What to Do About Children Seeing Their Dad & He Isn't Paying Child Support?

First, support has nothing to do with visitation.

Typically speaking, if the non-custodial parent doesn't show to get their child/children on time, you don't have to wait indefinately for them to show...in other words, if he is scheduled to pick up at 6 pm and isn't there by 6:30-7 pm and hasn't either called to say he will be late or to arrange something else, then he is forfeiting his visitation. I personally would leave after that time period and do something else. Keep track of his no shows and then go get the visitation reduced.

You absolutely CANNOT deny visitation based on non-payment of child support. I am so sorry that the kids don't want to go. When my daughter was in that position, she would arrange to not be home when she thought the dad was coming. But once or twice of that, and he called the police and the police made her send the kids with dad. That dad also did not come every weekend like he was supposed to, it was hit and miss so she really never knew when or if he was going to show up.

Have you contacted your local child support enforcement office? If not, do so immediately. You may be in time to have his income tax check nabbed. If not in time for this year, there's always next year. Also, they can do a wage garnishment for you so the money comes directly out of his pay check. Call them right away and get started collecting that money. Your children deserve it!

Talk to your lawyer before you keep them from him. Child support is not mandatory for visitation (if it were, my sks would never have seen their mom). They are different things. If the visitation needs to be supervised or different, then it needs to be court ordered. If he's behind on the child support, that's a different enforcement. Document EVERYTHING regarding the schedule and be on the up and up. If you are there or the kids are ready, then the fault for the lack of visitation is not yours.

Keeping the father from seeing the children because he hasn't payed child support is wrong in so many ways. First, the children, will not only resent you but their father as well. I know, because I was a child of divorce and my mother "claimed" that my father didn't want to see me and my father "claimed" my mother kept him from seeing me. Either way, I was the one who was hurt by their childish antics. You don't mention how old the children are and you don't mention if somehow the children have been negatively influenced by how you may feel about their father. If they truly do not wish to see their father, as a mother, I would want to pursue this and find out WHY. Why would children not want to see their father? Is he abusive to them? Perhaps a counselor needs to be involved. How you and their father interact with one another should NOT include the children. Keeping a parent away from his/her children as a form of punishment is wrong. My mother used to say exactly what you stated, "that my father wanted to see me when it was convenient for him." A child doesn't understand this so it's best to let the children and their father have their time together....unless he is abusive, then I would get a counselor involved A.S.A.P. to find out why the children do not wish to be around their dad.

My advice is that you should be talking to a lawyer about this :-)

I think it's time to talk to your lawyer about changing the visitation rights if you and the kids especially do not want to see him. And you can also talk to them about the CS too.

Your lawyer is much more qualified to answer your questions than anyone on here. They know the whole story.

Best of luck

Child support has nothing to do with custody/visitation. They are two completely separate issues. When a parent pays child support it's not payment for the right to visit with the children. That money belongs to the children and it helps support the cost of raising them or can go into bank accounts in the children's names to pay for college or whatever they want it to pay for when they turn 18.

But if he does show up to pick them up for his court ordered visitation, you have absolutely no right to refuse to let him see the children. The visitation isn't just for his sake, but the kids, and you would be violation of a court order no matter how much the kids cry "at the thought" of having to visit with their dad. What would be great is if he does show up you support him and help ease your children into the visit so that they can enjoy it.

Support is ONLY linked with visitation in determining how much he pays. It's not pay-to-see... he can be 10 years behind and you can lose all of your own custody if you don't let him see them. Which you already know... so don't go there. It doesn't matter how behind he is.

That said... what does it say in your parenting plan? Unless it states that you are required to take the children to him, if he doesn't come get them, you aren't required to take them. If he doesn't show up to get them, or if doesn't show up at your halfway place... after a certain time... he's forfeited his visitation. It's a no-show blackmark on HIM (and doing it often is grounds to change custody), not on you. ((Unless, unless, unless... the order is that the parent who has them take them to the parent who does not, or that you are responsible for transport to and from)).

My step brothers mom kept him from seeing us many, many times growing up when my step dad would be late on child support. As kids we missed out on a lot because of that. She wouldn't even switch weekends with my step dad so that when he did come to our house my brother and I could be there on the same weekends. My dad was ok with the switch...but it still wasn't often (even when my step dad did pay) that she actually let him come over.

If he paid she would give him a few hours on after a soccer game here and there too. It hasn't been til we were adults that my brother finally realized what went on, that it wasn't always dad (my step dad) who was in the wrong.

Ok, I strongly suggest you go to the court and pay the $5 (or whatever it is now) for a form that I can't remember the name of that states he is past due. You fill out how much he owes and submit it. It takes a LONG time to get to court and once you get to court he will either
1- not show up
2- cry poverty
3- cough up the money
4- cough up some of what he owes
Unless he pays everything, the judge will make a decision, probably that he's in contempt. But then you have to wait for that to go through and that takes another few weeks.
BUT... you must then file another order for the date starting from your court date again. If you don't, they get away with it again and for longer. It's a lousy system and sadly works in the favor of the slackers.
Also, make sure when in court to change the thing to that you want the court system to go after him instead of you having to do this each time. Then you don't have the stress and time wasted. As soon as he's late, CFS or the Child support office will go after him without you needing to do it.

Yes, you do have to let them see his kids. If you're fearful for their well being, you need to be able to prove and then you have to go to court for that too.
You can do all these things without any lawyers and save tons of money. The courts also have lawyers that you can hire something like 15 mins for making sure you know which papers to file and what you can do, etc.

Good luck

You should be documenting on a calendar the dates and times he picks up the children and brings them back. If he shows a pattern of not utilizing his visitation, it may be useful if you decide to request a modification of the visitation order.
However, you absolutely cannot refuse to let him see the kids because he owes back child support. Don't even go down that road. You will be in violation of the court order just as he is for not exercising his visitation.

It's unfortunate that he's not consistent with his visits. That could have something to do with the kids not wanting to go with him. They may feel he doesn't care about them and that's pretty sad.

If you haven't been doing so, start documenting things like I said and keep track so that you can show an established pattern.

Best wishes.