Friend's Husband cheated...now What?

This is not about you, so do not judge. He is still the same person he was, he made a mistake, and you have no idea why. You are not in their relationship. I have taken my husband back after an affair, and it is hard enough to work through the pain without thinking others are judging him, or me. It would be better if you did not even know, but since you do you now have to pretend you do not. A mistake is just that, and she must feel he has learned from it and will not repeat the behavior or she would not be taking him back.

If his wife can forgive him, so can you.

Think of something about you that you wouldn't want _them_ to know about. Surely there's something. Be glad that they don't know about it, realize that he wishes to heck that you didn't know about his affair, and act like you don't. It will either work out between them or it won't, but this one is just between them. They don't need to lose any friends right now.

You cannot live their lives. Things like this happen sometimes. I understand that you are completely repulsed by the adultery, but if they are able to work through it you really need to be supportive, especially since they are your close friends. If they can forgive and forget, you need to too. Do not bring it up EVER. They have just endured a very traumatic thing in their marriage and now they are reaching out and inviting you to witness his baptism and have lunch with them. Your friends will need both of your support don't abandon them now, but if their future together becomes grim with more adultery or the inability to get past this you can make that decision later. Give them the benefit of the doubt first, everyone deserves a second chance. If I judged all of my friends for stupid things they've done over the years I would have no friends.... Don't be too quick to end a good friendship.

I agree with the other ladies and I don't mean to sound harsh but what does his cheating on his wife have to do with you? I think that's the problem with us telling our friends all of our business because we tend to judge the situation based on what we've been told. Now if you guys are close I would say find out what his side of the story is. Although I don't believe cheating is right, I do believe that if he did it, he has a reason and it may not be as off the wall as we want to think it is. Either way, as a friend of BOTH of them, its your job to be their friend and not exclude him out of your life because of the choice he made. I don't think his cheating on her affects his ability to be a good friend and if she took him back then clearly it shows that there's more to it than what you are privy to.

Now if you choose to take a step back, you have every right to do so but what if you were in that situation, would you want your friends to distance themselves from you? True friends stick by each other no matter what and I think they both need you and your family to be supportive.

I would say just act like normal and be glad you aren't your friend. There is probably more involved, then you will ever know. You don't have to agree with what he did, but he's not your husband. Your friend chose to take him back and work on it. If she can be around him and it happened to her, I'm sure you can find a way to be around him. While I understand you're shocked, you should not be taking this personally. He didn't cheat on you! Support your friend and go, she needs friends who will support her decision to restore her marriage. If more people know about this, she is probably humiliated. The last thing she needs, is a friend bailing on events.

Its a personal matter... I am sure, he does NOT even want to be seen either.... because he is embarrassed. At least, I hope so.
BUT it is still a private matter... and no one really knows, their circumstances... except them.

Everyone, sometimes, deserves a little non-judgment.
You don't know.... what they are going through.
He may not even know, that YOU know.... thus, HIS privacy was broken and invaded, too.

My Dad... once had an affair. My Dad... is my Hero and always will be. He was an OUTSTANDING man... and human being. He... made a mistake. He.... and my Mom, had problems, Which I was well aware of even as a very young child. I "understood" my Dad... and what he did. I NEVER EVER, held it against him. I LOVED him, always. I knew... he was only a flawed human Man... like many people. My Dad, passed away about 10 years ago. I NEVER EVER, held that against him... and to me... he is not "tarnished" nor a "jerk."
My Mom... if I may say so... was a very difficult.... woman. Very cold and distant. It is not anyone's "fault"... but a reflection of a weakened and lonely man.... at least for my Dad. I understood that, even as a young child. My Dad, TRIED, many things for my Mom... and was really a gentleman who did ANYTHING for my Mom. My Mom... did not really show, any emotion, toward him, hardly. My Dad, even sent themselves on a cruise, FOR my Mom... and still, she just put him down. Never really, complimenting him. She would say how my Dad never did anything for her. BUT, he built her a HUGE house, made lots of money for "them"... was very successful and attributed his success to her... he NEVER talked bad about my Mom and would always defend her. My Dad... was lonely. I do not, 'judge' him. He is and was... a STELLAR man... and the most genuine and loving and understanding Dad, a child could ever have.
My parents did not divorce over it.

