Is 13 to Young to Date?

I would not allow 1 on 1 dates at that age. I would allow co-ed group activities though. So a group of kids going together for bowling with me hanging out in the background, perhaps with another mom or 2.

Yes. Too young. Why rush into this, she will have plenty of time to pair off and be part of a couple, at this age her focus should be elsewhere.

I would allow group outings, but nothing 1 on 1. Groups of 4+, and you provide the transportation to and from.

Yes. She's too young to date.

I am one of the most lenient moms out there and I think 13 is too young for one on one dating.

My daughter will be 19 tomorrow and she lives on her on in her own condo about 20 minutes from us.

From EARLY on, I wanted to maintain good communication with her so we could always talk about anything... no topic off limits. We still have been able to maintain this relationship through the tough times as well. It is not all easy and you need the bond to get you through the tougher times.

At 13, middle school, a lot of kids do start having a bf/gf which mostly consist of hanging out at school and occasionally a group (6 or more people) go to movies together, etc with a parent being around for supervision.

Later on, around 14, they might get dropped off as a group at the movies but still no one on one dating.

It doesn't matter how much you trust your child. They are too young at that age to make good decisions on their own. They have to gradually work into that process.

You mention that you worry if you are the strict parent, she won't look forward to your weeks. Does this mean you are divorced and have shared custody. One thing to remember married or single as a parent.... you are the PARENT and so many parents try so hard to be the child's best friend. It does not work that way. Your child will respect you in the long run for standing your ground and having rules to abide. Of course, she won't show that right now.

I believe my daughter was just shy of 16 when she had her first one on one date. It is just not something to rush. I

t's not worth the risk of them being on the road and possible accidents, ending up a party where there may be drugs or alcohol, and not to mention underage sex, pregnancy and STD's.

Keep up your communication with your daughter and stay strong. Hopefully dad will get on the same page as you are as far as her being too young and he will stop pressing the issue. I am surprised the dad, step dad or whatever your husband is in the picture is actually the one supporting this.

Hold your ground. She will be grown up and out before you know it. She does not need to grow up too fast!!

Best wishes.

Way too young....I feel like teens should focus more on friends and school.

I have a 14 year old. At this age they are going out in groups, during daylight, for no more than a few hours at a time. Mostly they hang out at Starbucks, the park/library/pool, here at the house, sometimes a movie. It's all out in public so it's easy enough for me to spy on her if/when I want to but I rarely do it. She's always been where she said she'd be and with who she said she'd be with.
16 seems to be the norm here for one on one dating, though even then most kids seem to hang out in groups. My older two really didn't start dating until freshman year of college.
I would hope that at 13 your daughter could be trusted in a bowling alley. Encourage her to go with a group, and in the AFTERNOON, Saturday nights can have rough crowds. Drop her off, say hello to the boy and be back to pick her up before you say you will, if you think she's likely to be up to something.
It's time to let the leash out, but slowly. Compromising will get you both much further than simply shutting her down. It's okay to say no when you absolutely must, but it's also okay to work with your daughter when she wants to do something maybe YOU are not ready for.
And I would heartily disagree with one answer below, about not allowing your daughter out at all. That woman is raising some of her grandchildren now so I would really, really question her parenting advice :-(

Mom,

Welcome to mamapedia!!

I have a 13 year old son - he will be 14 in March. There is NO WAY he is allowed to go out a date with JUST his girlfriend. They go out in GROUPS - like 5 or more.

The kids do come over to our home. They know they are NOT allowed to be in a room alone together. No closed doors - except for the bathroom - of course.

They go ice skating, to the movies (and one of my girlfriend's son works at the theater so they KNOW he will come in and check on them!!) and walk around the town center together.

You need to TALK with your daughter - NOT TO - but WITH - state your concerns and expectations. Have you NOT been talking openly about sex and the consequences of sex? ESPECIALLY UNPROTECTED sex??? this isn't a "one time talk" this is an on-going talk and modeling the behavior you want to see in them.

YOU are the parent. YOU set the rules and expectations. She needs to EARN your trust and know what is expected of her.

