Non Custodial Father Issues

Talk to him first, honestly and candidly. If you can't come to an understanding, suggest mediation. Court should really be a last resort.

I would not wait around two hours for him to show up. Give him twenty minutes then go somewhere and if he calls you and says where are you I'm here or where were you last night? say "oh, its so sad, she LOVES visiting you but I had somewhere to go. when do you want to get her next? Keep doing this and he'll either learn to be on time or he'll stop coming and you'll know what the plan is. Tell him (again very nicely) you could really use the money on a regular basis and if he cant do that you'll be forced ( say it as if you Really dont want to but you'll have no choice) to go to court and then they'll probably garnish his wages. Dont be confrontational about it, say I thnk in most situations child support is taken directly from the father's wages so they dont have to deal with it, much easier for the Dads. Maybe you'd prefer that? Next time he "forgets or is late remind him that its much easier to go through his employer. My ex was bad about paying child support until they started garnishing his wages that's what works best with most fathers and child support.

There are lots of good answers on here, but I'll just add my two cents worth. As an adult child of divorced parents (and a step mom to two now, to boot!), I have to agree with Laurel M's statement that it really hurt when Dad wouldn't show or show on time. With my hubby and his ex, they have in there custody arrangement that one party will only wait for 30 minutes for the other or they forfeit their time. Before his next visitation, I would let your ex know that you will only wait 30 minutes for him from now on. On his next visitation, if he isn't there within 30 minutes, then leave. It will make a statement to him, and keep your daughter out of limbo. If he is super unreliable, you may consider not telling her about visitations in advance.

As for going back to court, use that as a last resort. Try talking to him first and let him know you'll be seeking mediation if that doesn't work. It's cheaper than going to court, and most family court judges will mandate it first anyways. If you ever do end up taking him to court, going thru mediation first will show that YOU have done everything you could first.

If you're afraid things will get very strained, then don't take him to court, it's only going to hurt your daughter! If yuour custody agreement says, "that our custody is 'as arranged' by us.", then why do you need to go to court? From now on, start leaving him a note when he's late saying, you couldn't wait any longer, then leave. He'll get the point!

Try an alternative. The agreement says "as arranged"...tell him what is acceptable to you. If he is scheduled to pick up at 6 and doesn't show by 6:30 unless a true emergency came up and he called then leave and don't answer your phone. A few times of that and it sure cure that problem.

Regardless of if it is "as arranged" or "court ordered" it won't make him show on time. Either way, you are not expected or required to wait, a few minutes sure, but not indefinately.

With my son's dad, I used to say "you can't because you go w/ your dad that night" then after he was supposed to be there he would call and say I can't tonight or I'll be late (HELLO, you ARE late) can I pick him up tomorrow or I'll get up w/ you tomorrow. I started letting him schedule other things and telling dad he could pick up after whatever activity or in the morning (ours was court ordered but he NEVER honored it so he was the one breaking it).

GO back to court... did you document everything? If not - wait 6 months and document EVERYTHING, especially when you arranged a visitation and he canceled or was late, and when he pays child support!!

You need to arm yourself before going to court, because trust me, courts don't care and if you have nothing to show proof, they will quickly kick you out and send you on your merry way.

I wouldn't go back to court if you're worried about straining your relationship. I'd definitely let him know about being late though. Let him know that you plan your schedule around the time he's picking her up. That when he's so late it really messes up your plans. As far as not taking her on "date nights"--do you have parents that can watch your daughter if you happen to have a date on those nights? Also, do you remind him when it's time to pay child support? I have to do this with my ex husband. He is never on time with it. Good luck!

Would you guys be able to reach an agreement without going to back to court. Maybe just go to mediation and see if you can work something out? Then get THAT in writing and file it with the court. It might feel less adversarial than court and keep your relationship on friendly terms.

I actually don't think court should be a last resort. A parenting and support decree outlines what each parent is entitled to and responsible for as far as the time and care of their child.
I would go so far as to say that it is an ESSENTIAL document and without it, you are opening up yourself and your child to be taken advantage of.
Without it your child is not protected or guaranteed that they have a parent who is legally obligated to take care of them.
Additionally, each parent is PROTECTED once the decree is filed.

