Would You Allow It?

Absolutely not! It would make me very uncomfortable, and it seems a little inappropriate, honestly. Single woman leaning on a married man for support? No...help her find more friends, or a therapist.

In my mind, he shouldn't even have to ask you! His immediate answer should have been NO! He shouldn't even have to ask you if it's ok... a good, smart, caring man should already "no" the answer.

Absolutely Not. He can't be the only person she can talk to.
Tell him to tell her......talk to her family, talk to her girlfriends.....OR a therapist if she has neither. He should also tell her, he didn't feel comfortable listening to her because he his happily married with his wife!!!!!!

Chances are, if you said no he would be bitter and resentful, but if you say yes, YOU will be the one who is bitter and resentful. It shouldn't be a matter of whether or not you ALLOW him to have this friendship. The two of you should discuss the situation together and decide, as a team, if it would hurt your marriage in any way.
If it will, then he should know the right answer and decide accordingly.
If the two of you decide that the friendship will be detrimental to your marriage and he decides to go for it anyway, you know where you stand and then YOU can decide where you want to go from there.
IF you decide your husband should meet with this woman, DEFINITELY be there and make sure you are cc:ed on any correspondence. If there is nothing to hide and she truly does just need support, there should be no problem with your presence. Then, you will have peace of mind.

NO! Tell her to find a good counselor and your family will keep her in your prayers.

You have a lot of great advise here so i will make it short and sweet.

No way no how. I think emotional cheating is just as bad as physical- you are way more understanding than I would be. i would be furious he 'left it up to me' I would second guess his dedication and committment to your family by even saying it.

As for the whole emotional cheating because you were depressed- in my opinion that is pure BS. Don't take responsibility for his behavior. You can't control others only yourself and we all look for excuses when we get in trouble and cross lines.

Like I said you are WAY more understanding than i would be but letting her back in doesn't sound like a good idea.

I agree with the majority of the opinions. No no no no no...

Now, ask yourself why you feel insecure in your opinion. Do you have strong feelings about your marriage? About this woman? Do you feel you've been wronged? In my opinion, you have every right to feel insecure and jealous about this "friendship" (you were right, it's not a friendship, it's emotional cheating). But I don't think you should be insecure in your opinion, whatever that may come to. Feel it--say it.
Now about "that woman". This woman's illness is a ploy. Either she's not that sick and it's a trick, or she really is sick and she's using her sickness as a ploy to get back to your husband because nothing else will (not even her divorce). "Love me, I'm divorced. Love me, now I'm sick."
She sounds extremely insecure and desperate.
Be the strong woman in this triangle.
Now about your husband. He should be on his knees begging forgiveness from you...for the past and this most recent foolishness. He doesn't want to do the heavy emotional lifting of making a decision to dump her? He leaves it up to you? What does he think you'll say? "Oh sure, go 'head and see the woman you almost left me for....no prob....". Coward! He did you wrong...you're his wife and you were sick. Where was he? He's got a lot of emotional catching up to do with you.

No, If I were the jealous type already, and I knew that my husband had a soft corner for another lady, I would not allow it. If this lady is friendless and needs help, sure it is sad, but not my cross to bear. Already my hands would be full with kids, family and my own issues to deal with, without the additional burden of wondering if the two would remain friends or would they take liberty.

I also think your husband is leaving the tough choice to you: he should be the one telling you, knowing you, that he is not interested in her or something such. It seems like he is ok to be back in touch with her. When one person is emotionally vulnerable, I would assume it would be quite tough to maintain "walls" etc.

Take care of your family. If this lady needs friends, she needs to find someone else, who is not yet spoken for. It is grossly unfair to expect you to put up with this sham.

All the best...

