Friend Re-Starts Giving Birthday Gifts Again, but I Can't (And Don't Want To)

You know I do not give a gift so I can get one back. I'm pretty wishy washy with gifts. I have friends all over the world. Sometimes they get something sometimes t hey dont. Every year I write a bunch a christmas cards sometimes they go out sometimes they don't. But you know what when I manage to get something out I don't expect a gift back. Isn't that the whole idea of giving. If you keep the gift Say thank you which is appropriate. If you really want nothing to do with the girl be fair and just send the gift backk to her. You might think its mean but in the long run its nicer than stringing her along.

Well, isn't the definition of a gift something that you freely give to someone? The definition doesn't read something like "something that you give to someone in return for something of equal value or sentiment". That's called a trade. You aren't required to pay back a gift.

If she wants to send you gifts, that's fine. Don't remind her of any agreements or contracts made between you. She's well aware, I'm sure. Whether it's guilt on her part or any one of a hundred possible reasons, accept the gift, and enjoy it. If it's a particularly nice gift, a small thank you note, even a post card would be polite. You can't control who wants to send you a gift, and you don't have to stress about it.

She probably does feel guilt and probably also wants to maintain contact with you. Give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she doesn't mean to guilt-trip you but maybe is giving gifts in hopes they keep the lines of communications open.

Think about her side of it for a minute, because right now you're stuck in thinking about your side of it (costs money, she's giving me a guilt trip, I feel bad, I am being forced to reciprocate, I have past hurts....). She may feel that she did stop with the other things as requested -- no more Christmas gifts, no more gifts for each others' kids -- but she doesn't want to stop the birthday gift. "I can't compromise on that one because it's the most personal and it's about HER and not her kids or a holiday," may be how she's thinking. So her motives may be positive and an attempt to be thoughtful, not an attempt to get you to reciprocate. Just something to consider.

Just send her a very nice card with a friendly and non-committal note in it and don't feel obliged to send her a gift in return. She may want the contact with you much more than any gift. Do send her a birthday card because what's the harm in that, unless you really don't want any contact at all with her to continue? If you really do just want her out of you life entirely, tell her so, because it sounds like she may think there is more left of your friendship than you think is left, and it might be kinder to tell her the truth so she does not continue to reach out to you.

Well, a friendship isn't a business deal. You've already expressed your feelings and intentions. Just receive her gifts graciously and acknowledge them with thanks. Gifts aren't about keeping score.

I was going to write what Elena wrote, but she was much more eloquent. No need reciprocate the gift, especially since it's clear that your gift giving has ended.

Dollar store birthday card. :)

Yes, our entire family...about 16 of us get together on every single birthday at a restaurant and everyone brings a gift for the birthday person. I suggested after December 28th(the last birthday of the year) that we discontinue giving gifts to the adults and only give gifts to the 5 children on their birthdays. It was getting way to expensive...and so hard to pick out gifts cause everybody already had everything anyway.Guess what....everyone agreed! Just needed someone to come out and suggest it. So alot less stress and alot of money saved. If she sends you a gift....just...thank you...but you didn't have to. And send her a card on her birthday. When it gets to the point that you dread doing it....it is time to call it quits...and stick to your guns.

Sounds like her guilt is screaming at her.

If you are face book friends just post a thank you. If not--do nothing. Hopefully, she will get the message.

I also wonder if she had already bought it and was waiting for the day to come around to send it. I have done that before where I went shopping, found something for someone and held onto it until their bday or the holidays or even for just one of those days where showing up empty handed would just feel wrong.