Advice for Helping Prepare a 2&1/2 Yr. Old to Be a Ring Bearer

When my son was married a few years ago the Flower Girl was 4 days from being 1 year old. We decorated his old Radio Flyer Wagon with lace and flowers and one of the ushers pulled her down the isle and handed off to her Daddy that was waiting for her. As long as the wagon was moving she was happy to sit still. By the way I still have the wagon. Spent to much money and time to do away with it. Am hoping for a grandchild one of these years :}

My sister in law just got married and the flower girl and ring bearer werre very young.Dont stress about it.In her wedding the little girl that was the flower girl sat down in the middle of the isle and started playing in the dirt.(beach wedding)Everyone thought it was adorable and funny.Everyone knows kids are unpredictable and will understand if something happens.HE doesnt have to carry the real rings he can carry the pillow and they can have the rings up at the front that is what we did at my wedding.Dont worry everything will be fine.

Please let me know how it goes and what worked for you! My daughter will be about the same age when she is to be a flower girl in september and I simply don't see it happening!

Dear L.:

My brother had a little boy as the ring bearer at his wedding many years ago. He was a little bit older, but what they did was chat with him and do a little practice. Also get there a little early so he can actually look around where he'll be. And the most important piece of advice: Have a backup plan! The flower girls were much older and one of the girls would be the ring bearer at the last minute, if necessary, which almost happened! This little boy was strong-willed and at the last minute said no. His mother didn't make a fuss, she simply said that's okay, hand the ring to one of the girls. He changed his mind and did it after all.

Luckily they tied the ring on the pillow very tight because he stood twirling the pillow while waiting to present the ring! It's a very amusing video!

L. F., married to my best friend for 23 years, mom of a 13-year-old girl

Just about a year ago my son was the ring bearer for my sister and he was not even two. I let her know that there was a good chance that he wouldn't walk, she told me that it was ok. At the rehuseal he walked just fine holding the hand of the Maid of Honor, but at the wedding I ending up carrying him down the aisle. I was not in the wedding party then we sat down with the rest of guests. So I think as long as the bride and groom reconize that he is a little kid and unpredicable it should be fine. Flexability is key!

My daughter was two and half when she was a flower girl for the first time. She was a pro. Is you or your husband in it by chance? That does help. If not, they had me sit at the end of the front row (prac. this so he knows where you are) then have him walk down the ailse, turn and walk and sit with you on the front row. This worked well b/c there is no wy a child that young can stand still and quiet through the entire ceremony. Hope this helps!!!

My daughter got two different books about being a flower girl last year so I'm sure there are some out there about being a ring bearer.

I'm not sure if you can do this since it's an outdoors wedding, but we took my daughter to the church a few times when it was empty and let her practice walking down the aisle.

He's 2 1/2, whatever he does will just make it all the more memorable and adorable. I think most people understand that he's a little guy and has a limited attention span. You'll just need to work with it and not expect too much. I wouldn't expect him to stand at the alter too long or to stay too focused for any great period of time. That's perfectly normal. You might bring some things for him to play with or even eat while he's sitting with you during the service to keep him occupied.

I just wanted to add that we used smarties candies for bribery, as they wont be messy for anyone. My daughter was 2.5 and was the flower girl at my SIL wedding. She did fine until the bride came walking down, and stepping on her pretty flowers. She was not happy about that, but we were able to solve it quickly with the smarties. We had opened several packages and put them in a ziploc so as not to have the wrapper making noise. I also agree that he should not have to stand up there the whole time. And, worse case, you or your hubby may have to walk with him, but that would be fine too. Good luck! ~A.~

You can practice with him ahead of time in your yard with a small pillow a week or two before the wedding. The bribery thing will probably help, but I suggest the groom hold a treat to ensure the best behavior. Most importantly, don't worry about it so much. When people ask toddlers to be a part of a wedding, they have to expect that it probably will not go perfectly. Also, your little guy may give them a funny story to tell for years to come. It will make their wedding unique.

I understand your concerns. Boys are so wiggly and wild and unpredictable. My son, Mason, at the same age of your son was asked to be the ring bearer for my brother's wedding. It was a very small wedding with only 12 people present including the bride and groom but we did practice with him ahead of time.

We didn't have to wear formal attire so that was a plus but in your situation, I like the suggestion of showing him a picture and telling him it's what big boys will be wearing. I suggest having him sit with you during the service that way if he does get wiggly, and he most likely will, he won't distract from the bride and groom. You may have to take him out for a walk so be prepared and don't feel bad if you have to do this. Boys at even older ages, okay even men, just have difficulty sitting for long periods of time. It's just how they're wired.

When it came time in the wedding for Mason to walk to his uncle and hand him the ring box, he hopped down from his chair, took a step, and then pelted the box across the front row to his uncle rather than handing it to him. Even though we had practiced what he was suppose to do, in that moment, he did what he thought he needed to do. It was actually considered a humorous highlight during the ceremony and we talk about it still today.