Sneaky chick! Absolutely - NO. 'with or without you so they could become friends again'? huh? ok, so you go along with it, listen to her saga - and then voila, she gets your husband? mmmm. nope. I'm with the 'she needs a girlfriend' side of things - and I'd phone her directly to tell her that. No weaseling around on her end. Short and sweet. And I completely second the counseling! No matter where you are - and sounds like you've overcome some issues - this is bound to be a factor for another time.

ohhhh, it's got my blood pressure spiking. My first husband (of two years) decided he could have girls as friends to golf with and work out with. It was 'better' for him to get a complete workout at the Y if he had a single membership - since I had 'walking friends' - and the night he 'fell asleep and forgot to come home' told the tale. Turns out he had a better 'girl friend' than others and by the time I was completely moved out - he was asking me to 'hurry along' the annulment because he and his 'new wife' wanted to 'baptise their baby in the church'. WHAT? - Talk about missing the writing on the wall! So, yup, I've earned my stripes and have earned the privelege of spiking a bit of jealousy from time to time - and I think you have, too.

No way. You tell her. He tells her, on the phone, in your presence - and then close the door, reopening another for marriage counseling. Learn the appropriate boundaries. And move on away from her.

ohhhh, good luck!
T.

Terri -- NO!!! There are plenty other people around that can be her friend and can give her comfort. She has family and such - have them comfort her.

You continue to work on your relationship with your husband. YOU be the friend he needs!

Best of luck,
D.

Absolutely not, no question.

No -- I would absolutely not allow this relationship.

To be "nice" you could look up services within your community for for her -- support groups, women's clubs, church groups, counseling services, ect.

Just my two cents.

Hell no...even if it was just an emotional thing, not enough time has passed for them to get over those feelings. She sounds like she needs to find a girlfriend to talk to and stop relying on a married, male friend for her support. I have plenty of guy friends but would never expect them to be my main source of support if I had problems. You need to have a heart to heart with your husband and open his eyes. Maybe he likes beeing needed but that is something you two must work out, without her.

Hi Terri! This lady has some major gall asking you if she can borrow-a-husband. If you say yes I would charge her rent.
I would NEVER allow it. To protect myself AND my husband. She is asking him to be very close to her and belive me, they will get MUCH closer than you want them to.

It doesn't matter how attentive you are....it almost sounds like he is blaming you in the first place for "falling in love" with her. He makes his own choices. My friend Jon's wife had an affair on him and he stayed faithful to her and prayed for years that she would come back. THAT is love.

You said, "He did admit to me that he did have feelings for her in the past, but now since my attitude towards him was better, he had no reason to divorce me so I should not be worried about it."
I don't mean to be cruel about your husband but that doesn't sound very committed to me.
The only wall he can put up against falling in love with her again is STAYING AWAY from her. She can find someone else to help her through this hard time.
Just say no! :) You would not be acting jealously....you would be acting VERY smart! Stand your ground! He gave you great power to say yes or no. Use it to say no.

NO. DON'T. SHERI K HAD A GREAT RESPONSE. I'm not a particularly jealous person either and I do have lots of male friends (a bit of a tomboy?). Anyway, there are things you don't do and things you don't need. She needs to go find a girlfriend to support her through her difficult time. She needs to own up to the fact that she crossed a boundary and she lost a friend (if he was in fact a friend to her) because of her poor judgement. You shouldn't take responsbility or ownership of some one else's issue. The sooner you and your husband see yourselves as a team, the sooner you can kick to the curb anyone or anything that brings the team down.

Nope, I would not allow it. First of all, it sounds like you ended up getting blamed because of his previous actions. I'm sure that your depression was not easy on the marriage, but that does not excuse what he did to you. And how you are treating him should not be a factor in whether or not he "would leave you." You both made vows to each other and he should respect that. Although it sounds like she is trying to be respectful towards you by asking your permission, the fact that you are wavering already shows how you really feel. If you truly had no issues with the two of them being friends, then you would let them. I'm sure that you will feel bad that she is going through these issues and is now divorced, but in the end, your family has to come first. Personally, I would very nicely tell her no.

Good luck with everything. It probably won't be easy but you need to stand up for yourself.

