Feeling Insecure

My guess is you are probably really tired and a little worn out from being a mom. And when your are worn thin you don't have the same energy and enthusiasm as you once did. I know my fear was that my husband would want to spend time with someone who didn't talk about diaper rash and whether or not to start rice cereal. I felt so focused on my child that I feared he wanted something more, especially when he talked to other women. Yes, he was loving and attentive, but I wasn't the 20-yeal-old he married. I was a 21-year-old with a kid. It doesn't sound like much, but it really feels different. Your whole perspective on life changes. And sometimes, you get a little insecure. My advice is to stop, and look around at your life. Take stock of who you are and where you are. Take a deep breath and move forward. Your husband loves you, you kinda like yourself too, right? There are no right or wrong feelings. But there are right and wrong actions. Choose to trust him, and yourself. Once you make that decision you will begin to feel different. Not overnight, but gradually things will change. Having a child is tough. Your life will never go back to the way it was and neither will you. But it will get better and better. I promise. :)

its a big change going from carefree 20-something year old to a mother, and i'm sure your mind is just trying to get used to this new role. i would just ask your husband to give you more hugs and cuddles, which always used to help me lol. just having that nearness helps, which seems to be something that is hardwired in a womans brain lol. and maybe try once a week just getting out alone for an hour or so, just to get a break from being 'mommy' and to be yourself again. helps recharge the senses in a sense. if you look like you did before the baby, then i wouldn't worry about anything. and even if you didn't i'm sure he'd still love you. you did make him a father! just remember that, and remember that you are still you as well as a new mother. good luck!

Until you have reason to doubt him, don't. Don't accuse hum of cheating unless you have hard evidence, because if he hasn't done anything and you start accusing him, that will give him reason to cheat.
Confidence is way sexier than being insecure...and maybe you should try to get to know these girls yourself~you might learn that you have nothing to worry about! :-)

How long ago did you have your son? Could it be post pardom? Anxiety? Depression in general? I have 5 kids, a loving Husband, and no reason to ever feel anything other than happy. But after my last son, I developed anxiety, insecurity, and depression. My Hubbie comes straight home after work, he kisses me good-bye in the morning and hello we he gets back. He too has female friends which have never been a problem before. I unfortunatly have had a history with depression and anxiety so I knew what was happening after I stepped back and looked at things. If it is post pardom, then it could last upto 2 years. I hope this might help. Try talking to your doctor if you are sure it is truely in your head because it sounds like you have the perfect family and you have the right to enjoy it. Good luck!

hormones can do crazy things I too went through the same thing and my husband doesn't even have female friends but I would get jealous of his customers and most of them are alot older than us but I still felt that jealousy and the did put a bit of a strain because later even though he kept reassuring me before when I did start to feel better he kept expecting me to be jealous so try to talk to him as much as possible about how you feel let him know that you know it is irrational but you can't seem to stop it and I am sure that he will understand also this could go on as long as you a breastfeeding. another thought too is that maybe you need to get out to a salon and get your hair done and a mani pedi to make you feel beautiful again. good luck it takes a while I am still trying not to feel soooo old.

I am going through the exact same thing, I just had my second child ( the first with my hubby) we have been together for 4 years, but since the end of my pregnancy I have been feeling really inscure, I am not normally like that either. I truely believe it is a whole pregnancy/ post pardum thing. I tell my hubby how I am feeling, and we go out without the kiddos for a few hours, it helps. I still cant shake the feeling but it makes it a lot less intense. Good luck

You are not alone K.. I have felt that way for years. I met my husband when I was 25 and he was 23. We knew right away that we were the answers to each other's prayers. I know for a fact that God had put us together and it was ment to be, so less then 3 months later we got married!!! It's been a struggle but I just have to remind myself why I married him....because I know that God created him just for me! :) I mean how perfect is that!?!? But neither one of us had a picture perfect past, and he had lots of female friends and I am not the type that is ok with that. I don't mind if he has female friends now but I just don't think it is apropriate for married couples to spend quality time with friends of the oppsoite sex. If they want to spend time together then we can all spend it together. That's just how I feel though. Besides these were not true "friends" if you know what I mean. And because I feel that way, I too have had to end some of my frienships, that truely were just friends. That's the sacrifice I made to make sure that my husband knew he could trust me. anyway...enough about that....

Even if you have lot all of the baby weight there is something that happenes sometimes to woemen after they have children that is a self image thing....not because of the way you look, but because you are a different person. It's a great thing to be a mom! But at the same time you are not just a wife anymore and for me, it made me feel less of a wife. I just recently figured this out. My church teaches us that we are supposed to put our husbands first and our children second.....I think that is the hardest thing to do in the world! I mean how can you put a man above a sweet little child that you grew in your own belly? But then I realized that my husband is very very important to me, as I'm sure I am to him, and after all he is my gift from God! Why am I not treating him that way?!? Why is he not treating me that way?!? Because we are so worried about taking care and spending time with our children...... we are still husband and wife....and we need to make time to show each other just how special we are to each other. So we have started a date night! Once a week we get out of the house without the kids....which never happenes otherwise or not until now! Sometimes we hang out with other friends or sometimes it's just the two of us.....but as long as we are out of the house together as husband and wife, things are getting much better! We both feel more respected and loved, and we can communicate our feelings more.

Wow...there I go ....going on and on.

I guess maybe to sum things up, talk to your husband, evaluate how you really feel and what is making you feel that way, I don't think it would be wrong to ask him to not hang out with his female friends as much until you can make sure that you two are ok. He may not like it at first but if he loves you he will understand and what to do whatever it takes to show you that you are the only women he loves.

Hope that helps. Good luck and let us know how things work out.

Hi K.,

It sounds like you might have a little bit of Post Pardom Depression or Anxiety going on. It can come on up to 2 years after delivery. First I would suggest talking to your doctor about it.
I was also 23 when I had my daughter who is now 9. I went from being a young 20 something out and about all the time to being a mom (which I loved) feeling a lot older than any of my friends or than I actually was. I wasn't footloose and fancy free anymore(for lack of a better term). My husband at the time was 10 years older than me so he was content staying home all the time. I just wanted him to take me out amd he never did.
My suggestion to you is if you have childcare available go on dates with your husband! Not just boring dinner dates, fun adventurous date. Let him make you feel sexy! Yeah you can still go out seperately with your own friends but right now it seems like you need time for your relationship. Be naughty rent a hotel room or have the grandparents or friends take your son over night. I know that your baby is the most improtant thing right now but your marriage is just as important. When my daughter was born my husband and I neglected our marriage which ultimately led to our divorce.
You need to take time for you relationship with your husband and care for it, just like you care for your son and your family. It will work! You have a long history with your husband!
Go to the doctor and work on things from there!
GOOD LUCK!

Steph

I agree with Stephanie G, you probably have a touch of post partum depression. I went through it too, feeling like you just aren't anything but a Mom anymore. But you are still your own person with your own interests. It will get easier as the baby gets older. My hubby and I have seperate social lives, too, but somehow we always manage to stay on track. I think in a way it makes our life more interesting cuz we have things to talk about that the other person may not have experienced. Anyways, you'll get through it, and just remember, most hubby's think their wives are the most sexiest woman on the planet, having giving birth to their children.