Permanent Birth Control Wrong?

No way it is wrong. What would be better? Failed birth control followed by abortions? You have to remember, anyone who says that is more than likely against all forms of birth control and thinks sex should always be about creating life. How many neglected, unwanted, and mistreated children would be in this world if everyone thought like that lady? My husband had his vasectomy a couple of years ago, and this is the first time i have not been on birth control since I was 14. It took my body a while to adjust, but it is so nice to not have all those hormones in my body any longer.

My husband got a vasectomy because we want to be good parents to the child we have.
The Duggars don't use birth control and I totally disagerr with having all those kids. They can't have much quality time.

I think she is a wacko. lol
I think people's decision on birth control is absolutely no one else's business. If I decide to take the pill, use a sponge, pull out, condoms, or a vasectomy then that is MY choice. Shame on her for even saying anything.
L.

What's wrong is having more babies than you feel you can love and care for properly. If children are a gift from God, we should care for the gift properly. Failure to do so is dishonorable and disrespectful to God. THIS is why I feel permanent birth control is an excellent idea.

I am Catholic, so I'll give you my perspective. I'm not trying to convince you, you already sound like you have come to a decision, but just to share our perspective with you. Yes, children are gift from God, but as you pointed out, not all blessings are things we should seek at all times. The Catholic church teaches that God calls each couple to discern prayerfully how many children they have been called to have, taking into account their financial, mental, emotional, and physical resources. For some couples this is 1 child, for others, it's 10 children. It's really between each couple and God.

However the Catholic church also teaches that while there is nothing wrong with limiting the number of children that we otherwise would be physically capable of having, that there are some ways to do this that are morally acceptable and respect the dignity of marriage and sexuality, and some ways that don't. Anything that puts a barrier between the complete and total union between husband and wife, or anything that surgically mutliates or chemically changes a healthy human body in order to make it infertile is considered to destroy the integrity, the "wholeness" of the sexual relationship. Natural Family Planning, the method that is considered to be morally acceptable by the Catholic church, works by observing signs of fertility in the woman's body and abstaining from sex during the fertile period. It is not the same thing as the rhythm method and is actually 99% effective. Lots of couples using this method have large families, (personally we are about to have four children but that's how many we wanted and there will be 3 years between our 3rd and 4th... way more spacing than there would have been if NFP didn't work!) but others use NFP and only have one or two children.

I'm not trying to start a debate or condemn anyone, just to give an alternate perspective. This vision of our marital sexuality has been a very beautiful one for us and my husband and I have seen it deepen our appreciation for each other's bodies. And like I said, it is up to you and your husband to discern together how many children God is calling you to have - sounds like he may be calling the two of you to welcome ONE child lovingly and then give of yourselves lovingly in other ways, through your church or however else you feel led. God bless!

He could catch the clap instead. ;) Or some other terrible disease that causes sterility. Personally, I'd go with the snip snip.

No matter *what* you do... someone will find it "wrong". To add in a religious bent... thank the powers that be that

a) I have free will
b) that the person pushing their beliefs on me ISN'T god, much less MY god, so I don't have any obligation to listen to them.

Yes, children are a blessing, they are indeed a gift from God. But nowhere in the Bible does it suggest that we should have more children than we can afford, or more children than we want. Some only want one child, some are happy with two and then you have the Dugger family! I believe that God expects us to be responsible, to make wise and responsible choices/decisions, and to make decisions that honor Him. With that said, I believe whatever form of birth control you and your husband decide on is YOUR personal choice and it's simply not up for debate or discussion for others. I also believe that if God wants you to have another child, even after the vasectomy, He will allow it to happen. I met a woman a few months ago who had her tubes tied 5 years ago...but the new baby in her arms was 4 months old! I do not believe in "permanent" birth control, not because I believe it's wrong but because I believe God is in control of all areas of our lives and if it's His will for something to take place, then by golly it will. BTW: I'm pregnant with my 4th, we were done with #3...but God made it possible. It happens.

Edit:
Here is a nice article that may help you and/or others understand what the Bible says about children.

http://www.gotquestions.org/birth-control.html

I have one daughter with my husband, and he has 2 sons from his first marriage. After the birth of my daughter I developed blood clots in my legs that went to my lungs. I could have died but thankfully I pulled through. However, it's not in my best interest to get pregnant again because of the blood clot risk (I am also 38, which increases other risks as well). My doctor did not even want me to use hormonal forms of birth control, so now I have the Paraguard IUD. My husband and I talked about him getting a vasectomy, but it is not covered by our health insurance, while the IUD is. While not "permanent" (it could be removed if I changed my mind), it is good for the next 10 years - and by that time I may not need anything.

