Food Battles

After almost losing my mind, I chose NOT to fight that battle. Let him eat fruit & goldfish. Could be worse. He'll tire of it soon enough & start sniffing around for something different!

Hi, you have some good advice down here, thanks for asking the question because I struggle with my almost-3-year-old every day. I will tell you that my older son was the exact same way from about 2-3.5 then, somewhere between 3 1/2 and 4 he started eating the food I put on his plate and sometimes even asking for seconds! So there is light at the end of the tunnel. I keep reminding myself that in just a few short years they will be teenagers and will be eating everything in sight.

There are a few things you can not control no matter what, that your child can. You can not make him eat, sleep, potty, body noises/smells, stop crying, or be silent. All you can do is provide them the opportunity to do the above, but ultimately they have all the control. These are battles you will almost always loose. So, bow out gracefully & save face. I agree with previous poster & provide a nice healthy meal with choices & let him be. Mine will gorge on some meals & starve on others, but they really seem to regulate themselves nicely. I wish I could do as well. Hope this helps you.

My son is super picky.
I have no food battles with him.
I know that at his own pace, he will get more adventurous.
Sure I offer things to him... besides his usual favorites. But I don't force/punish/scold/lecture/give rewards for him doing it or not.
I know grown-ups who are worse... and pickier.

As my son has gotten older... he has and does eat more things. Despite phases. I recently discovered he LOVES artichokes. I bought some recently for the family, we were eating it... he thought is was interesting and funny looking, and tried one... with only the very tip of his tongue... then surmised he liked it and asked for a whole one himself. And he at it ALL. I don't push it.

When my son does eat something "new".. he will actually be proud and tell me "look Mommy! I eat this now!" And he's happy. He is real cognizant that he is eating something out of his norm. As compared to his sister who eats anything. Because Grandma & Aunty sort of harp on him being a "picky eater." Which I hate them doing.

I, like that my son knows his hunger cues, and will only eat if hungry, then stop when he is full. THAT to me, is more important than how many foods he eats or how or how much. For example: he likes lettuce. But not in a salad... JUST plain lettuce... and nothing else. Or he will pick it out.
I also give him vitamins.
He is healthy as a horse, grows like a weed, and his weight & growth are in the upper percentiles. So.. his picky-ness and lack of eating like how "I" want.... does no detriment to him. Meanwhile, yes, I do only have healthy food around, and he knows what "junk" food is, and he knows how to eat. Because I teach him about it... casually.

Food phases will occur all throughout childhood. In babies, in teens, in College kids, in Grown ups, in elderly. And, they will learn about healthy variety eating in time... they don't and will not learn it all at 2 years old. The taste-buds are still developing as well... in a toddler.

Al the best,
Susan

Children will not starve themselves.

Make a healthy meal each time and a glass of milk. Make his portions very small. 4 peas, 1 tablespoon mashed potatoes. a chicken wing. 2 baby carrots a cherry tomato If he eats all of something give him a little more. If he doesn't eat anything, that is fine, but no snacks. Use small plates and small utensils. This will help not to overwhelm him.

Do not make a big deal about his eating. Almost ignore it, but make sure he does not throw food on the floor or act up. If he eats great, if not, oh well, so sad too bad.. It will pass..

I have learned the hard way that there is no medium when you have junk food in the house. I recently had to stop buying goldfish crackers and processed foods I didn't want my daughter to live on. I send her mixed messages about nutrition when I okay a food at snack time but not at mealtime. So instead of fish crackers we get nuts and dried fruit now. Right now I am transitioning her out of boxed cereal to eating steel cut oats with me every morning. It is amazing the conversations we are having(she is almost 4)about how much she wishes I would let her have boxed cereal.(and all I ever bought was chex and cheerios to begin with) She likes the steel cut oats, but I can clearly see the impact processed food has had on her food cravings. For her first 3 years I only fed her whole foods, but this past year I became overwhelmed with school and made poor shopping choices for both of us. It was amazing how quickly our good eating habits changed. Hopefully we are back on track:)

Hi K.!
My best advice to you is to let him be.....make one healthy meal for your family, serve to your son and let him choose what he wants to eat without any encouraging from you "oh try this......this is good....yummy" just sit and enjoy your meal and let him do his thing. Continue to serve him things that he has rejected and let him see you eating those too....again, no encouraging or bribing from you......you say you "need him to eat" but a guaranteed way for him not to eat is to try and take control of his eating.....i swear, toddlers are the most stubborn things around!!!!
for me, i wouldn't give in to the goldfish at mealtimes, that is a snack food.....he will not starve and will learn that you will not give in......
****my dd who always loved carrots just decided that they are just awful now......i continue to seve them to her and let her see me eating them, but also smash some in something that she really likes, like mashed potatoes, so i know she is getting some anyway!!!**** (my dd is 18 months and that is working for NOW....)
make sure to have planned snacks too ...avoid giving snacks too close to mealtimes as this might decrease his appetite at meals....
It is good that you are refusing to be a short order cook, but try to make meals that might appeal to your son......i.e no liver and onions! haha!
finally, remember that children's serving sizes are smaller that ours, their appetites vary from day to day, and what they liked yesterday they may hate today...good luck!

