hands.