Friend's Child Misbehaving Would You Tell Her? CLARIFIED

She will ignore you too, stay out of it. If she brings it up to you, or the daughter does something in front of you and her M. together and a conversation starts about it, then bring it up tactfully, but not before.

is it going to make a difference?
if 3 schools have pointed out some problems, and they have chosen to ignore, common sense is, she will ignore your comments, and probably not look at you favorably anymore.
always consider the 'target.' are they willing to listen? will your comment make a difference? and what do you wish to accomplish with it?
one of my kids had a rough year last year with crying spells. i heard from everyone. obviously, the first one to point out was her teacher. her teacher and i worked to improve her behavior. i volunteer as much as i can so do other moms. a lot of moms, if not all, knew of my kid's health problems that would trigger frustration hence crying. they would always tell me when she cried. i appreciated it because i could use that as a topic for discussion with my daughter.
BUT everyone knew i am open to hear what was going on when i was not around.
there was a M. who has a lovely son, albeit a bit uncontrollable. he does not mean bad ever but his behavior could make other kids cry, get hurt, pushed around etc.
a few moms tried to point out to the M. (who also volunteered and was also aware of her son's behavior) and she made it clear it was none of their business. she said, and i quote: if my son's behavior bothers you then tell your child not to hang around my child.
plain and simple.
your M. sounds like my case # 2. not willing to listen.

Their denial obviously isnt helping their child.... thats sad.....I dont think you should say anything. If they arent going to buy it from the teacher I dont think she will believe you either.

Let the school deal with it. They know best and the other parent might see you as being nosey.

I know you feel you want to help, but ask yourself first: what am I going to tell them that's any different from what they've heard before? Not trying to be funny, but unless you are a board-certified child psychologist--with your own TV show ; ) -- I bet they won't believe you. And it will ruin your friendship.

Lastly, I would WATCH my child around this other child. I've personally had experience with kids like this, and parents in denial...trust me, as long as it goes ignored, it will continue to get worse...

If the school is already talking to her, let it go unless you have a construcive solution to the problem.

They are in DENIAL.

YES, telling to her about other kids (because you Volunteer at school) .... is a breech of privacy. Even Teachers, will NOT.... talk to another parent, about private issues about another kid.

Your 1st paragraph is kinda confusing... so are you saying you DO tell this woman, about other kids... or not??? With who's kid? Her's? Other kids?

As for her kid, and her asking you for your opinion... just tell her, you don't know. You are not a trained professional. YOU are not, the person to ask... she should be asking the TEACHER and the school.

Meanwhile, their daughter is not being helped, because they are not addressing their child's learning disability, properly.

They are in denial--I'm sure her kids are just "spirited" right? Or maybe, just kids being kids? Let the school handle it for sure. Its not your place and trust me you will ruin the friendship over this. Zip you lip imho =)

Keep telling when you're (babysitting? having her over for playdates?... when she's at your house). But keep your nose out unless she asks you outright if you ever see her daughter hitting/ throwing fits/ crying/ lying. Then I strongly suggest nonchallance.

"Oh yeah, usually a couple times a day/ once a day/ off and on all day/ pick the frequency, whatever the frequency."

If you try and be gentle "I haven't wanted to say anything..." big sad eyes... equivocation... long pauses...the "serious" voice etc. it'll just make it seem like an attack to someone unbending enough to finally ask. Just pretend she's asking you about something random... like does her daughter use pencils or whatever.

Also... like in court... stick to the question asked. Don't open the floodgates for all of the other stuff that goes along with it (LD wise).

I wouldn't. I had a child like that at my preschool. I would talk to the parents daily and there was ALWAYS an excuse. It wore me down. His behavior escalated to hitting the teachers. The last straw for me. I had told the parents many many times that I felt he needed some type of intervention, because I was in no way qualified to diagnosis him but there was some type of issue. My gut thought it was ODD, but I would never suggest that to anyone. He would flip out whenever he couldn't get his way, hit himself, throw things, or hit anyone near him. He never lashed out at me personally but I would be called to his classroom over and over. After my last conversation with his M., she went to his teacher (kindergarten) and gave her suggestions and had very unreasonable requests. She wanted the teacher to log in a notebook daily each incident (already sent home 100's of notes nothing changed prior) she wanted the teacher to get eye level and speak to him in a soft voice (done that a million times) she wanted the teacher to give him a sticker each time he transitioned from one activity without an outburst (that one I refused) A child should be able to leave the computer when his time is up without throwing the mouse across the room!!! Plus I had already tried the reward system. He couldn't control what he was doing and that is what I couldn't get his M. to understand. When he was not angry he was such an adorable and lovely child. I finally realized I was never going to help, change, or open up the eyes of these parents. There was always and excuse. Each conversation there was an excuse. I loved this one, he doesn't do it at home!! She had forgotten that she told me a story that she hadn't gotten out of the shower quick enough for him so he took a stool and continued to ram the bathroom door with it until she came out!!! The husband would drop off and say good luck today ladies he is in rare form!! Some of the aftercare babysat for her and one time he locked himself in the bathroom and wouldn't come out. This staff member was getting him ready in the morning and bringing him to school. Him locking himself in the room made her late, and it scared her so much she came to me and said she didn't want to do it any longer. So I told her it was okay she did not have to do it. When I told the M. what had happened she said "Oh, it's because he like privacy"!! You get where I am going with this!!! Sometimes parents just won't face that their child has issues and that is when you have choices. You either remove yourself from the situation or you tolerate it. I couldn't tolerate it any longer and I had to protect my other students from his outbursts as well as my staff. I do not understand if the behavior of this little girl is so bad why the school has not suggested an evaluation. If this is something that can be fixed with some parenting changes, or if there is an underlying reason, this child needs some type of intervention. Better the school then you. Unless she ask for your input, I don't see how it could be well received. Just my opinion but I would leave it to the teachers. Good luck!!

she is the M. she has to be aware of the situation. however she is choosing to ignore it. i would stop babysitting. why on earth would you want some child to come over knowing full well this child is going to consistently behave badly.

If you were good friends I would say I would want to know but to be very, very careful of how you word it. It could become an issue in the friendship and cause alot of hurt feelings. If the school is already dealing with it, stay out of it. period. If she were to come and ask you specifically to keep an eye on _____ and see if she is still doing ______or verify what the teachers are saying, then I would say yes- but otherwise since they left 3 schools and aren't very trusting of the school system-stay out of it.

M

Stay out of it. If she hasn't brought it up to you, then she doesn't want to talk to you about it. It really isn't any of your business. Let her deal with the school issues on her own. You will preserve your relationship that way. If she has been told, then she knows. It's hard though, isn't it?