it is good that you are not giving in or you will be in trouble: my sister can only get her kid to eat junk (hot dogs, mac, pasta, pizza that is it!!!) bc she gives in. honestly they wont starve and you are right it is just a phase. I was a parent educator and I suggest if you can find a class about this then go they will offer you lots of support and suggestions. one thing I recom. is to serve them the one thing they will eat, very little of it, along side with what you want them to eat and dont say anything. when they eat their fav. they might not touch the other stuff and ask for more of the fav. but you tell them that is it they can eat the other stuff or dinner is over: calmly like you dont care either way. this will go on for a while, but eventually they will try the other stuff bc you are eating it yourself, and you are not making a fuss. it really does help too if you dont think neatness counts when eating. they are young still so there is no need to use forks etc...they can make a mess and play a bit w/ their food....a bit not throwing it on the floor, if they do that then dinner time is over..say that calm and remove the plate, if they fuss they can try one more time then that is it. hope this helps!

I let both of my kids pick what they wanted within reason. I also offered tons of choices but never offered things I didn't feel good about them eating. My son eats six things currently however he also has autism/SPD so that is the reasoning behind why his diet is limited. I allowed my daughter to be picky until she became old enough (about 4/5years) to understand that dinner is what is on her plate and not what is at the store/fast food.

First - stop worrying, your son will NOT starve. When our daughter started with the "I don't like that..." stage (even though it was stuff she previously LOVED), we instituted the 'no thank you' bite rule. She has to take just 1 bite and if she doesn't like it, she can say no thank you. More than half the time she did like whatever it was we were serving. My husband & I also started eating with a little more animation -- "oh my gosh, this ______ is AMAZING! Such great flavor!" And we'd talk about how we cooked it, etc. Kind of silly, but it got us all talking about food and where it comes from and the different ways to prepare things.

Also, remember that a 2 y.o.'s taste buds are changing; we sort of figured out our daughter was leery of items with different textures. It took a little while but now she loves red bell peppers & tomatoes.

The best thing we did was start involving our daughter in the cooking dinner process. It's easier than you think - a 2 y.o. can certainly rip lettuce leaves for a salad or dump stuff in a bowl after it's chopped.

Above everything - it's a phase and it'll soon be over. Best of luck!

I let my 3-year-old son drink milk as much as he wants...he loves this! It may fill him up before dinner or lunch and make him disinterested in veggies, but at least he is getting nutrition and being hydrated. Milk has tons of vitamins and minerals, just like veggies. If you are leery of the hormones in regular milk, buy the kind that has no hormones.

Also, we encourage our kids to pick their own dinner at the store and involve them in the cooking. He loves to do this and seems to eat more or at leats try things if he has cooked them. Same for my older kids.

I also have to remember he has a teeny tummy. If I put 1 tablespoon of veggies on his plate, it may be too much along with the other servings of meat and starch. As long as he tries it, I don't make a big deal out of it - and if we are all tired or stressed, I ignore it if he isn't even trying it! Why make a mountain out of a molehill?

It's so hard when our kids won't eat! I have found though when I get tense or upset about it, my daughter gets more upset and tense too...and then the power struggle is born! No fun at all!

When I've been able to stay light-hearted about my daughter's eating (or lack of it) and be playful, my daughter has been able to get beyond the tension and eat better. Here's a two-part article I found helpful:

Part 1: http://www.handinhandparenting.org/news/168/64/Getting-Be...

Part 2: http://www.handinhandparenting.org/news/42/64/Getting-Bey...

I know you love your son more than anything and that makes it even more stressful to think of him not getting the nutrients he needs to grow strong. Just remember your love is more important than the food. He'll eat well, eventually, in the meantime keep letting your love pour out!

Sometimes younger children get stuck on a flavor or food item for a while until their taste buds change again...my sons were like this and still are...and I even had a friend tell me that she remembers cooking scrambled eggs for every meal three times a day for two whole weeks before her daughter had enough and was ready to move onto something else...maybe you can try some of the sweeter veggies and some dip...baby carrots, strips of zuchinni, frozen peas and garbonzos...etc...

I finally had to realize that fruit and cheese was not so bad, and I simply refused to allow him to have junky stuff unless he at least tasted the food on his dinner plate, even if the rest of us were having dessert. I felt bad for him at times when brother got to have a cookie or whatever and he did not, but now he understands and makes his own food choices.

I know your goal is for him to choose to eat healthy foods in their original state. But, during that transition phase, you might make him a smoothie every day that you can put in spinach or broccoli. My kids won't eat spinach or broccoli (or any greens) on their own so I put them in smoothies with frozen berries, yogurt, a little juice, dollup of almond butter and a banana.