Even though you have 'agreed', he is clearly NOT abiding by the agreement. If there is an issue will he be honest in court? Odds are no. Parents can say anything they want if nothing is in writing and it becomes your word against their word.

He still will have to agree to the visitation in the decree. So, if he doesn't want his child on a Fri or Sat night - those will be yours. Find a sitter or be thankful that you have extra time with her when it's not a school night and there is homework etc. You also might not be able to do anything about him being late - except maybe make his 'pickups' be from school or whatever so he will HAVE to be there on time or risk being fined or having his daughter sitting on the curb waiting for him. (not sure how old your daughter is). YOU shouldn't have to be the one who is in limbo if he can't get it together.

Good luck.

As a girl who grew up with a Dad like that , I say please go back to court and get a written visitation schedule. It sucks, sitting there, waiting for your Dad only to have to wait for hours...if he shows up at all. It would feel better to not even have told me he was going to spend time me, rather than promising and breaking that promise because something else came up. Made me feel like I wasn't important, and it was something I had to deal with as an adult.

hi...i haven't read any of the other answers, so i can't say i agree or disagree with anyone and i might be repeating...but oh well. :) i JUST took my ex husband back to court for child support and visitation for the EXACT same situation. except if he didn't show up within 15 minutes i would call him...if he didn't answer, i would leave...obviously if he answered i would find out where he was and we would figure out what to do from there. we have a good relationship and get along well. i was also afraid that if i took him back to court that it would ruin things and we wouldn't get along as well...however...after going to court in oct, nov, dec, and finalizing things in our last court date in january...he is paid in full and we get along BETTER than we did before. we go back to court again in march just to make sure he is staying paid up and that he is showing up for visitation. i don't think that it will hurt you to try to get what you deserve for your child. the dad has to realize that he is hurting the child and only making it inconvienent for you...not really hurting you. anyway, i hope this helps in your decision...it could truly help things like it did in my life and i REALLY hope it does help you!!! good luck!!!

Maybe try and talk to him again...if he doesn't realize how his actions speak to you right now (cancelling at the last minute,picking his daughter up late, not wanting to have her on date nights), isn't he already putting some kind of strain on the relationship?

If you feel like he takes advantage of the situation by showing up when he wants to, or cancelling at the last minute, you should go through the court and draw up a visitation schedule that is fair to you both. He should take his daughter on the weekends. He should pay child support when it is due, and the amount that is due. He made this baby too. If the two of you can't work it out on your own, I don't see any problem with taking him to court for what is fair.

I think letting him know if you can not come to some sort of an agreement outside of court, then your next step will be getting an attorney to help with a visitation plan.

I had a similar problem with my oldest 2 sons- what I did was go to the child support office and file paperwork that he wasn't paying- they garnished his wages. As for the being late- it once took him 2 weeks to show up for Christmas,then she doesn't see him that week, We went through this, and he didn't want the responsibility of them for the weekend- it ended up being on Sun afternoons only for a few hours- yes it sucked that I didn't get any "off" time, but he never did anything productive with them, they were never bathed, clothes changed, when he would take them, so they were better off staying home. They are now 25 and 23 and they don't have contact with him - their choice- they realized early on that he was a 'bum' and, no, I didn't talk bad about him to them- they could see that he didn't want to be with them- I was the one always pushing for him to see them- his loss- they are fine, upstanding men serving our country in the Air Force and Army. I am glad that they didn't spend so much time with him, now, but back then it did make me angry that he didn't have to 'parent' he only got to have a few fun hours- left all the other stuff to me- my boys are better off for that, though.

My parents were never divorced, and I am not divorced, so I don't have any first hand experience with divorce. However, will going to court to get court ordered visitation really help? He sounds like the type of guy that would be late or cancel even with a court order. I agree with the other moms who say give him 20 minutes to show or he gets nothing. This may be hard, but it might teach him a lesson. Also, how old is your daughter? Does she enjoy going with him? Is she safe with him--I would find it hard to trust a guy that can't be on time, always cancels, and rarely pays child support.