Not in a million years. No, No and absolutely, no. You are not, IMHO, behaving like anything but a sane, rational woman, who has a big problem with her husband being emotionally connected on that level to another woman. 100% normal reaction from you. Its not OK. Its not something you need to accept or figure out. Its also not something that should even be a point of discussion, he knows how you feel, does he not? This is not new territory. Why is it your job to lay the ground rules? You owe no-one an explanation for why your answer is no, nor a reason for feeling the way you do. Incidentally, the fact that he sought refuge in her several years ago, is NOT YOUR FAULT! Regardless of your medical condition at the time, he made a choice all his own that had nothing to do with you. Please don't take ownership of that. I'm sorry if I'm coming across a little strong here, but I know whereof I speak - I've been where you are - find the strength in your core, know that you deserving of someone who is absolutely devoted to you no matter what, and accept no less. You've been thrust into a situation with a couple of people who are emotionally immature, but you can pull yourself up, learn a ton from this and move on...with or without him. I wish you all the best and much strength. You deserve better.

Absolutely NOT! She can spend time with other "friends" to help her with major medical issues, not a married man with whom she had an affair. Their relationship would do nothing but harm to your marriage. This decision should not be up to you- your husband should know that what happened in the past was wrong and that by having a "friendship" with her now is not an option if he wants your marriage to work.
Good Luck! These "other woman" issues are never easy, stay strong!!

NO! She is trying to weasel herself back in there!

I would say no. She should be able to find someone else to talk to through this time. If your husband had ended their friendship before, leave it at that. Rekindling their friendship wouldn't be good for your marriage. (Even though I have no personal experience in this matter, I just don't see it going well.)

Unless she's dieing I'd say no. She can find her own friends to help support her. You'll be putting your family in danger if you let their relationship grow.

Good luck with this one.

nope, if she calls again, tell her politely that she needs to find someone else...family, girlfriends or help her find a counselor. You and your kids need him physically and emotionally.

No way Jose!!!! Your husband should have been there for you during your depression not hanging out with another girl. You were sick, had a "medical condition", and he wasn't there... why should he be there to help her thru hers!?!?

Not a chance. Though it's perfectly fine for men and women to have friends of the opposite sex (whether or not their spouses are friends as well), it's never ok for things to go to the lengths that their "friendship" did.

This is just my opinion on it, but if it happened once, it's going to happen again. Obviously she doesn't care about you or your children, since in the past they'd talked about running off together. It's my belief she's only looking out for herself, and now that her marriage is dissolved, she's grasping at whatever/whomever she can get her hands on.

Your husband may have gotten over it and feels like a platonic friendship can exist, but I don't think she sees it that way. She's vulnerable and lonely from her divorce, and whatever medical condition she may have. Undoubtedly, she has family members and other friends she can lean on. If it's really that bad, there are support groups she can join; she doesn't need your husband. I'd talk to him and calmly explain your concerns about this - even though he no longer carries a flame for her, she may still hold one for him. I think it's best for all involved (including this other woman) if the two of them continue to keep their distance. Good luck! :)

Absolutley not. Nothing good can come of it. She needs to find friends to lean on that are not married men. Your husband, for the sake of your feelings and your marriage should not even consider it. I think it was very selfish of your husband to even put the decision of rekindling their "friendship" on you. His priority is to you and your marriage. She needs to stay away from both of you for good. And he should tell her to do so. Good luck and don't think you are being jealous or insecure. Your gut is telling you this doesn't feel right and you should listen to it. Trust yourself.

NO,NO,NO and Hell to the NO!!!!

No. Listen to your feelings. You are not comfortable with it. Who would be?

I agree that it is not a good idea... How you handle this is the key>

Have a heart to heart with your husband. Call this lady and explain that you don't feel it's appropriate for married people to have deep friendships with members of the opposite sex. BUT offer YOU to be her friend! And make it sincere. Call her up and ask her how she's doing. Offer to go with her to a doctors appointment. Out to lunch. Etc. If she doesn't take you up on the offer (IF you are being sincere and offering Christs love to her) then there is no more that you OR your family can do.

Good luck.

HELL NO!!!!! (Stronger language in my head)

If she is going through "major medical issues", then her Dr. or hospital can refer her to a support group of people dealing with the same "major medical issue" or she can contact her church for support. She's looking to fill a void from someone who has 'loved' her once and she is wanting to return to that relationship. Doesn't she have any other friends?

Thank your husband for giving you the choice, that alone shows how much respect he has for you and your marriage!

