Boy Rules the Same as Girl Rules

I agree with the rule of 16 for single dating. I've informed my kids (14, 12 and 10) that it stands for all three of them. There is just so much at risk anymore, that groups of friends up to that time is fine. Stay consistent.

I think having the same rules for a boy and a girl is actually very good. I do not think that just because of gender there should be different rules for things like dating. That just perpetuates the idea that one gender SHOULD have more priveledges. Dating is dating no matter what the age.

Frankly, it seems like kids are experimenting with intimacy younger and younger these days and that is sad. My parents didn't let me single date until I was 16 either. I think that is perfectly fine. Honestly, there is no reason why kids need to be alone at night together. Group dates are fine.

I agree with not going on single dates until age 16 to a point. My son is 17 now and when he had a girlfriend at 15 I would allow them to go to the movies or whatnot if myself or the other parents dropped them off and picked them up. I didn't allow him to go to her home to visit without making sure the parents would be present also. My son wasn't allowed to just get into cars with other teenagers at that age anyway. I can't say that I agree with all of the people that say if you don't let them they will find a way. We are parents and we have to act like parents. If you stay in contact with other parents when plans are made then it is pretty hard for them to do too much behind your back. I'm not saying that it is impossible because I was once a teenager myself and did my fair share behind my parents back. Still to this day with a 17 year old I still insist on speaking to parents before he stays the night anywhere or if there is any kind of a party going on at someone's house before I allow him to go. He knows the rule...if I don't speak to a parent he simply has to stay in for the night. It works pretty well because occasionally there is a "bonfire" or "just friends getting together to hang out" and he cannot produce a parent for me to speak to. That usually tells me that they are up to something they shouldn't be and he stays home. It's all about communication...if the parents all talk to eachother they can usually figure out what is actually going on.

Hi B.!
Just wanted to encourage you on setting the age limit on dating. I'm not at that point yet but I'm so glad to hear of other parents doing this. My parents did the same thing for me when I was a teenager and looking back I'm glad they did. :) My husband and I have already discussed setting an age limit when our kids get to that point. I think my husband would love to push it to 18 and I don't think I would mind that at all especially since we have one daughter and another on the way. :) Continue to encourage your son and daughter in purity. It's tough out there! God bless!

Okay, I only have girls. However, I had two brothers - one older, one younger. The younger one lived with me all the time, my older one was a half brother, and was only there half the time. My parents chose to treat each one of us the same way - no dating until we could drive ourselves. We could have "boyfriends/girlfriends" and we could go to the movies - if we paid our own way and a parent took us (which of course was needed, seeing at that age we couldn't drive). If a guy were to pay for me it was considered a date - and that wasn't allowed. If my parents had made one set of rules for me, and another set for my brothers, there would have been heck to pay and wars raged in our home. Exceptions weren't even made if they knew the other person for a long time. If we went to the movies my parents did sit a couple rows behind the couple so they could have space - but notice I said BEHIND, they could still spy on us. It was just the way it was. I hope this helps.

I think "single dates" at age 16 is okay, but I think 12 is too young for boyfriend/girlfriend, holding hands, etc.

My husband and I started "going out" in the 8th grade, I was 13 and he was 14.
For the first 2 years we were allowed to go out with a group of other girls/guys. We would go to the movies or ice skating, etc. We were ALWAYS holding hands and sneaking off so we could kiss. We would still sneak around and go on "real" dates. I would go to Lakeside with my friends and he would go with his. The two of us would ditch our friends once we got there and meet up at the movie theater and then have dinner at one of the restaurants in the mall.
Once he turned 16 and I was 15, we were allowed to do more things alone. But by that time we had already done everything there was to do (if you get my drift), so it was just a matter of not getting caught!
Having lived through this, I know there is nothing you can do to keep hormonal teenagers apart. I think your rules seem pretty fair. If you have too strict of rules they're going to sneak around...believe me, I know!

I was confused by the question. No, I don't think rules for your girls should be different than your boys just based on gender. That would make anyone feel cheated, but if the question is dating alone before 16, then thats very reasonable and you should stick to it. If you're wondering if you should change the rule for your son based on the rules set by his girlfriends parents for their daughter, its apples and oranges. If you switched to match others parameters, you'd be switching all the time and your kids would sense the lack of conviction.

Good Morning B.!

I think that not dating until 16 is a great rule for girls and guys! The purpose for dating (ideally!!) is for young men and women to find someone that they want to spend their life with, someone to be married to and have a family with. If the earliest they can get married is 18, 16 is a great age to start looking for someone who is a good match.

There seems to be to much pressure on kids to begin dating and having boyfriends/girlfriends at younger ages, and I am not sure most kids (not all) have the maturity, self-esteem and self-control to make wise choices in unsupervised situations.

I think we need to protect our kids and not put them in situations they are not ready for. And even though they may kick and scream and say "it is not fair".. and "Suzy and Johnny's parents let them" we have to be strong enough to make the right decision for them, even if it might be unpopular.

Just how I see it! You seem to have a good relationship with your son, you must be doing something great!!
Hope this helps!
Peace,
B.