I doubt God would expect me to risk my life and leave my daughter without a mother and my husband without a wife just for me to have the capacity and the potential to bring another life into this world - a life that may not even make it if I don't make it. I don't think God expects us to have more children than we can responsibly and lovingly care for.

Good for you and your husband for being clear on the type of family you want to have! And good for you for making a proactive decision to make sure that you only have the number of children that work best for you and your family.

I have friends who love, love, LOVE having children -- the more the merrier -- and want to spend every waking moment possible with them. They also believe that their children are gifts from God. And then I have friends who are child-free by choice and, I really have to say, this is the best decision that they could have ever made because they are really not very child-friendly. And then I have other friends like me that have always known that one or two children were our max and that it is all about the qualtiy of the relationship, not the quantity. Different people have different perspectives and beliefs. It's all good as long as you are doing what's right for you.

Have a nice holiday weekend.

For the record, I don't think it's wrong. But what I think doesn't matter in the least.

The reason one believes permanent birth control is wrong is the SAME reason they believe ALL birth control is wrong, and I have never heard of that NOT being based in their religious beliefs, but I guess maybe it could be. Anyway, it's an issue of being open to life during sex.

Your reasoning about dancing and music is a little flawed (dancing and singing are joyful/graceful/blessed acts... so that would be like sex, which you could choose not to do. A baby would be more like a rainbow in your analogy), but you don't NEED an explanation to do what you and your husband think is best for your family.

Anyway, YOU are allowed to do what is right for you. If you are concerned over what this woman said, maybe it's worth a bit more time discussing with your husband and a doctor, counselor, priest or whomever. Just make sure you guys both feel confident and secure with your decision before-hand so you can feel confident and secure after.

HTH,
T.

Funny that you should bring this up........ I belong to a women's Bible study and we are going through the book "Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Set's Them Free" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I was really excited about that book and I am so horribly disappointed in her extremely narrow views.
Anyway.......our last study was about how it's a sin to use birth control and thus decide how many kids you are going to have. It took awhile to scrape my mouth of the ground.
Now, we do NFP (natural family planning) for the sole purpose that my body doesn't handle meds very well. Not for religious reasons. But, according to the book, ANY type of family planning is wrong.
I think that it's so off base, it's not even funny. The thing is, most of the women in the study agreed with her and they have all had their tubes tied or their husbands have had vasectomies!
Sorry, I totally hijacked your question and turned it into a rant! :)

I just read some other responses and LOVED Mandisita's post! People choose to do foster care are amazing and have such big hearts!

She was rude.

Birth control is not wrong in my mind. NOT being thoughtful in your choice to have a child is more "wrong" to me. A child takes a lifetime of commitment, so generally I think SOME thought should go into conceiving them. That said, there are great parents out there that let nature take it's course, and that's OK too, as long as the responsibility is recognized along the way.

And if God wants to give you that gift, a vasectomy won't stop it (you'll read about that sometimes on mamapedia! LOL)

I am a Christian and I also agree with you that children are a gift from God. With that said, NO, it is not wrong to get a vasectomy!!!! You as parents have the right to decide how many children you want to have. I don't know of any place in the Bible that it says that getting "fixed' is wrong--- I think if you and your husband are sure in your decision, then you have made the best decision for yourselves and your family. I hope that your husband heals quickly and forget about other's negative comments--just listen to the positive. Merry Christmas!

Molly

I too believe children are a gift from God, but that being said, God made people smart enough to cure us of things...infections, heart attacks, etc. So, why would it be wrong for God to let someone have the knowledge to help us stop having babies. And TRUST me, if it's in the plan for you to have another child, God will make sure that happens even if your hubby gets a vascectomy! ha, ha! I want my hubby to have one too, and I don't consider it going against the bible. I'm not killing an unborn child, I haven't conceived, we are just preventing another pregnancy.

Nothing is wrong with it. God wants you to be happy and be good parents, not for you to have tons of children and struggle. Good for you for deciding what is best for you and your family!

Wrong? No Responsible YES!!!!! Spay and neutor your dogs and spouses when you are all done! Harsh sounding ok, but really when you are done having kids you are done. I guarantee you can go back looking thru historical stories and find tons of old birth control methods as well as permanent solutions this is NOT something that has come up with in the past centruy or so by any means. Get him snipped if and you taken care of if you can as well. I am ALL for it and if God wants to discuss my choice when it's my turn to see him I will still support my decision.