Would I allow my son to go bowling? Yes. It's public. Even in public places I state my expectations. TO BOTH OF THEM. My son's girlfriend? I know her parents. I know their rules just like they know mine. I know the kids they hang out with as well....

Good luck!

I think it is too young.

She can go out with groups of friends, with you (or other responsible adults...) chaperoning. You don't have to be *with* them, but at least in the same building. (They go bowling, and you can sit in the food area and read a book or something...)

She should be at least 16 (IMO) before allowed to go on unchapperoned dates, and even then you will need to assess how mature she is, as well as the group of friends she hangs out and her boyfriend.

This isn't really a trust issue. It's a maturity and the ability to make good decisions light of social pressure, changing hormones, and the feelings of her own body issue. Even the most trustworthy child doesn't always make the best decisions, and it is your job as her parent to make sure that she is not put in situations where her decisions can have life-altering consequences before she is capable of fully understanding the situation.

I would let her go but tell her she has to bring a girlfriend. I am sure her BF will want to bring a friend too.
I would also make sure she had her own money.

I see that you say that you want her to look forward to 'your weeks'. Do you mean that you are divorced and have joint custody?

In this case, you and her dad need to be on the same page. I hope you have a good parenting relationship, because you really need one at this age.

(My opinion is that it's fine to have reasonable, consistent rules, and if she understand what those are, it will make this easier for her and you - like you pick up and drop off, or dates need to be double dates with one of her friends, and she should have a 'safe word' that she can text to you if she ever wants to end an evening early or if she is uncomfortable for some reason so you can do it for her, etc. And hopefully the rules won't change between your house and her dad's house.)

Groups of 4+. More than two couples. If its at a home, parents need to be home. You provide a place for him to come over for a meal and a video with your family.

You were 18 when you started having kids? It must feel like you are barely her mother sometimes. It would be easier to just be her friend. You, know, just a place for her to crash between dates. That would be a disservice to her and could lead to a whole lot of heartbreak for both of you.

You have lots of littles. They take an enormous amt of energy. But teenagers are a whole nother animal. 13 is a tough age of swinging from wanting people to baby you and protect you from consequences and on the other hand, wanting to have grown up experiences. They have very little idea of the consequences that you can't protect them from.

It's not about a matter of trusting her. You have to trust everybody within the confines of the circumstance you put her in. You do not know another 13 yr old the way you know her. They can talk each other into all kinds of things. Believe me, it's better you be thought of as strict, than to be picking up the pieces of a tragedy.

Will this be her only boyfriend? Not likely. Most likely, it will end in heartbreak. You have to temper her experiences with your maturity for her to know not to give away the beauty she possesses for an immature relationship. Not her reputation, not her innocence. It's best not to put her in a one on one relationship till she understands the transient nature of budding relationships.

It sounds like I'm talking about her virginity. I'm also talking sexting, Facebook drama, drinking and driving, or just plain clueless 13 yr old boys!
Make sure you have something more solid than a friendship with your teenager.

I wouldn't have a problem with dropping two thirteen year olds off at a bowling alley or a movie for a couple of hours.

ETA: Looking for a spouse is not the only reason for dating. Part of the purpose of dating is to hone communication an interpersonal skills, and to learn how to navigate the waters o inter-sex relationships, whether they become romantic or not.

yes 13 is too young to date. She is so young! Why rush into all of that drama and heartaches? I'm surprised your husband is ok with this. I would say closer to 16 would be better

Yes my girls will not be allowed to date until 16.

Way too young!!!!!!!

Personally I think 13 is too young. I would suggest to her she can attend school functions with him.

School time, school dance, and games.

this is a matter of semantics.
say she's 'going on a date' and the freak-outs commence.
say she's going to hang out with a friend who happens to be a guy and everyone's for it. kids shouldn't have to restrict friendships to same-sex.
so while i wouldn't be sending a 13 year old on a 'date' i'd be fine with stuff like bowling. what are they going to get up to in a bowling alley?
for most things (like movies) you can insist on groups of friends rather than just the two of them, and have some baseline commonsense rules for when they're at each other's houses, the most important being no closed doors.
there's no need to treat young teens like wild animals, nor to be so wide-open that you put them in difficult situations.
khairete
S.