Your friend's Husband, is not a "criminal." LET them, work it out... on their own... without an audience.... or even weird eye contact at him.

all the best,
Susan

This really isn't about you.
You have a right to be disappointed that someone one you cared about would make a decision to do something stupid and cheat on his wife, but he didn't do anything personally to YOU.
I think if his wife can forgive him and he's willing to really put some effort into saving his marriage, you should just support that and let them know you are supportive. It doesn't mean you think what he did is okay at all. It sounds like he has reached out and is at least willing to put God in his life. You never know...that might be a component that was missing for him or for their marriage that will really help them heal and move on.
You may find it hard to believe that marriages can come back stronger after an affair. It's for the people in the marriage to work out themselves.
I have friends and the husband just couldn't figure out if he wanted to be married anymore. He never cheated, but he left his wife numerous times to try to "find himself". Well, what he found was that his wife and kids meant more to him than anything. He became very active in a church and the wife went along with him. They both had a baptism and recommittment ceremony. They're still going, 20 years strong.
Try to put your personal disappointments aside and be happy for them that they may be able to survive this together without you having to lose either person that you've come to love so much.

I certainly and wishing them the very best!

I'm not condoning what he did but if he is willing to own up to what he had done and is going to do the work that he needs to do to make things right, and your friend is willing give him another chance, then you really need to be supportive of that. People make mistakes. Some mistakes have larger consequences than others but we all make them. Just continue to be a good friend and try not to judge. I do agree that it is shocking when you learn something like this about someone that you are so close to. What I have learned is that sometimes it's best not to get too overly involved in what is or is not happening in other people's marriage and just keep the focus on your own marriage instead. After all, this has nothing to do with you.

So he is getting baptized on Sunday? Sounds like he is making more room for God in his heart and life. Give God a chance to do His work. In the meantime, keep being a supportive friend if you can. If you need some distance from your friends right now, that is fine. It's true , you know more about him now than you did before and that is very upsetting news. Maybe if you go over Sunday for a short while, that might help in sorting out your feelings.

You did not mention if you heard the news from the wife. If so, and you are upset about her staying with him and you can't be comfortable with her decision, it might be hard to stay friends. It might take some time for you to figure this out. I hope you can let your girlfriend feel Ok about her decision, even if it would not have been your own.

That's a hard situation. You are probably in shock and grieving a little too. It's hard on everyone, even if you aren't involved. Hang in there and eventually, you'll feel better about things. I wish your friends the best. Good luck!

I have taken my husband back after an emotional affair(sex or no sex it's still an affair) He is a sinner saved by Grace and was going to church and everything during that time. Sin is a sin in God's eyes. Me telling a little white lie to get out of the playdate or loosing my temper with my kids is really no different to God than my husband's affair. It HURT so bad I cried for days/months.....it still does and it has been year and a half. My husband could not look in our close friends eyes for a long time after that(well I do not think he could look in the mirrow either, he still can't believe he could do such thing). Support your friends, it will be a long road ahead, (do not ask the wife for the details). Many people thought we would not make it....well with God all things are possible...one day at a time!!!!!

Hi, this happened to my husband and I. His friend who was like a brother to me was having an affair with some lady around the corner from us, WE had no idea what was going on. The wife believed that we knew and completely stopped talking to us!! He has since married someone else just a year after the divorce and I still have little respect fro him...Oh and did I mention that he is a PREACHER. Just because this guy is getting baptized means nothing, people play church all the time and if you're not comfortable thats ok. He cheated you did'nt!!!!

I recently found out that my husband cheated and I made the decision to stay with him and work through it. Honestly, what your friend needs is just that, a friend. I have a very good friend that I have confided in and I know she is disgusted by it and thinks I should leave. But she is still there for me. I don't know if she will ever look at him the same way. I hope she can forgive the way I have. I think it hurts to see your friend go through something like that. Before it happened to me I would have told a friend to leave. But you never know what you would do until it happens. be supportive and remember that no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. The adult part of making mistakes is admitting them and learning from them and it sounds like your friends husband is doing that.