Friend Is Taking Advantage of My Generosity

Next time she asks, just say "if I have anything else to donate I will let you know first so you can look at it and see if you want it, but since I just spring cleaned I do not forsee that for a while", and than just continue to be her friend.

When she so brazenly asks, just do a gentle reminder "I'll keep that in mind" and let it go. It's fun to give, but not when you feel obligated to. She has bad manners, but needy people are often times not shy to ask for help. Ask and you shall receive works for many.
It's nice of you to be so kind but there are plenty of people out there that will take advantage of it. That's why the welfare system is so crowded, they get used to being given to and lose the desire to become self sufficient unfortunately.

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I would just say point blank the next time she says something, "I've given all I can for now, but if I hear of someone giving away a couch or something, I'll let you know." I would also tell her if she is really desperate for something, she should post it on craigslist or look up what people are giving away there. Put the ball in her court that she can stop relying on you.

Seriously, people don't constantly need *things*.

I agree with Denise P., I guess I'm just not seeing the problem here. Just don't give her anything if you don't want to problem solved. ??

You are allowing her to take advantage!! Simply say, "I have enjoyed helping you, but I am unable to help you anymore." If she pushes, she is not your friend. Actually, I'll just some out and say it. She is not your friend. You are a meal ticket. Purge this cancer from your life.

Tell her to check out freecycle or the free section on Craig's list.

Ugh, I have a pushy friend like that too. She asked me for my pack and play when my baby was only 5 months old. I told her no because we use it regularly and we do. He's now 21 mos and I have it set up in the living room all the time in case I need to throw him in there if I have to leave the room for longer than two minutes. She made me feel bad because she had to go buy one. Don't let people do that to you! I agree with the others who say to tell her that you'll gladly pass her things when you're finished, but you can't think of anything for the near future.

Well, if she's asking for stuff you don't want--I don't see the problem.
I always like to know that my stuff is going to good use.
If you don't *have* anything to give, then don't worry about it!

She's not the problem (well, she does sound annoying).

Stop feeling guilty and set some boundaries . . . be nice, but firm, and don't be anybody's door mat. It's better to be respected than liked.

JMO.

Does she ever reciprocate? Are you getting anything positive out of this friendship? Would you be able to rely on her in a hard time or emergency?

If not (and I'm guessing that's the case), it sounds like the "friendship" is not really a friendship at all. She is using you, plain & simple. It's okay to say "no". It's okay to cut off a relationship that is stressful & unhealthy. Stop being a doormat. You dictate how others treat you, plain & simple. Right now you are allowing her & enabling her to use you. Stand up for yourself. Friends shouldn't treat you like that, period.

Just say no.
Don't let her bulldoze you.

Don't keep the 'habit' going.

I would just respond with "I'll keep that in mind" or "when I have something's I'll give you first pick".

You shouldn't feel bad or even rushed to finish using things. I did this for my SIL. She had given me her crib, then asked for it back 5m later when she found out she was pregnant. I went ahead and gave it to her along with the new matching changing table that my MIL had bought. I had to go out and buy something new and a new changer. I could've held on to it until she 'needed' it, but then my daughter would've been over a year old and I didn't want to introduce her to a new crib at that age. So I gave her all of this stuff. Turns out the baby never slept in the crib because she couldn't bear to hear her cry. The changing table never got used, because SIL would just change her on the couch or bed ... so here I went an gave her stuff that I wasn't done with, trying to be nice, and ended up having to spend $$$ that wasn't needed.

Easy: stop giving her stuff. If she says that, say, "Sorry, I don't have anything I don't want right now." This will be a good lesson in "No" for you.

I let people know when they start asking that I enjoy giving surprises, but surprises cease to be surprises when expected....

Also shoot her a link to www.freecycle.org.

"I'm sorry, I don't have anything left to give you guys. We need everything that we have. Thanks for taking on all of our old clutter." Then change the subject. Repeat it until she gets it.

I am not trying to sound rude in ANY way, but stop giving her things. She will get the picture and if she's goes somewhere else for things, then problem solved!

Being generous is great, but you do need boundaries. Just stop giving her stuff, and when she asks, tell her that you don't have anything to give away.

I like what another poster said about directing her to freecycle or craigslist. That's an excellent suggestion to give each time she asks!

I hope your friend is soon gifted with a book on manners!