Why would your husband, if he loves you so much, even consider having a relationship with this woman if he knew it hurt you? AND, why are you allowing yourself to be manipulated by this woman? It is appropriate for you to tell her she is not welcome in your family. You are at a point where you can make it clear to your husband and this woman that you are definitely NOT okay at ALL with their friendship because it has already crossed lines in the past and you care about your marriage so much you do not want a replay of that. This woman is sick, she is selfish, and you need to tell her that. I think your husband is manipulating you by leaving it all up to you--he is just avoiding responsibility for having an affair...but this time setting you up so that it was your decision and not his.

That's a tough one but I will say if you do allow them to continue on with a friendship you are putting your marriage at risk, because it will so incredibly easy for the two of them to have feelings spark again and things lead from one thing to another.

Would I allow it? Absolutely not! Why? Doesn't she have her own friends? What is her reasoning behind wanting your husband to be her "friend" again? In my opinion it would be totally in appropriate for them to be friends.

Are you kidding? Not in a million years! Protect your marriage and family. She can lean on someone else. She has absolutely no business trying to pull your husband back into any kind of relationship. She's up to no good.

There is no way I would allow that. If she needs a friend, she can talk to one of her girlfriends. Or, better yet, seek counseling. It's too bad when anyone has to go through something like that, but I'm sure she has other friends and family that she can lean on. Don't give it a second thought, tell her absolutely not!

NO WAY IN YOU KNOW WHERE would I EVER ALLOW that! But keep in mind u saying no may not stop him from doing it behind your back. I know from personal experience and some good ol common sense, that men and women can NEVER "just be friends!" There will always be sexual tension between them/or just one sided- but still, not possible. Tell the lady you are sorry for whatever she is going through, but it is not your hubbys responsibility to "help her through it". She needs to make a female friend. Your hubby belongs to u and therefore is off limits.

NO, end of discussion.

Terri, I purposely did NOT read the other responses so as not to frustrate myself or shadow my response. I recently was in a similar situation with my Husband. He has a "friend" from High School that came into the picture and now is NOT because I had issues with what I felt was an emotional affair! If the situation had been handled OPENLY to begin with I wouldn't have had an issue with it. I have many male friends and I hide NOTHING from my husband. He has other female friends that do not bother me but this "one"! They have since quit contacting each other since they didn't agree with how I felt about things but if it was a health related issue and they didn't hide ANYTHING from me I would let them be friends. My REASON: Some People do NOT have that Family support they need and turn to friends. I learned this from experience. Not all people have Good friends and turn to who they had a special friendly connection with. In this case she asked "YOU" for permission so she is including you and NOT trying to hide things. Feel free to contact me if I didn't clarify things well enough. M.

You do what you think is best for your relationship (you and hubby), that relationship comes first before any other relationship!

If I was in your shoes I would tell your husband that you understand that she will be going through a tough time but that in the best interest for your husband & wife relationship this other women (who in the past seemed not to be too respectful of that relationship and is now getting a divorce herself) will have to find support somewhere else. It may sound cold but if it is the best thing for your husband and wife relationship then do it.

It seems that your husband is letting you decide but make sure he will not resent you for saying no contact with this other women. So tell him why you prefer the no contact but if he feels that he will resent you for saying that then try to meet him half way and say we can ALL go out for dinner or have a cookout here or there when it seems she needs the most support. That way you will be around and say that this is the only way that you two can giver her support, together as a couple. If she is going to be in the hospital a few days it might be nice to stop in there together but only if you both decided on giving support together.

Oh my goodness, absolutely NOT!! This woman wants your husband for more than just friendship, and whether or not you are "more attentive" to him, the fact that he ever had feelings for her means they will crop right back up. Especially if she's going through a "rough" time. Don't feel bad for her or your husband. This relationship is absolutely unacceptable, and you condoning it means you would be condoning the possibility of your husband leaving you for this woman. Please, don't let guilt creep into what you know is right in this situation. This woman needs to leave you and your husband alone!!!

Absolutely not! It is not appropriate for married people to have friends of the opposite sex unless they are a couple and are both of your friends. She was not even a friend before you were married--which in my book would make it okay because she would have been someone he knew before you. How do you even know it's not a ploy and she's lying? She needs a female friend in a time like this--if she's telling the truth. She needs a female friend any way. So no, don't allow it.
B.

