My oldest child is a boy aged 11. As a firstborn often is, he is responsible, hard-working, and well-behaved. Also, he is an excellent student, very caring and a bit socially immature - but has a nice set of friends. Recently he met a lovely home-schooled 11 (12?) - year old girl at dance lessons. She seems down to earth, sweet and somewhat wordly as she travels internationally part of each year due to her dad's profession. They have met twice at dance lessons, once at a party and have spoken on the phone 3 or 4 times. Apparently a mutual friend has pronounced them girlfriend-boyfriend and they seem to agree. It is puupy love. My question is - what activities are appropriate at this age, and should I call the girl's mom to see if she is comfortable with this? (I have met her mother twice before this began to evolve)- very nice - and they are friends with some very nice families in town.)I was raised in a very strict Southern Catholic family and my parents forbade almost all boy/girl realtionships until college. As a result I sneeked around in high school and don't want the same for my kids. But is this too young for a "relationship"? I think it is too early for "movies" unless in a large chaperoned group - is a library "date" a good idea or tennis "date"? Should I call the mom - THANK YOU!!
I think it's okay for them to go out in groups, be dropped off at the movies or bowling with a bunch of friends. I wouldn't contact the girl's mother just yet. They are young and this may last for just a couple of weeks. Best of luck.
I wouldn't offer activities for them rather, go slow and 'play it by ear' and keep the ears wide open! Listen carefully to what your son is talking about. I wouldn't stress the 'relationship' boyfriend/girlfriend part. Any activities should definitely be group oriented. Know who you son's friends are and know their home phone numbers. Another bit of advice, try to prepare yourself for his first broken heart whenever that my be. I know for a fact my heart ached more when my son had his first broken heart :( No one ever told me I'd feel all his pain like I did and still have to try to be the stong caring supportive mom, it was awful.
My 11 year old may go on a 'date' with her friend - if they want the movies, we go to one appropriate for them and they know I may be sitting a few rows back, but I'm there. If they want to go out to eat, I'll take them to the mall and a food court where they can have their own table, but again, I'm right there.
I won't let her and a bunch of friends go anywhere alone yet. At this age they tend to act up and will push each other to do things none of them would dream of doing normally. Haven't you ever complained of the rude juvenile delinquents you've encountered at the mall, and patted yourself on the back for the well behaved child you have? Well don't twist your arm just yet - If you think your kids remember and act on everything you've taught them in manners think again - let them think they're alone, then spy on them (yes, I really said that). You may be amazed at how rotten our sweet angels can be when they're 'en pack'. After all, those other hooligans are someone else's angels.
Also, at this age, there are a lot of raw feelings going on, and they're just beginning to get the tools to deal with them. There's a lot of 'drama and trauma' going on, and if a kid's feelings get hurt, they're likely to go off on their own instead of sticking with the crowd...
Then, you end up with an 11 year old wandering a mall and not paying much attention to their surroundings.
PS - by all MEANS talk to the mother of the girl... if she doesn't know that her daughter is involved in that world, let her.
I think this is too young to do movie dates, even chaperoned. I have an eleven year old son and if he decided to have a "girlfriend" I would have to think long and hard about how much I would want to nuture this kind of relationship. Maybe an ice skating outing, with other kids, or a dual family dinner outing to a pizza parlor, but probably not much more. I want my eleven year old to spend his time doing eleven year old stuff, like hanging out with friends, playing music, reading, studying etc. I think elevn is too young.
My daughter is the same age, and since 3rd grade she was sneaking around my back from dating because she was afraid that I would make them break up. She's just now going into 7th grade, and I let her go to more mature places as she grows up. Before 7th grade I just let her go to the library to hang out for a few hours. Now, because she keeps begging me, she's allowed to go shopping with her boyfriend, who I don't approve of(hes a freshman at the same school) but I just want her to be happy. I say library and tennis is fine. And contact the mother, she might be keeping this from her.
Hi S.,
I also have an eleven year old son who is suddenly interested in girls. I think this age is too young for any type of a "date"
My son has a great group of friends too. This group consists of boys and girls and they do go to "group" functions together and there are always parents present. I think something of that nature is fine. As far as an "alone" type "date", I would say it's too soon.
I just feel that kids grow up way too fast these days and I know for me, I just want to keep them young for as long as I can.
Good Luck!
Definitely too soon for 'dating' dating. (I see you are a church-attending, 'strict' mom. Well, I am a church-avoiding, liberal mom, and I still agree with you. LOL)
But there's no reason they can't do things in large groups of well-chaperoned friends.
And I would absolutely call her mum and get to know her. They are still children, and it will help you to feel more confident about the friendship if both moms are on the same page in regards to rules.
Hi, yes I dont think you should call the mom. I have daughter going on thirteen now, and usually she tells me whats going on. even if kids seem like they dont want to talk, they usually spill. anyway, if the other mother has concerns, shell call you. if you call her, your son ay think your butting into his privacy, as he probably wants to become more independant as he gets older.
Hi S.
I think you should definitely call the mom - if for no other reason than to really know your sons' friends' parents. I agree that movies and alone time is not appropriate and your ideas for library and tennis are perfect. The park - today is beautiful in the Northeast, ice skating at a local rink, school sporting events, etc.
Keep it casual and low key. I would stay away from referring to her as his "girlfriend" even though those around him have made it public. I think it's too early to have those labels. Maybe just a special friend that he likes to hang out with more than others.
Good luck!
Our family dynamics are very similar to yours.My husband and I are very strict also.We had the same exact issue with our youngest daughter.She was 10 at the time.We were also concerned about our daughter "going out" at this age.After meeting the mom and dad of the little boy,we tried looking at it as just another friend from school.We took them to the movies,mall and anywhere else my daughter would bring her girl friends.They talked on the phone for hours.We decided not to make a big deal out of it and things just died out.They still get along,but don't "hang out" any more.
I smiled when i was reading this. Totally normal question! Yes, movies in my opinion to young. You see at this age puppy love it 100% all it is. Basically they just smile "he likes me" "she likes me" okay guess we should date. Its very cute! I got the ins from my nephew and neice when they were at that age. In fact my nephew was DEVISTATED when his first g/f broke up. Anyway, maybe have a couple kids over your home? I would suggest you call the parents and let them know whats going on? Talk to your child see what they think is the "right thing" to do. what are his friends doing. Hope this helps...
