Hi KiwiMom,
I used to be a nanny, so I know how tough this can feel some days. One thing that works in our family (I have a nearly-4 y.o. boy of my own) is to reserve the pjb for lunch, and only for lunch.
In regard to veggies, I have learned two things: a little something to dip them in sometimes helps. This doesn't have to be ranch or a fat-heavy salad dressing either; hummus or a ginger-soy vinaigrette that's got a little sweet to it are nice. Some children prefer raw veggies, some steamed. Some other kid-faves in our house are fried rice, loaded with finely chopped veggies and use a good sauce at the end (add in the egg, too, so you've got a protein in there); black beans, corn and rice mixed with some of the Trader Joe's Soy-Yaki sauce; this sauce is perfect for marinating and frying up some tofu, too. We are a partially-vegetarian family, and everyone loves to eat tofu like this, and it's not too difficult. Just use a reasonable amount of peanut oil when cooking (you can use olive oil/veg oil too) and let tofu sit on some paper towels to collect any extra oil before serving. Our son likes a bit of fish, but not too much, but we don't do any real meat per se in our home, other than eggs and fish. He's still very healthy.
If she loves noodles, consider a soup with veggies and noodles, or pasta with diced sauteed veggies. Red sauces are also a great place to hide veggies; just sautee them and then puree, and add into the mix. Obviously, won't hide broccoli so well, but zuchini or cauliflower, carrots, red peppers all work here and will complement the flavor of the sauce. Since you are in our area, too, you can pick up a bag of Bob's Red Mill TVP: this is Texturized Vegetable Protein, and follow the directions. It will be unnoticable in the sauce (I used this on my picky-eating former MIL with great results) and you'll be replacing the meat she's not eating. And it's less expensive than the Morningstar Crumbles.
What about a recipe for Mu Shu vegetables with a plum sauce, over rice or on the requisite little rice wrapper? Yum!
Lastly, I'd make sure to have at least one mac-n-cheese night on the menu that she's able to look forward to (every Tuesday, for example--same day of the week); otherwise, offer her a nice plate at meals with at least two things you know she's 'sorta okay' eating and whatever else you want for the menu. This is my standard operating procedure for meals.
The other thing I would suggest is that when you hear "I don't like that", don't immediately respond or try to fix it for her. My son says this regularly about things he's rather not eat--but does eat regularly-- and so we just ignore it. Guess what? When we don't provide immediate substitutions, if he's hungry, he'll eat it. (We have a no-bite rule in our house, which means that no one has to eat even one bite of anything they don't like, but they aren't accomodated otherwise.) Getting kids involved in food prep and gardening also helps. Kids love to eat the baby carrots and pea pods they grow themselves, even kids who normally "don't like that". :)
I hope some of these ideas help. And a book: Deborah Madison's 'Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone" (most entrees willl stand up as either main courses or side dishes, and the meat-eaters can enjoy a nice cut of meat with it.) is tasty and easy to follow, as is the Tassajara Cookbook. In case you're looking for ideas.
H.