First of all vasectomy does not increase your husband's chance for cancer:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/vasectomy/AN01634
There has never been any conclusive evidence on this matter.

Next, it is a decision solely for your family and should not be the concern of any one outside of your family. That would include the lady in question and this forum.

I completely believe in human life once created, I also believe that God gave us the intelligence to know our personal limits, learn about the human body and medical technologies. Just think how many of us would die unnecessarily.

You are doing the right thing. If that is what you and your Husband want then who cares what others think.

I believe permanent birth control is a responsible choice for people who know they do not want any more children.

My husband had his vasectomy when our son was 8 months old. This was not a decision we took lightly. We believe that our life had wonderful room (physically, in our home; economically and in our hearts) for one child. Our son was a lovely surprise: we'd been using no birth control for nearly 5 years and I'd already experienced 3 prior miscarriages, so we were pretty amazed. And we still are, because he's a great kiddo.

One thing I don't think I saw previously, but will say from my end: one considerable factor for me was to not have the personal drama of another miscarriage. Three is plenty. My life is full; why invite the potential for more heartbreak? If I'm not taking care of my self, fully, how do I take care of my son as well? Just a thought...

Choosing to not have another chidl is NOT wrong. I think what she ment is that some christians believe birth control is wrong. I do not think will condeme you if you choose not to have more chidlren by having a vasectomy or your tubes tied.

I did not read all the responses, but wanted to put in my two cents worth. What the Bible does ask us to be is good stewards of what it is God has given us. And while God does not give us more than we can handle (Biblical principle), if we feel we cannot provide for the physical/financial needs of a child or we just aren't "kid people", I see nothing wrong with birth control to insure a child is not conceived. Not to mention we are suppose to be good stewards of the earth and it really is getting a little over populated and straining its natural resources. Just be sure this is a decision you and your husband can live with for the rest of your life. Good luck.

That's a tough question that I don't have an answer for. I've often wondered myself. The Bible doesn't address the issue specifically. Some choices are just right or left, not right or wrong.

I think good for you both for deciding together that you are done. There is absolutly nothing wrong with it and dont let anyone tell you it is.
You put alot of thought into it, its not that you dont love children, or the one you have but you have decided that its best for your situation not to have more.

Honestly think that is was a responsible decison, maybe a hard one but you are doing whats best, and kudos to you for making a firm decison.

I believe that If God wants you to have another child that any kind of birth control is not going to stop him from making it happen.
My youngest brother is a post vasectomy baby.

So no I don't think it's wrong.

Any type of birth control is "wrong" but we all use it!
I agree with you and whatever choice your husband and you have made is your choice and no one else!
You two support eachother and thats all that matters!
Best of luck and have a happy holiday!

There are always extremes in opinions.
Opinions are not 'fact.'
They are opinions. Uncensored.
So be it.
To each his/her own.

Then it is up to the person themselves, to do as they decide is right/wrong/good/bad for them.

And no matter what, religious basis or not.... there is the ultimate choice.... per free-will and using WISDOM... in discerning life's choices/decisions.... consciously. Not just being a blind clueless servant of any said origin, of beliefs or practices.

If God can impregnate a virgin, He can get past a vasectomy. I was raised Catholic, but I don't believe birth control is wrong. I think that idea is really limiting God's power, actually. ^_^

I totally believe in permanent birth control! My husband just had a vasectomy and I am 100% sure about our decision! We have 3 girls now and I know what people mean about that "feeling" ...that sureness when you DO NOT want any more! I wouldn't trade the 3 i have for anything in the world, but i KNOW I'm done now! Yay for medical advances that make these permanent measures possible! lol

Being a Christian Baptist family who just had the man get the big "V" we are happy and glad we did. We have three beautiful blessings :)

even with a vasectomy failure is possible/ reattachment is possible...if we were meant to have another things will happen! Our third was a bc baby and we are more then happy to have her...so if we are meant to have another we will

I LOVED what you said about how singing and dancing are also gifts from God. I have never thought of it that way, and I really, really liked that.
I think that you need to make decisions that are best for your family. I believe that if you and your husband want to have him get a vasectomy, and you feel in your heart that God is OK with that decision, then you need to do it. Regardless of what ANYONE else says, it is your life and your walk with God, not theirs. :)
(And for the record, I am very pro-birth control!)

