Feeling Scared About New Addition

I felt the same way when we went from 2 to 3. I was happy with my 2 and didn't want any more. I was mad. It was also hard foe me to bond with him when he was born. Oh, I took great care of him, but not as my own, as I would any child in my care.
I wanted my time back. I wanted to be me again.
It did pass, I often say I was in denial until he was 6 months old. He is my one Daddy's boy.

Consider yourself hugged. If I lived in your neighborhood, I'd be over to help (and bring tea). You sound panicked and overcome with what-ifs.

I agree that, if you can talk to a financial counselor and can get going on learning to use your money better, it's going to make you feel better because you're moving in a definite direction. Right now you feel stuck, and that's a way of moving out of your stuckness a little.

As far as the number of children in your family, somebody is always going to criticize. People have tongues, and they love to use them. But there will *always* be people who find fault with you anyhow. You need to let it be their problem! What other people think of you is, actually, none of your business. You are not responsible for pleasing everyone you know; you are responsible for taking care of your husband and your children.

This may sound weird to you, but four is only one more than three. That is to say, you already know how to manage multiple children. For me, the transition from one to two was the biggest challenge. After that, it was just minor adjusting.

No matter what you may hear, it isn't possible to be in complete control of one's own - or anyone else's - existence. There are always surprises. This may surely turn out to be a great one, and you'll find it a privilege to have this child - as well as your other three - in your family.

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Oh boy, you poor dear. It's ok to be scared. If you weren't, I would be surprised. I also hate being pregnant, but love my babies. I had 4 still in the house ages 17 down to 5 and became pregnant with twins. I was terrified. I am 44 and they are 2. Miraculously, I am still nursing them at night and at nap time. It was very intense at first, but it all worked out. They are the most wonderful little boys and so worth it. Giving up yourself (i.e. sleep, body for milk, time, etc.) is an investment that you won't regret. The truth is that even the best marriages are strained with a new baby. Just hang in there and keep trying. Since neither of us had a great example in our parents, my husband and I lacked the tools that couples need to function properly. I have found great help in good books. I just keep trying because keeping my family as a unit is important. I rely heavily on God's grace to see me through literally "One Day at a Time". My husband does much better as they get a little older too. Finances are another real issue, but only you know how to change that. I wouldn't know what to say to help since I don't have details. For the care and responsibility, how old are your other children and how much help can they be if trained properly? Do you have any family or friends that, however hard it is, you can ask for help? I believe that God wills all children and where there is a will, there is a way. If it isn't possible to do, then it won't happen. The reason I am able to manage is because everyone helps and I have had to learn that I can't do it all, let alone perfectly. The Men are From Mars.... book has helped me in getting my husband to help more. I am careful about this issue since he works very hard and affords me to stay home.

Now regarding OCD. Google infantrisk.com and call the hotline. They will be able to advise you as to weather you can medicate while nursing and pregnant and if so, what meds. They will not necessarily agree with the pharmaceutical companies, but speak with real clinical studies under their belt.

Although difficult, you can tandem nurse. You can enlist the help of a support group, even if you can't go to LLL meetings, you can still find a lactation consultant in your area to help over the phone.

What people think doesn't change what is. Unfortunately, my own family was the hardest on us, yet they are so in love with the kids!! I am constantly running into people who either have a big family or are from a big family and it is so encouraging to me. Yesterday, a read a mother's story of a friend of hers that had a large family and how it impacted her. I can't remember what question it was. Families long ago managed under much more difficult circumstances.

Well, I hope this helps. I am praying for you. Just get through today and remember that "feelings aren't facts".
Blessings,
M.

You already know this is a personal decision that you & your DH must make together. Perhaps having another child is not what you need to do @ this point in your life. As for the possibility of Downs Syndrome you need to have testing done to see if this is something you need to worry about. Maybe adoption is an option for you. Whatever you decide it must be what is best for you & your existing family.

My advice to you in the future is to get on some type of good birth control, having children when you are not ready for them is, as you have already found isn't a good thing.

Best to you & your family for the future.

time to work with a financial counselor to put your $$ in better order. By doing this, you may be able to relax & enjoy your family.

Congrats & best wishes!

You just do it. First thing I would do would be to stop feeding that 10 month
old all night. Way too old to be getting up multiple times. If you can do that
your world will look brighter. As far as the car, guess you need a new one.
It is too late now, but if your marriage is not good, your finaces are not good
and you suffer from OCD, why have another.

Four will be easier than three-there will be no middle-and the little one you have now will be the perfect playmate for the new baby-and helper for you-it's such a blessing-please enjoy it-it goes so fast. If people can't be happy for you-don't be around them. You'll work it out-but if you truly don't want anymore children , then you should get the procedure done when you deliver this baby-or your husband should get a vasectomy-God bless all of you!

I second the idea of working with a financial counselor! If you're having marriage difficulties, maybe a counselor who can help with your budget and relationship would be a good idea. Look into trading in your car for a mini-van or automobile that will seat 4 children. Make sure your husband understands CLEARLY that he will really have to pitch in a lot to help take care of his children -you cannot do it all on your own! And schedule a tubal ligation with your doctor as soon as this one is born -or go ahead and have your husband get a vasectomy! Then you won't have to worry about it anymore!

We were "done" at 3... I got pregnant with #4 when the 3rd was 4 months old... Then it happened again when #4 was 5 months old. Last 2 were birth control babies and unexpected. I too was having a hard time wrapping my brain around more kids. I can say now that it gets easier each time. You will adjust and soon realize this baby was chosen by God to complete your family. Take a deep breath, try to enjoy little moments.

Congratulations! Your glass isn't half-empty or half-full, it sounds like you are blessed with a full glass!

In other words, it's all in how you view your situation.

How does one manage this number? By taking what looks like a very unmanageable situation and breaking it down into smaller pieces. Do what you can with what you can. Take control of that which you can have control over. Don't worry about the rest. Worrying about tomorrow ruins today. Can you start teaching your baby to start putting herself back to sleep when she wakes in the night? Is it hard? Yes, but having her fall back asleep on her own is priceless! (She doesn't need to nurse multiple times at night.)

Start working on your marriage? Read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" when you are in the bathroom, sitting in the car in the school pick-up line, or whenever you have 10 min. here or there. When you take care of your husband, he will become more helpful now that you will really need him. (Just don't tell him you are doing it.)

Start working on your finances. Make the decision to not eat out, buy prepared foods, or whatever you are spending the extra money on. (We all have things we indulge ourselves with.) It will be so worth it when this new precious bundle of joy arrives. Make double meals so you can freeze one for those hectic days.

Ask for help. After the baby is born, when family and friends ask what they can do to help, don't say, "I don't know." Start a list now of things to say if they ask. Remind yourself that THEY are offering. Trust that they love you and want to help. Suggestions: Would you mind making an extra meal when you are cooking sometime this week? Would you mind picking up some milk for me when you go to the store next time? Would you mind having ___ over for an hour or so sometime to play with your son/daughter? They always have the opportunity to say no.

Do you judge people for having too many kids? Then there probably aren't too many out there that do. If you come across someone who says something like, "Wow, are these all yours?", just assume that they are just making an observation about the fact that they couldn't have four kids. Just answer with, "Yes, and it is more fun than I ever imagined!" They will be shocked and you will have had the fun of shocking them!

Look at pictures of what the baby looks like at each stage of your pregnancy. Then you might not hate being pregnant so much. God chose you to grow this new life. What a privilege! Many out there will never get that opportunity. Be sure to talk to this new one with joyful anticipation, too.

Be excited! The more you think of the joys that come with a new baby, the more you will be anticipating instead of worrying.