I have a cousin that is getting married in Sept back in our home state of Missouri. She was supposed to be married in May but something come up and the postponed her wedding. She just sent me an email about the date change a couple days ago.
I sent her a reply that said that we have put a bid on a short sale house and that we don't really know what/when is going on with it. I told her that as long as the expense of the house didn't get to great and we weren't in the middle of closing, then our plan was to try and make it, but I simply couldn't promise anything.
She sent me an email back and said she completely understood, but then asked if my daughter would be flower girl if we made it.
I am thinking this is not a great idea. One I really don't know if we can make it. I really can't justify spending 1,000 dollars on airfare, when we are already contractually tied to this house.
Two, I think my daughter would be a complete disaster as Flower girl. She can't sit still for anything, and I seriously doubt she would make it through the whole ceremony. She is a horrible picture taker, meaning the more that you try to get her to look at the camera, sit still, or pose, the more she doesn't want to do it. Seriously, I did her three year old pics so I know what I am talking about.
She will be almost 4 for the ceremony
But, on the flip side, I think she would love to get dressed up and do it. I loved being a flower girl when I was little and I hate to take away the opportunity to do it.
Urrrgh. I am a little torn here. I know my cousin will be disappointed if I say no. However, I think the cons outweighs the pro's here.
What would you guys do?
Ok, I sent an email to my cousin outlining all the problems. She told me thank you for being honest. LOL I think that she will be looking for another flower girl.
Say no - for the reasons that your daughter would be a complete disaster as a flower girl and, because of the house - you are not sure you will be able to be there. Completely understandable.
Go with your gut. You know your child; your cousin really doesn't. If your daughter does act as flower girl and ends up being antsy during the wedding, all you'll remember is how mortifiied you were, not how cute she looked. And your cousiin will never forget it -- for all the wrong reasons. Besides, the cost for getting to this wedding sounds just unrealistic for you now.
And remember--flower girl is just one small part of a wedding. Your cousin truly won't care in the long run; she asked, you said no, end of story. Tell her gently and with lots of affection that you would have to give a very conditional, "iffy" yes to begin with, due to finances, and tell her you don't want to leave her without any flower girl if you end up not able to come. (And this is another argument in favor of small weddings without extended wedding attendants and less drama for everyone involved, including parents of flower girls and ring bearers....)
Tell her that you appreciate being asked more than she can possibly know, and you love her dearly for it but you don't think that it would be fair since you can't commit to attending and you don't want her to stress about whether or not she has a reliable flower girl.
If you make it all about accommodating HER and how you don't want to inconvenience HER, and you want her to have as little stress and anxiety planning her wedding as possible and give your blessing in her choosing another flower girl she'll soak it up.
i think if your cousin really understands that theres a strong possibility that u wont be there not just o well theres a slight chance we wont make it.. and she would be totally fine without having any flower girl at all if u dont go and still wants your daughter to do it id tell her yes.. and id make her aware that theres a good chance that if u do go your daughter most likely wont be the perfect image of what people think of as a flower girl.. if she doesnt care and still wants her in tell her yes i mean why not??
Honestly, I would decline. Weddings are not really child friendly anyway, but especially not when your kids are in them. My kids have been in 2 weddings in the last 2 years and it was not a pleasant experience either time for me. (Yeah, you'd think I would have learned after the first time, but I didn't. I was suckered in because they were for siblings.) They were both beautiful events, but they were held in the evening at venues and times that were not kid friendly. As for the wedding itself, the kids were restless waiting for the ceremony to start, in one my son refused to walk down the aisle so I had to lead him, and the kids didn't want to pose in any pictures with the wedding party. The receptions were even more frustrating. It was not worth the expense or aggravation either time. If I could do either one again, I would have gotten sitters and my husband and I would have enjoyed ourselves sans kids.
I don't in any way think brides and grooms should have to think about the smallest members of their wedding party; after all, the wedding is about them. I'm just pointing out that you'll save yourself a lot of aggravation not having your daughter be a flower girl. If you want to and are able to attend as guests then you should go. But I'm pretty sure you won't regret not letting your daughter be a flower girl!
I'd use the short sale for the excuse not to go...send a great gift, stay home and your doing everyone a favor as far as the ceremony and photos are concerned. However, if you really want to go, be straight up with your cousin about your daughter. If she says it doesn't matter, the go and have a good family time.
Blessings...
I agree - say no to the flower girl thing. Your daughter will be a distraction (as most flower girls are if they are too young, which yours is) and not an asset. To make her "perform" when she's not that type is silly - your cousin doesn't get it and she's just thinking of the fantasy of a charming little princess walking primly down the aisle. But that's not usually the way it works. I sang at a wedding when the bride's daughter was supposed to be the flower girl. She looked adorable but didn't want to do anything when the time came, and the groom had to scoop her up and carry her down the aisle and seat her with Grandma. A waste of a pretty dress! If you go to the wedding, fine, but think about whether your child should even attend - or consider getting a babysitter to take her out of the ceremony if necessary. Then there's the whole cost issue which you cite - airfare plus accommodations and clothing and gift.
I would say "no" to the flower girl part first, but not about attending or not attending. You never know what that situation will be- maybe you'll decide to just go by yourself for the weekend rather than as a family.
If you know that your daughter will not be able to handle it, then it's okay to say "no". Of course she would love to dress-up... but if you attend the wedding as a family she can still dress up and attend. You're not taking away an opportunity from her... your likely saving your cousin from having to deal with a cranky preschooler on the day of her wedding!
I would tell her how you perceive your daughter to be as a flower girl, and give her the choice. Also, you could give her the choice that if she finds another flower girl in the mean time (since you may not be there), that would be fine too. But being in a wedding for a little girl is great fun and she could learn from it. I would do it for my daughter if money, time and everything works with the house. Good Luck!