I am sorry you have had these challenges in your life. I would not be comfortable with it. I don't think that it is appropriate. They have not been in contact for awhile and you are his wife. I don't know if I would even go with him to see her since at one time they had feelings for eachother. Doesn't she have family and other friends that she can talk to. But ultimately it is up to you and how you feel so I hope that things work out for you and your family.

I don't think there is any reason to "candy-coat" it... NO there is zero reason he needs her friendship. Not with their past and the feelings you've had about the situation. YOU inform her that it is time for her to move on and to find friendship in someone else because your husband has realized this now too. Good luck and I'm sorry you've had to go thru this. Don't "feel bad" for her though and allow it, even with you there... it's just throwing fuel on the fire that was just about out. SAY NO!

Give her a card to a councelor and tell her that she can confide in the councelor. Tell your husband that you trust him, it is her that you don't trust. She has to have other friends to talk with, she wants things back when she was feeling good about herself with the way he was attentive to her. Tell him that it isn't in the best interest of you or your marriage for him to have anything to do with her. You aren't feeling comfortable with this because you are asking in here what we think. Your husband and marriage are off limits to her.

Just wanted to start by saying whatever you decide make sure that you are doing what is best for you. I am sure you are a good person and often think of others first or you wouldn't even be considering it and that is why you are struggling because you aren't used to putting your feelings first so truely think about YOU. That said I am someone who doesn't have issues of insecurity or jealousy. I am one of those women who gets along better with men so I have many men friends and not many women friends. I do believe men and women can just be friends. Now what do I think you should do - say NO. This woman has already crossed the boundaries to try to make this more than a friendship with your husband. It sounds like she is using the medical issues as a way to start contact in order to work her way into his life even if she has to do it with you watching at the beginning. You don't have any reason to feel obligation to this woman and if you let her in you will regret it. She will not only have that close friendship that they once had but also the sympathy for the medical condition. I wouldn't be surprised if it didn't take long for her to start calling late at night and often enough to make you feel ignored. Which will make you seem insensitive. As someone with many male friends I know there are things you don't do and lines you don't cross if you want it to stay just friends and trust me she has already crossed them. She may be playing innocent but I think she knows exactly what she is doing and it won't be good for you or your marriage. Oh and don't fall for her wanting to be your friend too or instead of your husbands. Its an old game to get her in his presence for a grass is greener on the other side approch. You feel you need to be nice to someone - find a charity or needy person to make yourself feel better for saying no to her request. Then make sure you spend extra time with your husband and get closer so if the situation presents again he won't put you in that position - he will simply put you first and say no like he should have without feeling tempted. Sorry I kind of got on a soap box there. Good Luck!

I would say no that they could not be friends . But if she really need to have some one to talk to you could listen and she what her response is . If she says no thank you then you know her intentions were not good . If she say ok then listen and help her and let her on her way . Your husband needs to step aside and look at the big picture . His family or her . Good luck

I might allow one conversation to see what is going on with her medically, BUT ONLY with your presence. IF she can become a family friend and you trust your husband to NEVER see her outside of your presence then I can see you both supporting her. This can only happen if you are willing or have forgiven her for the past.

If she is dying then she needs people to love her, including you. Does she have family or a church? If not then I can understand why she came back to you guys.

If she is not dying then you NEED to make it VERY clear that she is NEVER to talk to your hubby face to face without you being there and you NEED to make it clear to him that he is to tell you everything down to the simple conversations over the phone that they have.

I would not. Married men should not be spending alone time with another woman, especially having a "heart to heart". It opens the door to things that are detrimental to your relationship. Not to mention that it has been an issue in the past, I think that she needs to find a counselor and not invade your marriage.

Plain and simple NO! Sick or not it's just an excuse to get what she wants. She's even trying to convince you by allowing you to come with. She knows full well at most you'll do it a few times then stop but more than likely you'll not even do that.

I've seen first hand that if feelings once exsisted they can and pry will again. No matter how many walls someone puts up.

Just say Heck NO!

absolutely not. Nothing good can come of it.