I honestly think it depends on the kids. How well do you know this young man? Have you spoken with him? Have you met his patents? Is your daughter a bright girl? Does she follow rules? Have you spoken to her about your expectations?

Going to the bowling alley. Does this mean an adult will drop them off and 2 hours later pick them up?

Has your daughter been allowed to do this with a girl friend? Has she ever disobeyed in this situation where you drop her and a friend off and then pick them up?

Moms of young men out there, do you trust your sons to be gentlemen with girls? Do you worry they will disrespect or take advantage of girls when they go out for 2 hours with a girl friend?

I think it is rather telling that so many moms on here do not think 2 13 year olds can go to a public venue and behave for 2 hours.

It has not been my experience that kids this age behave improper when out together. But the families I know have raised their children to be respectful of each other. They meet the parents of their children's friends and they set expectations and rules.

Maybe if your title read " is 13 too young to go out for 2 hours with a friend?" It would not have carried the weight of dating..

Over all the kids I know are good kids. They know how to behave. They respect each other. They actually look out for each other.

I would suggest group dates. Like the two of them do something together with a few friends. It can even be a "double date" with another guy and girl. Also "family" dates, where she invites him over and you all go bowling or have him over for a movie night. Gives you a chance to get to know this boy too.

Shame on your husband (or ex or whatever he is since you two don't live together.) He should have come to you FIRST and talked with you about it. You two should be on the same page and tell her together that she cannot date at 13. Instead, he's making you be the bad parent, guaranteeing that she'll treat you like dirt when she is older.

All your husband is asking for is an early pregnancy. I hope he's ready to take on THAT responsibility.

YES! 13 is too young to DATE. Have male friends? no. Hang out with guys? no. but to DATE? Absolutely way too young.

She's thirteen, yes. She's young, yes. However, she needs to know you trust her. Do you know this boy? If not, you should meet him anyway. I say let her go. Take her in, with her own money, meet up with the boy, tell them both you will be there to pick her up at such and such time (be sure he knows the time as well). Leave. If you feel like it, 1/2 way through the date, take a peek inside and observe what's going on.

It's a bowling alley.. filled with what... at least 50 other people, right? Bright lights, activity, etc... what horrible thing can happen? I wouldn't allow a dark or secluded date i.e. movie theater, outdoor picnic in the woods or on a secluded beach, etc...

You could, of course, request that another couple accompany them.. safety in numbers. You'll never gain her trust and vice-versa if you never test it. Is she a good girl that you believe has a good head on her shoulders? That should answer your own question.

On a side note, my daughter had her first "date" at 13. She, her "boyfriend", her best friend and his brother all went to Lake Tahoe for the afternoon (the boys lived there). We were nervous, of course, but we drove her and picked her up and all was fine. Also, my first date was at about 13. I went on a public bus and met my date at the movies.. we watched Coal Miner's Daughter. We held hands, and said goodbye when my bus arrived. No harm there, either.

HOWever, don't ever be afraid of being the "strict parent". If you truly don't feel comfortable with something, stick to it. But be sure to give it more consideration after some time has gone by. :)

Good luck. Let us know what you decide. I'm curious how you handle this.

The least amount of problems the better! (meaning make her wait until 16). I wish I would have! If she starts now think about what she'll be asking for by 15 years old.

I have no issues with my daughter, who is 13, having male friends. Absolutely no "dating" even though her friends are "dating." Or what I call mimicking dating. No dating at all for any of my daughters until they're 16. Luckily since my daughter sees all of the asinine drama her friends go through, she has no interest in dating. She's happy having crushes and being being social with her girlfriends male friends. Boys are just a distraction we don't need right now. We've got other issues going on.

So to answer your question? HELL YES 13 is too young to date.

Too young to date? Yes, IMO.
However, you could take them bowling & stay there w/them.