Bottom line, the best advice is to certainly talk about it with your son and even physically walk through a mock ceremony. Make it a game so it's fun. That way he knows what's expected but has fun at the same time. And know that with all your preparation, it still may not go as planned but be flexible and love on him despite what happens. It's certainly a lot to ask of a little one.

Haveing experience with the from a bride and a mom of a ring bearer here goes - My nephew was the ring bearer in my wedding and he was 3, he loved the tux, he walked with my SIL who was the flower girl, she is deaf handicapped, so he had his hands full. But we made the decision to have them sit during the ceremony in the front pew on there respective side. That worked out great. Then once the ceremony was over they stood up, with a little help from the attendants who were closest to them and off they went. It was really perfect. Then just this past Marxh my son who is 6 was one of 2 ring bearers in a wedding and the oldest of the RB & FG. He did wonderful at the reherseal. Although the other kids were running a little crazy he held it together. Then the day of the wedding all of the attendants were on the stage throughout the entire ceremony. He did great he would peek around the Best Man to see what was going on, that was really cute. He picked out the pew for me to sit in so he would know where we were. Then at there reception, I have several of the parents compliment me on his behavior on the stage, he was not able to accept them because he was helping serve the CAKE!!!! The most impressive thing to me was that day was he had a martial art belt test that morning at 10 that lasted until 11:15 then we ate and went to the wedding across town. Being only 2 1/2 I really recommend them sitting down during the 'boring part', Good Luck don't stress too bad. They are choosing to have little kids in the wedding, they need to watch AFV and see what could happen....

My son was asked to do the same thing when he was that age - he looked awesome in his tux and seemed ok with everything. When it got time to walk down the aisle - there was no way. My husband had to take him out and they had no ring bearer in the wedding. It didn't make a difference to the event. The couple was very understanding and took photos with him later. They just loved the idea that he was there and it has been a story we chuckle about ever since. If the couple understands and you don't stress too much, it should be fine. Enjoy the moment and take it however it goes. They grow up so fast - my little guy just turned 18 - YIKES.

Hi L.,

I would just make sure that the bride and groom understand that it really may not happen that day. Depending on naps, sleep the night before, eating schedules, etc. If the couple is okay with it, then do NOT stress! Your son will surely pick up on your stress and think that he should be worried, too. Just dress him up cute, and hope for the best.
When I got married 12 years ago, I asked my niece and nephew to be flower girl/ring bearer. My niece was 6 yo and she was great. My nephew screamed so hard just getting into his outfit, that my brother almost missed the wedding entirely! My sister-in-law was more upset than I was. I knew it was a gamble! The payoff finally came this Easter when my own son got to wear that same adorable outfit.

Peace,
M.
www.yogapotential.com

My daughter was flower girl in my sister-in-laws wedding when she was not quite 2 1/2 and I had the same anticipatory anxiety it sounds like you are having. The other issue was that the wedding was during her nap time which made it all the more fun! I was fortunate enough to get her to take a short, earlier nap and believe that was the key to our success - not any rehearsal or anything else. It also helped that she bonded to the other 5-year-old flower girl who walked down the aisle with her. That being said, the flower girls didn't remember to throw flower petals and my daughter burst into tears after being a perfect angel for about 25 minutes of the ceremony so I would certainly not expect it to go event free!

my darling daughter was in a wedding at the same age. She was one of three flower girls, and at the middle of the staircase leading to the alter, decided this was not where she wanted to be, so she put her basket down, turned to her cousins and waved bye guys, and proceeded to the audience, where she found a gentleman that looked like her grandpa, and asked if she could sit on his lap, and watched from the audience. Oh,before going into the audience she stopped, looked at everyone and with a sweet voice said "hi everybody!" and waved at everyone.
The point of this is, weddings are stressful, she was the comic releif needed to bring it back into perspective. No one was angry, she didn't ruin the day for the bride, and all was well.
Relax, he is going to feed off of your nervousness, and do exactly what you fear, if you just let him be who he is, all will be well, really.

#1 Don't Stress. If you are stressed, he will pick up on it.

#2 Bribes.

#3 Be prepared for it to not happen. He'll be totally adorable in the pictures even if he doesn't walk down the aisle.

Oh and make sure he doesn't have the "real rings." That would be asking for trouble.

I would first of all, prepare your husband's cousin that ANYTHING GOES with a 2 year old. We had my husband's 3 year old niece in our wedding and how I regret that decision! It did not turn out well... We did not have a clue about children at the time and how their cute charm can easily turn into tantrums and "unceremonious" behavior. Looking back, I still don't understand why my Sister-In-Law did not give her a nap the afternoon before a 7pm service. Duh!!! I would advise that you keep him away from all the pre-wedding chaos. That kind of stuff will only stress a kid out. I would plan on arriving just a little before the service if possible. Also, if he starts to disrupt the ceremony, grab him and leave; even if it causes a momentary scene. My SIL did not want to leave the ceremony, so my niece was a major distraction through the WHOLE service. Hope that helps a little...