I have always tell people that you are only being used if you allow yourself to be used.

That strain you feel is your own. I know this from years of personal experience as a too-generous pushover.

Now that I've learned to handle my own thoughts more lightly, I would simply answer in a calm and happy voice, when she hints that she'd like some particular thing, that you will let her know if you ever see a good deal on one. Or tell her that you'll be thinking of her if you have used goods to pass on.

She'd probably not struggling with this internally the way you are. If she does have unrealistic expectations, you can still shrug them off. Try an "easy" tone of voice in front of a mirror until you can deliver a "Sorry, that doesn't work for me," or other phrase that directs her expectations elsewhere, without stress.

The next time she says something like that just, I've given you everything the kids have outgrown. We don't have anything else to give.

Just tell her you're tapped out and stop giving her things.

My husband and I found ourselves in a similar situation. We knew a single mother and had no problem giving her hand me downs, even some furniture we replaced. Over time I became her friend, so I wanted to look out for her kids. I paid her rent twice, took her groceries, etc. I even "loaned" her money. At one point she stayed with us when she lost her house. It was during that time that we hit our breaking point. She was supposed to be going to a class while she stayed with us so she could get a certificate and get a better job, and childcare would be free. Several times she simply didn't go because she was too tired. There were lots of other little things too, especially with her kids. And she ran up a $400 phone bill that we had to take out a loan to pay off. We evaluated the overall situation with her and came to the conclusion that she was getting a lot of help all around (not just from us) and doing very little for herself. So we kicked her out and distanced ourselves from her. I talked to her from time to time, but I tried not to spend much time with her. And we never gave her anything again. Apparently we weren't the only ones, other people we knew had stopped helping her too. In the end, the state took her kids away for a whole list of reasons and she moved to another state where she had family. I felt horrible for the kids, but it confirmed the feeling we'd gotten about her, that she'd been too dependent on everyone else. I would say that you should start distancing yourself, don't give her anything else, and don't worry about what she says. I still donate to charities, and give to close friends, but I will never help someone like that again.

Is her name ....? Seriously, you sound exactly like me. The problem is her, not you. Still, because she is a moocher, you have to stop doing things for her and giving things to her. I have not been able to have a real friendship with anyone like this. They are only interested in what they can get.
Believe me, she does this all the time.
Distance yourself. Stop answering the phone. Busy, busy, busy.

Oh I could go on forever with advice about toxic friends, have had them in the past, but not for very long...Lose her!!! Don't feel guilty either....You have to be real careful who you let into your life...I made a few mommy friends at the park when my son was little, but no one I wanted in my life permanently..I met one mom who literally watched 7 children every day and claimed she did it for free, come on now...She then tried to get me to help drive them around to public parks, etc in addition to my kids..Crazy!!!! She then later admitted that she was getting paid big bucks, but lied because she didn't want me to call the I.R.S on her or something crazy....I cut her off immediately and quit taking her calls...She even left me a voicemail, after that, asking me if I would be her "in case of emergency person" if she opened a daycare and could I provide her with my personal info so the state could do a background check... Are you friggin kidding me!!!! I just lie now when someone wants my number at the park...I just say, "you know, I work from home, which is a lie, and don't have allot of time, how about I just see you if you're here next time"...I don't care if they are offended, who needs another drama case in their life and that's what the majority females are unfortunately...Don't be so quick to befriend someone...My two best friends live up North, and that's all I need, even if I only see them once a year...Good luck!! Again, do not feel guilty at all, she definitely is using you.....

You've created a friendship based on stuff, not on mutual interest. Simply stop giving her stuff and she'll get the hint. Or you could tell her that you have other places to donate items (I'm sure you could find some so it's not a lie) and that you can't give her as much anymore. If she's annoyed, then you know the value of your friendship was the gifts, and then you can easily drop her from your roster of friends.

Well, it seems you have a few options and you may have to try more than one to find the thing that works. Here are some ideas.
1. You could tell her in a calm but firm voice "I will let you know when I have something to give you".
2. You could tell her that a relative (who lives in another town) is now in need and you have been asked by your family to help them out.
3. You could tell her that your husband has informed you that your own family could really use the tax credit for charitable giving and you now need to give these things to authorized organizations that can give you a donation receipt.
It's a tough spot you are in, while many people enjoy helping out a person in need she has spoiled it by becoming demanding. Good luck to you.