Forfeiting Time

I would say that he forfeited the time he wasted. He should have the girls now that he's changed his mine, for whatever reason he did it. They still need to see their dad. However, his 6 weeks shouldn't just start when he picks them up, it should start on the day it was supposed to. He did knowingly forfeit that time.

A.,
If the children are looking forward to spending this time with their Father, then no matter what he is or isn't saying or doing shouldn't matter, keeping them involved with their Father is the #1 reason that he has this time with them (even tho' he is being ROTTEN to you). Parents should never 'forfeit' time with their kidz, they need a Mother & a Father.

Best, A.

Your children are not pawns in a money game...they are young ladies who need secure and loving up bringing. Don't let them get in the middle of issues that you and their father might have.
If he wants to take his daughters for the rest of the summer you should let them go. They deserve to be with their dad, (unless of course you feel that it is unsafe) just because he made a selfish mistake doesn't mean he's forfeited his parental duties for the rest of the summer. Your girls should not even know that there are any issues between you and him, and I hope that your not telling them what he did.
I remember as a child my mother turning me against my father during their separation, and my dad died and because of her I'd lost all contact with my father. Don't allow that to happen with your children and their father.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but I am a daughter scorned and I felt as though I should speak up. If your daughters expressed disappointment that their father didn't show up yesterday that means that they still want to go!

I would contact your lawyer about this. If it is a custody agreement that has been in front of a judge and ordered, then you not handing them over can actually get you arrested, custody re-looked at, support shortened and more.

This is a legal issue, and there are some harsh consequences for not following a custody agreement.

This was one day--I don't think this constitutes a total loss of 6 weeks.

A full forfeit may be what it feels like but it is what the court filed agreement says that counts. Hand over those kids with as much grace as you can. To do anything else may be contempt of court and could put unneeded stress on the kids. If you act out on your reasonable frustration, they will pick up on your emotions.

I think it isn't your call if he forfeited it... it is based on a court document.
If he did it for $ it's really sad, but they are his kids too. The fact that you know that this brought him under the 40% & would influence child support- makes me think that $$ has been an issue here... it shouldn't be anymore. The decision about $ is done w/ the divorce decree, now you both need to do what is best for your children (& w/in the law).

Sorry though, it sounds like a lousy situation where you are both still very angry... him saying he doesn't want them & you now saying he can't have them both seem kind of selfish towards the children.

I'm sorry about your situation - doesn't sound like you both have moved on from the hurt/anger of the divorce. From experience, I can tell you that SOMEHOW it would be best if you can move past all that and realize that it isn't about the both of you anymore but what is best for your children. They are truly the ones that will be hurt in this situation and I'm sure that isn't what you want. No matter what happened between you two, you will always have to deal with each other until your kids are old enough to drive to visit each parent. Try to remember that your children are what is most important!
My husband had a yucky situation with his ex, somehow they overcame the yuck and we have been able to socialize at events that involved both boys. The boys hated having to choose who to see, sit next to, split time with, etc. It made it hard on them. Now that they are young men, they have actually said they appreciate what their parents and step-parents did for them when they were little - they were 5 & 7 at the divorce.
So see your actions will be remembered. As long as your children are safe with their dad, he should be able to see them. Just stick to the custody agreement so you don't have to battle but don't deprive your children of seeing their father. You don't ever want them to think you kept them from him.
Best of luck in this difficult situation - just remember it's for your children!

Honestly, you're only hurting the kids if you keep them from going with their dad. You know his reasons may not be pure, and you probably think it'd "really show him" if you told him he lost his chance, etc etc., but in the long run, thats not what really matters. Plus its only been one day. If he went to the court system, and said "I didn't think I'd be able to take my children due to money issues, but within 24 hours I figured things out and decided I would be able to take them," I dont think they'll see it as him forfeiting, unless he has a specifically court ordered date that he was supposed to pick them up by, and he failed to meet it.

My son's father is the same way. Before our child support hearing, he used to say that he would be taking my son for a specific timeframe, and then last minute give me a guilt trip stating that it was too expensive, and that he would LOVE to take our son, but then he wont be paying support for the month if he does pick him up.

I think the idea of making him pay the price for his actions seems like it would feel good...but in the long run, it just seems like a headache. Let him take them, and have some "you" time. =)

I would make note of exactly what was said and done for your records, incase anything comes up, and let him take the kids. It would make me mad too, and that can affect the kids tremendously, however it can also hurt them if they thought at all that daddy didn't want to see them. Maybe he learned this time to not try to pull financial strings with you. It would make a big difference if he waited a few weeks to decide to take them. It sounds like money is a huge priority to him, I feel that if the kids are not in danger when with him, it is actually healthy for them to be around him. You sound like two different people and that will help your kids to be very well rounded people. With polar opposite parents kids have good perspective about who they can choose to be... Does that make sense? Good luck...

Well, from an emotional standpoint, I'm inclined to agree with you. HOWEVER... Since he is supposed to have them for 6 full weeks I don't think picking them up a day late negates that. It'd be one thing if he was JUST supposed to have them yesterday and wanted to pick them up hours and hours late, but one day late for 42 days, seems a little petty.

Also, from a practical standpoint, unless you have it in writing that he said he wasn't taking them for the entire summer, he can easily say that you understood he JUST wasn't taking them YESTERDAY and then you would be obstructing a custody order.

Sorry, I know this isn't the answer you wanted. I hope you have time to take your self on some kind of grown-up trip. I know how hard it can be to suddenly have a childless house.

HTH
T.

Well, is that part of your agreement? I mean I don't think his actions, although seeminly ridiculous and selfish, constitute you to revoke all contact with his kids for the rest of the summer. If you are upset that he tried to get around his end of the agreement, then I'd make sure you're meeting your end of the bargain too. You can be irritated and it's definitely worth mentioning it to him, but I don't think I'd support the girls missing out on their dad time for 6 whole weeks over it!

He should want to see the girls because they are his girls. Saying he won't take them because of the money is just sad. I'd just tell him he can try and be a better dad next summer.

If he truly just can't afford the cost of caring for them for the summer maybe you can negotiate just cutting out the summer camp since it's a luxury and not a necessity. Day care you still need because he has to work.

I think you want to be very careful about denying a child their second parent. The question would be how is he with them. Is it doing more damage than good. How bout suggest instead of that long period of time with them just every other weekend on teh summer.. They see there dad but you can better control what goes on

Do you have primary time sharing or does he?

I am in agreement with you. He was being a bully and foolish!

I understand how you feel and he was certainly being a jerk; however, I don't think he has forfeited the whole summer. Do your girls want to stay with their dad for the 6 weeks? If so I would try to rise above your anger with him and find a way to work it out.

Best case scenario, he was just testing you to see if he could get you to make the payments but in the end he realized he really wanted to see the girls anyway. Fingers crossed.

He does sound rather irresponsible though to have not made any plans for the girls in advance. I'd keep in touch to make sure they have appropriate supervision.

Good Luck!

You should probably call your attorney and double check...but generally, if the children are supposed to be available for visitation with their dad for 6 weeks over the summer, he can technically have them any portion of that 6 weeks, including all of it, or just a few days. Missing a day does not give you the right to take the rest of 41 days of opportunity away from your ex or your children.

Divorce is hard for everyone and rarely makes things better unfortunately. Your children need their dad just as much as they need you. I hope that this can all be worked out amicably so that the children needn't live under the stress of fighting parents.