Hi Terri:
I totally understand what you are going through and why you are so concerned about this relationship I would not be comfortable either. However you also have to understand that you are not his Mommy and can't tell him what to do or who to be friends with. Have you tried couples counseling? There may be a empty spot in your marriage that is making him seek outside companionship. Sometimes we get so busy with work, kids, and other stuff that we forget to nurture our marriages. Start dating again. Once a week plan a date it could be going for a walk or a picnic or going out to eat and a movie or dancing or just staying home and watching a movie. Plan sleepovers for the kids and just spend time together without interuptions.

Absolutely NOT !!!! My sister went thru a VERY similar situation with depression and a her husband spending time with a woman he was "working for" (he does fix -it jobs). He told her that the woman was an old friend and was going thru a divorce. My sister said that she didn't want them seeing each other--he was sharing more personal stuff with the woman than his own wife. They were getting together behind my sisters back and were using the work excuse or bringing her kids and my sisters son to play when they spent time together. Needless to say, my sister asked her husband to move out because she was hurt and needed time to think. He started seeing the other woman and he filed for a divorce (the woman had lied - not divorced yet)and so did the other woman. After a long and grueling divorce--the six month waiting period is almost up and guess what. Her now ex-husband is ENGAGED to the other woman. I think that an emotional affair is just as bad, if not worse than a physical one. Watch out !!!!

There is no way I would. I'm sure she has other friends she can lean on, she needs to leave YOUR husband alone.

Oh Terri, I feel for you!!! My husband has also been not so faithful in the past. Only you can make this decision---but if I were in your shoes I have to say that I don't think I could stand it. I do not think that it is selfish either. In your post you stated that "he has put walls up si tahat he won't cross into LOVING HER AGAIN."---AGAIN?? Look, from all relationships that I have been in where I loved that person---there will ALWAYS be love for that person. I have had people treat me truely badly in the past and I can honestly say that I still love that person---even though I have not talked to that person in years.
I know people change--but my own personal feelings are that you can not change how you feel---if he use to love her chances are he still does, even if he truely does NOT WANT to love her.
I think this is your call, but you have to make the decision that you know you can live with. If he gets mad that you do not want him to be friends with her even after he said that it is up to you--then there is obviously something going on. I do not know your husband but I do know that some men will do it behind their wives back also--if you tell him not to meet with her.
If I were you I would really sit down and try to have a deep conversation with him...about everything and all the feelings you are having.
Good Luck

Given the past history I would not let your husband get involved with this woman again. You might trust your husaband 100% but what about her? I'm sorry she is having a rough time now, but she must have other friends to lean on or family, if not she needs to find some. Her isssues should not be an excuse to get back into your husbands life again. She might mistake his frienshipf for more and then there you go all over again, don't risk your marriage for her, it's not worth it. She will somehow get through this without your husband.

No way, I would never risk you marriage that way...and it is a risk always, but when you know there were feelings. Over and above all I would protect your marriage for the sake of your children having a mother and father that are together. This woman is only going to "steal" time from your husband that he should be spending with you and his kids. I'm sure she can find some other friends for support and not have to potentially hurt your family over it.

You have to protect what is yours, and I don't think it could be considered selfish in any way because of your kids.

Just a suggestion, but you should consider having these types of conversations in person. Email can come off as really cold, and in this case, he came back equally chilly. If he can see how this friendship hurts you, in person, he might be less likely to bite. I also suggest some therapy since he seems to blame you for something and it isn't even your fault!

Yes find out what is going on if you find out in a few months that she is dying or has passed on, how would you feel. How will he feel know that you 2 could have been ther for her. My advise is to find out the whole story and then decide. Keep everything open. I hate the fact that most people and you said allow your husband you are not his boss. A marrage is a partnership if you can not trust then you truly can not have a marrage. My husband has some very good friends that are female and my best friend in the world is a guy. if you don't keep secrets there is no need for jelousy.

i would check out information from mark gungor.

it will literally change your lives, and help you to understand better.

i would not let her back in. she could be manipulating. why would she need your husband to deal with HER medical issues. they are HER issues. and shes almost cost you your husband once. why let her try it again?

