Friends & Playdates

It's always nice when the other family reciprocates playdates, but to me it is not crucial. If the kids like playing together I will continue to host the playdates. After all, it's not the kids fault that the parents don't reciprocate, so why punish them.

As long as she likes him and he is a good kid, invite him over again. His parents may just not have time, or feel like their house is inadequate for playdates at the moment. :)

life doesn't have to be fair & equal. If you want a playdate,...ask!

I'd rather be in charge anyway!

I will tell you what I told all my friends as their kids started to close off. Make your house the koolaid house when the kids are little. and when the kids are big they will be comfortable having friends over. My house was always the koolaid house. I have at any one time had up to 6 or 8 teenage boys spending the night just spontaneously lol. they come after school to play the video game. they come on friday nights to hang out and watch movies. They pop in on Saturday mornings in the hopes there will be biscuits and gravy. I make food when its needed. I listen to them razz each other. I console and council. my kids and my kids friends. My youngest is the only one living at home now. he is almost 18. My older kids are all out in their own homes. But any time they are home for visits it is not unusual for friends of theirs to pop in. It how you know what is going on in your kids lives. So start it now. Be glad they like it at your house. make yourself available (but not a doormat) to give rides, chaperone and be the room parent. go to soccer and baseball games and give rides there also. your kids will always have friends and you can listen as they talk and you drive. its a win win. and you will be amazed at the things you will learn lol.

As long as the kids play well together just let them keep playing at your house. We seem to be the house where the neighbor kids want to play and that is totally fine with me.

Well, I try not to keep score. :)
(Our house tends to be Kid Central though.)
I'd invite him a second time & go from there.

I am play date central.
Always have play dates at our home, for my kids.
Sometimes, there are like 8 kids over. And I have 2 kids... and they both have friends over, at the same time.
But NO... I never ever ever, "expect" the other parents to reciprocate.
Never.
Why?
Because I just don't.
I have playdates, because I want to.
Others, may not like to be Host to play dates.
Fine.
Or, their home may be not something they are prepared to have kids, over to. Maybe it is messy etc.
So what.
Fine.

The thing is, I never wait for someone to reciprocate. Nor do I expect it.
Many Moms I know, in fact, do not like having play dates. Not because they are busy. They just do not want... many kids over at their house.
I don't care what their reason is.
I have play dates for my kids, because I want to.
I don't expect other homes or Moms, to do the same.
And I don't ever try to figure out or analyze, why... other homes/Moms may not have play dates.
My kids' friends like coming to our home.
That is all that concerns me.
And I know all my kids' friends Moms, very well.
And we like having them over.

M., I understand it can be a little frustrating when the invites seem one-sided. That being said, you have had this little girl over just once and it was only a few weeks ago. Families are so busy these days and there are a lot of reasons that an invite has not been extended to your daughter yet, such as...
both parents work
kids enrolled in recreational activities
parents have very young children at home that may be napping in the afternoon
parents ashamed of their home (hoarding, uncleanliness)
parents have anxiety, depression or other issues that make it difficult for them to host children at this time
Inside of home being remodeled
Parents already up to their eyeballs in child care and can't handle another one at this time
etc.
If you are ok with having this child over, go ahead and invite him again, I would not worry about waiting for them to host first.
For the record, My son has never been to his best friend's house and they have been friends for 2 years. They live in a small apartment and have 5 kids, his mom is doing online school and I think it is just difficult to have a friend over. They HAVE invited my son to go with them places a few times, but 99% of the time, the friend comes here and a lot of the time I am the driver because they have just 1 car. I don't mind because this kid is a wonderful child, he is super polite, treats my daughters wonderfully and is just easy to have over. So I do what I can to keep their friendship going. Obviously I am less accommodating with some of the other neighborhood kids, sorry but they are not well behaved ;)

Like most things in life, sure I "expect" it but I don't ever count on it. If they had fun and you are up for it then yes, invite him over again.

I agree with Sherry! That's exactly what my parents did for me, not too long ago:) Now I have a 6 year old boy and have been doing the same while I am watching and supervising him and his friends!!! I do understand that might be too early, but could be a good base for later.

I'd just schedule another one at your house and then see what happens. I'd rather the kids come to my house anyway, because I know me and I'm a darned good parent! hahaha. Anyway, when we've scheduled playdates in the past, sometimes reciprocation happens even a couple of months down the line and I'm totally ok w/ that. People have busy lives and that's ok. Since you only live 10 doors down, it really doesn't need to be thought of so formally.

I don't expect reciprocation. If my son has fun with a child and the parent is willing to bring that child to us, then we have a playdate. His current best friend (they are 5) lives about 10 minutes away and the child has two older sisters. The older sisters' activities take priority and the mom describes him as the "tag along". We have had him twice to our house and will be taking him on a day trip next month. Mom called the other day to invite our son over, which is great but even if she hadn't we would continue getting the boys together.