P.S. And if you're a Christian, always keep them covered in prayer :-)

Kids are waaaay more mature that I was at that age. Dating at 16 was pretty normal. Today, it's really not. Of course, you have to decide what is best for your family. If you make that call, though, be prepared for a serious battle. Not one that you will enjoy.

I understand many teens "date" in groups today. This gives parents the comfort that they are not alone together. The idea might be a nice compromise for you. What ever you decide, it would be wise to talk it through with your son and let him be part of it. He might want the restriction and like that he can blame you for it!

Good luck.

S.

12 1/2 years old? It's amazing; usually boys steer clear of girls at that age.

I don't know....I'd be squeamish about driving them to the movies, because you can't know what's going on in the back or dark. That seems a little young to experiment. Potentially, that is. Have you been able to otherwise trust your son? That could help with your decisions. If he's gotten "the talk" from someone who loves him, I'd say see how it goes. But encourage the friends title as much as possible because then it won't hurt as much if they break up. Potentially.
16's a good age for single dating, tho.

My parents had the same rule and we didn't sneak around. We were allowed to go out with groups of friends but no single dates till 16. I plan to have that rule with my children as well.

B.,

I am 23 and have been married for 3 years so I am not speaking from the mother of a teenager but from being just a few years past being a teenager.

My husband and I started hanging out when we were 15 years old, I say hanging out because we were not allowed to date until we were 16. We hung out and group dated until we were seniors even though we were allowed to single date we never did (looking back I really don't know why though) so by the time we were seniors and 18 years old we had been together for 3 years and were planning on getting married and head over heels for each other.

We were/are both Christians and had made the commitment to stay abstinent so we were on the right track so to speak. (His dad was out Bible teacher for goodness sakes :-)

Anyway, after we graduated from high school we both stayed in town and had to wait another 2 years before we were able to get married because of jobs money etc...

So... I will get to my point, even though we didn't START dating until we were 15-16ish it was still VERY VERY hard to not get bored with holding hands and cuddling, while that is still fun and great, it's way too easy to push the envelope and go too far. The Lord spared us from "the ultimate" but we did things we should not have done. The last two years were a constant struggle to remain "pure" and not just blow it, it was soo hard and we only dated for about 5 years.

Your son is 12 and say he dates this girl until he is ready to marry her even at 20 which is pretty early, thats when I got married but statistically that is early that is 6 YEARS of raging hormones...

Looking back my husband and I have talked about this a lot. The purpose of dating is to find a spouse, a 12 year old has no business looking for a spouse, he's not even old enough to drive, vote, buy a house or rent an apartment. I am not digging at you or your choices, but I am just expressing what I wish my parents would have done for us.

I would say from what my husband and I have talked about we will probably not let our kids date until they are 18 or so, WHY? because I wish that my husband and I waited longer to get so close, you can only get so close emotionally (and physically) before the next step is marriage and we hit that stage around 18 and we still had 2 years before we were able to get married.

I Just don't want your son to get so emotionally and physically involved with a young lady and be yearning to do the next natural thing further physical closeness and further emotional connectedness and not be able to because they are too young and got too close too soon.

I am saying all of this in love and in partial regret of my own dating relationship so please don't take it as judgmental, it's not at all and I hope it doesn't sound like it.

Just for the sake of your kids I would maybe rethink your rules and purpose behind dating.

I hope I was a little bit helpful.

B.

Sounds good to me! Single dating is highly overrated and very stressful! Sounds like he has a lot of friends and activities. Some kids will sneak and lie to be alone with their sweetie so you might keep a close eye as he gets older. My daughter's friend got pregnant and had never been on a date. Turns out she would climb out a window after mom went to bed. You seem to be very tuned in to him, so you're doin' great!

We had the same rule with our son (now 18) - no dating until 16. All it did was have him keep things from us. We lived and learned and will be doing things a bit different with our daughter (now 11). Having girl/boy friends at that age isn't too bad as long as basic rules are followed (no alone in room, no late night calls, etc. kind of stuff). But I'm on your side with knowing what's up. I still ask my son - where, when, with who.

I think that since you know the family that his current "girlfriend" is fine...I dont see a problem with it as long as it stays appropriate.

As for 16 and dating....if you dont let them do it there gonna do it behind your back...I know :o) At 16 they can drive and get a job. You just have to have set rules and make sure they follow them.

I agree with Rebecca... when the time comes to single date... if you don't let him by 16 he will find a way. I remember my parent's rule: double date until 16, then i could go on single dates, but with a designated time to be home, and my parents had to know where i was going. They always had to meet the person i was with first. But on the side of caution, keep talking with them and monitor their actions.

16 is a great rule, but I'm biased. This was my parents' rule and our rule too. You may also want to let him know that 16 isn't automatic. 16 is when you will consider it, but if grades/behavior are sucky at 15 1/2, he can hang up his dating shoes.

It works for me and should work for both boy and girl.

Will he sneak? Does he usually follow the rules you have given him? I wouldn't change a rule simply because someone might break it. The results of breaking that rule may impact driving (big thing to hold over our heads) and the 16th party (we only had birthday parties at 5, 10 and 16).

Heck yeah! Absolutely the right choice!

Personally I think 12 is way too young to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Though it's too late to change that now. 16 is still really young to expect any sort of "responsible" behaviour...I mean...Hormones!!!

I wouldn't be comfortable with it.