I do not think it is wrong. I think it is a personal choice that I am sure you thought and prayed about. I think God blesses people with the knowledge and skill to perform these advancements and techniques. Best of luck to your spouse and you.

It is unfathomable that people go around having opinions about how other people manage their reproductive lives. Getting specific about other people's medical and reproductive decisions because of religious beliefs is no less inappropriate. It's none of anyone's business for heaven's sakes-and if it's Gods, then it still isn't anyone else's!!! Saying it's wrong for fertile people to not have more kids if they choose not to is similar to saying it's wrong for infertile people to have kids, and some adoptive parents are far superior to some breeders. People with all these religious judgements need to really stop bugging everyone, it's the reason so many people shun the concept of god to begin with even though it's not god's fault all these people created these knit picky religious doctrines and wrote them in all their different religious books.

No I think it's 100% a personal decsion between you and your husband. Remember they won't be raising your children if you don't get it done so it's none of their concern. You two know what you can handle and what's best for your family and thats all that matters.

I think that it is a personal decision that can only be made by you and your husband. It is no one elses business. Just be sure in your hearts and minds that this is what you both want. It would be very hard to go back should you change your mind later.

Wow, I am just surprised anyone said that to you. Of course there are some that feel any birth control is wrong but since God doesn't say anything about the specifics of when we have sex with our spouse, or in what exact fashion etc , I don't think he is against planning your family, He does give us liberty I believe in these areas. Basically what the word says very clearly is to only have sex with your spouse, make sure that you do have it on a somewhat regular basis, have some kids(if you are able) and that sex is good and holy. Beyond that each one has to follow their own hearts as to how to handle a lifetime of intimacy and fertility. Not may of us are ready to lay our lives down to the extent of being pregnant, nursing and caring for children every moment of our adult lives. I am not!! I just don't have it in my heart to do that. I want three and after that, snip it, burn it, tie it, whatever!!! For us three kids feels like a complete family. This is very personal stuff, I think your friend was out of line. I am personally not a fan of the IUD. If anyone ever asked me, "Hey, why don't you like the IUD?" I'd tell them, since they asked. But I have lots of friends who use them and guess how much I say about it ...nada....not my place...not my business...not my responsibility. I don't judge them, I just don't use it that's all. If it comes up, I will talk about it but never judge a person that continues to use it, obviously it doesn't bother them...end of story. Anyway, I saw that your curiosity was satisfied, but I just threw my two cents in anyhow!!! Happy New Year :D

if he is willing and this is what yall wnt, then its your decision, and you know know you dont want other kids, then I say go for it.

I went to see what answers you got but they were not included. Perhaps now they remove them after you have answered "So What Happened." I do hope that you had people that avoided any bible aspect and just mentioned practical things to think about.

If you can't ever imagine having a second child, I would recommend that you get your tubes tied. Why you? If you divorce your husband, the woman usually gets to keep the child. Now, he has no child and can't with a new wife. If you (or you and your child) die in a wreck or something, he can't give another woman a child.

If your child should die, you could never have another child. If your child turns away from you for some strange reason, you can't have another child. I have two. I am so glad I had a girl because boys really do LEAVE the nest when they move away to college or get married. No matter how close you were, chances are, he'll see his in-laws more than you because many boys just don't get that attached AND they aren't as involved in your nurturing care when you and your husband are old.

Regarding your comment about loving another child, I didn't believe for years that I could love my new girl as much as my 10 year old boy. Well, I do, absolutely. And we're closer since he turned 15.

So, unless your husband could never anticipate wanting another child no matter what, okay, let him get fixed.

As far as your getting fixed, I'd put that off awhile unless you can say to your self that even if you lost your child, you wouldn't want to be a mother again, ever, because you don't really enjoy mothering enough.

Best wishes.

It is his decision and I do not believe it is wrong. It is wrong to bring tons of children into this world who the parents do not care for them and dump them here and there or do drugs and alcohol and treat them bad. It is wrong to bring them in and abandon them so they do not have parents to raise them or care. It is better to parent one good one and do it with focus, love attention and caring. God Bless G. W

I'm not sure I understand what you mean when you say "This isn't a religious question, really...that's just what this particular lady said. I just mean in general." This suggests there is "general" morality and then morality grounded in a religious worldview. I'm not sure what "general" morality is besides personal preference and feelings, in which case there could be no right and wrong.