I think you should invite him over again. It's only been one playdate so far, so it's not like you're ALWAYS hosting and she's NEVER inviting your daughter over. Maybe she doesn't realize how much fun they had or maybe she isn't really comfortable hosting playdates for children she doesn't know too well. If both kids want it, I say host it.

Also, I do agree with what others said - make your house the cool house and you're a lot more likely to know what your teenagers are up to. : )

Some people aren't comfortable hosting other kids in their house. My husband hates having other kids over, it's a control thing for him, so we rarely have anyone over for playdates. My friends understand that and so we either meet at their houses or a neutral place like the park or McDonald's play place.

Personally, I don't expect people to reciprocate. If they do, great! If not, we will just invite their kid over here to play. My kids are both very social and my son's 2 best friends do not live in our neighborhood so we end up inviting over other kids on a regular basis. I don't keep track of whether or not they invite over my son the same number of times.

How about opening your front door and letting the kids meet outside and play outside. When did playing become such an involved sport. Do people really keep track of who played where. The kids in my neighborhood were always out even in the winter, can you imagine! That is what being a kid is about. It also gives them a little independence. I think if we get rid of the term "play date" lmaybe kids will start knocking on doors. Why does playing have to be so structured?

If its been a few times with no reciprocation, then I may stop. But give this another try.

Truthfully I'd rather they played where I control the kids. I think that it's nice to go play at someone else's house but I really really don't do that unless I have been in that home repeatedly as a friend and know how they manage their kids and how they act around them.

Invite him again. It doesn't have to be exactly back and forth.

Mom of an older kid here. I've learned not to expect reciprocation. It's great if it happens, but don't let the expectation of it prevent your child from seeing a friend she likes. You can't know every family's daily circumstances; there could be real reasons they don't have kids over (an illness in the family, having a small house or one with no real play space inside, having a yard that has issues making it hard to play there, having kids/adults with very busy schedules, etc.). So, since it's been a few weeks, I'd invite the boy over again. It's no big deal. You asked, "If that return invite doesn't come, how do you handle it?" You handle it by inviting the kid again if you child wants to see him. You also can suggest meeting the boy and a parent somewhere like a park or playground if the weather's good -- you do want to get to know his parents and that's one way to do it.

I know how you feel. I felt this way when my daughter started playing with her best friend. I was always the one asking because my daughter wanted to play with her all the time! But eventually, we got in a groove where the girls trade off Mondays at each others homes after school.

I'd continue to invite him. Eventually, he may want to have her over to his house, then he can ask his mom. I like having the kids at my house anyway, then I can keep an eye on both of them :) You learn a lot when the kids are chatting amongst themselves :)

Sounds like you don't know these parents. I wouldn't want my child to play at someone else's house unless I knew the parents.

I, too, do not expect return invitations. I do what works for me. And I like having the kids at my house.

It may be, that these parents will have play dates at their house once they get to know you. Getting to know each other and work out a way of doing something takes time and effort.

absolutely not. if i was able to host a playdate, i did it. every family has different situations, and there have been times in my life where III was the one who was unable to host for a while.
if the kids are having fun, and it's not putting you out to have them there, why on earth demand a tit-for-tat?
it's not a teeter-totter. it's parenting. do a nice thing for your own child and someone else's. let them have as many playdates as you can reasonably handle. who cares if it's reciprocal?
if you really must have equal coinage, remember that someone else will pay it forward to you at some point.
khairete
S.

I always reciprocate a playdate. I think it is a lovely gesture to return in kind, and in a timely manner. Try it again or invite them to a playdate in the neighborhood park.

honestly i really dont get this whole playdate thing-when i was growing up and when i was raising my kids-it was just outside to play-or feiends just popped in n out..there never was a set up playdate..the only time there was a question-was for sleepovers..otherwise kids just got together n played-had a good time then went home..so i really dont get why this is such a huge issue these days...?? if their friends n get along..why do the parents have to be so involved?

I wouldn't worry after 1 time that they won't reciprocate. Just get them together some more and see how it goes. I don't decide my son's play dates, I let him ask if he can get together with so and so. If the other kid isn't asking his mom to get together with your daughter the mom wouldn't be thinking they should reciprocate.

To Kathy: We live on a county highway with no sidewalks and the neighbors on each side don't have kids. His nearest friend lives 1+ miles away. He can't just "pop by a friends house". We are building a house elsewhere and he has a friend next door there. Those 2 just hang out together whenever they are both around. Nothing arranged. In the OP's case, her daughter is 7, the other child lives 10 houses down and they are just getting to be friends so organizing something is the best way to go for now. My step brother's family used to live on a street that had tons of kids. In that situation the kids just went out every night and played. When I was growing up in the 70's, I played outside with the neighbor kids all the time, but they all lived within 2-3 houses of me. I was never allowed to travel off our block without a parent until age 10 or 11. Every situation is different. So please avoid such sweeping generalizations, they are so pointless.