My almost 3 year old nephew did great for our wedding. One thing we didn't even consider until it happened...at the rehearsal he wouldn't do anything and was very upset until we figured out that he "didn't have his suit on." He didn't understand that this was just the "practice" for the wedding. After we explained it in 3 yr. old terms, he was ok. You got great advice, I'm sure it will be fine.

I don't think there is much you can do to prepare for this. We went through this with my oldest son. You can practice walking with them slowly down the isle, and the night of the rehearsal practice a few extra times just walking. I would suggest if you get to do this to have the entire wedding party and all guests at the rehearsal to sit in the seats closest to the isle and let your little guy walk down with everyone starring and cooing at him. You can practice this, but you still never know what to expect with strangers. Don't be horrified if he does have an outburst, most will think it is cute, and you'll have a memory. You warned your cousin of the possibilities and they should be okay with that. Another thing you could do, I did this at my wedding (kids were a little older, but it worked). I had a present waiting for them at the end of the isle when the wedding was done. They could see the present waiting for them, and they did great!

My Daughter was only 15 months old when she was the flower girl in my sisters wedding. Her Daddy walking her down the aisle and she walked around the the stage during the ceremony. During the unity candle she walked over and looked up at my sister and her husband. The walked to the edge of the stage and fell down the stairs. I tell you all this because I remember almost every minute of the ceremony as does every body that was there. There are some beautiful pics of my little girl looking up at the bride and groom as they held hands around the unity candle. And if you talk to any one who was there they remember the moment she fell. I have been to weddings that I hardly remember because everything was perfect but they blend. Don't worry about it. Practice with your son but it will be fine. You have warned them and they know that it may not be perfect but they will have a memory that will stay with them.

You can't out guess what will happen that day, no matter how much practice. Just go with the flow and smile or laugh. My little grandson simular age, stood with the best men and did GREAT at the wedding rehersal, but on the wedding day, he walked behind the flower girl with is ring pillow like he was supposed to, but when she dropped the petals, he went along and picked them up, then when they got to the front , he stood by the men awhile, then the flower girls awhile, and then set up on the step and just looked out at the crowd. It was cute and no one cared, but I'm sure the mom was fainting.

We have had several opportunities for very young children to participate in weddings. The main goal is to get them from the back of the church to the front without a melt-down! We have found that once that is accomplished it is best for someone to be at the front of the church to sit with them on the front pew rather than have them stand for long periods of time. Best of luck to you. By the way, I have a size 2 tux complete with dress shoes if you or anyone else want them.

get a red rider wagon. decorate the wagon in wedding stuff. have the ring bearer/flower girl (provided she's a little girl under three years of age) sit in the decorated wagon and have someone pull them down the aisle. good luck.

All I can say is good luck. I guess it's 50/50 on how it will go. For me, my guy would have never worn a suit at that age, let alone preformed at a wedding.

You can't really prepare him, he's 2 &1/2, he's going to do what he's going to do, and the wedding couple seems to be fully aware of that fact. My son was just in my brother's wedding and did awesome but he's 3. My sister-in-law's niece was the flower girl (2 & 1/2) and this was her second time being a flower girl, she was unruly but everyone was prepared to deal with it. My husband and SIL's brother (the flowergirl's dad) were ushers so they sent them down the aisle and us moms were seated at the front to "collect" them. I don't know of a book but does your son watch television? There is an episode of Caillou where he is the ring bearer that might give him an idea of what to expect.

At my wedding my three and five year old nephews were ring bearers - we taped quarters in the spot where they were supposed to stand - if they made it there and behaved during the service they could pick up the quarters and keep them - it worked - they kept their focus on the quarters and got them afterwards.

My nephew was my ring bearer and what we did is made it a game. We practiced with M&M candies. Each time he walked with the practice pillow in that straight line, he got two M&M candies. At my wedding we offered him a six M&M candies if he walked down the isle without any silliness. Our second plan was to have one of my wedding party walk with him. Something to think about is that the boys don't like wearing all the clothing. I would suggest you start to show him pictures about being a big boy like his daddy wearing a big boy suit. If candy is not your thing for a reward I would purchase a few match box cars as a reward for walking down. Have him pick out the one or two he would like to have for being such a big boy at the wedding.

I would make sure your son knows the groom and bride. My son was a ring bearer last summer and he did fine and I was sure he would not even walk down the isle. Also, show him pictures of your wedding and of your ring bearer and tell him he gets to do this too. If you are getting a suit have him go with you to "pick out". I think if he knows everyone he should be ok. I also did not let him see me when he walked down. So he would not just run off. Good luck as long as the groom and bride know that it might not go perfect you should be fine.

my daugher has been in two weddings before she was 3! you've gotten some good advice. i wouldn't have your son stand up there with the party during the wedding. Let him sit down with you. I did practice a lot with my daughter and our friend who was the ring bearer. I think it helped!