so last night me and so were talking. off the wall he comes up with the theory that I am going to screw around and leave him. I actually hadn't considered the idea. so what gives? Everything is the same nothing has changed we get along good better than most couples. We do aruge less than most couples but all couples argue. I am so confused any ideas?
edit my ex husband did accuse me of cheating. But when he did it he was doing it in an agressive manner. He was covering his cheating. He is not using an aggressive manner. He was really upset. I did ask him where this come from he didn't say. He says he has been left so many times in the past he just knows. He is always home no mysterious times that he is gone that would leave me to believe he is cheating. With my ex I just knew before I knew. I don't get this feeling with him. It seems to me he is more scared of being alone than maybe cheating. I have no male friends down here that might lead him to believe something is going on.I have one male friend at work and he is the age of my son. we really aren't that close. More of a mom child relationship. He does his 40 hrs and he is home. My oldest would tell me if he was suspicious of him doing something.
I hate to be downer :-( But my EX Hubs used to accuse me of Everything - he was actually doing- and I Never did!
Ask him Why on earth he would feel that way .....
Is he cheating? I had an ex that accused me of cheating every chance he could...and he was the one who was seeing someone else. Hopefully thats not the case & he was just asking a totally random question
Talk to him and ask him why he said that.
Hmmmm. can you say RED FLAG?
I've heard that cheaters often project what THEY are doing onto their spouses.... ANY chance of that?
Could he be projecting? Is he exhibiting any weird, or distant behavior lately? Did one of his close friends have a spouse leave? Did his parents cheat on each other? Why not just come out and ask him where this is coming from?
Post traumatic relationship disorder. I make it a point to not bring the ghosts of my past into my present. They can really mess up a good thing.
Ask your husband how he intends on reseting the way he is thinking because our thoughts guide our actions and what and how we think can alter our reality. I've experienced this from a giving and receiving advantage or disadvantage point depending on how you look at things.
This is a fight he will need to fight in his own mind if he isn't actually cheating on you and projecting that to you.
Be encouraging and supportive of him but he may need counseling.
Huh? Out of the blue? I'd say he's either A.) very insecure or B.)he's screwing around himself...
Yikes! Could something have happened in his past or to his parents that prompted this? Close friends? I hate to bring it up, but is it possible he is cheating? This is often a diversion people use when they are the guilty party. Anyway, Hope you get to the bottom of this and maybe marriage counseling would help.
Troy once said he is worried about when we hit our ten year anniversary. I was like what the heck?! That was when his ex went nuts and left him.
I haven't read the other posts yet but I am hoping you didn't get one of those gloom and doom all couples fight BS. No, not all couples fight, all couples disagree. Some of us actually handle that like adults so no fight is needed. :)
Did you ask him why he felt that way?
Did either of his parents ever cheat? Did he ever cheat on any of his girlfriends? Did he ever have any past girlfriends cheat on him? If he's never really had other relationships, has he watched his own friends get cheated on frequently?
Any of those things could answer why he thinks that eventually you'll cheat on him.
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Did you ask him why he would say such a thing? If not, you should.
Ask him why he'd say that and that it and tell him it made you feel bad that he'd think that. Then reassure him that you love him. And that you would never do such a thing. Be sure to really get an answer from him - do you have a close male friend or co worker? Maybe he's feeling jealous?
He is just insecure and wants affirmation that you do love him. If it is a continous thing then ya'll should seek counseling. Sometimes they need more than you have to give and that indicates some hole that isn't being filled and more than likely been there well before you. Feel it out and if he really starts to get clingy, I would go see someone. Good luck and try not to read too much into it.
Ask him.
I would need some more details about the context in which this was said, and how it was said by him.
Maybe he was using this as an example to show he is feeling a little insecure right now. All humans go through this. Maybe he needs a little extra TLC right now. Give it to him!
It may be nothing specific you have done, in fact, it probably isn't. It could be a million things. Maybe his friend's wife just left. Did one of his parents cheat? Ask him. He will know =)
And just give him some extra love in the next few nights. It will help reassure him.
Good luck!
Maybe one of his friends wives did this or recently heard a story about this happening and it got stuck in his head and he probably just blurt it out to see your reaction and to reassure himself.
Just say never in a million years babe! I love you, now stop being silly!
I think you answered your own question. To me this doesn't seem like an off teh wall statement but instead that he is opening up to you about his feelings and his insecurities. I wouldn't be bothered by it, just try and reassure him that you are in it for the long hall. This may be a great opening for a discussion on where you both see this relationship heading.
I really don't think this has anything to do with you, what you've done or what friends you have. Instead I think this is his insecurities coming out.
If talking about this doesn't help and you are committed to making this relationship work you may want to consider a couples counselor.
Good luck!
ive heard that in every relationship there is the crusher and the crushee. One person is always more in love with the other, feels the other is out of thier league and could do better, therefore more afraid of losing the other person. You, my friend, are the crushee. all you can do is try to calm his fears and insecurities and tell him all the reasons you would never be able to make it without him.
There's such a thing as a self fulfilling prophesy.
Do you think he's putting the idea into your head and hoping you will?
If it comes up again respond with
"Really? You think I'd do something like that? I didn't know that was an option. Let me think it over and I'll get back to you on that.".
Neither my husband nor myself have much patience with each other if we get jealous or insecure because we really have no reason to be.
He's a good boy and I'm a good girl and we are totally devoted to each other.
We're secure in this knowledge (and we'd be lost with out each other and we know it).
ughh! thats sooo annoying! friends with a couple that have been together since high school. a few yrs later they married. she constantly was blowing up and getting angery with him and accusing him of cheating. even if a trampy woman would start to flirt with him (in front of his wife) he would blow her off and be annoyed. clearly discusted and she would still get angery. it was so odd and made being there friend a bit weird and uncomfortable. he never cheated and never would- the wife was having issues because growing up there was cheating between her parents.
best way to deal with this issue is to nip it in the bud. stand firm and tell him that you never have cheated and dont appericiate him accusing you of doing so. thats really rude and you wont hear of it again. dont beg them to realize this has not happened but demand he stop accusing you. in my experience this has worked for me to stand my ground.
I went through that so many times. We have been married over 20 yrs--married really young. He had such fantastic friends that would tell him I only married him for his money which he did not have, or to have kids and screw him over for kids and house. Then of course, he saw others get cheated on and projected that on us. Or his cousins have cheated or decided that they were tired of their spouses and cheated. I have never and I know he would never cheat. We had a HUGE fight earlier this year and he tried to leave. I took his keys and clothes away from him. We are closer now and he tries to work things out if we do have problems. It is not always because he is throwing up a red flag so try to talk to him and see what he says. Other's actions can hit at us without us even knowing it.
