Feeling Sad - Ottawa,IL

you grew apart & now you're trying to "beat a dead horse". NO single person is at fault....life happened & you all made choices.

In your post, you said, "WE met many other people & friends & stopped getting together as much". The originating issue was when you started spending time with other people. & in all fairness, perhaps your "WE" meant Joe/Sara, too. :)

Fast forward to Joe getting a replacement for his truck...good for him. It was an adult choice to purchase something more effective for his needs. What would have happened if your DH's car broke down? Joe made a great choice.....+ he knew that you guys were pulling away with new friends.

Yes, it would have been nice if he or Sara had offered to carpool with Joe's car..... but then again, you were pulling away. It concerns me that you were "upset" & felt somewhat "used". That's not what I would have been feeling! It's almost like you were looking for reasons to find fault with them! It amazes me that you could even "wonder" as to what had happened to change things.....again you had new friends! At any point, you could have included Joe/Sara with your new friends! That's what happened....you left them out!

You know, the further I break this down...the more it sounds like H.S.!! I quit - I'm going back to my original paragraph.....:)

I'm slowly beginning to learn that friendships evolve and can run their course. I just had my supposed best friend de-friend me on FB without a word because she has decided that we are now in different places. I too am very sad, but mostly I just don't understand! But, as I would suggest to you, I sent an email explaining how I felt and addressed a few issues she had brought up. Then I told her the ball was in her court (so that there was no confusion) if she wanted to try and work things out.

Sadly, as time goes on we change, our friends change and our priorities change. You should call or email her (I can never really say what I intend to, so think email is a better avenue) and explain how you feel. Whether things work out or not, at least you will feel that you've done all you can to salvage the relationship. Good luck!

Friendships change and evolve and life has a lot to do with that. To me the sign that the friendship has run its course is that Joe has defriended both you and your husband. I guess you could email or call Sara to explain your feelings and tell her how hurt you are about all this, but honestly I don't think no matter what you do the friendship will never be the same. It sucks, but since Joe obviously has some hard feelings or issues with you guys, Sara won't be as much of a friend as before- if a friend at all.

I'd say time changed things and that's about it.
If Joe just got laid off they are probably bummed and don't feel like talking about it. Definitely don't post anything about it on FB.
Maybe pick your friend up a card with the right sentiment in it, and send it to her snail mail, that would probably get you a phone call back.

I agree, some friendships run their course. I also had a "best friend" de-friend me on FB because we got into a silly arguement. The friendship was toxic anyway now that I think of it looking back. It was sad to lose a friend, still is. But it'll be ok.

Sounds to me like something may have happened between Joe and your husband professionally. Joe got mad about something and never discussed it with your husband - maybe your husband became a "favorite" and Joe didn't. Maybe Joe got blamed for something and felt your husband should have defended him and didn't. There's no telling. I doubt Joe blames your husband for being laid off. But again, if your husband was doing well in the company and in the eyes of management, and Joe wasn't, then Joe very well may feel betrayed by your husband - choosing work over friendship.

Is that what really happened? I don't know. And neither do you. What you do know is you've tried to reach out and have had no response after contact has slowly died off over the past few months? years?

I also don't know why you're upset about the car being used. Your husband and Joe set up the agreement for carpooling - unless that agreement was breached, somehow, then Joe did nothing wrong when he got his own vehicle.

You said you "feel like this could be the end of our friendship..." I would go on to say that I think it IS the end of your friendship - that's what Joe was doing by defriending you. That's what Sara was doing by not calling you back. Is it the best way to handle the situation? No. But that's what they chose to do. Focus on your family and newer friends and live your life.

Sounds like your friends are hurting and in a bad situation right now. Getting laid off is very upsetting and life changing.
The whole carpooling thing...Joe chipped in for gas all those years that he used your hubby's work car and that was their arrangement and no one had a problem with it then. Joe made a financial decision to get rid of his gas guzzler and then he used it for work instead of continuing to put miles on your hubby's car and then if your hubby was working different hours he wouldn't have to worry about finding another ride home. Sounds like an act of kindness and understanding if you consider it that way.
If they are truly your friends now is the time for you to reach out to them and offer kind words and encouragement...they are hurting as a family and they will need good friends to get through this.
I suggest you never bring up the carpooling issue...because it shouldn't be an issue now if it wasn't then.
Blessings.

It is very sad for you. But it's time to let them go. They've already let go of you. Say a prayer of love and comfort for them and simply give them to God.

Blessings upon you and hope you feel better soon

Hmm ... you said that in between you had found new friends and started hanging out with them less. Did they do the same as well? Maybe all the while you were busy with your life with new friends, they felt ignored or rejected. You say you didn't think much about it, may be they did. You never know. Maybe they were still being nice and hanging out with you guys whenever you were free. Maybe some things changed over the years where they felt there is no point continuing this friendship. You liked them but you didn't care for them enough. You didn't try to maintain the friendship and remain in touch. And now after all these years you suddenly realize they have moved on and you feel sad. There might be something specific that has hurt them, you can try talking to them. If they are still interested being friends with you, they might open up and discuss things. But as far as I have realized, once you ignore things for a while and people move on, it's VERY hard to get things back to what it was before. I doubt you will get back to being close friends as before, but you might be able to get back in touch. No harm trying!

I suggest you've waited too long to clear the air. I suggest you call Sara and ask to talk. You're feeling hurt and I imagine she is too. Start by saying that you value the friendship and want to find a way to continue it. Say you don't know what's happened but you'd like to work it out. Then go from there.

If Sara doesn't want to talk, then, yes, the friendship is over but you'll at least have the knowledge that you tried.

Friendships run their course, but I keep on trying to figure this one out: how on earth did carpooling make you feel used? You mean the drive would have been that much shorter if Joe stayed home? Did you pay the gas all the time?Not getting it. Next, there are no guarantees on this earth that anyone will have the same exact job today or tomorrow, that is life. If Joe's job loss is upsetting enough that they refuse to be friends, then there really wasn't a friendship in the first place. It was based on their job. True friendships encounter lots of happy and sad things and others really do just run their course. Move on.

I wouldn't call just yet. I know when im stressed or have issues I want to be left alone. Losing a job is a big deal and he may have poor me monster sitting on his shoulder. Have you asked your husband? Im thinking something may of happened you don't know about? Just keep your distance for a while then hopefully things will turn around. My twin sister and I got in a argument and the first thing she did was block me on facebook. That's fine! Im not sinking to her childish level though! You shouldn't either. Good luck to y'all.

He may have defriended you guys b/c he's on his FB talking bad about the company and doesn't want it to get back to a manager...just in case he can get back in. He's probably just blowing off steam.

As to the car...did he provide gas and maintenance money? If so, then there are no complaints warranted. Your DH would have put the same miles on it no matter what. If he was given money, well he saved a bunch. Maybe the arrangement stopped working for Joe - especially with his DW going back to work. He may have needed more flexibility.

Give it a little time and then try to call Sara again.

just a different perspective. We became friendly with a new family who moved to our town 8 years ago. We invited them many places and they reciprocated but it became less and less. They are very popular and fun and I am sure receive a lot of invitations but it just got to be awkward that they were always at our house and I can't remember the last time we were invited to their house or anywhere by them. So we stopped inviting as well, we wtill see tham at functions and enjoy their company but just don't want things to be so one sided