No way! The reason she feel she needs his friendship is because their inappropriate behavior in the 1st place had they not had an emotional affair, she would not be turning to him now. She needs to find someone else to lean on

She crossed the line in the past. My answer would be no.

No.
She can find friends elsewhere.
It does not need to be your husband.

It sounds like you want a 'no' from outside sources, so that you can tell that to your husband.

You said you had issues with jealousy and insecurities - you know yourself and I am sure you are working on that. As your husband, he can help by not putting you in situations that would awake these feelings. Tell him to find another guy friend who can help his female friend and that his friendship to her is just too loaded.

When you told him the message from her and he said it was up to you what you would be most comfortable with, he shouldn't have even allowed for the possibility. He should have said No, outright. If he was smart and your marriage mattered to him he would do everything he could to attend to it, including warding off people that have caused issues in the past. You were right to say no..... how can your husband expect you to "trust him more" after cheating on you? That makes me think he wants you to trust him and give him some space so that it is easier for him to cheat on you again. Accept his personality...what a load of garbage. This situation reminds me again why I am better off being single!!! Thank you for that. I'm so happy to have a life without immature men and the games they play.
Without trust there is nothing. I hate to say it, but from what you've said in this post, he comes across as a real loser. Of course I don't know him and don't know what he is like but this whole situation is outrageous. Then again I am very tired and that is when things tend to spark my emotion a bit more. I think you should try as hard as you can to stay together for the kids, and don't be too shocked or disappointed if something like this happens again.

No. Her sob story could just be a way to get your hubby back into her life. Don't let him guilt you into changing your mind. His history is what created the distrust you have for her, for him and for their relationship, and that's enough of a reason to say no.

Terri,

I'm proud of you and your husband for working on your marriage!!! Good for you!!

My answer to your question: aboslutely not. Your husband's priority is YOU. His priority with his emotions, his time, his love, etc. It is his responsibility to run from anything that would interfere with your relationship. You should be his best friend and the person he confides in and talks to.

Of course, all of the above is true for you as well!

She needs to be told not to contact your husband in any way and your husband needs to vow his devotion to you.

You may be more prone to being jealous and insecure than some, but I think all women would share your feelings in this situation. You are jealous and insecure because the one that should love you more than anyone was emotionally unfaithful. Your feelings are normal and expected.

Again, let me say that I'm impressed with both of you for doing what is right and working on your marriage! A weaker person would have given up.

K.

I absolutely would not allow him to contact her regardless of her medical reasons. She needs to find another friend to confide in and should not be after a married man. That's a nightmare waiting to happen. Your husband needs to take a stand and not pursue her anymore - he can't have his cake and eat it too. He has a wife and kids at home and should not be out with other women, period.

No matter what happened in the past, it takes two to tango and you can't shoulder all the blame for your marital problems. Every married couple goes through hardship at some point but it's not acceptable to make any excuses to find comfort in the arms of another person of the opposite sex.

That's just my two cents. Good luck and I hope you and your husband work things out.

S.

Terri
Nope. You are only asking for trouble and she can find another friend. If she had feelings for him in the past, she more than likely has feelings for him still. You don't want another "fatal attraction" with your husband at the helm. Let him know that you trust him, but you don't trust her or her motives. She should move on.
Christa

I don't know your husband or the other woman but I just have to say do NOT give in. First off, this woman has to have at least 1 other friend in her life or family or a paster she can talk to about her situation. Secondly, if your husband had once had feelings for her, it can easily be re-sparked despite how he feels now. I say, don't open Pandora's box because God only knows what will happen. If your husband loves you and wants to make your marriage work FOREVER, then he will understand and stay away from temptation. Good luck!!

"Wow! Thanks for all the responses. I guess I just needed some confirmation that I was thinking the right way. I did tell her no and sent an email to my hubby telling him my decision. He sent me an email saying it was too bad that I couldn't be more open to his personality and learn to accept and trust him more."

Your husband had an emotional affair. It is too bad that you can't trust him more, but that is the bed he made for himself. I really think the two of you need marital counseling. The fact that he doesn't seem to get it, in my opinion does not bode well for your marriage.