I do agree with the person who said if you buy goldfish and give it to him for snack, he will ask for it all the time. My kids did that and I stopped buying them and now they don't talk about them much.

Good luck and try not to get too emotional about it as that will inspire battles.

There are three things you cannot make a child do: eat, sleep, and pee or poop (sigh). And I had a son who was one of those.

He was on a white diet from when he was born. And he was 10 lbs, 22 inches then. He was always tall and hunky but not fat. I fed him what was offered at the dinner table from 2 on. If it was white he ate it, except noodles. It took him two weeks--morning, noon, and night, to like potatoes. I was never a short order cook. Not once. Other people worried about him, but not me. I offered healthy snack around 3:30 and that was that.

Now as an adult he is 6'2" and very handsome. He was never underweight. He eats lots of vegetables and noodles. (His wife has more influence than I did.)

Don't worry so much. Don't cook for him. Let him ask for the food. Don't put food on his plate. Don't force him to eat any thing. If he goes hungry a meal or two, he will eventually eat something. Children often don't eat dinner--lunch is a better meal for them.

One option is to only keep things in the house that you're willing to let him live off. If you want him eating more than just goldfish and fruit, then don't have them available in the house all the time. Having a two year old, I've also learned that the more something is my idea and I push it, the worse the battle. If I suggest something and let her have some choice, there's minimal battle but things still happen in an acceptable way. For example, does he want string cheese with apple or peanut butter to dip the apple in? Does he want goldfish mixed with his broccoli or just plain cheese?

You have to stick with it. He will learn to eat what is made. He won't starve. Take the unhealthy snacks out of the house except for special treats (like going to the park or something). Try transistioning things also. Start with a meal that you know he will like (even if it means you eat mac and cheese) and add one new item, a veggie. Have him play a game with it. We play the crunching game at the table (only at home and all other manners have to be used)...see who can crunch their veggie the loadest and be silly about it. chances are he will have so much fun playing that he wont realize he ate it! Dont force something that you believe he really doesn't like. My daughter loves broccolli but my son hates it. I dont make him eat it. They just have to TRY everything at least once. I know he is only 2, but there are little things that he can do to "help" you cook also, like getting the veggies out of the fridge and adding the cheese to the salad or whatever, that will help him get excited about what he is going to eat, no matter what it is.
Most of all, don't make it a battle. Keep your calm and be direct. I hope some of this helps! Good luck!

What i have been doing is making my son eat at least 2 bites of each thing i cook for dinner. then if hes done, hes done. I have been giving him instant breakfast in his milk once or twice a day depending and that makes me feel a bit better. Also let him eat what and when he wants to a point.

I'm in the same boat with my 23 month old. I have noticed however that she will eat if she gets to help me cook. Last night I made pizza and she ate all the toppings individually as I made it. I'm not kidding...kalamata olives, roasted red peppers, goat cheese, feta, artichoke hearts and spinach! She was full by dinner, but at least she ate. This morning she ate a whole bowl of peaches while I made peach turnovers. It's worth a try. The other thing we have done is to ask her to at least "lick" the food that we give her. Sometimes it works to help her realize that maybe it's not all bad. Good luck.

K.

This is a power strugle case and you need to approach it as one. Give him some control over the situation, let him chose what to eat. I use to put two plates in front of my son - one with 5 veggies and one with the dinner. The dinner wasn't an option but he had the veggie control, he needed to pick up 3 of the veggies that he would eat. I started small (1 carrot, 1 sweet pea, one circle cuccumber end etc. at a time) and for about a year there were quite few veggies that would end up in the bin, but now I have a little boy who will eat for "salad" a full plate with fresh veggies. Well, he won't eat them cooked, but I don't care about that. Good luck!

Go get (or check out from the library) the book "How to Get your Kid to Eat (but not too much)." I cannot stress enough that this book has the answers you're looking for - from a professional and with research to back it up, as opposed to random parents' wisdom (which isn't bad. It's just that you could waste a lot of time and create unwanted problems trying to figure out what is really the right way to handle it). You will only need to read the relevant parts, so don't be daunted by the fact that it's a book. It will be more like reading a long magazine article. You will be amazed at how well and quickly things start working when you identify the things that need adjusting at your home and make those changes. I wasted TONS of time - months and months, probably more like a year - trying to figure things out for my daughter. 2 weeks after implementing some of the books' suggestions, things had drastically changed.

Good luck!

my best advice for you is to read 'How to get your kid to eat, but not too much', and then a wish for you to somehow have more patience than you thought you did.

I think the book is good, makes sense, has real ideas, and can go a long way towards making you feel better.
The patience is because, even though i'm sure we're doing some good things for my kid with eating, it seems like this is an issue that won't die, and all we can do it be patient and stick to our ideals on it.