Foster Parenting...????

Well, I'm not a foster mother...But I am a full time step mother of three girls. They are now 19, 18, and 14. I married their father six years ago. What I have found is that no matter what, these kids will always hold hope for their parents. In my case the girls mother is very heavy into meth, and is now headed toward the penitentiary for the second time. All three will still make excuses for her, give her money, and allow themselves to be bullied by her. I have trouble with the youngest because she seems to take most of her anger toward her mother out on me. (Mostly verbally, but things have escalated to a physical level.) She also holds her mother on a very high pedestal. It's difficult, but at the same time I get satisfaction knowing that I am being the mother figure they need to lead a succesfull life.

I have had this same desire, but we cannot do it at this time.

Here is the basic info to get you educated about the process.

http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Child_Protection/Foster_Care/

From people I know who have done this, it can be a very difficult and trying experiance because so many of these children have been abused and exposed to horrible things. Also, it can be hard if you get very attached to a child, and to see them be put back into the system again.

Of course, it can be such a blessing as well. Good Luck!

Hey E.,
I think your desire to be a foster parent is great. I was a foster child myself growing up and so I guess I can only give advice from my own experience. I had some pretty good foster parents who really taught me some life skills that have helped out. I am actually still in touch with them and call them Grampa and Grandma. I think that the best thing for you to do is to take in a foster child who is quite a few years younger than your own teenagers. Talk to your teens and ask them how much they would be willing to contribute because chances are the child you take in will want their attention. Also consider: are your own teens mature enough and responsable enough to provide a good example to them? The reason I think this is important is that I really was close to my older foster sister, my foster parents biological daughter. She had her own rebellious issues as a 16 year old. But I so looked up to her. Also, the home I was in had several foster children. Some of them were abusive to myself and my brother, both physically and sexually. I think that because of the complicated life history of many foster children, it is easiest to provide a protective and nurturing atmosphere to one child at a time, especially if you are a first timer. God bless you for wanting to invest in the life of a person that God values as much as the two of us. I know that without that investment I would not be where I am today, with two children of my own, a Bachelor's degree and a desire to give back to the world rather than take from it. Sincerely, J.

Hi E.,
I as well had a desire to be a foster parent. I'm not going to discourage you, but after I checked into it, there was so much red tape, as you can imagine. The application literally looks like a small book. There are many rules, regulations, stipulations, etc. After filling out the ap, you have to get background checks for every one in the household, they require a homestudy, attend classes on how to handle these children. You also have to be married for more than 2 years, and reasonable income(can't remember), child has to have their own bedroom, and size requirements of the rooms. You have to be prepared to take them for visits with their parents, which are supervised. Patience and lots of prayer. These children have came from highly abusive situations, and some have adhd, retardation, separation anxiety, and many other behavioral problems. You really have to be patient. Also, you have to be prepared, because likely you have to take them to psychiatrists as well. Lots of problems, you need to weight the facts. I personally thought it might be to overwhelming. I now have a child of my own with adhd, on medications, and she's had to see a psychiatrist. I personally don't feel that I could take on that kind of responsibility again. Good Luck !!

Dear E.,

Up until a couple of weeks ago (I adopted), I was a "relative foster parent" for 2 years. Not quite the same as the typical foster parent because it was for a specific child; I took in my great nephew on the condition I would adopt him. I didnt have to get licensed like other foster parents but if I had, I might have received a monthly subsidy. I did have the home study and the local and FBI background check, etc. In the beginning, I attended a support group they have for foster parents or people like you who want to be foster parents. Nice people. Its at the Child Advocacy Center on the corner of Los Rios and Parker(?). You can call them to find out when and also get more details: ###-###-####. I would think they answer the phone on Saturdays too. If you are mainly interested in adopting a foster child(ren), let me know and I'll give you a specific contact person at CPS. Otherwise you will be led a long way down the wrong road.

Good luck and good for you!
A.

Also like you, I felt that God had placed the desire in my heart to parent additional children. The opportunity came when my sister called me to tell me that her son's girlfriend signed her babies (2,1,and 5 months) to CPS and to follow her "Man". Well I have gone through so many negative and traumatic experiences with my relatives, CPS, and other organizations that I do not think I will ever do this again. I am a very loving, patient woman who love children and for the majority of the time wish I could hold every child I see. As previously mentioned, these unfortunate children have been dealt a bad hand but . . . after this experience I would never do it again. Unless you win favor with the CPS worker and system (remember CPS can document anything to the individual worker's thinking and her own personal experience), they will destroy you, they will traumatize you and your whole family (with the possibilities of losing your own family in the process). If you have a kinship placement, boy you will also get it from the family. Remember there are organizations, especially health care providers and hospitals that will report you to CPS if the child has bruises or other marking (even though you have done nothing to them but love them). I will continue to be a strong advocate for the babies I have but never again. I feel bad for the other children that due to CPS and the system, I will never be able share my love and care. These poor babies being hurt by their families, CPS, and the system, but I know I could not survive another round. God bless those babies.

As for me I will stick to trying to help animals that are being abused and neglected.

Hello, E.:

I am happy to read your post, because we too are interested in fostering (actually, foster-to-adopt). I have done the research through the State, and we've decided if we're going to move ahead with this, we'll go through Hope Cottage here in Dallas. They're a state licensed foster-to-adopt agency that places children 0-4 years. We're going to attend their next information session on April 12th at 6:30 pm. I believe its at their offices off 75 and Fitzhugh, but you can look at their website at http://www.hopecottage.org for more info. We currently have three children, two adopted internationally and one bio, and the two adopted internationally both have special needs (both physical and mental), so we're fairly aware of the ins and outs of children who need a bit more care. I must tell you, however, our friends and family think we're totally nuts and are putting ourselves at risk, so you may have to deal with those attitudes! I, like you, feel called to parenting, and I want to love and care for all the little ones I can!

BTW, where are you from in South America? My eldest in from Colombia, and we LOVED our month + long visit there!

Best,
LisaB

Hi E.. My neighbor is a foster parent, so if you feel you still want to talk to someone else, I can see if she is available. Just email me and let me know your contact info, if so.

All my best,
C.